My husband passed away on January 29, 2009 with cancer. He lived 33 days after we found out that he had it. I still have not unpacked his suit case from the hospital nor have I slept in our bed. I have been sleeping with my daughter in her room. I have heard that I will have a dream and my husband will come to me. This hasn't happened yet. Nor can I feel his presence to comfort me. I think I am just is so my grief that I can't feel it. I am trying and I know that he would want me to. But all these flood of emotions I am having a hard to handle. I am looking for a support group to attend to see if this will help. But I know that there will not be a day that I don't miss him, we had the perfect marriage. Nothing makes sense to me these day. Hang on to your memories, as I do. Thank God my husband wrote me love letters, I read them often and find a some comfort. I have started trying not to nap during the day and have found that I do sleep a little longer in the evenings. I leave several lights on and will for a long time. That is ok. I have been writing to my husband in my journal. I feel your pain.
On Thursday it will be one month. I drag through the days and can't wait to get home from work so I can cry. I write to him now and that helps. He was only 48 years old and I found him dead. He and I went through so my adversity in our lives that it seems so unfair. We knew each other for 18 years but were only married for five and a half. We loved each other so much. I went to the doctor last week, three weeks after he died, because I had written a suicide note the night before and realized I needed help. He has put me on antidpressant/antianxiety pills but they take a while to kick in. I can't envisage going on without him. Thank you for your reply. It makes me feel less alone.