How to make it through the night

Grief support: When you're grieving, sleeping can be difficult. What do you do to make the nights easier?

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Cathy on April 19, 2010 at 5:47am

Hi everyone,
I have 4 beautiful kids aged 16-26. april 4 2010, easter sunday,the day Jesus rose, my husband, my kid's father decided to take his life, death by hanging, having drank 3/4 of a bottle of straight burbon along with who knows how many valium tablets. We had relationship problems, i was wanting a seperation, he could not see his life outside of being with me. there were other options. we have our first grandson due in october. At 2am he was upstairs telling our 16 yo daughter how happy he was and how he was looking 4ward to becoming a grandfather. sometime shortly after that he took his life. Ifeel so guilty feeling my want of a seperation caused this,also at the same time so much anger towards him for leaving us. i honestly have no sorrow for him, i can not look into how sad he must have been,i am just so angry with him. is this normal? My daughter and i now sleep in the lounge we don't go up the hallway at night.i am watching my once happy go lucky singing dancing girl become quieter and quieter. our doctor has given us both a low dose relaxant,won't prescribe for much longer tho. how do we manage to fall asleep after that at night, we leave 2 small .lights on along with the tv.i sit up for as long as i can, usually around 3 am,then i am just too tierd to think and just sleep. i don't know if i can be strong enuf to get my kids thru this. he is not hurting anymore. i'm sorry, this is how i feel.just had to write it down.

Permalink Reply by JOYCE MASHER, 4 Amy 5158791808 on April 21, 2010 at 12:21am

We lost our 21 yr old daughter, Amy, sept 18, 2008 after she fell 15 ft from a window after getting drunk with friends playing beer pong. I believe she was drinking vodka, not beer. I have no other details, except that she was put to bed in a strange room, with the door closed. her boyfriend said she was really bad. uncontrollable, etc. so he put her to bed and tucked her in. I wish he or someone else that was there would have called me, or 911. For some reason or other she got up and probably, not sure, thought the window was a door or a way out. Some of the stories i heard were, she may have had to throw up. I have still not asked the boyfriend for details, but I plan on it before the 2 yr statute for sueing someone. OUr lawyer told us that. so far no negligence on the home owners, or parents of the 20 yr old, who were not home at the time. That is one of the reasons they were in the upstairs of the home not the basement she was used to sleeping in.
So, anyway, I still cry almost every night for some reason or other and finally fall asleep. But a few nights between new years and easter, I began reading books. Some were about life after death, mediums, psychics, and near death experiences. they all pretty much made me feel better, because they say it is a better place and they are ok. I still dont get it, why why why, but the books helped calm me to a point where I would fall asleep knowing she is listening or sees what we are going thru.
I dont have other young children, but if i did, I maybe would read to them, for some happy moments. Her accident does keep going thru my mind a lot tho. we love her and will never stop. I do have a grand daughter by my oldest son.
Just a reminder, always know what your child is doing, no matter what age. The call she would have made to me one hour before this all happened, never happened. I thought she was sleeping because of a long day of work, and shopping for a gown for a wedding, that she never got to be in. I was going to call her but didnt want to wake the parents or her. Who knows if anyone would have answered anyway.
thanks for letting me vent.
hugs to all, and I am sorry for your losses too.

Permalink Reply by Linda Foster on April 24, 2010 at 6:15am

JOYCE MASHER said:

We lost our 21 yr old daughter, Amy, sept 18, 2008 after she fell 15 ft from a window after getting drunk with friends playing beer pong. I believe she was drinking vodka, not beer. I have no other details, except that she was put to bed in a strange room, with the door closed. her boyfriend said she was really bad. uncontrollable, etc. so he put her to bed and tucked her in. I wish he or someone else that was there would have called me, or 911. For some reason or other she got up and probably, not sure, thought the window was a door or a way out. Some of the stories i heard were, she may have had to throw up. I have still not asked the boyfriend for details, but I plan on it before the 2 yr statute for sueing someone. OUr lawyer told us that. so far no negligence on the home owners, or parents of the 20 yr old, who were not home at the time. That is one of the reasons they were in the upstairs of the home not the basement she was used to sleeping in.
So, anyway, I still cry almost every night for some reason or other and finally fall asleep. But a few nights between new years and easter, I began reading books. Some were about life after death, mediums, psychics, and near death experiences. they all pretty much made me feel better, because they say it is a better place and they are ok. I still dont get it, why why why, but the books helped calm me to a point where I would fall asleep knowing she is listening or sees what we are going thru.
I dont have other young children, but if i did, I maybe would read to them, for some happy moments. Her accident does keep going thru my mind a lot tho. we love her and will never stop. I do have a grand daughter by my oldest son.
Just a reminder, always know what your child is doing, no matter what age. The call she would have made to me one hour before this all happened, never happened. I thought she was sleeping because of a long day of work, and shopping for a gown for a wedding, that she never got to be in. I was going to call her but didnt want to wake the parents or her. Who knows if anyone would have answered anyway.
thanks for letting me vent.
hugs to all, and I am sorry for your losses too.

Permalink Reply by Linda Foster on April 24, 2010 at 6:41am

Hello Joyce,
I received your response through my email. Im still not sure exactly how to use this site but I would love to chat with you just to encourage you. At times like this it dont hurt to have a friend.
Indeed we can all agree to the fact that death is not a natural thing. We were never intended to die but to live. That why it devestate us so.
There are so many things in life that you know is natural. It feels right. For example eating, sleeping, laughing, having a child etc. Those are natural but have you noticed that death is something every human and culture cannot and have not come to terms with.
I just want to say I'm so very sorry about the death of your daughter.
I hope and pray that you will find the answers you are looking for.
Joyce know that you are in my prayers.
Here is something I hope will help a bit.
Something that Jesus said to a friend. I want to share that with you.
This is one of my favorite scriptures in the Bible.
Jesus friend had died and Jesus was consoling a friend named Martha.
If you have a bible look and see what happened in the book of John 11:17-28.
17 Consequently when Jesus arrived, he found he had already been four days in the memorial tomb. 18 Now Beth′a·ny was near Jerusalem at a distance of about two miles. 19 Accordingly many of the Jews had come to Martha and Mary in order to console them concerning their brother. 20 Therefore Martha, when she heard that Jesus was coming, met him; but Mary kept sitting at home. 21 Martha therefore said to Jesus: “Lord, if you had been here my brother would not have died. 22 And yet at present I know that as many things as you ask God for, God will give you.” 23 Jesus said to her: “Your brother will rise.” 24 Martha said to him: “I know he will rise in the resurrection on the last day.” 25 Jesus said to her: “I am the resurrection and the life. He that exercises faith in me, even though he dies, will come to life; 26 and everyone that is living and exercises faith in me will never die at all. Do you believe this?” 27 She said to him: “Yes, Lord; I have believed that you are the Christ the Son of God, the One coming into the world.”
You see Joyce, God never intended for us to die but to live. And I would love to show you from your own bible some scriptures that show what God have in store for those that have died.
Hope to hear from you....
Linda

JOYCE MASHER said:

We lost our 21 yr old daughter, Amy, sept 18, 2008 after she fell 15 ft from a window after getting drunk with friends playing beer pong. I believe she was drinking vodka, not beer. I have no other details, except that she was put to bed in a strange room, with the door closed. her boyfriend said she was really bad. uncontrollable, etc. so he put her to bed and tucked her in. I wish he or someone else that was there would have called me, or 911. For some reason or other she got up and probably, not sure, thought the window was a door or a way out. Some of the stories i heard were, she may have had to throw up. I have still not asked the boyfriend for details, but I plan on it before the 2 yr statute for sueing someone. OUr lawyer told us that. so far no negligence on the home owners, or parents of the 20 yr old, who were not home at the time. That is one of the reasons they were in the upstairs of the home not the basement she was used to sleeping in.
So, anyway, I still cry almost every night for some reason or other and finally fall asleep. But a few nights between new years and easter, I began reading books. Some were about life after death, mediums, psychics, and near death experiences. they all pretty much made me feel better, because they say it is a better place and they are ok. I still dont get it, why why why, but the books helped calm me to a point where I would fall asleep knowing she is listening or sees what we are going thru.
I dont have other young children, but if i did, I maybe would read to them, for some happy moments. Her accident does keep going thru my mind a lot tho. we love her and will never stop. I do have a grand daughter by my oldest son.
Just a reminder, always know what your child is doing, no matter what age. The call she would have made to me one hour before this all happened, never happened. I thought she was sleeping because of a long day of work, and shopping for a gown for a wedding, that she never got to be in. I was going to call her but didnt want to wake the parents or her. Who knows if anyone would have answered anyway.
thanks for letting me vent.
hugs to all, and I am sorry for your losses too.

Permalink Reply by Carol Saunders on April 26, 2010 at 12:17am

ello my name is Carol and I recently lost my husband Robert on 4/1/10. I understand what everyone is going through and I can relate to it all. My husband was at hospice for 9 days and I was with him when he passed away.

I can not sleep at night I have dreams of him in them. Sometimes I hear him talking to me. It is so hard when you lose someone close to you. There are times when I will be ok and then other times I cry my eyes out.

Permalink Reply by Carol Saunders on April 26, 2010 at 12:19am

Carol Saunders said:

Hello my name is Carol and I recently lost my husband Robert on 4/1/10. I understand what everyone is going through and I can relate to it all. My husband was at hospice for 9 days and I was with him when he passed away.

I can not sleep at night I have dreams of him in them. Sometimes I hear him talking to me. It is so hard when you lose someone close to you. There are times when I will be ok and then other times I cry my eyes out.

Permalink Reply by CLAUDIA on April 26, 2010 at 2:04am

it is 2 am and I am here because I can't sleep. I take medicine for depression and anxiety and that help me to go sleep. But since my son died I start drinking, not every day but maybe every 2 weeks, I know I not supposed to drink, because the medicine I take, but sometimes I help me, to let all my pain go away for a little bit and is when I cried the most. So I ended up at the computer at this time because I don't take my medicine when I drink.

Permalink Reply by Barb Smith on April 27, 2010 at 1:29pm

Like Caudia I take medication for anxiety and sleeplessness. I've never been a pill taker, but it's how I make it through the day. They are both very low dose, but enough to make me function and I am monitored by my doctor every 6 months. Sleep just doesn't come. Hundreds of thoughts, memories, reliving the afternoon I found my son, the 911 call, the paramedics, their expression of grief for my loss, family members arriving one at a time at his house, the coroner coming and taking him away. I relived it every night. Not a day goes by that I don't relive it and it's been almost 2 years. I'm in no way an advocate of drugs, but sometimes (when taken responsibly and nothing else works), it's what we have to do to survive. Just make sure you see your doctor regularly. Mine is wonderful and a very good listener. I wish you luck.

Permalink Reply by sharon on April 29, 2010 at 2:52pm

I am so sorry for you, I lost my husband 4 months ago tomorrow. We were married 45 years. Talk about the loss, the grief, the pain, sleepless nights. I was sleeping the night he died. Talk about feeling guilty. Death crept in my house, stood beside us and took him. It was not painful for him tho because his hand was reaching out as to grab someone's, peace was on his face. For that I thank God. He had been on hospice for one year, he had COPD plus other things wrong.
They say right before a person passes away they have or might have a good day. My husband did, I'm sure he knew that night he would be going. I watched him everyday trying to breathe. His oxygen was as high as it could go and he still struggled. He is no longer in pain BUT now mine will be for both of us. He use to sleep at night with the TV, sound off but the light, he wanted it. After he died it took me weeks before I could turn it off at night.
I just started my support group at a church last week, tonight will be my second time. I pray there I may find some peace, I pray for you that you might soon also.

DM said:

My darling husband died in our bed three and a half weeks ago. I sleep with a sweater that he wore that week. I don't want to go on. My life is over

Permalink Reply by Angie Ivey-Owens on April 29, 2010 at 8:18pm

Try to regroup and think of the light ON as if it is him !!!! Like a wnderful star or a ray of warm sunshine that only you can see. Maybe this will help shift your heartache

Angie

Permalink Reply by Angie Ivey-Owens on April 29, 2010 at 8:20pm

I understand I really do JUST DO NOT loose focus and get into a pattern because you are vulnerable right now I am where you are I am and it can be real easy

CLAUDIA said:

it is 2 am and I am here because I can't sleep. I take medicine for depression and anxiety and that help me to go sleep. But since my son died I start drinking, not every day but maybe every 2 weeks, I know I not supposed to drink, because the medicine I take, but sometimes I help me, to let all my pain go away for a little bit and is when I cried the most. So I ended up at the computer at this time because I don't take my medicine when I drink.

Permalink Reply by Angie Ivey-Owens on April 29, 2010 at 8:24pm

God bLESS YOU BROKEN HEART YOU ARE IN HELL ON EARTH PLEASE DRAW TO YOUR MEMORIES AND FOSTER YUR LIFE AS IF SHE WERE HERE GO ON FOR HER TO REJOICE IN EVERYDAY AS IF IT WERE THE LAST REALIZE THAT DESPITE THE TRAGIC OUTCOME SHE WAS LIVING LIFE FOR THE MOMENT - PERHAPS HER MOMENT IN TIME WAS MEANT TO BE JUST THAT AND JUST THEN .....

Linda Foster said:

JOYCE MASHER said:
We lost our 21 yr old daughter, Amy, sept 18, 2008 after she fell 15 ft from a window after getting drunk with friends playing beer pong. I believe she was drinking vodka, not beer. I have no other details, except that she was put to bed in a strange room, with the door closed. her boyfriend said she was really bad. uncontrollable, etc. so he put her to bed and tucked her in. I wish he or someone else that was there would have called me, or 911. For some reason or other she got up and probably, not sure, thought the window was a door or a way out. Some of the stories i heard were, she may have had to throw up. I have still not asked the boyfriend for details, but I plan on it before the 2 yr statute for sueing someone. OUr lawyer told us that. so far no negligence on the home owners, or parents of the 20 yr old, who were not home at the time. That is one of the reasons they were in the upstairs of the home not the basement she was used to sleeping in.
So, anyway, I still cry almost every night for some reason or other and finally fall asleep. But a few nights between new years and easter, I began reading books. Some were about life after death, mediums, psychics, and near death experiences. they all pretty much made me feel better, because they say it is a better place and they are ok. I still dont get it, why why why, but the books helped calm me to a point where I would fall asleep knowing she is listening or sees what we are going thru.
I dont have other young children, but if i did, I maybe would read to them, for some happy moments. Her accident does keep going thru my mind a lot tho. we love her and will never stop. I do have a grand daughter by my oldest son.
Just a reminder, always know what your child is doing, no matter what age. The call she would have made to me one hour before this all happened, never happened. I thought she was sleeping because of a long day of work, and shopping for a gown for a wedding, that she never got to be in. I was going to call her but didnt want to wake the parents or her. Who knows if anyone would have answered anyway.
thanks for letting me vent.
hugs to all, and I am sorry for your losses too.