How to make it through the night

Grief support: When you're grieving, sleeping can be difficult. What do you do to make the nights easier?

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Trish Costa on September 25, 2010 at 9:00pm

oh my God.. I am so sorry this is the worst.....nightmare... this is my other
I count who i really care about... my dad and my brothers ...
I am sorry ..... this is the worst..

eileen brody said:

march 31st 2009 my brother ended his life, we were not on speaking terms at the time so i feel very responnsible

Permalink Reply by Elizabeth Nonnemacher on October 26, 2010 at 11:09am

My husband Ron died 28 days ago, in the hospital, suddenly, 3 days before getting ready to go to a Rehabilitation center. He was in the hospital 2 months for colon reconstruction surgery that followed with setback after setback. I cant still believe he died, about 4 minutes after he spoke to the doctor and shook his hand, the dr. tellin him get ready for Friday. OMG he just died no sign,no warning, it happened just as I was getting to his room. I begged him to come back to me, he didnt. I miss him
terribly, we were together almost 12 years and married for 8 years. He was my life
my Knight in Shining Armor. I have 2 sons 21 and 24 and he was there for us in the
most hardest times with them.
I cant sleep at all, sometimes I fall asleep on the recliner watching TV for an 1 hour
or so. I keep reliving his final hour. WHY WHY WHY???

Permalink Reply by Diamond on December 31, 2010 at 11:05pm

Trish,

I have read the other messages you have at your site - I do feel for you. Trish, take your time. I know, right now - you probably feel the Bible is the last thing you want to hear and with the examples you have listed in respects to the behavior of your fellow christian Brothers and Sisters - I do understand your anger.

Trish - do not blame God - I think if you understand this - it may help - God is not the God of this system of things - please hear me out (Revelation 12:9) Satan is ruling everything now and he has a short time left that is why you see so much lack of compassion and the "me" attitude. That is not the quality of a loving God. Read 2 Timothy 3:1-5 - it will answer your mindset as to why people are insensitive,

Shortly, in God's due time he will rid this earth of the wickenss - as long as Satan is around none of us will be in a happy - blissful state. However, if you turn to God for strength and support he will be give you the strength to go on, (Romans 15:4).

I want to go on - but only if you are open to hear me out - as I do truly understand your pain - but I do not want to flood you with a lot of information, - believe me your pain and disappointment in people is evident and I feel for you - for I had to also learn that God is always there - sometimes, when we need some of our friends and close associates - for whatever reasons they are not able to be there - Trish - I had to turn to God - and I have had an awful, awful, just dreadful year - I did not have the energy, desire or strength to do anything - so I prayed and I had to accept - sometimes people don't want to deal with problems - so I turn to someone who was willing to hear me out - and I am happy!!! That person was Almight God Jehovah - he is never too busy to listen to me. - let me know if you want to exchange additional information. If not - Please spend some quiet time alone to get in touch with your emotion and you do and handle your grief the way you are able to handle it best,,,,,,,Your friends are not the ones hurting,,,,,,,listen to your heart and then pray, pray pray. Hope to hear from you soon....

Trish Costa said:

oh my God.. I am so sorry this is the worst.....nightmare... this is my other
I count who i really care about... my dad and my brothers ...
I am sorry ..... this is the worst..

eileen brody said:
march 31st 2009 my brother ended his life, we were not on speaking terms at the time so i feel very responnsible

Permalink Reply by River of Tears on January 21, 2011 at 6:23am

The nights for me can either offer some of the longest and darkness times as they can if sleep is granted upon me to dream of one of my Family members that my heart aches for . I listen in the silence of the dark hoping only to hear my Sisters gentle voice yet once again as I do with my Fathers strong yet comforting say that he is ok . I look for my Mother all around me hoping she is near beside yet I do not feel her and worry that she is ok and wonder the many whys. How time and life change so quickly that they are not here anymore . For it was just in a moment of time that they were here and I was able to tell them I Love you . If only the nights offered one thing that I could hug them as I never had before though the nightmares of reality is all I seem to have to hold . If only the darkness was for good and the light of the day would provide some answers for now none of it makes sense or matters. A shatter heart may mine be I know that others too have to travel this painful journey . May comfort come to you all and may you all have peaceful nights .

Permalink Reply by Crimson B. on January 21, 2011 at 7:58am

I write to my loved one in a blog I started. I read. I go through emails. I say prayers. I imagine my loved one happy. I drink hot chocolate. I eat a bowl of cereal. I watch bad tv or a movie. I do whatever it takes to get my body to rest. It isn't easy but it can be done.

Permalink Reply by River of Tears on January 26, 2011 at 5:07am

I lay awake replaying all the events in my head wishing and wanting time to be turned back so that all the if onlys could be put in place and that my Sister would have not passed away . As I did the same in the hospital that last time wishing only that time would slow down and what was happening was not the nightmare that replaced what I knew as life . Dreams and hopes all slipped away when she passed away for we always shared our lives together no matter where we were . Fortunate to have share the last years right beside her. Yet this is where the nightmare may have begone, I had promised her that I would be there for her as both of us had alway been and when the time came others made choices and which for me is that I failed !! Hoping that heaven is peaceful and free of pain and love is what she has . This is the only dream at night I hope for . The nightmare is mine now with out her in my life.

Permalink Reply by Crimson B. on January 26, 2011 at 6:51am

You write so well. I can relate to wanting to turn back time. I can relate to the hopelessness that surrounds you. I shared everything with my love. I am seeking out a grief group, and I am frustrated that there is such a beurocracy, even with a simple thing like a support group. But, I do know this, you are not alone. There are all of us, who know your pain. Who understand your suffering, because we suffer in the same ways. I wish I could give you a big hug.

River of Tears said:

I lay awake replaying all the events in my head wishing and wanting time to be turned back so that all the if onlys could be put in place and that my Sister would have not passed away . As I did the same in the hospital that last time wishing only that time would slow down and what was happening was not the nightmare that replaced what I knew as life . Dreams and hopes all slipped away when she passed away for we always shared our lives together no matter where we were . Fortunate to have share the last years right beside her. Yet this is where the nightmare may have begone, I had promised her that I would be there for her as both of us had alway been and when the time came others made choices and which for me is that I failed !! Hoping that heaven is peaceful and free of pain and love is what she has . This is the only dream at night I hope for . The nightmare is mine now with out her in my life.

Permalink Reply by River of Tears on January 26, 2011 at 10:44am

Dear Crimson B. If only to say that your few kind words seemed to bring a bit of light into this very sad time . I am saddened by the loss and pain you have had, and all the many others that come to share .At first I thought what was sad was that what ties us all together was that we lost someone we loved . But rather as I think of it , if not for that ability or fortune to love , we would not be here at all . I wish you all the best in your finding a group if not that you yourself some how create one since you seem to have the heart of generosity and understanding one would need .That those that may come will find comfort in just in the fact that you were there as you were there today for me . Please take care

Crimson B. said: . I You write so well. I can relate to wanting to turn back time. I can relate to the hopelessness that surrounds you. I shared everything with my love. I am seeking out a grief group, and I am frustrated that there is such a beurocracy, even with a simple thing like a support group. But, I do know this, you are not alone. There are all of us, who know your pain. Who understand your suffering, because we suffer in the same ways. I wish I could give you a big hug.

River of Tears said:

I lay awake replaying all the events in my head wishing and wanting time to be turned back so that all the if onlys could be put in place and that my Sister would have not passed away . As I did the same in the hospital that last time wishing only that time would slow down and what was happening was not the nightmare that replaced what I knew as life . Dreams and hopes all slipped away when she passed away for we always shared our lives together no matter where we were . Fortunate to have share the last years right beside her. Yet this is where the nightmare may have begone, I had promised her that I would be there for her as both of us had alway been and when the time came others made choices and which for me is that I failed !! Hoping that heaven is peaceful and free of pain and love is what she has . This is the only dream at night I hope for . The nightmare is mine now with out her in my life.

Permalink Reply by River of Tears on February 11, 2011 at 5:00am

Still in the months after my Sister has passed , I find myself still having great difficulty sleeping or even getting to sleep . Why I set and alarm the I so not know , maybe so it is not so quite , but when it does go off it is deafening ( a sad reminder that I will not be sharing the day or able to call her as I always did. Finding on some days a quick gentle toss is what I am doing just to stop it . Now in the early morning hours after just laying in my bed thinking constantly about her and my Mother and Father who also just passed , I decide to get up to go to the computer to Legacy , a site or a place I never thought I ever would find myself at , but in the weeks I found even just in the reading it some how has brought comfort . I pray and think of others that have shared of pain that only they can tell , seeing strength and courage and a bond when they reach out to others. The one Fiber that is constant with all is Love for their love one . Which you see so many in life sadly often taken for granted . Yet here I have seen that what was their greatest gift in life was the the time and love they had with their loved one. Even in the sorrow and pain and shattered hearts of many it is amazing that love continues on , if not in what each does for another here . Finding direction from here is very difficult for the ones that I had by my side all my life are no longer there , never lonely in my life before but now, I know I am alone . Only to be able to come here is what I have found ,for now I thank you all for what you have had to offer ,and may comfort come to each of you .

Please take care

Permalink Reply by River of Tears on February 20, 2011 at 3:04am

I have found now that coming to Legacy is one of the ways I am making it through the night as you may see that I have shared more then I have ever thought I would have . I am one not that stays pretty much to myself not talking or seeing anyone if absolutely have other then work etc . but then I am on automatic . There was one in life I had complete trust in and that was my Sister . My Sister sadly passed away not long ago . The feeling I have stored inside of the great pain that feel that is so individual yet some how understood by those who have had to travel this road . Also the pain of the recent passing of both my Mother and Father . Is this to say I am burdened no , it is to say why and how did this all happen ? That they all went so close together . For me I probably would say I would never want them to go . I sit here it is quieter and dark out yet at times I here things moving about . If only that was to say that this was all a nightmare and that they we at my door or calling me yet I know that this is all no true . It will never be . I can not make it as much as I hope or wish it to be . If it is in writing or reading of what others have shared maybe I will find an answer to all of this . If there is one .

If not then I know the darkness it what it is , and will be whether it is day or night .

May all of you find light out of the night .

Please take care

Why did that

Permalink Reply by karlene sharples on March 1, 2011 at 8:16am

This is my first time doing this, I lost my husband in Nov. 2010, it's been very difficult for me and our daughter every day since her father dying. I cry at night , I get up and go into the living room so she does not hear me, but then she turns around and I am not there she comes in and ask me if I'm alright and I say no I don't think I can't go on you see Chanel's(daughter) father and I have been together for 15 years. It's hard to say good-bye to someone who been in you life and your soul mate for that length of time. Everything I see or do reminds me of Russell I tried to rearrange the furniture, I tried get rid of his chair but Chanel said no she would put in her room so I give to her. Every day to me is a struggle to cope with my lost. I need to talk to someone about this so I decide to do this. This was my last hope. Maybe talking to people that are in my shoes can help.

Thank You

Karlene from Philly

Permalink Reply by River of Tears on March 1, 2011 at 10:57am

Dear karlene , Welcome to a place I found that was here no matter what time of day , to find comfort that I never thought was possible through this pain . A place that you may find too that you may just be able to start to share all those feelings inside that you are so loving to protect your daughter and all from ,. feelings I have a sense that she may already know that you have as she must too . Ones that you know share together . ones that you both never knew . Just know that Legacy has be a place where there are so many kind hearted people who even in their pain , some how will pause for a moment to be there if you need so please continue to share and see what many have found a place that will help us all through this depth of pain . I am truly sorry for the loss of your husband . A love the will stay with you . Though I can relate I have would my family remain .

Please take care .. many here with open hearts to walk by your side .

I keep a picture of my Sister and Father and Mother by my beside , one that is held to my heart as I try to sleep .

karlene sharples said:

Hi

This is my first time doing this, I lost my husband in Nov. 2010, it's been very difficult for me and our daughter every day since her father dying. I cry at night , I get up and go into the living room so she does not hear me, but then she turns around and I am not there she comes in and ask me if I'm alright and I say no I don't think I can't go on you see Chanel's(daughter) father and I have been together for 15 years. It's hard to say good-bye to someone who been in you life and your soul mate for that length of time. Everything I see or do reminds me of Russell I tried to rearrange the furniture, I tried get rid of his chair but Chanel said no she would put in her room so I give to her. Every day to me is a struggle to cope with my lost. I need to talk to someone about this so I decide to do this. This was my last hope. Maybe talking to people that are in my shoes can help.

Thank You

Karlene from Philly