Pete%26Tony%202011.jpg

Hi, my name is Tony, am in Melbourne Australia (my partner Peter is on the right leaning on my shoulder in the attached photo) Lost my partner Peter almost eight weeks ago from a brain aneurysm. We were about to celebrate 19 years together. There is no words to express this feeling of complete loss, am so broken and lonely for him, the pain is unbearable. Have great support from friends and family but the silence at night and the mornings is like being continually stabbed in the chest, he was my world, my joy, my reason to get up in the morning ... thought after eight weeks somehow the pain would ease slightly but am more lost than ever, cannot even begin to see a life ahead. I work, manage to get through the day and make it to our apartment door before falling apart.

Would love to hear from people that have through this sudden loss, people and friends are great, but until they arrive home to find the love of their life on the floor and lifeless they don't understand, its like l died with him on that day, am looking for answers but l just want him back.

Tony

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Hi Tony....My name is Sara and I lost my husband Ken a year ago.   Correct, I'm not a lesbian but the loss of your soul mate is the same whether gay or straight.   That person is your whole life, your whole heart and your whole reason for living.  I'm so sorry you had to come home to find Pete gone.   That's an image and a feeling you'll never get over.  I believe you'll find the support you need here as this community understands the loss and the pain in a way our family and friends cannot.  If you haven't lived it, you just don't know.  You may also find support in the Bereaved Spouses group which is primarily where I post but I read you post and had to chime in.

Right now it's only been 8 weeks for you.  That's much too soon for you to think the pain should ease.  Please don't put any unnecessary pressure on yourself to heal.  This is a very long and painful process.  For me, it's been 13 months and I want my Ken back with every breath I take.  He was only 52 when he died.   We had been together for 30 years and thought we had more time ahead of us but that was not to be.  I so understand that you feel like you died that day because that's exactly how I feel.  My life ended on 1/13/16 and my existence began. 

Like I said, I hope you'll be able to find the needed support here.  I know when I first joined, it was so helpful to see other people put into words what I was thinking in my head.  It made me feel like I wasn't crazy for thinking and feeling what I was and still am.

Prayers to you,

Sara

Hi Tony

My name is Don and I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my partner of 17 years just a little over 3 years ago and at this point in my grief I feel I'm just beginning to feel human again. I agree with what Sara wrote in that you are just beginning the grieving process. The pain you are feeling physically hurts and it will for some time to come. I don't want to discourage you but there is a lot you have to deal with in that "first year".

The best advice I can give you is..... cry when you need to. Talk.... don't hold anything in. Yes people will be uncomfortable around you and won't know what to say but talk any way. Acknowledge the fact people don't know what to say to you and that's OK. They will be on that same journey some day too. Its unfortunate but we all have to travel down that path in one form or another.

Just last week I had to put down our oldest Corgi and I thought I was doing OK with it until I realized I lost another part of my partner and that hurt like hell. I cried the afternoon away... the kind of crying where you lose your breath. I'm sure you know the feeling. Even after 3 years it still hurts. I miss him so much but I know he's watching over me - giving a sign of encouragement when I need it.

Treasure the memories - they will get you thru this. If you feel like your head is in a fog, don't make any serious decisions. Yes you will have to make immediate decisions but if you can put off anything its OK to do so. The one thing I have learned is there's no right way or wrong way to grieve. It's a daily process. Just get thru one day at a time.

Stay in touch with this group - it will help. You were very fortunate to have experienced a loving relationship for 19 years. You both were truly bless.

Take care
Don

Sorry for your loss Tony. There are more active support groups on Facebook, here's one: https://www.facebook.com/groups/LGBTgriefsupport/

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