Yes. The reminders are all around. In music, a smell, a stuffed animal that I once thought I should throw out and now glad I didnt. I pass by certain places my son and I went, or think of certain foods he liked and hated. Sometimes I am sad but for the most part, it feels better having more around me. I have no desire to ignore any thought or feeling. I try to think of a good time when I am sad. I have more sad days then not. He has only been gone 6 weeks, and it is fresh in my mind. the months that went by, the weeks he got sicker, the days, waiting to see if this was the day. then down to the last few minutes. The pain was horrible! But when i saw his face light up, eyes open wide and he smiled a big smile, and then went peacefully once i said his sister was here, well i knew he saw someone and chose to go with to heaven. had I not seen it, I would not have believed it. I am grateful for every memory. it is what I have left. This writing to all helps a great deal. I dont ever want to feel like I cant talk about him, nor do i want anyone to ever think they cant talk about him to me. he was my baby, and I heard his first breath and his last. he knows i love him, and I know he loves me. the more memory, the better.
Rainey said:I wished I would have joined Legacy in 2007 when my mom, father in law and grandmother in law (2008) passed away. I have joined another online support group, but I like the more helpful links here. Always on my mind seems to be me lately, thinking of my loved ones who have passed. The "first" anniversary year is not always the magic moment people think it is. I go through phases where remembering my mom (and others) and missing her just really leaves me feeling sad and missing them. But I need to keep looking forward and remembering them all for the good times we had.
I wrote a poem about my mom and dad. I have a picture of them holding hands and it just reminded me they are Holding Hands in Heaven.
Holding Hands in Heaven
Mom and dad were married in the year of 1956,
They bought an old farmhouse, in which there was much to fix.
There were five kids that were added to the family tree,
Our family house was not always in perfect harmony.
But as a family of seven we did the best we could,
We have many good memories of our farm life and our childhood.
Dad passed away suddenly of a heart attack in 1972,
Our family was in shock, we could not believe it true.
Our family held together through marriage, divorce, and death,
There was many times life really made us hold our breath.
Mom married her sister’s brother in law from Texas in 1981,
For them and our families, a new family life was about to begun.
Mom finally found the strength to give up that cigarette,
But not before those lung diseases posed her such a threat.
Then mom got sick and ended up going between the hospital and nursing home,
She wanted to leave those places and go home, and have the freedom to roam.
The doctor told us she’ll be lucky if she will make it through the night,
We wanted mom to live and not give up without a fight.
The nurse told her “your kids aren’t ready to let you go.
So be a nice girl and do as you are told.
Just try and put on the oxygen mask a little while longer,
Your kids want to come and visit and see that you are stronger.”
Mom said she didn’t want to fight and live any more,
It was hard so hard to hear those words, I wanted to walk out that door.
Mom passed away in December of the year 2007,
Now she is holding dad’s and God’s hand,
Holding Hands in Heaven.
Written by Rainey Swenson
Dedicated to Dot and John (mom and dad)