How to make it through the night

Grief support: When you're grieving, sleeping can be difficult. What do you do to make the nights easier?

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Tresa Sampson on February 5, 2010 at 12:55am

I just simply hate to sleep anymore. My husband and I were as he called us Night Owls, but, since his passing I can't sleep for fear of the dreams or he may come back and I might miss seeing him. I just have to wear myself out to finally sleep.

Permalink Reply by Georgia Fuentes on February 5, 2010 at 1:00am

Dear Halfaheart, All of the grief and pain for one to bear just doesn't seem fair. I to have lost love ones. First my husband and 9 months later my daughter. My daughter was murdered by her x boy friend. Tonight has been a bad night even though it's been 1 year and 11 months since I lost my daughter. I to am on meds that was prescribed by the doctor. I take just enough to try and get some sleep.

Permalink Reply by halfaheart on February 5, 2010 at 4:20am

It is as I sit here,2:09 a.m. and I can't sleep.I feel so blessed to have found this site to be able to come here and chat._____________Tresa,I know about that wearing oneself out....do you have any letters or notes and cards you have saved from him?...try reading thru them.Even a good healthy cry will get you tired enough to sleep.
I would like to add a Prayer for my cousin's husband,Vances.He was just diagnosed with stage 4 lymphnodes cancer and was givin 5/6 months.________He is so sick.
I will miss him so much.God Bless You Vances.

Tresa Sampson said:

I just simply hate to sleep anymore. My husband and I were as he called us Night Owls, but, since his passing I can't sleep for fear of the dreams or he may come back and I might miss seeing him. I just have to wear myself out to finally sleep.

Permalink Reply by halfaheart on February 5, 2010 at 4:28am

I am so sorry about your loss._____But I'm sure if anything like me you find that too much of the medication trail leaves you groggy and to where you can't function.Here we are at the *Journal* suggestion again.I truely belive it helps to spill it all onto the empty pages.I had one gal tell me *But I don't know how to write a journal!* and I told her all she need do is write as if talking to lost loved one.God Bless you.....

Georgia Fuentes said:

Dear Halfaheart, All of the grief and pain for one to bear just doesn't seem fair. I to have lost love ones. First my husband and 9 months later my daughter. My daughter was murdered by her x boy friend. Tonight has been a bad night even though it's been 1 year and 11 months since I lost my daughter. I to am on meds that was prescribed by the doctor. I take just enough to try and get some sleep.

Permalink Reply by Carina on February 5, 2010 at 6:40pm

Melissa said:

Kelly, yeah it is extremely hard for me in the dark. What I left out of my post is that not only did Bill die suddenly, he died on my bed, in my arms from a Pulmonary embolism (blood clot to the lungs). When the paramedics got there I went to call a friend of ours. As I walked back into my room I watched him throw up on my bed (which happens sometimes when you do CPR on someone). Once they got him off the bed, they worked him on the floor, next to the wall, at the foot of my bed. Sleep is very hard for me. I don't sleep in my bed unless it's daylight out (thank God I work til 2 in the morning)...I do sleep on my sofa alot, with the lights on. Even then, it's for 2 hour spurts at a time.

Thanks for your response. I do appreciate it. I agree, we do replay things in our heads. For me it's day and night...

Melissa, why can't you sleep in the bed, and have to sleep with lights on? Are you afraid? I slept in our bed at the beginning, I had no problem with that, but as the time passed by, I was feeling too sad in the bedroom. I was waking up many times and was very sad, then I started to feel nervous, and I moved to the sofa in the living room, and I looke at the bedroom with the tail of my eye. I used to be afraid of dead people, and my husband used to make fun of me, after my husband passed away and I was close to him, and kissed him, now I am not afraid anymore. But I don't know why I am not afraid, but I am nervous. I tell him that I am not afraid of him, because I know that he protected me during 37 years, he took care of me, and I know he is doing the same from wherever he is.

Permalink Reply by Tresa Sampson on February 6, 2010 at 3:12am

I found a couple, but, of course there not the same. The other morning I laid down and I actually smelled his scent on my pillow. I've washed that pillow case so many times and it was just so amazing that I actually smelled him. I still have his body soap sitting in my shower and his clothes sitting in my room in a huge duffle bag, I plan on making me a quilt with his clothes. Then I can wash it in the body soap. It won't be the same but it'll be the next best thing. I can just hear him saying improvise dear grasshopper improvise.

halfaheart said:

It is as I sit here,2:09 a.m. and I can't sleep.I feel so blessed to have found this site to be able to come here and chat._____________Tresa,I know about that wearing oneself out....do you have any letters or notes and cards you have saved from him?...try reading thru them.Even a good healthy cry will get you tired enough to sleep.
I would like to add a Prayer for my cousin's husband,Vances.He was just diagnosed with stage 4 lymphnodes cancer and was givin 5/6 months.________He is so sick.
I will miss him so much.God Bless You Vances.

Tresa Sampson said:
I just simply hate to sleep anymore. My husband and I were as he called us Night Owls, but, since his passing I can't sleep for fear of the dreams or he may come back and I might miss seeing him. I just have to wear myself out to finally sleep.

Permalink Reply by angelina or i get called angie on February 10, 2010 at 8:23pm

hi everyone i find comfort from reading all your posts and im awfully sorry for your loses,im 28 single child my dad died 2yrs ago and ive still not got over it,i wont sleep in my room and i sleep downstairs in living room with mum she sleeps couch me the single bed i wanna get back to my bed but its been nearly 3 yrs i just cant b on my own and i worry about mum so much im up now 2.30am wide awake hte it so much will it ever get better i sleep with lights on to and normally sit up till 4 or 5 am mum can sleep within 2mins but im wide awake all timexxx

Permalink Reply by monique whitaker on April 4, 2010 at 11:27pm

I am one of those people who doesnt deal with death well at all, even though its something we all have to experience. I just recently lost a loved one and best friend April 3, 2010. It was a very unexpected death, but a very peaceful; he was only 23 and died in his sleep. He was the only person that I was able to talk to about anything in the world, but not anymore. I dont think ill ever be able to talkto anyone the way that I did with him. I, too am having sleepless nights.I cant seem to keep my mind off of him. Everything is a memory in some type of way. No matter how hard I try to stop thinking about it, the more I do. I love him so much and miss him dearly already. Im searching for strength to stay strong but I havent found that place yet; I actually think it will be a long time before I come into contact with this strength.
~Monique

Permalink Reply by Margery N. Dickerson on April 7, 2010 at 7:43am

I lost my only son 13 yrs. ago in a tragic auto accident involving a drunk driver. There are still nights when it all comes back and I just can't sleep. When it first happened I slept with the lights and tv on. Still have to have the tv. It has gotten some easier.

Permalink Reply by Linda Foster on April 8, 2010 at 7:23am

One of the main things I try to do is to quiet a racey mind through prayer. Your mind tend to run and take you to places of grief and dispair. Under the circumstances this can be normal. But by practicing thinking in slow motion it has a relaxing feeling.
Then I go to the next step. Prayer. The book of Psalms is full of prayers of a king that was suffering from sadness and depression. God saw to it these prayers were recorded for us. He knows the things we are experiencing and ways that He gives us to help us along our difficult journey of life. Some of the scriptures that I enjoy is Psalms 3:4,5,6 and Psalm chapter 6. There are so many others but I turn to these as some of my favorites. It calms my mind to know that our Creator do care and by studying the scriptures these conditions are temporary and not something God intended for us.

Permalink Reply by linda on April 18, 2010 at 10:30am

hi everyone, boy your stories pull at my ole heart strings, as i,ve been where your at. i lost my oldest son to suicide, 13 years ago, he walked in the woods one sunny oct day, and hung himself. i do know what your all feeling, and have felt it for years, the first 3 years after my son died are pretty much a blur, i remember the pain, the anger, the sleepless nights, the nightmares, the not eating, my 3 other children pretty much didnt have a mom, they needed me, and i needed my son. no one wanted to talk about it, it was all hushed under the rug, as if he had some bad diease, and no one had any words that could comfort me, we,ve come along way... we now have support groups, where everyone of us knows the pain of loosing a child, or a loved one. this is by far the best therepy, i,ve found in 13 years. right here where i belong, with all of you. i hate to say it, because when ben died i didnt want to hear it myself, but turns out those people were right, so here goes, time does heal all wounds. the kicker is, how much time has to go by before the pain and the hurt start to lessen, for me it was many years, not a day went by that i didnt grieve for my son. but my other 3 kids and my husband needed me, and somehow, i had to reach way way down, i found the strength to carry on. i always knew from the min my son was gone, he really wasnt really gone, he left me many signs for many years, untill i was strong enough in my faith in god to say i know your ok now child, it,s time for you to fly. it also helped that i had 2 very near death experiences, in which i saw the light, but never made it into the light, they always brought me back, but doctors have asked me what i saw, and i told them, there is a light, a beautiful beem that draws you into it, with no pain, no thoughts really, just walking into the light, calm, peaceful, if i hadnt experienced it myself, i wouldnt have belived it. but i am a big believer, and i know my son made it, to where i,m not sure, but he did leave alot of signs, that i caught, and the family caught, only could of been done by ben and god. music helped me tremendously, and to sleep at night i would put on a tape of waterfalls, and rippling waves on the water, and dream of the good times, sleeping alot helped me heal, it was such a blow to my heart, rest , in my case was my escape. you have to truely belive that your loved one is with god, and that you,ll see him again someday, it,s not goodbye for ever, more like see ya round the bend, when ever the good lord takes me, i know ben will be waiting on the other side. and so will all your loved ones. plzzzz just belive that, and if you cant belive, belive that i belive it for you. godbless you all, i,m so sorry for your pain, as i know it well. takecare, and remember, sharing is caring, and in here we're all safe, we dont have all the answers for sure, but, your not alone!!!! we;re here for you.

Permalink Reply by Cathy on April 19, 2010 at 5:19am

angelina or i get called angie said:

hi everyone i find comfort from reading all your posts and im awfully sorry for your loses,im 28 single child my dad died 2yrs ago and ive still not got over it,i wont sleep in my room and i sleep downstairs in living room with mum she sleeps couch me the single bed i wanna get back to my bed but its been nearly 3 yrs i just cant b on my own and i worry about mum so much im up now 2.30am wide awake hte it so much will it ever get better i sleep with lights on to and normally sit up till 4 or 5 am mum can sleep within 2mins but im wide awake all timexxx