Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by MaryAnne on June 4, 2009 at 2:43am

Devona Rodricq said:

Today has been eleven months to the day since my big brother passed. Surprisingly, I'm not sad! I feel more accepting of it. Of course, I miss him more than anything, but I know that he would'nt want me to cry anymore. Up until he passed, I cried liked a baby, and I know that wasent good, for him or for me. I was so full of anger and sadness at the same time, I did'nt give myself time to go through each "stage". All I felt was I want'ed him back, and NOW! I finally realized that I was being selfish, and came to accept that he would'nt be coming back. He died on my birthday, and that day is coming up in exactly one month! I've been trying to prepare myself for that day, but how could anyone do that? How do I know how I'm going to be on that day, all I can do is pray and ask for strength. Every birthday will be a strong reminder of his death, but I want to remember that day as a celebration of his life, too! I LOVE YOU SOOOOOO MUCH LEVI, AND I WILL FOREVER MISS YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Permalink Reply by MaryAnne on June 4, 2009 at 2:56am

I know how you feel exactly my son was born on my late sister's birhtday about 8 years after she died of a homicidal death back in 1986. So every year when I celebrate his birthday I think of her and wish she was here too. to die or to be born on some ones death anniversary is very sad and I don't think any one know's what to say or think or act on it. I mean we have to go on and I think our sister and brother would want us to celebrate that day with a memory only that we can share. It's been 23 years since my sister has been gone and my son will be 16 years old in July. I had to always be the one to be strong and deal with it then again I look at it as gods way to giving me my sister back thru my son. and every time I see him I think of her and what she was like. For that I love my son and I can now deal with my sister being gone because I know where she always
was and that is here with me. and I say thank you to god every single day. I hope you can find comfort in this.

MaryAnne said:

Devona Rodricq said:

Today has been eleven months to the day since my big brother passed. Surprisingly, I'm not sad! I feel more accepting of it. Of course, I miss him more than anything, but I know that he would'nt want me to cry anymore. Up until he passed, I cried liked a baby, and I know that wasent good, for him or for me. I was so full of anger and sadness at the same time, I did'nt give myself time to go through each "stage". All I felt was I want'ed him back, and NOW! I finally realized that I was being selfish, and came to accept that he would'nt be coming back. He died on my birthday, and that day is coming up in exactly one month! I've been trying to prepare myself for that day, but how could anyone do that? How do I know how I'm going to be on that day, all I can do is pray and ask for strength. Every birthday will be a strong reminder of his death, but I want to remember that day as a celebration of his life, too! I LOVE YOU SOOOOOO MUCH LEVI, AND I WILL FOREVER MISS YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Permalink Reply by Hank on June 4, 2009 at 12:51pm

I'm in a daze today. Not sure how i will make it through this. I don't have the energy. Oh wow. i gotta hang tough but this is misery on earth.

Permalink Reply by diana on June 4, 2009 at 7:55pm

i would like to know if this incudes step siblings, because my husbands stepbrother lived with us for the last 3 years of his life before passing away on 5-30-09, we as a family got very close to him, and we cared deeply about him as a sibling should. we are shocked that he passed at just a young age 45, i myself(Diana), cry every time i hear, or think about him. is it because he was a very sweet and good person.

Permalink Reply by Shannon on June 5, 2009 at 12:18am

Today was a solemn day for me. Its my husbands 48th birthday and he wanted me to bake him a cherry chip cake. I obliged, but with graet sadness. See, cherry chip was my brothers favorite. i said that to my husband and he pfft me. He thinks everything I talk about revolves around my brother, I need to move on, thats life. Get over it. WTF!!! Hes been gone 3 1/2 months. 100 days & 1hr today. My life! My best friend! I went to his crash site today with my mom and cleaned up around the cross. Watered the flowers we planted, picked up the empty beer can his best friend left behind when he visited the other day. My mom said he would have thought his friend cheap for not leaving a full one for him to have.
Yesterday was a horrible day. The tears were right on the verge all day. I thought I saw a construction worker who looked just like him. I spoke to him and told him how hard it was to get through a day and that I dont know how to do this without him! I am so lost! Then I looked up in the sky and I kid you not, there was a cloud that resembled a smiley face!! I almost drove off the road! I miss him soo much my stomach hurts! I went to bed and just silently cried. I cried so hard I woke up and looked like a frog this morning. His wife said she is doing fine because she just knows hes in a better place, but she knew him for three & a half years! Try 44!! I dont know how to do this!! I try to pray to god to take good care of him, then I start crying, I try to talk to him, and I start crying! I put on a good face in public and around my family, but inside I am physically dying! I think they are tired of me talking about & trying to make sense of this whole thing! My hubby says maybe I should see a shrink. What? Is it me? Or should he be a bit more compassionate? Dear god! I think the latter! I told him I hope he never has to feel the pain of losing someone close to him & go through what I am. He said he wont cuz guys dont grieve like women.I beg to differ. I just think some people dont let themselves get close enough to people to grieve. How sad. I believe the more you loved someone the more you will grieve. I am feeling a bit alone on this one. Thanks for letting me blog my guts out to you all. I just really miss my little brother.

Permalink Reply by Sandi Ronca on June 5, 2009 at 8:00am

Shannon, My only sibling, my brother died at the age of 44 6 years ago. It still hurts but has gotten a little easier. He would of been 50 a couple of weeks ago and I made it through most of the day without crying. I know the pain that you feel, people will tell you to get over it. Those people I chose to ignore and am no longer friends with. Until you have been through it you don't know. There is no one size fits all answer. Cry when you need to, remember hin and never stop loving him. My son has a deep from the stomach laugh that sounds just like my brothers, at first it hurt to hear it and now I cherish it. It has been less than 4 months, take all the time you need and do it your way.
Sandi

Permalink Reply by sue on June 5, 2009 at 10:05am

Shannon, I am so sorry, and it is hard for others to relate. They just want us to be "normal" like we were to them before. I lost my sister years ago to sudden death and I can still remember the pain. I still miss her and think of her often. In the early days I felt as you do and others don't get it. I tried to go on with my life but there were so many times that I was in so much pain I could hardly move. I did feel that she was around me and at times I still feel her in my heart. I have her daughter close and that helps but even that is sad at times looking at her two beautiful grand daughters and wondering if she knows. It is so hard to lose a sibling. They are part of us and will always be. suep

Permalink Reply by Shannon on June 5, 2009 at 9:16pm

sue said:

Shannon, I am so sorry, and it is hard for others to relate. They just want us to be "normal" like we were to them before. I lost my sister years ago to sudden death and I can still remember the pain. I still miss her and think of her often. In the early days I felt as you do and others don't get it. I tried to go on with my life but there were so many times that I was in so much pain I could hardly move. I did feel that she was around me and at times I still feel her in my heart. I have her daughter close and that helps but even that is sad at times looking at her two beautiful grand daughters and wondering if she knows. It is so hard to lose a sibling. They are part of us and will always be. suep

Permalink Reply by Jane Smith on June 6, 2009 at 3:10am

I lost my sister 16 years ago, and it still hurts. She died of Ovarian Cancer because the Doctors didm't pay attention till it was too late. She died under the age of 40. It devastated my mom, and it changed my life forever, the last month or so before she passes, For the first time in my life we finally connected, even though there were many times we fought, I will always be grateful for that. And my father was self centered/cold that it was all about him and cruel even as she lay dying, My son was heartbroken, It still is hard as the anniversary approaches, but I know I'll see her again. She loved being an aunt more than anything. She was 3 years older than me. I miss her for so many reasons.

Permalink Reply by Elaine Banks Phillips on June 6, 2009 at 8:55am

Hi Shannon,my name is Elaine and I know the feeling. I lost my brother in 2003 and trust me we still today talks and cry sometimes when talking about him. I believe you when you stated that you miss your brother so much that you looked in the sky and there appeared a smiling face. I experience that with my son Kris. We were traveling from Ga. back to New Orleans and I ask God to protect us while we were on the road. I looked up towards the sky and no one today can't tell me that it was not Kris face in that cloud smiling down on us. I cried all the way home thanking God for my GUARDIAN ANGEL KRIS he sent to watch over us while we were on the road. But Shannon you know the road is where Kris lost his life in a fatal car accident. This happened in 2006 and yes I am still having pain and heartches missing my son today. I was told to go on,but Shannon if they never been there than they don't know.I know the pain of losing a brother whom I was close to. But it is a all together different pain losing a child. Which this is my second son I had to bury. My first and my last sons. But Shannon God will put no more on you than you can bare. God Makes No Mistakes and I know this,but it don't take the pain away.I pray for strength always and I say in Gods own time he will give me the Grace and the Power to move on. I will be praying with you and for you asking God to give you strength and to heal yours and my broken pieces. Elaine
Shannon said:

Today was a solemn day for me. Its my husbands 48th birthday and he wanted me to bake him a cherry chip cake. I obliged, but with graet sadness. See, cherry chip was my brothers favorite. i said that to my husband and he pfft me. He thinks everything I talk about revolves around my brother, I need to move on, thats life. Get over it. WTF!!! Hes been gone 3 1/2 months. 100 days & 1hr today. My life! My best friend! I went to his crash site today with my mom and cleaned up around the cross. Watered the flowers we planted, picked up the empty beer can his best friend left behind when he visited the other day. My mom said he would have thought his friend cheap for not leaving a full one for him to have.
Yesterday was a horrible day. The tears were right on the verge all day. I thought I saw a construction worker who looked just like him. I spoke to him and told him how hard it was to get through a day and that I dont know how to do this without him! I am so lost! Then I looked up in the sky and I kid you not, there was a cloud that resembled a smiley face!! I almost drove off the road! I miss him soo much my stomach hurts! I went to bed and just silently cried. I cried so hard I woke up and looked like a frog this morning. His wife said she is doing fine because she just knows hes in a better place, but she knew him for three & a half years! Try 44!! I dont know how to do this!! I try to pray to god to take good care of him, then I start crying, I try to talk to him, and I start crying! I put on a good face in public and around my family, but inside I am physically dying! I think they are tired of me talking about & trying to make sense of this whole thing! My hubby says maybe I should see a shrink. What? Is it me? Or should he be a bit more compassionate? Dear god! I think the latter! I told him I hope he never has to feel the pain of losing someone close to him & go through what I am. He said he wont cuz guys dont grieve like women.I beg to differ. I just think some people dont let themselves get close enough to people to grieve. How sad. I believe the more you loved someone the more you will grieve. I am feeling a bit alone on this one. Thanks for letting me blog my guts out to you all. I just really miss my little brother.

Permalink Reply by Stephanie on June 6, 2009 at 7:34pm

Shannon said:

sue said:

Shannon, I am so sorry, and it is hard for others to relate. They just want us to be "normal" like we were to them before. I lost my sister years ago to sudden death and I can still remember the pain. I still miss her and think of her often. In the early days I felt as you do and others don't get it. I tried to go on with my life but there were so many times that I was in so much pain I could hardly move. I did feel that she was around me and at times I still feel her in my heart. I have her daughter close and that helps but even that is sad at times looking at her two beautiful grand daughters and wondering if she knows. It is so hard to lose a sibling. They are part of us and will always be. suep

Permalink Reply by Stephanie on June 6, 2009 at 7:52pm

http://memorialwebsites.legacy.com/abby-hoda/homepage.aspx
I have not written in awhile but continue to read posts feeling a strange sense of comfort knowing I am not the only one that feels that way about a beloved sibling. Abby has now been gone 21 months and there are days it feels like yesterday but I have to say time has a way of healing. I will always love my sister with all my heart and I will always miss her to the depths of my heart. I ask her every day to keep her hand on my shoulder and give me strength. I believe she is doing just that because the pain has lessened and I have been able to move on to things I enjoy and I can even tell stories and laugh at memories. I only tell you all this because maybe it can give you comfort and let you know in time the raw pain can lessen even though the loss will always be there. Shannon your husband sounds a little like mine it is not they don't care it is just easier not to think about it. God bless each of you. Stephanie

Stephanie said:

Shannon said:

sue said:

Shannon, I am so sorry, and it is hard for others to relate. They just want us to be "normal" like we were to them before. I lost my sister years ago to sudden death and I can still remember the pain. I still miss her and think of her often. In the early days I felt as you do and others don't get it. I tried to go on with my life but there were so many times that I was in so much pain I could hardly move. I did feel that she was around me and at times I still feel her in my heart. I have her daughter close and that helps but even that is sad at times looking at her two beautiful grand daughters and wondering if she knows. It is so hard to lose a sibling. They are part of us and will always be. suep

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