my name is sheila; my baby brother was found by my nephew they both lived at the same motel. july 24th my brother died only 42 years old.i got the phone call to go to the hospital right away my sister and i went we had to identifiy him. i have been having nightmares ever since. i am greiving harder then any other family member.the reason for that is beacuse i lost my husband on july 11th he died in mexico . he got deported back and i was without him for a year.i cant handle losing 2 special people i loved very much. i cant handle this at all i cry day and nite i dream of them both all the time. i am a very depressed person i have been this way for over 20 years. some times i am always saying i wish i can be with them all the time. i lost my mom 3 years ago also. i feel i cant live without them. i do not know what to do anymore. please i need some advise as soon a possible. thank you
Hello, I am so very sorry the loss of your brother . Your words of kindness and care for Sheila were nothing but those of one of generosity of heart and understanding . Even in all you pain and anguish that you must going through too .
I too am struggling with the loss of my Sister , Mother and Father , often have wondered if as with your Brother is it very much like a illness you may see them going through and just so wish you could do something to save them or get the help they need .. Which was at times one of the most troubling and frustrating things for me to watch it almost happen right in front of me, yet not be able to do anything about it . Not even when I did , my words were silenced by others which now I live without my Sister .
I often wonder if it is depression that I am going through or if it is something that can not even be diagnosis for it feels like I am in the depth of " Hades" Maybe it is the guilt that brings me to believe this is where I belong or the words of someone that came to me a few days after her death that told me thats were she and I were going as everyone else which was not the most comforting words to hear at the time .. Yet maybe, he as right ... Though he did not know my Sister at all .. She was the beautiful and loving person that gave all herself to all around her . As she is in heaven so is your Brother as all who pass .
Yet for me I believe I have purchased my ticket for the southern view in how I may have not done enough for them .
Maybe it is that all Angels go back to heaven when they are needed . For reasons we will never know .
Yet this will never take this horrible pain away .
When I look to the clouds imaging though or the million of stars above I wonder if this is where they all may be . Some where above finally at peace .
They did leave one a special gift at least for me which was all the time they shared with me and all the love and joy . A purpose that maybe each have to teach or give to this world , I am not sure I am still searching for mine for I thought it to be a daughter and a sister yet now I am lost .
Angels above are our loved ones for now their love will stay in our hearts forever .
Never to be taken , never to be ill , never to struggle again . This love is there to stay .
Thank you for you kind and generous words that reached out to even one more .
Blessing to everyone .
Rebecca Morales said:
Hi Sheila, your pain and continued pain is so great I am so very sorry. I just lost my 43 year old brother to suicide on Jan 31, 2011, and its extremely hard to get through the days and nights. The only way to describe it, is that each day I feel that I am walking neck deep through thick mudd. I am the one in my family that is grieving the hardest, because me and my brother Ralphie were always close, and I can't seem to accept the fact that I didn't help him. I knew he had a suicide attempt in Nov, but I truly believed that he would pull himself out of it, just like he did all through his life. The depression was too great for him, the pain he lived in must have been a tororeous daily nightmare for him. I miss him deeply and cry every day too. So far, I have been seeing a therapist and attending suicide suvivor groups along with a multitude of reading. I can't say that it helps yet, but the hope that over time it will. We are all together on this subject, so when you cry so do I. Feel free to write me anytime.
Research shows that the death of a sibling has a profound impact on young ones. “Such a major loss adversely affects surviving children’s health, behavior, schoolwork, self-esteem, and development,” writes Dr. P. Gill White .....
Older youths are affected too. Karen, mentioned above, was 22 years old when Sheila, her younger sister, took her life. Nevertheless, at times her grief seemed unbearable. “I can’t claim that I suffered more than my parents,” she says, “but I think I was less able to deal with the suffering than they were.”
Have you, like Karen, lost a sibling in death? If so, you may feel as did the psalmist David, who wrote: “I have become disconcerted, I have bowed low to an extreme degree; all day long I have walked about sad.”
Dear River of Tears,
First I want to thank you for taking the time out to reply, because I know you don't have to. tWow, the guilt you live with is hard, I feel in your words and I am so sorry. But I hear and read often that the closest loved one's are left with guilt, maybe this is normal. I am seeing a therapist and a suicide survivor support group now, to try and find comfort, because I just can't find it here at home. Have you considered that yet? I just googled suicide survivor support groups in my area and found many.
River of Tears said:
Dear Rebecca Morales,
My heart goes out to you for the loss of your brother and for the pain too that he must have been going through in his life . I am saddened when I hear others are feeling any guilt though here I am feeling the same . Yet when I see what other share I see so clear what you did in his life was just be there.
He had this pain that may never be explained or understood , one that he most likely was not sharing with many or at all . A pain that can make choices for some that direct them to do things that we may never understand , yet as loved ones or friends we wished we did so at least to have known .
Just to see that you called , and wanted to be there in anyway you could . Is touching to ones heart that is reading . Sometime illness's can be capable to how was is or makes chooses in ones life . So in this he may have had so many things that he was not even able to tell you .
It is sad though isnt is wishing and wanting to know or make things right that you feel you may or could have done better . This is something I will live with the rest of my life .
For if only to scream the words to the Doctors , that she wanted to live and not die as others were saying . To scream the words to the Doctor of my Mother she is going to die tonight if you do not do something . To scream the words that I knew my Father was going to die that night in his home and why . ?
Was it because I did not do something right or did so many things wrong or was it that I did not scream my words instead of saying to those I thought were listening . This I will never know .
Yet for you my dear friend , your brother is the only one that will be able to know explain to you how and why , though I am pretty sure he will turn to you someday and tell you Thank you for being by my side .
to all let your love and words be heard
A friend of mine were faced with the death of their beautiful three-and-a-half-month-old daughter from sudden infant death syndrome. Imagine their disbelief that this actually happened to them, i mean everything going good for them ...Job, family,caring, giving,loved life,believed in the things unseen.....
Even though such a terrible tragedy occurred, it has drawn all of us closer together, and so many friends told them they wanted to help. Meals were prepared; they did cleaning, yard work, and tree trimming; generous contributions were given to help us cover expenses, and so forth. Please continue to let as many know as posible..