Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Krista on June 2, 2009 at 12:34am

Linda Bean said:

I lost my brother on March 29,2008. He was killed accidently and tragicly at his job. He was run over by a 10,000 pound Bobcat Backhoe. My life feels so empty without him, even though I have a family of my own. We were real close, and talked every weekend. He lived in South Carolina and I live in Pennsylvania. I am having a hard time dealing with my loss, possibly because of the way he was killed. The machine had no backup beeper at the time of the accident. And my brother would not have walked in front of it like the papers said he did. How do I pick up the pieces and go on with my life? Can someone please help me?

Permalink Reply by Elaine Banks Phillips on June 2, 2009 at 9:19am

Hi Linda,my name is Elaine I went through the pain of losing a brother. But he died from diabeties. But my son Kris died from a fatal car accident. You now sounds like my daughter Lyntrelle,she and Kris was so close. I would say anywhere you seen Kris you seen Lyntrelle. They were sister and brother and the best of friends. My brother and I was close,infact he was going to bar-b-que for my birthday the day he died. Now you know that this was very hard for me. I gets a call from my nephew crying stating that his dad was not breathing. When we arrived at my brothers home he was dead already in his son arms. Oh Linda this was nothing that I had ever experience before. Someone holding their Dad in their arms dead. I thank Rhodes Funeral Home for allowing my nephew to hold his dad until enough family members arrived to talk to him and let his dad go.This part was very emotional and sad. I says I never got a chance to tell my son good bye. But you know God does things for a reason. But Lindat the only advice that I can offer is to Pray and ask God for strength to aide and help you to go on. Its been three years for me with Kris and I am still going thru it. It is so hard to forget and let go. Everyone that tells me to to let go,really don't know the pain and heartache of losing a child. I say this Linda because to me this was two different feeling for me.With my brother it really hurt because he was always there for me. But the death of a child,if you never lost a child than you can't even imagine the feelings. You know I still yet talks about Kris everyday. At every event or gathering that we have we serve vodka lemonade in honor of my brother because this is what he use make at any gathering for the family. Just remember the good days that you two had together. Remeber certain saying he use to say all the times. Get all his photos and create a Memorial Web Site for him like I did for Kris. The Memorial Web site is for anyone to remember their love one. Trust me you will have somehing to always look back on laugh,smile or even cry like I do. Some days are good,some are bad. Some tears wvwn be tears of joy. So to me it is no getting over of your love one. But in Gods own time your pain will ease. Trust me it will,even though I am still crying but I still trust in the Lord. I advise this for you,also read your bible and I will be praying with you and asking God to give you much strength to carry on with your family. Elaine
s
Krista said:

Linda Bean said:

I lost my brother on March 29,2008. He was killed accidently and tragicly at his job. He was run over by a 10,000 pound Bobcat Backhoe. My life feels so empty without him, even though I have a family of my own. We were real close, and talked every weekend. He lived in South Carolina and I live in Pennsylvania. I am having a hard time dealing with my loss, possibly because of the way he was killed. The machine had no backup beeper at the time of the accident. And my brother would not have walked in front of it like the papers said he did. How do I pick up the pieces and go on with my life? Can someone please help me?

Permalink Reply by Hank on June 2, 2009 at 12:01pm

I don't think i will ever "let go" I rather think hope and pray I can keep my brother with me and recollect on the good times. Move forward maybe but "let go" NEVER.

9 weeks out and i am slightly better i guess. But in many ways I'm worse. I can function better, but i feel like there's an intense pain just below the surface ready to strike mercilessly. The price we pay to love someone is high i guess. Hoping and praying he's ok in heaven.

Hank

Permalink Reply by Pam on June 2, 2009 at 3:28pm

I was here when my sister first died. Feb 25 2009. It didn't help me at all. Now in June, its exactly the same, not any better. I no longer believe in the after life. Even tho she has come to me twice in a dream. She told me she was really sick. But I think that was my mind. At first the police officer told us she had committed suicide, she died wed, they found her friday. So suffering thru the suicide grief , not understanding why she would want to leave here, she was happy. She loves our 83 year old mom and would never of hurt her. She didn't. The coronor report found maybe a heart attack. No signs of suicide. Nothing in the toxocology report. No Suicide. Now the coronor , 6 months later still has not given the final report, the injustice of it all. They will just say, Death by unknown causes. The cop out way of saying we know nothing. My beautilful 44 year old sister dead, for no reason. I don't get it. She is now invisible. I don't see death as died anymore. Just whop ..there gone.. there invisible. We are nothing the minute after we die. Our belongings disappear . The pictures we look at and don't know are thrown out. Shes gone. A pile of frigging ashes. Shes gone. It doesn't get better. My brothers hair fell out in a round clump, and is growing back with a white circle around the bald patch. shock... Where do we go for help? My doctor says , Move on. Thats the grown up thing to do. Emotionally and mentally. Yup, I'm back at work. I don't remember. March. Shes invisible. I walk by her apartment all the time and stare at the window. Did she die fast. Did she fall asleep and just not wake up? Does she know? What happened? How can I have a baby sister, I raised as my own. She was another of my daughters , only 5 when my daughter was born. She grew up , went everywhere with us. And know, I now Invisible. I don't understand. Do you?

Permalink Reply by Elaine Banks Phillips on June 2, 2009 at 3:30pm

Hi Hank,you are so right. I will never get over my brother neither my son. The pain is still there,but I will always look back and think about the good and some of the not so good memories that we shared. But getting over is not in my book. I will always keep them in my mind,even though sometimes it will cause pain or maybe even tears. But look they are gone and I will never get over it. But Hank to let you know its been 7 yrs for my brother and 3 years for my son and I still miss them not being around. Elaine

Hank said:

I don't think i will ever "let go" I rather think hope and pray I can keep my brother with me and recollect on the good times. Move forward maybe but "let go" NEVER.

9 weeks out and i am slightly better i guess. But in many ways I'm worse. I can function better, but i feel like there's an intense pain just below the surface ready to strike mercilessly. The price we pay to love someone is high i guess. Hoping and praying he's ok in heaven.

Hank

Permalink Reply by Pam on June 2, 2009 at 3:40pm

Hello Elain, I just read your reply to Hank. I am so sorry to hear of your family. But you have confirmed my worst fears. I've always thought the day we die will seem like only minutes from the time were born. Just my own strange theory. And now with the 7 years you've been without your brother and 3 without your son I know that time has stopped.
For myself and with what your've said I feel the same way now as I did the week I signed , paid and saw that stranger i the casket.
I'm not mean, mad or cynical. Just trying to stay on the up and front way with the way things are. I can't abide lies or make believe. When that gut wreching pain pulls out of your body and drives up thru your lungs and mind, you know, It never goes away, it moves to the side and resurfaces at the oddest times and ways. But 7 seven years you say? long time but not.

Permalink Reply by Elaine Banks Phillips on June 2, 2009 at 4:52pm

Hi Pam,It is so good to hear from you again. I know I have not been on the site for a while. You know mother day and Kris death April 9th,my mom April 9th,and my dad Aril 4th but burried on April 9th. I just been so down. But I know God is always there for me to lift me up when I am falling and build me up when I am torn down. Also I know God Makes No Mistakes. So Pam keep in touch and keep praying with me. Elaine

Permalink Reply by Hank on June 3, 2009 at 9:48am

Pam, it is hard to understand. I'm feeling you on that. I can only hold on tight to our bond and think to myself that love conquers even death. I hope and pray we will be reunited as i hope i will with all of my family in the end. What form our reunion will be exactly i can never possibly understand but i know it will happen.

Anyways, i'm taking my girlfriend and parents on a cruise to Bermuda and feeling mixed. Wishing he could be there but knowing he shares with all our laughs and good times.

Hank

Permalink Reply by kim on June 3, 2009 at 11:29am

Hank, go and enjoy yourself to the best that you can. What a trip to take and know that your brother is basking in the Lords glory and enjoying himself. Know that he is at peace and you can enjoy yourself knowing no suffering, not uneasiness nor heartache for him. Know that he is a peace and you can enjoy yourself with that. Give your girlfriend and her folks the joy of you.... Take care. Kim

Permalink Reply by ann estrada on June 3, 2009 at 11:23pm

hi my name is ann.i lost my older brother on march 5,2009.to a brain steam bleed.i and my brother and sister hadn,t seen him for 10 years.we had to make the discussion to take him off life sopert .it was very hard for me to let him go.i,m living day by day and it,s hard for me.i think about him everyday.he was only 44years old.how do you get thourgh it.i lost my mom in 1986,and my dad in 1999.i got thourth this ones but not his death.why is that.can someone anwser that for me please. thank you ann.

Permalink Reply by Devona Rodricq on June 4, 2009 at 12:54am

Today has been eleven months to the day since my big brother passed. Surprisingly, I'm not sad! I feel more accepting of it. Of course, I miss him more than anything, but I know that he would'nt want me to cry anymore. Up until he passed, I cried liked a baby, and I know that wasent good, for him or for me. I was so full of anger and sadness at the same time, I did'nt give myself time to go through each "stage". All I felt was I want'ed him back, and NOW! I finally realized that I was being selfish, and came to accept that he would'nt be coming back. He died on my birthday, and that day is coming up in exactly one month! I've been trying to prepare myself for that day, but how could anyone do that? How do I know how I'm going to be on that day, all I can do is pray and ask for strength. Every birthday will be a strong reminder of his death, but I want to remember that day as a celebration of his life, too! I LOVE YOU SOOOOOO MUCH LEVI, AND I WILL FOREVER MISS YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Permalink Reply by MaryAnne on June 4, 2009 at 2:40am

Hi I just want to say losing my younger sister when she was just 19 years old it was very hard for me to deal with. We were very close growing up and when she died unexpectically I was devasted not to mention every one else in my family. shocked was more like it. the nature of her death was a homicide. And no, no one knows who did it. I don't think any one will ever know who took her away from us I have my suspicions but every time I went to the Boston police they wouldn't do any thing to help. I have gone to support groups and to counseling over the past 23 years since this happened and to me it seems like it helps for a while and then the anniversary comes up and it's back to that terrible day when it all happened. I just wish I could turn the clocks back and go back to where it was all simple and easy and not have to care about any thing. I some times I really could just do that. and mayby keep it frozen just for a little while so I can spend more time with her. To be honest I think about it every single day when I look at her pictures when we were kids. The good old days not a care in this world. Well thank you for taking this time to reading this and I look forward to seeing your results. bye

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