Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Barbara Sullivan on August 31, 2015 at 12:22pm

Just about ALL of us have experienced the same feelings, Jeanne. A friend warned me that I would be 'hijacked by grief' many times. Your grief is fresh and raw and I think that is the worst -- but you will get through it. I say we 'get through it' but we never 'get over it'. Our grief becomes part of who we are. It strengthens us while it devours us. It toughens us, while it makes us more compassionate. It challenges us while it makes us victorious. All I can offer is my heart-felt sympathy and the knowledge that you are not alone here on Legacy. We all know what you are suffering -- what you are feeling.

Sending hugs and prayers for comfort,
Barbara

Permalink Reply by Gretchen G on August 31, 2015 at 2:09pm

Jeannie,
I feel the exact same way. Some days ok, some not. Even depends hour to hour. And it's all completely normal. Barbara said it perfectly..."hijacked by grief". My husband passed away this past January when our son was only two weeks old. The thoughts of how am I going to do this alone are overwhelming, but we just have to go on. Our guys would want us to - they wanted us to be happy when they were here, so we have to try our best to get through each day.
I'm not a praying person right now, but my thoughts are with you and great big hugs coming your way!
Gretchen

Permalink Reply by Jeannie on August 31, 2015 at 5:41pm

Thank You so much Barbara and Gretchen your kind words me a lot to me. It is comforting to know you are not alone and others can understand. Gretchen I wish you so much comfort and prayers to you and your son. I have an infant granddaughter and babies just bring joy and smiles to your life,no matter how down you are.

Big hugs to all of you

Permalink Reply by Carol Kayser on September 1, 2015 at 2:01am

Jeannie. Grief is a roller coaster ride from one day to the next. 2 months is such a short time. There will be days when you will feel ok and others where you will be knocked down by the grief tsunami. As I write this it is five years to the day I lost my husband. As Barbara said we don't "get over" grief but we do learn "to live with it". I carry my husband's love in my heart and know he is where he should be, free from pain.
We have a four year old granddaughter and you are right, children are a true blessing.
Sending hugs,
Carol

Permalink Reply by Steve Cain on September 3, 2015 at 8:56pm

Jeanie,
Let me share my experience to add to what has already been said. This journey we are on is a marathon, not a sprint and it changes with time and as life situations change. After I lost Kris for the longest time I couldn't keep my mind focused for long periods. One time in a grocery store when I couldn't find our spaghetti sauce (she changed my brand, thankfully) I started to cry in the aisle and apologized to her because I thought I was going to have to go back. The thing I say to you is allow yourself to do whatever your mind and heart want to do in that moment and don't be ashamed. Another thing I will suggest which helped me greatly is to get in touch with your local hospice. Many have counseling groups and even companions that will meet with you during that first year to help you adjust.

Permalink Reply by Jeannie on September 4, 2015 at 3:32pm

Thank you so much for your support. I did reach out to Hospice of the Chesapeake, which is local to me. I have met with a Grief Counselor a few times and there is a group support starting in 2 weeks for Bereaved Spouses, so I hope that will offer me some help to meet with others going through the same emotions. I don't have to tell any of you that you can't begin to try to explain all of this to someone who has not been through it. Bless their hearts as so many try to offer help and suggestions. Someone called it a club that no-one wants to join, but here we are members just trying to get through each day and helping each other do the same.

Hugs !!! N

Permalink Reply by colleen kingeter on September 9, 2015 at 10:24am

Jeannie - I tell people all the time that there are times when I am sure I will make it and then there are times when I am sure I will not.   You and I are new to this grief thing and having all of these kind souls here to listen and lend support really does help.  

I was in a meeting this morning and a man in the meeting was wearing a small brace on his arm for tendonitis and all I could think while sitting there was "I remember when Tom's tendonitis was our worst problem" and the tears started streaming down my face right there in the meeting!  

I think our moments of "we can do this" will start to come more and more often ...... 

Prayers for strength and peace...... 

Permalink Reply by Linda B on September 9, 2015 at 9:21pm

  Oh Jeannie this is so new and so raw for you still. I'm sure everyone would agree that we have been there and 17 months in for me some days still feel like the beginning for me.  I think I have a very long way to go and talking to the other Angels I am sure that I do. But you have found a wonderful group here they are so loving and giving and have such big warm wonderful hearts that I am sure you will find comfort here, they have lifted me several times. So stay and make yourself at home. Love & prayers Hugs () I haven't quite got the hang of them yet.

Permalink Reply by Linda B on September 9, 2015 at 10:04pm

  Just wanted to say goodnight and love and prayers to all of our special family before signing off, take care of yourselves until next time. Linda B.

Permalink Reply by Marsha H on September 10, 2015 at 4:53am

Linda B ...  I am sure all of us have had those up and down days where one day we think we're finally going forward, but something triggers a good cry or feeling down and depressed not to mention fear of what the future holds for us.  It's been 4 1/2 years since Ernie passed away and I can still have some of those bad days, but they become less and less.  The other dear members on here have pretty much said everything and now you can none of us are that much different from each other when it comes to grieving.

What you are going through is very normal.  Some of us don't go through all the emotions or we go through them at individual times, but it's a must going through grief to get through the heart-wrenching loss.  I know it doesn't seem fair to you right now, but you are NEVER going backwards, but forwards.  Every time you cry it's only a relief emotion and actually relaxes your mind and body.  I find going for walks or exercising really helps me a lot.

Believe that your dear one is there with you and giving you strength.  I found throughout the hell of grief that I grew stronger, more humble, appreciated people more and tell my family and friends more often I love them whether they think to say it back to me or not.  Sometimes I'm hurt by some of them and I know they mean well so I'm working hard on forgiveness.  I can still get very angry at Ernie for leaving me and having to go through this even though it's certainly not his fault and I was angry at God for taking him and couldn't figure out why and now I know I'll never get an answer to that question.

Just as Steve gave an example of how certain things can set us off no matter how much time has passed when Ernie first passed away I was in shopping and went by the gluten-free aisle and I use to have to buy gluten-free products for Ernie and I just burst into tears.  It's raw grief and our minds are resting so to speak so we can be set off very quickly, but trust me hon, this too shall pass.  You're very normal in your grief so lean on us.

Hugs (because you need them)

Marsha

Permalink Reply by Jeannie on September 15, 2015 at 1:53pm

Just knowing that all of you are out there and have felt or are dealing with the same feeling brings comfort in knowing that you " get it". As much as my family and friends are amazing and supportive, there are things that I just don't say as I know they really won't understand it. The people on here do.

 I have had such moments of losing it at the grocery store for the reason that I was bagging the groceries and it occurred to me I  had not done that in such a long time, he went with me an always took care of that and then having a complete meltdown when the tractor would not start. He always took care of the yard in such a meticulous manner, it was his thing and I never had to worry about it. Now I WANT to do it as I know how he likes it done and it gives me peace to know I am doing it for him. 

I am beginning a group grief session at our local Hospice tomorrow and hoping I can connect with more people locally that also GET IT.

 

BIG HUGS to all :)