Christmas spirit? what is that?? December 25 is the day that is remembered that Jesus (I believe to be my Lord and Savior) was born. To me it is one out of 365 days that I have the horrible knowledge that my husband is no longer with me. I believe it is a Blessed day. But I can't change my feelings and thoughts. If I could I wouldn't be here trying to get from one day to the next, living with mixed-up feelings and thoughts of Danny that won't go away. I feel like I'm in a living nightmare. Now that I know the truth of how it feels when a loved one passes away I have realized that any kind of spirit, whether it's of Christmas and Santa Claus and sugar-plums and gingerbread men and gift-giving and frivolity and being together with my loved ones, this is the Utopia which is a fantasy land that doesn't exist. All those years before 9/11 I was buying gifts, putting them under the tree after practically breaking my neck to have the family get together, Christmas dinners and baking sweet breads and all the rest of the holidays, I feel like such a fool thinking this life is to enjoy and make merry. What an idiot I was, so naive. Now I know that having the spirit for anything was all a myth. And here I was perpetuating Utopia. And for what. Life without Danny in it is too much for me to bear. Only God can help me now. I believe He was the one Who created me. I must turn this over to Him.
God bless, (I still believe in Him, I hope He still believes in me.)
Hugs to you all (I am so sorry for all your pain, I know how you all feel.)
P.S. I guess I'll never get off this emotional roller coaster until my time comes.