Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Marsha H on May 26, 2012 at 4:27am

Dear Karen Ann ... My deepest condolences regarding your sister's passing along with her little angel.  They say there is a good reason for grief and although it leaves us feeling there is a big hole in our hearts (and there is) the grief is necessary.  There is no age limit and sometimes no warning as to when a loved one passes away.  It will take time for you to go through the grieving process and you have come to a good forum where all of us are there to hold one of us up when they are down or simply read what the person has written and try to encourage.  Any loss is devastating so all of us know how heart-rendering you must feel.  Your sister and her little one are angels.  Try to remember that your sister would have been devastated if she lost her child, but they went together and are at peace.  I know it gives you little peace at this time, but eventually you will be able to remember those wonderful memories you had together. Cry when you need too as it cleanses your spirit and also ligthens the tension on the body.  Take care of yourself by trying to eat small meals a day and get much needed rest.  Take your time grieving as everyone grieves at different lengths of time.  Talk to a close relative; Pastor or a good friend that will just listen to you express your feelings and lend you a shoulder to cry on.

 

Bless you and a big hug

Marcy  
 
karen ann peralta said:

my little sister and her little angel in her womb died last saturday and i was so devastated...i dont know hope can i cope with her death..please help...

Permalink Reply by Amber Jacobs on May 31, 2012 at 9:22pm

I just lost my brother Adam May 20, 2012. He was one month shy of his 22 birthday. It hurts so bad to lose him and my parents are a wreck. I guess I'm just reaching out for someone to talk to because my family is a mess and talking about it just upsets them.

Permalink Reply by Marsha H on June 1, 2012 at 4:45am

Dear Amber ... my condolences to you and your family on the death of your brother Adam.  I am so sorry you have had to come to this forum, but, the people here are wonderful; loving and helpful and we are all grieving over the loss of a loved one.  Feel free to put your thoughts in a post as we all feel some peace talking to each other and expressing our views.  Some of us are fairly new at losing a loved one; others have been on the forum longer. 

It may seem since Adam has passed away that your immediate family is scattered, but remember that each person in your family grieves differently.  First comes denial; sometimes anger as to 'why Adam?'  Most of us asked that question.  If you are a religious person it is also common to be angry at God for taking someone you love.

It is important that at least you get some grief counseling either by a Pastor or Hospice Centre because there you will be with people who have lost a sibling and you will have something in common.  In time your parents and any other siblings may take some grief counseling, but it has to be when they feel they need it.  By taking grief counseling and dealing with your own loss you will get stronger and perhaps be there to encourage the rest of your family or just a shoulder for them to cry on.  I know it seems like you will never heal the hole left in your heart because you miss Adam so much, but, in time after you go through the normal grieving process it will become easier to endure the loss so at least perhaps you can do something in memory of your Adam or just live life to the fullest because you know he would want you to do that.  In time you will smile when you remember Adam and the fun you had together.  For now tears are an option and cry as much as you want too.  Choose a close and loyal friend to discuss how you feel.  We are here for you too dear.

 

Big hugs

Marcy

 
Amber Jacobs said:

I just lost my brother Adam May 20, 2012. He was one month shy of his 22 birthday. It hurts so bad to lose him and my parents are a wreck. I guess I'm just reaching out for someone to talk to because my family is a mess and talking about it just upsets them.

Permalink Reply by Phyllis Estes on June 2, 2012 at 2:55am

Amber,

It is so new for you .. like myself.  My son Chad drowned on May 7th.  It's very confusing, hurtful, and I know the hurt you must have, because I have the worst hurt I have ever had in my life!  It consumes me sometimes.

My condolences to you and your family.  Remember, please, that you can talk to me anytime you need to.  I am here, as are many others to help you get through this.

My email is estesphyllis@yahoo.com if you feel like talking about it in length or detail. 

Again, I am so sorry, and my heart is breaking along with you.

~PHYLLIS~ Chads' Mom

Permalink Reply by sherri on June 2, 2012 at 6:36pm

Hi Amber. Im new here too. I also lost my brother who was 28. He diedand on May 18, 2012. He was rock climbing and fell. Im so sorry for your loss.

Permalink Reply by Amber Jacobs on June 4, 2012 at 6:39pm

Thank you all so much for the support and would love to stay in contact with whomever would like to. My email is Aydensmom518@comcast.net.

Permalink Reply by DL on June 18, 2012 at 8:48am

My little brother passed away one week ago tomorrow. He was only 38. My parents, my sister, and I are having such a hard time. I miss him so much! I can't believe he's gone. There is so much I don't understand, like his wife. She went to one of the kids' sporting events the evening of the funeral, another sporting event the next day, plus a birthday party for one of the kids. I understand about needing to celebrate the birthday, but did she really have to say that my brother's child said it was the best birthday ever - the day after burying his father? I don't understand. It makes it hurt worse to think my brother didn't mean anything to her. He was the best father - always putting his kids first. He did whatever made his wife happy - he was so in love with her. I can't go a day without Xanax - I fall apart. Am I wrong for being angry that it seems like his wife doesn't care? 

Permalink Reply by Amber Jacobs on June 18, 2012 at 10:41am

That's so wrong, it seems that even in unforeseen circumstances like a tragedy, it still doesn't bring out the good in everyone. You would think family and friends would become closer, in some cases a few do. I wouldn't be able to carry on like that. My fiances sister and brother aren't very close to us and neither one expressed any remorse. I would of put our differences aside if it was on the other shoe. To me that's not family nor would I want to have them in our lives. You grieve the way you want to and don't let her make it any worse. It will be a month already on the 20th when my brother died and  I have no idea where the time went. He would of been 22 on June 29th. My parents haven't gotten any better and have taken this extremely hard. Best thing is to be supportive to those who want to be there and not to dwell on those who do not. I am always there for someone until they push me away. Please don't let her get to you.

.
 
DL said:

My little brother passed away one week ago tomorrow. He was only 38. My parents, my sister, and I are having such a hard time. I miss him so much! I can't believe he's gone. There is so much I don't understand, like his wife. She went to one of the kids' sporting events the evening of the funeral, another sporting event the next day, plus a birthday party for one of the kids. I understand about needing to celebrate the birthday, but did she really have to say that my brother's child said it was the best birthday ever - the day after burying his father? I don't understand. It makes it hurt worse to think my brother didn't mean anything to her. He was the best father - always putting his kids first. He did whatever made his wife happy - he was so in love with her. I can't go a day without Xanax - I fall apart. Am I wrong for being angry that it seems like his wife doesn't care? 

Permalink Reply by DL on June 20, 2012 at 2:06pm

Amber, I'm so sorry about losing your brother. I don't know what to say except that I'm sorry. But, I am here for you - as it seems we both became members in an unwanted club. But I am glad to have found this website.

Thank you so much for your words to me too. I cry everyday. I still wake up hoping it was all a bad dream. I miss him so much, I still need him in my life. It also hurts to think of how hard it must have been for him to be in that situation. I wish I could just go back in time, and save my brother. I don't know why he died yet, I don't know how long it takes to get the autopsy results. I just want him back.

Permalink Reply by Amber Jacobs on June 20, 2012 at 4:27pm

There is really nothing any of us can say, do, or anything to each other to make it any better because the fact of the matter is we lost someone very dear to us. My brother is gone and it makes me sick to my stomach. It's a month today and it's no easier than the day it happened. I saw him before they took him away. That's an image that will haunt me for the rest of my life. All I can say is that I am here when and if you want to vent. That's all there is to do, vent. I cried all day at work and just wanted to crawl into bed. I'm sorry you have to go through this too. it's not fair

Permalink Reply by Amber Jacobs on June 20, 2012 at 4:31pm

One month ago today, around this time I was at my parents house watching the police and medical examiner take my brother away. I spent most of today crying. We miss him so much, I just don't understand. My parents are still a wreck. Everyday stresses don't help, like work. I don't know how to deal with my life and the loss of my brother at the same time. His birthday is next Friday and it makes me shake and almost throw up thinking about it. In so much pain

Permalink Reply by Jennifer on June 20, 2012 at 9:49pm

Amber,

My brother turned 32 february 3, 2012 and died February 10th 2012. He was also so young. Myself and my youngest sibling remain. Its been 4 months and every day has been very hard.  I have been in counselling since the week after it happened. I dont know if the counselling helps, but having someone who listens and isnt close that you can just speak openly and ramble is good.  Ive read many posts on here, but i think really it never goes away it just becomes more and more real everyday that they are not coming back.  your pain is something here we all share and understand.  We cant see eachother, but we can use our words to express the gut wrenching and the pain and the sadness in a sort of unified way.  I am so sorry for your loss and i think just being kind to yourself and doing your best everyday is all you can ask of yourself.  I have found it very hard to help my family because we all grieve diffrently and are all in such pain that its frozen us all in some ways for now.  Time is all we have to try and get through.  Just surround yourself with support and love and be open to express your emotions and dont worry about what others may think who dont understand.

 

hugs your way

Jenn

 

Amber Jacobs said:

I just lost my brother Adam May 20, 2012. He was one month shy of his 22 birthday. It hurts so bad to lose him and my parents are a wreck. I guess I'm just reaching out for someone to talk to because my family is a mess and talking about it just upsets them.

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