Does anyone else feel out there that they are half-dead themselves after losing a close sibling? I sure do.
I lost my oldest and only brother on May 31, 2009. His son and I found him dead in his car on my driveway. He was only 43, he had a stroke... the shock of seeing him dead, touching him.... I can not get that out of my head.... I miss him terribly..... I feel so empty inside. What makes this sooo much worse is that at the time I was mad at him I we had not spoken in 3 months..... the remourse I feel along with the guilt and the shame is unberable. My monther is 80 years old.... I know she has it the hardest.... I can not imagine what she is going thru losing a child has to be devatating.....
I have this great overwhelming sadness...I love you brother!!! I never told him that..... But I did/do LOVE MY BRTOHER!!!
Lisa, i too have some regrets. Though my brother and I were very close, i was often angry at him for his drug use and my mom for her alcoholism (she is alive and sober and we have forgiven her and moved forward) and the strain they both put on us. I got my mother back, but my brother passed away at 36 in his sleep. I can never, other than through prayer, fix the relationship to the level i have with my mother. This saddens me deeply. Maybe i should have gotten past my anger and just told him more that i loved him, and that he was never alone in this battle. I regret my being short with him at times. I know he would hate that i was feeling bad, but i must be honest.
Cassie, you are wise. Your message is right on. I lost my husband to sudden death and it has been almost a year but I feel as you do. I have to be alive or I will die. I take care of me and try to be kind to me and allow others to do as they must. This is something I will never get over but I truly believe Tom is in heaven and he is happy. He will be there waiting when I cross over and I will be so happy to see him. I would take him back in a heartbeat but I would not ask him to come even if he could. I like to think of him fishing in this beautiful clear lake. He loved to fish. I love to smell his shirt that he had worn and hung up in the closet. He had turned up the cuffs. I just have to kiss anything of his I find, a picture, anything. It is so hard to be here where we lived and loved but I wouldn't have it any other way. I am slowly cleaning out things because you are right, things are not needed to remember and he and I were always good at blessing other people with things they needed and we didn't.
I just finished my last class for foster care and I think this will be a good move for me. It has been on my heart for years and now I can do it. I truly don't feel I will ever be in another relationship but if the Lord wants me there, he will make it so appealing that I will want to go but I just don't feel it. Maybe later down the road but who knows. I feel like I will always be Tom's wife. suep