Grief support: Holidays, birthdays, anniversaries and other special times can be difficult when you’ve lost someone. Share how you deal with these occasions and learn how others cope.

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This may sound some what like a Hallmark story but it is true , it does and it doesn't fit to what this topic is per say .  My Sisters Birthday is nearing and I do think about it , of what I would have wanted to do and what we may have done .  What restaurant to go to even if just to pick up something and talk and sit and share time .  Hearing the her say  "Why did you get me this" or " You should not spend your money " ,as she always never wanted anyone to do for her .   She was the one always giving .  I will not be able to do that , even to write a few words in a card to tell her I love her and then when I go over to hug her .  Yet as I started the so called Hallmark Life everyone saw us living which was one that we made every day a holiday .  Excited to talk to her on the phone if not to run over to see her.  When not living in the same state we would talk almost everyday if not 2 or more ( our phone companies loved us ). Was this unusual , maybe for some ,yet now for us this is how it was from the the very beginning all our lives .  We are not twins but so many swore we were . I never knew how they saw this for she had this  beauty that surpassed what was what others saw on the outside , this love and kindness that you do not see often . This I only wished to have so to give  more to her some day .  Yet our holidays stopped , that fine week when taken to the hospital when we thought she would be coming home as she always did .  No , she layed there as I laid beside her for 3 days as she slipped away .,unable to leave her side for a moment , unable to say that any of this was a holiday at all it was when all joy ended .    She was the reason to look forward to things .  For each day was a "Holiday with her "   .. as gift in life of who she was ..  This will never be again .   For each day is just as before , sad and empty with out . 

As I said it may not be something that can be believed but it is true , as life does give us a gift in life .

Time with those around us .

Did not know that the clock was going to stop before we had time to do all the many things we had hoped to do .    Wish I had held on to each moment when they were there .

 

 

River,

 

I believe we are all born with gifts. my sister was born to work with kids she was AMAZING with them. you could give her the shyest person in the whole world, and she would be able to get them to talk and have a conversation. she had the gift of connecting and bringing life to whom ever she was with. it was amazing to watch sometimes. I would like to think, that on some level of consciousness watching her pushed me in the same direction as I now work with kids and love it, I couldnt picture it any other way. even if it wasnt her influence, I like to think that it is. she was one to inspire and to be admired..I miss her so much.

Dear Elisa ,  I had to come back to the site because I thought I was stronger then I was but in reading what you share well not so much hence the name TEARS ..   .   Just seeing another feel about a Sister in a way with such pure love .   Something I so miss . having my Sister here .  just to hug her to tell her I love her is something I know I will never be able to do .  Though in what you share I was able to take a pause from my tears and reflect on all the many gift my Sister had to offer from the day she was born .  Ir is amazing isn't it that they had so much to offer this world and to us .  As I see you do to in working with children a special gift that was given to few for it is the kind of heart and loving that I believe it is saved for. So how fortunate was your Sister to have you in her life  . This gift of kindness has reached afar as many who come to this site seem to have to bring come to shattered hearts . 

I thank you for this gift today though my heart is saddened by you pain and loss of your Sister .

 

 

 

May comfort come to you and to each today.

 

 

 

 

 



Elisa said:

River,

 

I believe we are all born with gifts. my sister was born to work with kids she was AMAZING with them. you could give her the shyest person in the whole world, and she would be able to get them to talk and have a conversation. she had the gift of connecting and bringing life to whom ever she was with. it was amazing to watch sometimes. I would like to think, that on some level of consciousness watching her pushed me in the same direction as I now work with kids and love it, I couldn't picture it any other way. even if it wasn't her influence, I like to think that it is. she was one to inspire and to be admired..I miss her so much.

Surviving not sure yet if I am doing this yet I do make it to the next day to see what it offers . Pain does come with the break or the morning as it is still there at this close of the night . To say it simply and honestly the pain I have is with me as though it now apart of who I am . Yet fighting each day to bring a smile to my face so not to concern or bring my sorrow to anyone . As to also truthful in this it it not a pain that they want to hear as to seem that they lives of my loves ones my father, mother and sister may have never existed , or it is also I realize it can not be the central part of the conversation either or at least it seems . The obvious walking away or jumping in the words I was just about to say , seems apparent that my wanting or needing to share was more or at least at that time maybe a selfish act on my part . Not to say if to see it to happen to another would I have been saddened that many do this to others so often yet with me I seem to take it as something I am doing to others . So I digress back to what they subject at hand is , "special occasions " which for me to say was each day I had with them which seems a bit Corny and almost unreal yet this is what it was as I am almost going to cry as I am writing in just the thought of how truly blessed I was . For this was a one in a life time of 3 individuals that I was able to spend time with and love as they so loved me , why I am not sure at this point and time. Yet that is the guilt you hear coming off the page at this time that also I live with too. Seems to be a package plan that I have in this all . As it was when they all passed away at basically the same time one after the other just months apart.
My Fathers Birthday was yesterday , a wonderful and loving man not just to his children and his wife but to all those that came into his life and those he reached out to . As the day passed on and my heart was weary the only solace I could find was to ask my Mother and Sister who are now in heaven with him to please give him a hug to let him know how truly loved he is . I hope they heard me ..and that he did too that they truly all were the gifts in life you may get on a birthday . My Sisters Birthday just passed not long ago which was a struggle to for I could not run up to her and hug her as always and tell her thank you for just being who she was . A wonderful sister and a best friend to me .
My Sister did this amazing this that I will never forget when it was her birthday she would go out to get a card and make a call to both our parents and let them know how grateful she was to them both for the life she had and for all the were in her life . Never wanting for anything else .
I hope now that she is in heaven with my Father and Mother especially on his birthday that she would will know that she was the best gift he could have ever had in life . I just did not know she would be there now to hear this words herself . Maybe thats what makes it heaven .

Yet what it is a Birthday is one if just born and does not do what they were do blessed to have . Life and the ability to love and give of oneself as my family did . It is not the given day that makes it so special it is that they were even here that is the most amazing gift ever . to hold and keep near . No matter what one does or how , it is just that they are who they are to be . . this for me as now alone will be something that I will be grateful for as they have now found peace and joy in heaven which I pray for all that this is what will be eternity .

Sappy I know yet if you knew me or how we were together you would have seen that the love we had even miles away would surpass what others think or would say could never be..
I was lucky girl I guess , yet not sure if I feel that with all this pain because I rather be able to hug them here and now rather then sending prayers to heaven hoping that they can hear my heart , never to hear my pain .

To all special occasions can be just at this moment as time offers us a chance in time to take a pause with all those we love be it a given date or just to turn and say I love you , what more can make it a special day then that .

To each and everyone , thank you for the kindness and generosity of heart that have become the special moment you have offered me through this all..

I am coming up on my grandfather's birthday as well s their anniversary and I dread it every year.  We have started a new tradition, though, of doing dream lanterns in their memory and I LOVE IT!  It's so hard to lose loved ones.  There's no easy way to move forward from that loss.  You have to make the most of the memories that you have and live your life to the fullest - that's what they would want.

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