How to make it through the night

Grief support: When you're grieving, sleeping can be difficult. What do you do to make the nights easier?

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Permalink Reply by Sandralee Vahey on June 1, 2010 at 12:02am

Melissa said:

Kelly, yeah it is extremely hard for me in the dark. What I left out of my post is that not only did Bill die suddenly, he died on my bed, in my arms from a Pulmonary embolism (blood clot to the lungs). When the paramedics got there I went to call a friend of ours. As I walked back into my room I watched him throw up on my bed (which happens sometimes when you do CPR on someone). Once they got him off the bed, they worked him on the floor, next to the wall, at the foot of my bed. Sleep is very hard for me. I don't sleep in my bed unless it's daylight out (thank God I work til 2 in the morning)...I do sleep on my sofa alot, with the lights on. Even then, it's for 2 hour spurts at a time.

Thanks for your response. I do appreciate it. I agree, we do replay things in our heads. For me it's day and night...

Permalink Reply by Randolph L. Schrader on June 1, 2010 at 9:42am

Hi and hugs to all. I cannot offer any help for sleeping at night. I can only concur that life is miserable without your spouse. Being alone after 44 years with your pal is like nothing else you can experience. All I think of is my wife. I have been waking up every night at the time we left the hospital for home after she was pronounced dead. Over 13 months now, whats with that? I take a sleeping aid but I still wake up at that time. Its not a sloeeping pill. I tried to take an anti-depressant but had too many side effects. Heck with that. I do know this though. Some people may have the support to help,but,my problem is that we have THAT reality when we get home, alone,sad and not wanting to live and all those feelings set in again.We, can only work it out, if possible. I am no good at it alone and I find that I dont know how to deal with it. Just wanted to share my problems with you all.

Permalink Reply by Kimberly Sharpe on June 9, 2010 at 2:54am

my brother-in-law accidently shot hie-self in the head playing with the gun i felt like you i didn't want to go on then i realized after a few months i was feeling a lot better.

Permalink Reply by judy on June 10, 2010 at 1:13am

Lost husband of 47 years on 1/26/10. I also sleep on the sofa with the lights on.

Melissa said:

Kelly, yeah it is extremely hard for me in the dark. What I left out of my post is that not only did Bill die suddenly, he died on my bed, in my arms from a Pulmonary embolism (blood clot to the lungs). When the paramedics got there I went to call a friend of ours. As I walked back into my room I watched him throw up on my bed (which happens sometimes when you do CPR on someone). Once they got him off the bed, they worked him on the floor, next to the wall, at the foot of my bed. Sleep is very hard for me. I don't sleep in my bed unless it's daylight out (thank God I work til 2 in the morning)...I do sleep on my sofa alot, with the lights on. Even then, it's for 2 hour spurts at a time.

Thanks for your response. I do appreciate it. I agree, we do replay things in our heads. For me it's day and night...

Permalink Reply by Sandi Jones-Boucher' on June 11, 2010 at 2:00pm

I also have now developed this problem since my brother Tom committed suicide almost 6 months ago. I go to bed "very" late now, watching TV in my room. Something I have never ever done. Maybe I should see if I can set a timer for the TV. I wish I had something to say to make it easier.

Maybe just this~ If so many of us have this now, I guess its normal.

Sandi

Permalink Reply by Sandi Jones-Boucher' on June 11, 2010 at 2:04pm

Melissa~

I am so sorry. How wonderful for Bill to have been your arms though while he passed. He must have felt so much less pain worry and freight. May God bless you for this path you have been left to walk.

What about this- get a new bed, from the mattress to the frame. Then, change bedrooms??? Even if your now in a master bedroom. Or~ your bedroom connects to the bathroom. Who cares~ right? Your on the couch often anyway. Give your self a bedroom change and bedroom make over?
I am so sorry~
Blessings, Sandi

Permalink Reply by Liza Smith on June 13, 2010 at 3:11am

All I do is cry. I cry myself to sleep or I just cry all night long. I don't know what else to do. My Jim died suddenly and unexpectedly just 7 weeks ago. He was the love of my life and my heart.

Permalink Reply by Liza Smith on June 13, 2010 at 3:17am

I guess I need a hammer to knock myself on the head and finally go to sleep.

Permalink Reply by Elaine Richmond on June 13, 2010 at 9:22pm

I really have no idea of how to make it through a night. My husband of nearly 35 years went into the hospital with what we both thought was pneumonia and he died there over a month later on Mar. 3, 2010. I am not a 'drama queen' but I truly wish, when someone asks me how I am, that I could say something other than, "I wish I were dead."

Permalink Reply by Randolph L. Schrader on June 13, 2010 at 9:42pm

Elaine, so sorry for your loss. I know what you mean and so do we all. Hearing "how are you" , I hate it. At least my kids know better, they say "whats up". There are just too many reminders that keep us grieving. Hugs to you. Hugs are good.

Permalink Reply by Randolph L. Schrader on June 13, 2010 at 9:44pm

Liza, yes a hammer would be nice. Hug to you. Hugs are good.

Permalink Reply by Nancy Medley Therrell on June 20, 2010 at 8:44pm

My husband died February 28,2010 six days after he found out he had lung cancer and then a brain tumor. He had been sick for months, not eating and loosing weigh, coughing but had been treated for allergies since Nov, 2009. He had a terrible cough and had trouble eating food. I have always slept in our bed, in fact, on his side. I feel so much closer to him and the pillow he use to hold for coughing I have never taken the pillow case off of it. I cuddle with it at night sometimes. It brings me comfort. I have never had a dream of him yet tho.