How to make it through the night

Grief support: When you're grieving, sleeping can be difficult. What do you do to make the nights easier?

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by sharon kennedy on June 21, 2010 at 1:32am

I missed my husband being by my side at night, so I played praise music to soothe my heart and comfort me. It helped me fall asleep with positive thoughts and soothing peace.
Sharon

Permalink Reply by E W on June 25, 2010 at 12:05am

After work I work out hard enough so that after a hot shower I feel relaxed enough to sleep a few hours...after a while it gets better....there's some hope.

Permalink Reply by Donna Carpenter on June 25, 2010 at 10:53pm

Nancy Medley Therrell said:

My husband died February 28,2010 six days after he found out he had lung cancer and then a brain tumor. He had been sick for months, not eating and loosing weigh, coughing but had been treated for allergies since Nov, 2009. He had a terrible cough and had trouble eating food. I have always slept in our bed, in fact, on his side. I feel so much closer to him and the pillow he use to hold for coughing I have never taken the pillow case off of it. I cuddle with it at night sometimes. It brings me comfort. I have never had a dream of him yet tho.

Permalink Reply by bc on June 26, 2010 at 10:00pm

I know what you mean, everyone says how are you? I would always just say ok, but now I am tired of hiding my pain and I tell the truth, I will say not good, or I don't know or something to that effect. My husband passed away very suddenly 10 months ago and I've always tried to hide my feelings but now I find that isn't good because I am in depression and I've been told by a therapist to let people know how I really feel. It doesn't make me feel any better but at least I'm being honest.
Good luck to you!
Barb

Randolph L. Schrader said:

Elaine, so sorry for your loss. I know what you mean and so do we all. Hearing "how are you" , I hate it. At least my kids know better, they say "whats up". There are just too many reminders that keep us grieving. Hugs to you. Hugs are good.

Permalink Reply by Leia Wright on July 7, 2010 at 12:25am

Oh, how I understand. My husband died in my arms at 11:56PM. I hate nights. I replay those last few minutes over and over. I know in my head he is in a better place and no longer suffering, but I miss him so much. I don't go to bed until 3 or 4 AM. I just don't want to so to bed. To much time to think.

Permalink Reply by Antonia Kunz on July 7, 2010 at 1:28am

It's been 29 days as I see once again it is past midnight and I haven't slept for 2 days. I miss him so much. I cry, I talk to him. I try to sort his clothes and I fall apart. I just don't know how. The medicine the Dr prescribed doesn't do anything. I cannot eat. I'm diabetic and now I have pneumonia. I have a psychiatrist, a couple of great friends, my best girlfriend. I am disabled and have In-Laws telling this and that. Step-children wanting... How can I make them all just give me some space? I don't want to upset or disappoint them. I am crushed. I am inconsolable. No hug is His HUG. My friend tells me baby steps. Where? How?

Permalink Reply by Dignity Memorial NC on July 8, 2010 at 9:38am

Grief can hit anyone hard -- especially you're dealing with the loss of a child. Not everyone mourns the same way, but all grief does need to be addressed so you can start making it through the night again. We wrote about this on our blog: http://bit.ly/9YXakM. Hope our tips are helpful.

Permalink Reply by Sandra on July 8, 2010 at 9:52pm

I am still trying to figure this one out myself!

Permalink Reply by Karin on July 10, 2010 at 8:27pm

I cannot sleep in my bed since my husband dies I have vivid flashbacks of when he stopped breathing I was doing cpr in teh family room and he vomited blood in my mouth and his eyes rolled back. The dr has given me some things for sleep have not slept for days anywhere

Permalink Reply by Sandra on July 11, 2010 at 6:50pm

I have started taking otc sleep aids, he does help some. I go back to work tomorrow and have got to get some kind of rest so I can work and function at work! My husband has been gone from us 2 weeks today.....just makes me sick and sad and angry!

Kathy Prickett said:

you may need help via medication, even if is only for a little while. grieving is very hard not only in your mind but it also hurts your body. if you are not sleeping you really need to it is hard enough to get through the day, even with a good night sleep. I lost my husband 8 months ago, but it feels like yesterday,,

love and blessings
Kathy

Permalink Reply by Randolph L. Schrader on July 12, 2010 at 12:37am

I am taking a sleep aid, it does help except for one major problem that I have though. I keep waking up the time period of which I left the hospital for home after my wife was pronounced. Between 1:40am to 2:40am. I only recently changed the time I go to sleep to ensure that I can get past this. I wish everyone can find what it takes to "make it through the night".Hugs to all. Hugs are good.

Permalink Reply by Susan W Reynolds on July 12, 2010 at 12:22pm

There have been things I have done and now there are things I suggest to others.
One chapter in my book is called Sleep or Slumber and I do believe that there are simple ways to assist the interrupted sleep patterns we have in loss.

If you can support yourself with a bedside tray that contains a notebook or journal to write your night time worries down, that may assist you. If you have a single beautiful item such as a flower or silver framed photo of a beautiful setting that may be helpful. If you have a battery operated candle flickering bedside or across the room that may be helpful. If you can change the location of the bed, changing perspective or even bringing in new linen or changing out pictures that can be helpful. Changing perspective, changing items and changing the focus of a room can help to support you. Refueling your body at night may mean changing your routine and making a new nightly ritual such as a bath, reading an affirming story or sleeping with some gentle music or seashore sounds in the background. What we need for ourselves changes from day to day in grief and sometimes it changes from minute to minute. Maybe a new stuffed animal that brings some whimsy to your bed could bring a simple smile and comfort. For a while, after my husband's death, I had a white stuffed baby seal on my bed. A friend gave it to me and called it MY SEAL of APPROVAL. It reminded me that I was moving forward, was strong in my feeling of weakness and reminded me of the softer things in life. Find an item, a fragrance, a sound, or color to create a small change in your bedroom and see how it may help support you in slumber.
Sweet dreams and blessings. Susan W. Reynolds

www.revivalredesign.com

author Room for Change: Practical Ideas for Reviving After Loss