How to make it through the night

Grief support: When you're grieving, sleeping can be difficult. What do you do to make the nights easier?

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Lostinchicago on July 19, 2010 at 7:41pm

I have to listen to something on my iPad and can't sleep in the same room as my wife. My best friend died and I was across county and wasn't there for her and I feel so guilty and feel like I don't want to be close to anyone. But I cannot think at night so I will put something on to listen to

Permalink Reply by deborah diggs on July 19, 2010 at 10:32pm

Everyone, before retiring to bed, say this: I release all negativity and stress, and I surrender myself to a good nights sleep. i will step away form all the pain tonight, and tomorrow I will face the challenges with a refreshed source of energy and stabilty, and sanity.

Permalink Reply by Trish Costa on August 15, 2010 at 4:14am

mellissa - I am so sorry about your boyfriend.. it reminded me so much of myself.. i was just about to write something about knowing the moment that he was going to die.. i told him before he died that if he died and i wasnt there that i would feel it in my heart that he was dead.. but he died in the morning i dont know the exact time i guess officially around 3or 4 am.. i had so many premonitions.. before he died.. even before i met him i knew someone would come into my life that i would really morn for. hard to explain.. i dont know if you are still on this discussion boaord it looks like no one has posted since 2010.. Sorry is not enough.. nothing will bring them back.. I dont sleep at night as it is 5:18 am ... i am grieving.. and i am not the only one... Itold him i couldnt live with out him.. it is amazing that i am alive... i dont know for how much longer.. living in grief cant be good. for anyone.. heatlh wise.. I bought a life insurance policy to give to a brother of his.. its sounds silly after he died i was so excited.. i thought i would nt have to live with out him i thought that as he assured me that he would take me with him... but it hasnt happened yet one year and 9months.. later.. i am supposed to get married and have children and work and go back to college.. I have to just trust that the lord will carry me.. I live accross the street from a half way house i asked my boyfriend before he died if he would watch out for my children.. future children,, well i have 2 cats and 1 dog.. so i am so in grief.. sometimes i cant hndle things so i dont and just trust.. so my dog runs the neibor hood especially when i first moved in .. and a black women ,, crack whore use to rescue her and bring her into my fence, thinking it was michel my boyfriend looking out for my child i always thanked her kissed her and said god. bless... etc.. i gave her 20 $ one day thinking that she would never use again.. than she came over as i was putting my temp. lic. on my car.. she talked about her mother passing away and how she wanted to be sober for her.. and that she thinks her mother looks out for her in heaven.. 2 weeks later i heard she went back to the street..... I am grieved again... our last talk was about going to church even when we are not perfec.. t I realize sometimes god gives us the strength to over come our bad and sometimes he doesnt llike in pauls case.. he said,, my grace is suffiecient he talked aobut the thorn in the flesh.. well hard to explain the lord gives and the lord takes away blessed be the lord.. the lord made a man i loved for 7 years int he flesh... so perfect. and he took him away for himself.. I cant be mad at what the lord did give me.. Better to have loved and lossed than to have never loved at all.. or to go as i have heard it a lifetime with out their love.. the grief where you look at couples and really wish you had it again.. I remmember when i was so in love with him we would kiss in a parking lot ..... in the car and teh store owner would come out and tell us to get a room .. or a lady said... I hope you all stay in love like that forever... welll love is eternall.. now on a diff. spiritual realm he told me that one day he would have the technology to know exaclty where i go in my car... well now he does from heaven .. i want to make him proud and not go around weeping.. he said crying is nt going to do anything for me nor reading the bible , wont make me money...... to the grieving ... i wish to you the almighty counselor his name is god s comfort.. to those who morn.. for they will be comforted.. God Bless all of you and your loved ones i am so sorry for the tragic way of there parting.. I wanted so much to be with mine. but it wasnt gods will so instead i knew he was going just didnt know when and couldnt be there or do anything .. In god we trust.. ..... may we find the blessing in all of this.. - eternally yours Terra,

Melissa said:

I still have to sleep with the lights on. My boyfriend died at 1:25 in the morning, suddenly, and it is extremely difficult for me to sleep. I don't sleep long but it is always with the lights on

Permalink Reply by Elaine Richmond on August 16, 2010 at 10:51am

DRUGS..

Permalink Reply by Trish Costa on August 16, 2010 at 1:10pm

thanks for the reply ,, t

Trish Costa said:

mellissa - I am so sorry about your boyfriend.. it reminded me so much of myself.. i was just about to write something about knowing the moment that he was going to die.. i told him before he died that if he died and i wasnt there that i would feel it in my heart that he was dead.. but he died in the morning i dont know the exact time i guess officially around 3or 4 am.. i had so many premonitions.. before he died.. even before i met him i knew someone would come into my life that i would really morn for. hard to explain.. i dont know if you are still on this discussion boaord it looks like no one has posted since 2010.. Sorry is not enough.. nothing will bring them back.. I dont sleep at night as it is 5:18 am ... i am grieving.. and i am not the only one... Itold him i couldnt live with out him.. it is amazing that i am alive... i dont know for how much longer.. living in grief cant be good. for anyone.. heatlh wise.. I bought a life insurance policy to give to a brother of his.. its sounds silly after he died i was so excited.. i thought i would nt have to live with out him i thought that as he assured me that he would take me with him... but it hasnt happened yet one year and 9months.. later.. i am supposed to get married and have children and work and go back to college.. I have to just trust that the lord will carry me.. I live accross the street from a half way house i asked my boyfriend before he died if he would watch out for my children.. future children,, well i have 2 cats and 1 dog.. so i am so in grief.. sometimes i cant hndle things so i dont and just trust.. so my dog runs the neibor hood especially when i first moved in .. and a black women ,, crack whore use to rescue her and bring her into my fence, thinking it was michel my boyfriend looking out for my child i always thanked her kissed her and said god. bless... etc.. i gave her 20 $ one day thinking that she would never use again.. than she came over as i was putting my temp. lic. on my car.. she talked about her mother passing away and how she wanted to be sober for her.. and that she thinks her mother looks out for her in heaven.. 2 weeks later i heard she went back to the street..... I am grieved again... our last talk was about going to church even when we are not perfec.. t I realize sometimes god gives us the strength to over come our bad and sometimes he doesnt llike in pauls case.. he said,, my grace is suffiecient he talked aobut the thorn in the flesh.. well hard to explain the lord gives and the lord takes away blessed be the lord.. the lord made a man i loved for 7 years int he flesh... so perfect. and he took him away for himself.. I cant be mad at what the lord did give me.. Better to have loved and lossed than to have never loved at all.. or to go as i have heard it a lifetime with out their love.. the grief where you look at couples and really wish you had it again.. I remmember when i was so in love with him we would kiss in a parking lot ..... in the car and teh store owner would come out and tell us to get a room .. or a lady said... I hope you all stay in love like that forever... welll love is eternall.. now on a diff. spiritual realm he told me that one day he would have the technology to know exaclty where i go in my car... well now he does from heaven .. i want to make him proud and not go around weeping.. he said crying is nt going to do anything for me nor reading the bible , wont make me money...... to the grieving ... i wish to you the almighty counselor his name is god s comfort.. to those who morn.. for they will be comforted.. God Bless all of you and your loved ones i am so sorry for the tragic way of there parting.. I wanted so much to be with mine. but it wasnt gods will so instead i knew he was going just didnt know when and couldnt be there or do anything .. In god we trust.. ..... may we find the blessing in all of this.. - eternally yours Terra,

Melissa said:
I still have to sleep with the lights on. My boyfriend died at 1:25 in the morning, suddenly, and it is extremely difficult for me to sleep. I don't sleep long but it is always with the lights on

Permalink Reply by Chelle on August 16, 2010 at 8:27pm

Trish i cannot imagine your loss or what you must be going through. But have faith that you will see him again, yes you and your boyfriend will be reunited i am sure. Just as Lazarus was resurrected he to and many other will be brought back to life.. very soon.. the Bible promises this in John 5:28 " all those in the memorial tombs will hear his voice and come out! And when this happens you'll NEVER loose him again him or anyone else you love or have loved and lost... The Bible promises that by means of Christ's rule, God "will wipe out every tear from [mankind's] eyes, and death will be no more, neither will mourning nor outcry nor pain be anymore."—Revelation 21:4.

Dont loose faith Trish.. and pray to Jehovah for holy spirit to cope with your loss. Luke 11:13 " the father in heaven will give holy spirit to those asking"

Psalms 145:18 "Jehovah is near to all those calling upon him,
To all those who call upon him in trueness."

i will keep you in my prayers
Sincerely
one of Jehovah's Witnesses

Permalink Reply by Trish Costa on August 20, 2010 at 12:19am

Thank you for quoting the Bible.. I have been so conflicted since he died. as my faith has surely been tryed and tested.. On my lost loved ones. prayer card it states, until we are reunited in the kingdom of God never forget our experience together..
But I have heard that in heaven we will have no recollection of our life here on earth.. I want to thank you as.. I feel that there is so much contradictions in the bible as in regards to death.. and so many christians, denounce the romantic love and its power and sentiment.

I have spoke to many christians regarding this subject and many have so many dif. interpretations.. I honestly,,, have been totally turned off with christianity ,, as a religion -- I feel so much rejection and hate.. and I am so let down by what should be the most supportive community - the christian instead I find judgment and a down play of the personal spiritual quest and intuitive guidence regarding such intimate, and personal subjects such as death..

I also feel like if i am not understood, or acknowledged, and taken for what has been my experience that I do not want to further extend myself to those christians.. I have gone to church and as sweet as they seem they don't know that i am greiveing on so many levels.. one comments your sad,, what is the mystic around you? etc. etc. I need protection and to be accepted ,, maybe i will never be understood. but when i meantion i lost a dear friend to death.. the only real person in my life. because i didnt have good parents. they just dont get it..

an older lady from the church says oh i have someone to set you up with
another older man says oh are you ok living alone..
and I am going to be sad for a while..
I don't want to burden them and I also do not want to try to explain myself
I also do not want people in society to see me like this.. I am going through so much person al termoil. and change.. everyone in my social network doesnt get it..

when i say i want to grieve and go to - beareavement i dont get alot of support.. they say oh now you are going to sell yourself off as widow..

no I am stating a fact.. I am grieving..

I should call the church group and try to explain why I have not been to the group.. It has been hard for me to actually - internalize and verbalize, all my strenght needs to be on my grief.. not on explaining..

Thax for your support. my christian friends seem to be the most incensitive unloving, unexpecting and most judgmental.. oh and i just got off the phone with someone ... 00 just wanted to invite you to a singles get together they think that I am just alone to much or that i have depressed state.or what ever.. 00 they dont want to consider I am grieving CAN I GRIEVE)
-- love in christ. I

Dehuelbes said:

Trish i cannot imagine your loss or what you must be going through. But have faith that you will see him again, yes you and your boyfriend will be reunited i am sure. Just as Lazarus was resurrected he to and many other will be brought back to life.. very soon.. the Bible promises this in John 5:28 " all those in the memorial tombs will hear his voice and come out! And when this happens you'll NEVER loose him again him or anyone else you love or have loved and lost... The Bible promises that by means of Christ's rule, God "will wipe out every tear from [mankind's] eyes, and death will be no more, neither will mourning nor outcry nor pain be anymore."—Revelation 21:4.
Dont loose faith Trish.. and pray to Jehovah for holy spirit to cope with your loss. Luke 11:13 " the father in heaven will give holy spirit to those asking"
Psalms 145:18 "Jehovah is near to all those calling upon him,
To all those who call upon him in trueness."

i will keep you in my prayers
Sincerely
one of Jehovah's Witnesses

Permalink Reply by Trish Costa on August 20, 2010 at 12:32am

i have heard all of these bible quotes .... it seems so far off,, in consideration to what is going -- on.. how long and how much does god want us to suffer.. I honestly cant take it..
The lord knows I have no real.. interest or joy hear. -- its so weird.. I just read the symptoms of sex abuse, which I was as a child... wishing for early death... So I really don't want to ... I told a lady to day at the dnv.. she wanted me to repeat myself and was asking something really, after i had just explained.

she's says why do you need a temp. tag. Well, I explained again..

and say-ed listen she you only have 30 days.. I told her well i hope I am not alive by then..
ok ..

God its like people just dont want to be hear. I am glad i can finnally express myself she Got it..

what I was going for. to get a tag.

Thank you God.. the conversation changed. and she decided to be more helpful .. and understanding after.. I asked her if she had lost anyone she said 4 people in 1998 . and she was like i didnt want more bad news.

I really need gods grace.

Trish Costa said:

Thank you for quoting the Bible.. I have been so conflicted since he died. as my faith has surely been tryed and tested.. On my lost loved ones. prayer card it states, until we are reunited in the kingdom of God never forget our experience together..
But I have heard that in heaven we will have no recollection of our life here on earth.. I want to thank you as.. I feel that there is so much contradictions in the bible as in regards to death.. and so many christians, denounce the romantic love and its power and sentiment. I have spoke to many christians regarding this subject and many have so many dif. interpretations.. I honestly,,, have been totally turned off with christianity ,, as a religion -- I feel so much rejection and hate.. and I am so let down by what should be the most supportive community - the christian instead I find judgment and a down play of the personal spiritual quest and intuitive guidence regarding such intimate, and personal subjects such as death..

I also feel like if i am not understood, or acknowledged, and taken for what has been my experience that I do not want to further extend myself to those christians.. I have gone to church and as sweet as they seem they don't know that i am greiveing on so many levels.. one comments your sad,, what is the mystic around you? etc. etc. I need protection and to be accepted ,, maybe i will never be understood. but when i meantion i lost a dear friend to death.. the only real person in my life. because i didnt have good parents. they just dont get it..

an older lady from the church says oh i have someone to set you up with
another older man says oh are you ok living alone..
and I am going to be sad for a while..
I don't want to burden them and I also do not want to try to explain myself
I also do not want people in society to see me like this.. I am going through so much person al termoil. and change.. everyone in my social network doesnt get it..

when i say i want to grieve and go to - beareavement i dont get alot of support.. they say oh now you are going to sell yourself off as widow..

no I am stating a fact.. I am grieving..

I should call the church group and try to explain why I have not been to the group.. It has been hard for me to actually - internalize and verbalize, all my strenght needs to be on my grief.. not on explaining..

Thax for your support. my christian friends seem to be the most incensitive unloving, unexpecting and most judgmental.. oh and i just got off the phone with someone ... 00 just wanted to invite you to a singles get together they think that I am just alone to much or that i have depressed state.or what ever.. 00 they dont want to consider I am grieving CAN I GRIEVE)
-- love in christ. I

Dehuelbes said:
Trish i cannot imagine your loss or what you must be going through. But have faith that you will see him again, yes you and your boyfriend will be reunited i am sure. Just as Lazarus was resurrected he to and many other will be brought back to life.. very soon.. the Bible promises this in John 5:28 " all those in the memorial tombs will hear his voice and come out! And when this happens you'll NEVER loose him again him or anyone else you love or have loved and lost... The Bible promises that by means of Christ's rule, God "will wipe out every tear from [mankind's] eyes, and death will be no more, neither will mourning nor outcry nor pain be anymore."—Revelation 21:4.
Dont loose faith Trish.. and pray to Jehovah for holy spirit to cope with your loss. Luke 11:13 " the father in heaven will give holy spirit to those asking" Psalms 145:18 "Jehovah is near to all those calling upon him, To all those who call upon him in trueness."

i will keep you in my prayers
Sincerely
one of Jehovah's Witnesses

Permalink Reply by Diamond on September 24, 2010 at 12:00pm

Hello Georgia,

When I read the pain you were experiencing - I couldn' help but feel a deep sense of compassion. Please, know that your husband and your daughter are both resting. They do not feel any pain or are they experiencing any suffering. The Bible is where you can turn to receive the deepest sense of compassion and comfort. If you trust in God - Proverbs 3:5,6- you will see he has plans for all of us. It was not meant for us to die and grow old. (Revelation 21:3,4) (Daniel 2:44) (Psalms 37:10).

Your love ones are resting- Ecclesiastes 9:5 - the dead are unaware of anything. They are no longer subjected to the wages of sin. Romans 6:23. You can take delight in knowing that God has better plans for all of us who are willing to listen to his voice. This is not the life God Choose for mankind. It is only due to man's disobedience that we are suffering and dealing with death. Please, read the book of Psalms it will bring you such great comfort as you seek to enjoy the fine memories of your lost ones.

Georgia Fuentes said:

Dear Halfaheart, All of the grief and pain for one to bear just doesn't seem fair. I to have lost love ones. First my husband and 9 months later my daughter. My daughter was murdered by her x boy friend. Tonight has been a bad night even though it's been 1 year and 11 months since I lost my daughter. I to am on meds that was prescribed by the doctor. I take just enough to try and get some sleep.

Permalink Reply by Diamond on September 24, 2010 at 12:49pm

Hello Antonia,

Yes, I do understand your need to "breathe." Sometimes, family and friends feel as if they are truly helping by being there. If there is anyplace where you can go and just release for a while - do it! At times, we need to get in touch with our true feelings. Sometimes, we need to hear the voices within ourselves. Sometimes, we just need the chatter to "Stop."

Do trust in God - Proverbs 3:5,6 and while you are away - the biggest comfort you can seek is that found in the Bible. Romans 15:4. The Scriptures offer so much in respects to who and where we should seek lasting comfort. All of our challenges and trails in life are just "temporary." God has bigger plans for us. You must believe that - the pain we all feel - will soon be a things of the past. (Revelation 21:3,4) (Daniel 2:44) Man can not offer us anything long-lasting- everything in this system is fleeting - just chasing after the wind. Man can not direct his own footstep (Jeremiah 10:23) - So, we can see - that God would bring about the change that we so desparately need in order to have that peace and freedom from "pain and suffering."

Antonia Kunz said:

It's been 29 days as I see once again it is past midnight and I haven't slept for 2 days. I miss him so much. I cry, I talk to him. I try to sort his clothes and I fall apart. I just don't know how. The medicine the Dr prescribed doesn't do anything. I cannot eat. I'm diabetic and now I have pneumonia. I have a psychiatrist, a couple of great friends, my best girlfriend. I am disabled and have In-Laws telling this and that. Step-children wanting... How can I make them all just give me some space? I don't want to upset or disappoint them. I am crushed. I am inconsolable. No hug is His HUG. My friend tells me baby steps. Where? How?

Permalink Reply by Trish Costa on September 25, 2010 at 4:10pm

Dear One, I am so sorry you lost your husband.. I don't know how exactly you feel and I will not pretend to. However I have and am experiencing a great amount of grief.. I don't care,, what kind of grief, I will not compare this or that, what feels or hurts more than another. this is a futile debate, what we are here for is to comfort one another not compare.. It is very brave for you to share and the healthiest is to reach out and express yourself this is in part what I feel.. Many people from now on will make very superfical comments trying to encourage you as they may have the best of intentions it will always come out wrong.. No one,, can mend what you feel right now.. Nothing will get you out of it.... It is a process... .... compassion with one another,, .... and mostly with ourself,, and extreme self love,, this is when you must love yourself.... so very very much..... Your grief will be very uncomfortable for many to deal with so they will try to convince you other wise... don't let yourself enter a period of denial.. I am not a pitty party .... this is not a pitty party this is real life and this is a real fact.. Loss, and grief... MAtter of FACT.. It will feel very alone...

Trisha-

Diamond said:

Hello Antonia,

Yes, I do understand your need to "breathe." Sometimes, family and friends feel as if they are truly helping by being there. If there is anyplace where you can go and just release for a while - do it! At times, we need to get in touch with our true feelings. Sometimes, we need to hear the voices within ourselves. Sometimes, we just need the chatter to "Stop."

Do trust in God - Proverbs 3:5,6 and while you are away - the biggest comfort you can seek is that found in the Bible. Romans 15:4. The Scriptures offer so much in respects to who and where we should seek lasting comfort. All of our challenges and trails in life are just "temporary." God has bigger plans for us. You must believe that - the pain we all feel - will soon be a things of the past. (Revelation 21:3,4) (Daniel 2:44) Man can not offer us anything long-lasting- everything in this system is fleeting - just chasing after the wind. Man can not direct his own footstep (Jeremiah 10:23) - So, we can see - that God would bring about the change that we so desparately need in order to have that peace and freedom from "pain and suffering."

Antonia Kunz said:
It's been 29 days as I see once again it is past midnight and I haven't slept for 2 days. I miss him so much. I cry, I talk to him. I try to sort his clothes and I fall apart. I just don't know how. The medicine the Dr prescribed doesn't do anything. I cannot eat. I'm diabetic and now I have pneumonia. I have a psychiatrist, a couple of great friends, my best girlfriend. I am disabled and have In-Laws telling this and that. Step-children wanting... How can I make them all just give me some space? I don't want to upset or disappoint them. I am crushed. I am inconsolable. No hug is His HUG. My friend tells me baby steps. Where? How?

Permalink Reply by eileen brody on September 25, 2010 at 7:44pm

march 31st 2009 my brother ended his life, we were not on speaking terms at the time so i feel very responnsible