Grief support: Share your story and learn from others about coping with the loss of a sibling.

Related articles:
Are There Actual Stages of Grief?
The Grief of Sibling Survivors
Running Through the Pain
Family Reorganization After a Loss
After a Tragedy: What Kids Can Do
The Value of Reminiscing
What to Say: Rocky Relationships

Views: 9816

Replies to This Discussion

Hi, My Lil Sister, Elaina died on 3/6/09. She was killed instantly in a car accident. She was only 18, and had just turn 18 the month before. She left a 2 year old lil boy behind. It makes me so mad because she was so young. She was the baby of our family, there was 6 siblings, 3 girls and 3 boys. I had 2 sisters but now I only have one. It was such a freak accident too, it was a windy day, a semi passed her and a gust of wind picked her car up and she lost control, went threw a 30 feet of median and head on to van carrying a family of 6, all but one died in the can she hit, including 2 small children. The other bad thing about it was she was following my other younger sister, the middle girl and my sister in law and they saw it happen and stayed with her until they had to cut the car open to get her out. Why did this happen? My sister was the kindest and most happiest person I knew. She lived life to the fulliest. I have two lil kids of my own a a husband who recently cam back from deployment and was in a IED and dealing with PTSD so I feel like I have to stay strong but I just broke down and just dont know what to do.
OH Elizabeth, I feel so for you and the loss of your little sister. The human in us always needs to know why and sometimes we look our whole lives looking for that one reason why... unfortunately sometimes we spend that whole time serching and we miss out on so much more in our lives. It takes so long...maybe never to get over the loss of the sibling. We somehow learn to move on get through our days, hours sometimes, but we do it either because we have family of our own, husbands, other family members to care for and watch over. NEVER stop talking about her holding memories close. Sometimes, I know God has a plan and sometimes we never know what that plan is, but if other children were lost in the accident maybe she needs to be there with them. Answers, I have none, prayers and hugs all the way from Nebraska to you though. My brother was PTSD and then had paranoid schizophrenia almost 15 years. It is rough. Get all the support and help you can from the VA. please feel free email me personally on the PTSD kimlangdon@yahoo.com we can talk more. My husband was also in the military. God bless you on this hard walk. Know he is with you holding you close. Kim

Elizabeth Ledezma said:
Hi, My Lil Sister, Elaina died on 3/6/09. She was killed instantly in a car accident. She was only 18, and had just turn 18 the month before. She left a 2 year old lil boy behind. It makes me so mad because she was so young. She was the baby of our family, there was 6 siblings, 3 girls and 3 boys. I had 2 sisters but now I only have one. It was such a freak accident too, it was a windy day, a semi passed her and a gust of wind picked her car up and she lost control, went threw a 30 feet of median and head on to van carrying a family of 6, all but one died in the can she hit, including 2 small children. The other bad thing about it was she was following my other younger sister, the middle girl and my sister in law and they saw it happen and stayed with her until they had to cut the car open to get her out. Why did this happen? My sister was the kindest and most happiest person I knew. She lived life to the fulliest. I have two lil kids of my own a a husband who recently cam back from deployment and was in a IED and dealing with PTSD so I feel like I have to stay strong but I just broke down and just dont know what to do.
Hi Elizabeth,my name is Elaine I went the the pain of losing a sibling and it hurts. But I can relate to you about my pain with my son Kris who was killed in fatal car accident. I thank God that no one else was hurt or killed,my child died alone. How I wish I could have been there just to say good-bye to him,but I did not get that chance. Your sister was a little younger than my Kris,he was 28 and he left behind two boys ages 5 & 2. My heart really goes out to these two young grandsons of mine,because they would never know what it was ti grow up with their Dad in the household. But for me Elizabeth I miss my son so much. He was my LOVE child,love kissing,hugging and running up on someone picking them up and turning around with them. Whe he would pick me up I would scream because I thought I was a little heavy for him and that he would drop me. Like you I had to be strong with Kris for his two sons,finance,my son and my daughter who was five months pregnant doing the time. She and Kris was so close.So somebody had to be strong and I know if I would have broke down. But the Lord give me the strength to be the one to hold up. But trust me I still carry the heartache and pain. It will be three years for me on April 9th and I still feel the pain. So Elizabeth we are here for you when you need us. We are one big help each other family on this site. So don't be afraid to tell us how you feel because we understand and know the feeling.
It's been awhile since I've written. I lost my big brother Levi last summer on my birthday. The holidays were very difficult and I didn't think I would be able to cope. It's been very hard to handle, especially now that his birthday is tomorrow. He would have been fourty yrs.old. I've been keeping myself busy by making a scrapbook of him. It's for my parents, but since I've been working on it it's like therapy for me. So many pictures to sort through and put together by the year. It's a lot of work but I find it helps to keep me close in a way. I'm almost done with it!! I know my parents will be delighted to have it. HAPPY BIRTHDAY BROTHER! I LOVE YOU AND MISS YOU SO MUCH!
I hear you loud and clear Devona. This is the FIRST of the FIRSTS this Easter. My brother died on Jan 25th and this is the beginning of all those first. My whole family will be together so I am looking forward to that. I hope it goes well and we dont' dwell on the fact that he is gone but can rejoice that he is in Heaven with his Father and he is celebrating, dancing and singing. I try and look at the positive, but I so miss him and want to just hold him one more time. Peace to you. Kim
This is the first without my sister. She died on Feb 25,2009. I still am waiting for medical reports. No one is celebrating easter this year. there is not a lot to celebrate right now. None of us siblings sleep thru the night. We all leave on lights. When death happens so quickly and to ones so young. my sister was only 44, it doesn't get better. Each day seems like the day i just found out. My thoughts to the rest of you here, this is all so hard.

kim said:
I hear you loud and clear Devona. This is the FIRST of the FIRSTS this Easter. My brother died on Jan 25th and this is the beginning of all those first. My whole family will be together so I am looking forward to that. I hope it goes well and we dont' dwell on the fact that he is gone but can rejoice that he is in Heaven with his Father and he is celebrating, dancing and singing. I try and look at the positive, but I so miss him and want to just hold him one more time. Peace to you. Kim
Last November I lost my older brother, he was only twenty-one and died from Diabetes 1. It was unexpected and no one knew he had it, neither did he. It turned out he had the flu for awhile, which we all knew about and during this time he picked up a rare case of Diabetes 1. Within two weeks of having this he died in my parent's home while I was at school.

It's only been five months since his death, and I thought at first that I was cooping well with the situation, and healing. But recently I have felt that I'm sinking into a deep hole of depression, I find myself sleeping more, and not really wanting to socalize. I just can't seem to let go, there's a part of me that says it's all a bad dream and that I will wake up. At the same time, I'm trying so hard to move on, but I'm not sure how I'm suppose to do this. I find myself pushing thoughts of him in the back of my head, and whenever he's brought up I can't handle it and break down and cry. He was just my dearest and best friend, and I really feel like a huge piece of my heart has been ripped out of me, I feel empty and heart broken.
Hi Kim I replied , I guess it went to the comment wall. If you don't find it please leave a comment here. I will check back. Take care Pam

Pam said:
This is the first without my sister. She died on Feb 25,2009. I still am waiting for medical reports. No one is celebrating easter this year. there is not a lot to celebrate right now. None of us siblings sleep thru the night. We all leave on lights. When death happens so quickly and to ones so young. my sister was only 44, it doesn't get better. Each day seems like the day i just found out. My thoughts to the rest of you here, this is all so hard.

kim said:
I hear you loud and clear Devona. This is the FIRST of the FIRSTS this Easter. My brother died on Jan 25th and this is the beginning of all those first. My whole family will be together so I am looking forward to that. I hope it goes well and we dont' dwell on the fact that he is gone but can rejoice that he is in Heaven with his Father and he is celebrating, dancing and singing. I try and look at the positive, but I so miss him and want to just hold him one more time. Peace to you. Kim
SuzyQ,
I am sorry to hear about your loss. My heart goes out to you with prayers and hugs. I understand the feeling like you are coping well and then bam something hits you like a door. I felt like I was strong and that I was handling this death of my brother ok. my mom came up for about a week because she was having difficulty as well and now that she is gone I feel even more empty than I did at his death and the days that followed. This really sucks. I hate the pain, the loneliness and the "bla" (I can't even think of a word to describe it). I pray that everyone can find some joy in this blessed holiday we call Easter. I know the beauty we have on earth with flowers and colors, I can't imagine what our loved ones are seeing up there. Prayers and hugs to you and yours. Kim
As this is Easter Sunday and because of the date it has fallen upon this year, I think something a cousin did today, without either of us realizing it, was to stop by. He was going to check and see if he could find my tax problem, but we could never connect my computer in a less messy room. So, he said "I'm going to go see Aunt M. Do you want to go?" "yes!" I had already started telling him about connecting with the granddaughter of the cousin of one of his father & my mother, showed him her picture and may a few comments. But on our drive we talked about family and since our Aunt & her husband were not home, we turned around to drive back to my home. For what ever reason, and I didn't remember the connection between Easter Sunday and this coming we, but I told him several stories about my brother. My brother was killed in 1947 on a Tuesday following Easter sunday. My mother and I had been standing either at the window or the front door watching for my big brother to get of the bus --- we didn't have any school buses in those days -- so he was on a public bus, and we did not have the signage that we have today. My brother walked behind the bus and if he looked to his right, he didn't see the fast car coming towards him. Anyway, as we stood there, we both saw the horrible accident that crushed my mother's heart and spirit, robbed a soon to be 2 year old of the beloved big brother. I was a difficult child but it was not until several years ago that my two youngest aunts told me more of what had happened after that horrible day.
I had found a trial transcript, so I knew from reading that at the age of 45 or so that what my mother had told me about the fact that I had stood and watched that little boy's broken body fly a number of feet before he fell to the ground. Then my mother died a few years ago and it fell to one of my sister's to sort many of our mother's things, that I saw things that I didn't know Mother still had. I found many certificates from Sunday School and vacation Bible school some were mine, others were my brothers. I mentioned in an email to a lady who is a few years older than I am, that I had these papers. And she wrote back and said, "Mary, there are still alot of people here in the church who remember him and my Sunday School class is trying to organize a church history library, could you send us copies?' I made copies got a scrape book and put the copies in the box, which, when I was ready to send it, had vanished.
So, I finally took all of the originals just put them in a scape book, trying to do it so they were in order but didn't take time to put any explanation with them.
But I have been amazed that when people realize who I am, they will ask me question about my big brother. Many I can't answer -- although after taking the trial transcrip in 1992, I know more and since then I have learned more. But with the box of J H's belongs, I looked in each box as my sister would send them to me, then I put them away. Some time ago, we planned to move back to the area where I grew up and I decided it was time to go through those boxes of items my mother had saved for so many years. I cut all of the buttons off of his peacoat -- I had begged for them over the years and was always told "no!". The coat itself was old and very brittle and crumbled in my hands so it was tossed in the garbage. And there were many things I did let go of.
I had found cards that his first grade class had sent him in January just a few short months before he died -- he was in the hospital with a deadly bout of spinal menegitis. His school teacher had the class sign get well cards, he was still home recovering on Valentine's day, so she had the class send him Valentines. The same lady who told me people still remembered that little boy, told me that the 1st grade teacher he and I had both had, was living in an assisted living place and that I should stop to see her when I was home. I did and she remembered both me and my brother -- even had my brother's picture in the little suite she shared with her husband. So, when I got home, I sent her one of the cards. I also found a card that one of his classmates had sent him on Valentines day and through her sister -- who had been in my class) got N's address and sent her the card that had her signature on it. I had seen her for a few minutes at concert and said hello! She died not long after she got the card. But her older sister told me several years later, that N would come home from school and skipping around the housing singing "J. H.'s is my boy friend!"
it's been almost 62 years since that day that ripped the life out of my parents for many years. And also caused me terrible pain -- pain that I did not understand nor comprehend.
But I am glad my cousin called and we took that drive, I had an opportunity to share with him some of the things his older cousin and my brother had done, things that my Mother had told me, funny stories, no sad stories, but it was good to be with my cousin today. Because, while he wasn't necesarrily the cousin my brother & I were closest two, they were almost the same age and I am sure he felt some of that loss too. But it was fun to laugh at the fact my big brother & my mother's cousin had taken our great aunt's purse, dumped it out and zipped me up, leaving only my head out side the purse.
But the lost of that big brother has followed me all of my life. I have been affected in ways that for years I never understood.
So, I guess I want to say, is that it's a terrible loss, one that can effect the family, the extended family and with my brother, our small home town. One man, whom I had one year as a teacher said if he is back in the area, and happens to see my father's garage, he's remind of that day. And he had to be a child him self. Terry can will never come back here, so he says when the one parent who he still has living, there are too many painful memories. But I came back, because this is where my heart is.
Oh, and because my parents ashes are buried in another state, and mother wanted to move my brother to where they are, I am taking soil from his grave, putting it in a tin box and putting it in the graves where our parents are. I plan a simple stone, but it's the last thing I can do for both Mother, my Father and my big brother.
But to anyone who has loss a brother or a sister, it is a pain that won't leave but you can find ways to go beyond that pain.
I don't think I will be free until I join all who have gone before me when my time comes and I am taken to heaven, but at least, I have some comfort from the pain I never really understood for so long.
I am so glad to find this forum. I am in my mid-20's. About a month ago my brother was killed in a St. Patrick's Day fight. It was so sudden and unbelievable -- a punch to his face knocked him out and when he fell back, he struck the back of his head on the ground. The shock of his death is increased by the nature in which he died. I find myself a bit lost about what to do now. My brother was older and I just never thought he wouldn't be around. We have an older sister, but she suffered an illness when I was 10 and because of the damage to her brain, she will never be able to live on her own -- although thankfully she can live a somewhat normal life. In a way I've "lost" both my siblings. I'm grateful to have my sister still alive, but I am also overwhelmed that I won't have my brother there to help when my parents get older or to take care of my sister. I'm also just angry about the way he died. I had met the guy who delivered the punch because they were friends. I don't want to be angry at him but I just am. I do hope to be able to forgive him someday, but right now it's too soon. Anyway, I'm kinda just lost on what to do because I currently live 3000 miles from my parents, and I really just want to be closer to them but job obligations make it hard right now. I don't have many people my own age who have lost a sibling. I'm just glad to find a place where I can talk to others who have been through this.
I feel your pain. I just lost my brother a few weeks ago and its overwhelming. He was 36, struggled with drugs, and we think he had a bad "mix" of drugs at the end (like heath ledger). My pain is indescribable.

Hank

RSS

Latest Conversations

Greg joined Steve Cain's group
6 hours ago
Melinda CANDACE Guinn left a comment for Renata Wilson
yesterday
Renata Wilson is now a member of LegacyConnect
Wednesday
Profile IconMonica, Gaystella Armstead and Wendy Tanz joined LegacyConnect
Sep 14

Community Guidelines

Please be respectful of others. For more information, read our Community Guidelines.

Follow Legacy

© 2020   Created by Legacy.com.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service