Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Elaine Banks Phillips on July 20, 2008 at 12:23am

Kah its all right,your opinion is always important this is why we are here for each other. So lets keep it going. When ever or what ever information that you can give to help each other is good news. Lets keep each other and our family in prayers. May God bless each and everyone and give us the strength that we need to carry this heavy load.

Permalink Reply by Devona Rodricq on July 20, 2008 at 1:10am

Thank you Kah, I wanted to say that I am so sorry for your loss. I could'nt possibly imagine losing one, let alone two siblings. My brother that I lost was a half brother, but to me he was a brother, regardless. He was seven years older than me, and when he was in high school I thought he was the coolest! He had so many girls chasing after him, he did'nt have to do a thing but be caught. His friends were loyal and forever asking advise on everything. He was popular, smart and oh so handsome!!! A real catch to a girl who was wirthy and a forever friend who came in contact with him. We got much closer as we got older, and for those times I will forever be grateful. One thing I wanted you to know is that there is a web site that is for just siblings, if you would like to know it's (adultsiblinggrief.com.). It's been helping me and this site, too, has been wonderful! God bless you and everyone else on this site. You will all be in my prayers..

Permalink Reply by Devona Rodricq on July 22, 2008 at 4:52am

I can't sleep, I can't think about nothing but my brother. I can't stop crying! What can I do? How does anyone ever deal with this kind of pain? I've never known this pain till now. I want my brother back. I want him back real bad! I try talking to him, and praying for comfort but only end up crying to the point of hysteria. Help, anybody! I know that I am gonna feel this for a long time, I just need something! Something to help me! I miss my brother so bad!!!!!!! I want him back, I want him back!! What can I do to ease the pain? Please, anyone!

Permalink Reply by Kah Massey on July 22, 2008 at 9:07am

Hello Devona,
My prayer for you is to call your doctor right away and get some help. After my brother first pasted, it took me 5 hours to get dress one day. Most of the time, I cried my eyes out. My sister took me right away to the doctor and I was admitted to the hospital which was a good thing. I know it is hard but your brother would not want you to be this way. Please get some intervention right away, grief counseling etc. Your family needs you. You have some work to do to carry on your brothers memory but you can not do it in the shape you are in. For the time that we are on this earth we are to be a blessing to others....your brother was a blessing. Untreated grief leads to a host of health issues such as depressions, high blood pressure, insomina, strokes, heart attacks, etc. Please start speaking life into your situation....cry out to God to help you....say you will get better with some interventions...this too shall pass....find you some encouraging music to play....go work out with someone.....above all get some medical interventions. It is okay to reach out and get some help when we can't help ourselves...before long you will be better....please email me at pmassey1998@yahoo.com....I would love speak to you on the phone...Devona, there are a lot of people praying and cheering for you....I am not sure if you have a spouse or children but I know you have family and they are counting on you....Look up and live Devona.......I will be checking on you......

Permalink Reply by Elaine Banks Phillips on July 22, 2008 at 10:48am

Kah you are so right. I forgot to tell Devona how Depression and stress can cause serious health problems like it did me. I was so depressed and stressed that I had a brain aneurysm (1) year after Kris death. Yes Devona lets focus on life now and I am speaking to myself to and lets not think about death. Because I know Kris would not in any way form or fashion would want me to suffer this way. I am sure the same with your brother he wouldn't like to see you like this either. Keep praying and reading the bible. I will continue to pray with you.

Permalink Reply by Elaine Banks Phillips on July 22, 2008 at 10:19am

Devona you bring tears to my eyes. I know the pain and heartache that you have now. Right now you need to seek professional counseling alone with prayers and reading the bible. I know it seems kind of strange to hear this coming from me. One who is still crying 2yrs after my son death. Devona I miss my son so much. I don't know what it is,but you know my son use to come and see me every Thursday in Mississippi before he would go to Baton Rouge,La. That week he skip passing by me and went straight to New Orleans,La. to his weekend job. I called him to ask about a price on a DVD video recorder and I had him on the speaker phone. He replied Moma what I told you about buying all them high tech equipment that you don't know how to work. Everyone that was in the isle laugh and ask,that was your husband, I respond no he thinks he is my dad,but he is my son. So I didn't get a chance to see him before his accident and I really and truly think this is what hurts so bad. I still yet have not seen my son since not even in a dream. I have prayed and ask God to just let me see him in a dream nothing yet. My pastor advised me to let go and let God work it out. suggest that I should not focus on death,but focus on his life. Remember the good things about him,things he use to say and do. If any kids like my grandsons Kris youngest son is the spitting image of his dad. Cry like his dad use to, love and and cherish his mother like just like Kris,on the other hand the older son love sports like his dad and very sentimental. So I do have a lot of things in life to help me through this painful time. I am not crying as much as I use to,but he pain is still there. I don't know how long,but right now it is there. I encourage you to try and focus on his life and not his death. See if this will ease the pain some.

Permalink Reply by claire phillips on August 2, 2008 at 8:29am

My name is Claire, I lost my sister on July 22 . Everything happened within one hour.She was fine, i went to work and was called to come home. Donna was 57 , she had physical disabilities, a feeding tube, trach and ataxia due to a terrible surgery that went wrong 11 years ago.She lived withmy husband and I ,kept herself busy all the time.Played on the poker sites, watched tv, listened to opera and read by books on tape. She was so remarkable. We do not have info yet on toxology reports for another week, so we do not know what caused her death.I ran upstairs to see her one last time, police were here, and there she was slumped on her bathroom floor. I can not get her out of my mind, total shock..Claire phillips

Permalink Reply by Kah Massey on August 2, 2008 at 12:50pm

Hello Claire,
My name is Kah and I losted a sister on 8/07. It is coming up on the 1-year anniversary of her death and my family is waiting on a trial date regarding her death. My sister had a disability too but lived alone. I am also working on a masters in special education and work daily with children that have disabilities. I am so sorry to hear about your sister. It is okay to grieve as long as you need. Think about the "fond memories" you have of her. It sounds like she enriched you and your husband's life as much as you enriched hers. I have gotten much encouraging from this site especially from Elaine. With time, you will learn to cope. Try to take care of yourself as much as possible because untreated grief can lead to health problems. I will keep you and your family in my prayers and it is okay to grieve. I tried to "surpress" my grief many times and it led to a host of health issues. Seek counseling if you must...Your family needs you and I bet your sister would want you to "carry on" as best you can. Feel free to email me at pmassey1998@yahoo.com
God will give you the strength to carry on.
Peace and blessings,

Permalink Reply by Elaine Banks Phillips on August 2, 2008 at 1:24pm

Claire you know maybe the way she died could have spared you from other pain like,making the decision on whether to pull the plug or not. I didn't have the chance to to say good-bye because my son was killed instantly. So we both was spared from this pain. But God has a reason for doing things. We may not see it now,because I didn't see it until My son Class mate who played on the football and baseball team together. He atteneded Kris funeral and 2wks. later he was killed on a motorcycle by a drunken driver,but his family had to make that decision to pull the plug or wait. I don't know if I could have made that decision. But pray and ask God for strength and to ease this memory for you. Also you try and think about some of the good times that you all had together. Do like I did, I made a Memorial Site for Kris. This is offered to you by Legacy. Connect. I will be Praying with you. Write or call any time. If you have a e-mail send it and I can send you Kris Menmorial Site for you to view it. My e-mial address is (teediep@yahoo.com)

Permalink Reply by claire phillips on August 4, 2008 at 6:38am

How tragic to lose a son, My heart goes out to you and your familly. Do you ever why we are put on this earth, such heartache and sadness. Donna has been gone for 2 weeks and i am not sure what to do next. My dad is on hospice and living with my husband and i, he is 96, not quite sure if he is fully aware of the passing. Life just seems right now to have no meaning.My email address is bcphilly@comcast.net

Permalink Reply by Elaine Banks Phillips on August 4, 2008 at 12:03pm

Claire its been 2yrs for me and I am still having pain and heartaches. I went to church Sunday and the pastor was speaking on death. You know it brought tears to my eyes. He mention when a person loose a love one some people don't realize that this person is still hurting and nothing you can say will really ease this person pain. You know he is right because, all that have been said to me did not ease the pain. Even when my sister said God needed Kris to help him. Did she ever think that I needed him to. But I realize that people talks and say things to try and ease the pain so they think. In reality I know they mean well. Claire I will be praying and asking GOD to give you and your husband strength with your Dad. Write or e-mail anytime. I will keep you and your family in prayers.

Permalink Reply by Linda Bean on August 2, 2008 at 8:53am

Well it happened to me again. I lost my little brother in March, and I just lost my favorite brother in law on July 24, almost 4 months after my brother. What gives here? My sister, her husband, my brother and his wife go on vacation together last fall, have a wonderful time together, make plans to go again this year, but are both widows before the end of summer. It just don't seem fair to them. And not real to me. My heart breaks for both of them, can't seem to find the right words to say. Most of all I miss my brother so much, I feel like I have a huge hole in my heart that will never heal. When does it get better? Life will never be the same without them. I loved them both dearly.
Linda Bean
dadspandabear@netzero.net

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