Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Hallie on November 12, 2012 at 12:25pm

You have to let the grievinhg out.  Otherwise there is nowhere for it to go and it consumes us in a not good way.  Is there any other sort of outlet that you Elaine?  Exercise, writing, etc.  Those things may help as well.

Permalink Reply by Sarah Boutilier on November 21, 2012 at 8:22pm

Hello all,
When I was 17, my sister was murdered. Since then, I've been searching for someone who's sibling has been murdered. I haven't found anyone and I would really like to connect with someone about this. My friends and family shy away from the topic; it makes them uncomfortable to talk about :/


My sisters story.

When she was younger, my sister was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, anxiety, depression, ADHD, and anger problems. But she was really sweet; she had good intentions and trusted everyone. On August 7, 2009 she met a guy named Justin Ptaszynski. He invited her to his friend, Colin Koehler's, apartment to help him move to another one just down the street. She went, being the helpful sort, and helped him move. While inside, Koehler's exgirlfriend called and heard my sister talking. She threw a fit about it. Koehler made a stabbing motion that my sister couldn't see and asked Justin, "If I killed her would you tell?" She didn't see it.

The next day, August 8th, the two of the men met up with her downtown and asked her to go for a walk by the river. They came upon a shack and started to explore it. Inside, Colin stabbed my sister under her right breast. She dropped to her knees and said "What the f***?" to which he replied "Shut the f*** up, b****." then he slit her throat and left her in a pile of garbage.

She was found the next day.

Permalink Reply by Val Jackson on November 29, 2012 at 11:39am

Oh Sarah, I am so sorry for the loss of your sister. I miss my sister terribly and it is difficult to talk about because it makes people uncomfortable and also what can you say? Besides I am sorry? I know what it's like to lose your best friend as my sister was certainly that. So many times I'll see or hear something funny and think OMG I need to call Tina, and even after five years it slams my brain....oh yea....I can't.
It must be very hard for you having your sister taken in such a tragic senseless way, I know I would struggle with a lot of anger about it. I am sure your sister wouldn't want that for you. What was she like? Was she older or younger? You can email me any time if you need to talk. I am really sorry! I wish so much you had your sister to grow old with! - Val

Permalink Reply by Baby-daughter on December 31, 2012 at 11:08pm

to my brother Ray it is New Years Eve 2012 and it's been a while since I spoke with you on this site I think of you all the time I love you I miss you I went to your grave a little bit agoI'm sorry it took me so long but it hurts so badlyyou're my big brother but I was your protector I love you I miss you and it's been a very very long time since u been gone you're there with Mama Uncle Albert grandpa Sam and I need to review to help me I'm having a really bad time not having mama here with me so can maybe the 3 of you help me someway coping with mama not being here you know how much I cared about her how close I was to mama you know mama with my life. ray please talk with Grandpa and Uncle Albertand review please come up with a solution and let me know some weight as I'm not getting any better and I'm afraid I love you all I miss you all not sure what is going to happen I don't know I just don't know I've got to leave for now all my love your baby sister and protector bye bye sweetheart my little big brother.

Permalink Reply by Baby-daughter on January 2, 2013 at 7:52pm

I love you Ray

Permalink Reply by Jennefer Welch on January 7, 2013 at 4:20pm

Hello, my name is Jennefer and I just lost my baby sister on 12/26/2012, the day after Christmas.  She was 32 years old and leaves behind a beautiful 3 year old daughter. At first they said it was from a massive heart attack induced by her asthma but now there is an investigation as they think there is foul play and that she may have passed away from something else. They said that they won’t know for 3 to 6 months.  I don't know how to deal with it.  I have never had depression or anxiety before all this but now I have both.  I don’t want to be in public, leave my house, or my bed.  I forced myself to come to work today but already had an anxiety attack.  Will it ever get better?

Permalink Reply by Baby-daughter on January 30, 2013 at 9:36pm

Ray I love you. My wonderful big brother. Im sorry I couldn't protect you from what took you from Mama & myself. Miss you
.

Permalink Reply by Rachel Laws on January 30, 2013 at 11:15pm

Hi Jennifer,

Yes, it does get better as time passes.  My bro passed away when he was 30 years old and left two small children behind.  It's been seven years or so and the children are living their lives, but they still remember Chris (my bro).  I just had a little girl a year ago and plan to talk with her about her Uncle Chris.  While your sister has passed on, please know her legacy doesn't have to.  My prayers are with you but know God feels your pain and sees what your going through. 
Jennefer Welch said:

Hello, my name is Jennefer and I just lost my baby sister on 12/26/2012, the day after Christmas.  She was 32 years old and leaves behind a beautiful 3 year old daughter. At first they said it was from a massive heart attack induced by her asthma but now there is an investigation as they think there is foul play and that she may have passed away from something else. They said that they won’t know for 3 to 6 months.  I don't know how to deal with it.  I have never had depression or anxiety before all this but now I have both.  I don’t want to be in public, leave my house, or my bed.  I forced myself to come to work today but already had an anxiety attack.  Will it ever get better?

Permalink Reply by Jennifer on January 31, 2013 at 5:12pm

Jennifer.

 

I lost my brother at the age of 32 almost a year ago next week. It is not an easy journey. People on this site have had some time and as we all heal it may get easier. I feel just as grief stricken now as i did almost 365 days ago. It is a life changing journey.  People here can share your pain and know that life does keep moving although you may feel frozen. I still feel frozen in time. I am so very sorry for your loss. All i can suggest is to get a grief group and be kind to yourself. Anxiety is normal. I have it still. Time does not heal wounds with death. It merely puts a bandaid iver the scar so you can carry on. I search for answers and thye will never be found until i pass over as well. Let people help you and reach out to people . Just know that you are watched over by and angel now and try your best one day at a time to heal. Its just the start. im here anytime to chat

Rachel Laws said:

Hi Jennifer,

Yes, it does get better as time passes.  My bro passed away when he was 30 years old and left two small children behind.  It's been seven years or so and the children are living their lives, but they still remember Chris (my bro).  I just had a little girl a year ago and plan to talk with her about her Uncle Chris.  While your sister has passed on, please know her legacy doesn't have to.  My prayers are with you but know God feels your pain and sees what your going through. 
Jennefer Welch said:

Hello, my name is Jennefer and I just lost my baby sister on 12/26/2012, the day after Christmas.  She was 32 years old and leaves behind a beautiful 3 year old daughter. At first they said it was from a massive heart attack induced by her asthma but now there is an investigation as they think there is foul play and that she may have passed away from something else. They said that they won’t know for 3 to 6 months.  I don't know how to deal with it.  I have never had depression or anxiety before all this but now I have both.  I don’t want to be in public, leave my house, or my bed.  I forced myself to come to work today but already had an anxiety attack.  Will it ever get better?

Permalink Reply by LA-Greg on February 18, 2013 at 11:53pm

Jennifer, my brother died (suicide) only 5 mos ago, but I can tell you things can get better for you. But they don't really get better by themselves, of course. You must remain in contact with others who care...and sometimes too just to be with others as opposed to be left all alone in your pain. In addition, I think it's very important to let the pain come...whether you cry, scream, howl at the moon. It can be hard to find a safe place for it, but a quiet room or a counselor's office are good. This is a NORMAL, NATURAL process of grieving we MUST go through. And it's different for each person. But it can help to understand that your pain is a sign of your connection to the one you lost, a sign of how deeply you cared, even if you didn't know how deep it was. Many people can't grieve at all. I have 2 other brothers who write my oldest brother off as a nut, even scoff at him or just remain stuck in bitterness. As much as I myself hurt in my heart, I sometimes feel worse for them...to live such a way. And though sometimes I can even envy them their emotional detachment when the pain is just too much, I know somewhere it's better to have feelings, to open your heart.

This is the price we must pay to be alive and able to love someone. It's a horrible price and it's not fair. And your anger is as valid as your sorrow. The wound is deep and it must wash out. With enough letting it happen and having good support the wound will begin to heal, and your pain will lessen. And you can come out of this with your heart intact. And maybe even stronger.

From a fellow sufferer of this kind of misery,

G

Permalink Reply by victoria bell on February 19, 2013 at 12:20am

Jennifer, just as others have stated, it does get better. I don't think we ever get over it but we do get through it.
My only son was killed in a MVA at 24yr of age. It is now 10yrs and there are days when it was just like yesterday. And yes, the pain is real. You have to have something or someone to hold on too. My faith truely brought me through. You see , I dedicated my children back to the Lord when they were vrey young. I knew God allowed us to raise them (twins)but they belonged to him. I had prayed that Whenever the

Permalink Reply by victoria bell on February 19, 2013 at 12:23am

the time came for him to call someone to be with him, that he would give whom everwas left his strength so that they would.keep gettong up. keep putting one foot

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