Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by jade on June 24, 2010 at 3:24pm

how old was your sister? I lost my little sister who was just 17 at the time and my best friend in the world. Still seems like it was yesterday eventhough its been 6 hard years

SANDRA said:

I'm still trying to get past the fact that my sister is gone. She killed herself just over three months ago, and I'm not sure how to move on. She was my best friend and now i feel like a big part of who i am is just gone...

Permalink Reply by Effie on June 24, 2010 at 5:38pm

I have been on a three year journey that started with th death of my only sibling and brother Alex, at the age of 31. I am 41 now and for along time I felt like half of me was gone. I felt blown apart. I felt totally lost in darkness. But somehow, over the last three years, the grief and the missing him is still there. But it is tempered with knowing he still IS. He still loves me and he watches out for me. Take it from me in no uncertain terms, there is life after passing. I know my brother is still "alive", just in another form. I no longer fear death but most importantly he taught me how to live, to the best of my abilities. You will figure out who you are now. It wil take time. Part of your sibling will aways be part of you. BUt the part that they take with them, has to be filled with passion and appreciation and a humble respect for what we have. I know exactly how you feel. Life does go on though. I never thought I would feel that way. But it's true. And sh would want you to know that. Keep living, until you see her again. Peace.

jade said:

how old was your sister? I lost my little sister who was just 17 at the time and my best friend in the world. Still seems like it was yesterday eventhough its been 6 hard years

SANDRA said:

I'm still trying to get past the fact that my sister is gone. She killed herself just over three months ago, and I'm not sure how to move on. She was my best friend and now i feel like a big part of who i am is just gone...

Permalink Reply by Lance W on June 27, 2010 at 1:01pm

On June 17 at 6:02 p.m. I got the most horrible shock of my life. My sister called and told me that my younger Brother had just ended his own life. "He's gone." she said. I didn't know what to say or think so I just stood there, unable to speak. Since then I feel alone and empty inside.

My wife and I drove back to Louisiana and closed ranks with my family.This was such a complete and utter shock. My Brother was such a rock. He was such an eternal optimist and had been through so many tough times in life. Each time he went through tough times he would smile and say "it's OK, Jesus will get me through this. God is going to take care of me." We still aren't really sure of what truly happened. His girlfriend was there at the time and she's telling the police one thing and our family another. The one thing we are all sure of is that our baby Brother, the son of my parents is gone and isn't coming back. He was 40 and now he'll never have another birthday. I'll never get to hug him and kiss his neck, ruffle his hair or hear him laugh again. He was my best friend and we had been through so much together. We were as close as any brothers can be.

It's been 11 days and I guess we're all still in shock. If I laugh at something I immediately feel guilty. When I sleep I dream of him, or of things I've done in life and I wake to think "he was alive when I did that."

I am trying to do things to honor him. I always looked up to him in all ways. he was the only person in life that I ever felt I should work to be more like. I was supposed to see him the week before he died but I couldn't make it. He called while I was at work and I didn't take the call because I was scared of getting in trouble with work so I let it go to VM, then I went to the bathroom and listened to his call. I hate myself for not just stepping into the bathroom and answering his call and telling him I loved him. I can not help but feel like I should have been his "bridge over troubled water" like a big brother is supposed to be. I can't help but believe in my heart that if I'd been there I could have seen the signs if indeed there had been any, or if not, I could have helped him beware of the relationship he was in. I had been in a similar relationship years earlier so i had some idea of what he might be going through and I even called to try to warn him, but got his VM. I was always his champion and protector when I could be. In our family he was the soul man, he lived for Christ and helping others and I was the wrathful giant. He was not quick to anger or short of temper. he was not vengeful. He wasn't like me in the negative ways. He was my hero.

Over the last few days I have spent a fair amount of time writing about him on my facebook page, trying to get rid of some of the hurt. I don't know what to do or where to go. I feel like a ship without sails, drifting on an open ocean. I feel like there is a hole in the center of my body that has no bottom. I am praying to God to make the man my family needs for me to be. At times I seem to collapse from the inside out and when I am alone I sometimes sob. I love my family and don't want to hurt them, but I wish that I could walk into the ocean. The way I feel about not wanting to hurt my loved ones is a big part of why I am having such a hard time believing my Brother took his own life. He was truly the most caring and considerate person I've ever met. The idea that he could have gone through a terrible moment of pain and sadness drives me into convulsions. I should have have been able to make it better for him.

Permalink Reply by Effie on June 27, 2010 at 6:45pm

Dear Lance, I lost my brother Alex three years ago in a sudden car accident and never was able to say goodbye. When my dad called to tell me all he said was "he's gone", so it really struck me when I read what you said. I didnt' know what that meant for a second. Gone? Where?? All I can tell you is life does go on. Three years later I still miss him terribly, painfully, every day, but it's a different kind of pain. Not as confusing and shattering. And I know I will see him again. And you will see your brother again. Live for him now and make him proud. He wants you to be happy in your own life and not let his death color the rest of the life you have to live. It will change you yes, but it will not hurt you more than you hurt right now. I'm o0n facebook too, my name is Effie and I live in Maine...so find me if you want. I understand and my thoughts and prayers are with you. PEACE Lance...may it find you sooner than later. Effie

Lance W said:

On June 17 at 6:02 p.m. I got the most horrible shock of my life. My sister called and told me that my younger Brother had just ended his own life. "He's gone." she said. I didn't know what to say or think so I just stood there, unable to speak. Since then I feel alone and empty inside.

My wife and I drove back to Louisiana and closed ranks with my family.This was such a complete and utter shock. My Brother was such a rock. He was such an eternal optimist and had been through so many tough times in life. Each time he went through tough times he would smile and say "it's OK, Jesus will get me through this. God is going to take care of me." We still aren't really sure of what truly happened. His girlfriend was there at the time and she's telling the police one thing and our family another. The one thing we are all sure of is that our baby Brother, the son of my parents is gone and isn't coming back. He was 40 and now he'll never have another birthday. I'll never get to hug him and kiss his neck, ruffle his hair or hear him laugh again. He was my best friend and we had been through so much together. We were as close as any brothers can be.

It's been 11 days and I guess we're all still in shock. If I laugh at something I immediately feel guilty. When I sleep I dream of him, or of things I've done in life and I wake to think "he was alive when I did that."

I am trying to do things to honor him. I always looked up to him in all ways. he was the only person in life that I ever felt I should work to be more like. I was supposed to see him the week before he died but I couldn't make it. He called while I was at work and I didn't take the call because I was scared of getting in trouble with work so I let it go to VM, then I went to the bathroom and listened to his call. I hate myself for not just stepping into the bathroom and answering his call and telling him I loved him. I can not help but feel like I should have been his "bridge over troubled water" like a big brother is supposed to be. I can't help but believe in my heart that if I'd been there I could have seen the signs if indeed there had been any, or if not, I could have helped him beware of the relationship he was in. I had been in a similar relationship years earlier so i had some idea of what he might be going through and I even called to try to warn him, but got his VM. I was always his champion and protector when I could be. In our family he was the soul man, he lived for Christ and helping others and I was the wrathful giant. He was not quick to anger or short of temper. he was not vengeful. He wasn't like me in the negative ways. He was my hero.

Over the last few days I have spent a fair amount of time writing about him on my facebook page, trying to get rid of some of the hurt. I don't know what to do or where to go. I feel like a ship without sails, drifting on an open ocean. I feel like there is a hole in the center of my body that has no bottom. I am praying to God to make the man my family needs for me to be. At times I seem to collapse from the inside out and when I am alone I sometimes sob. I love my family and don't want to hurt them, but I wish that I could walk into the ocean. The way I feel about not wanting to hurt my loved ones is a big part of why I am having such a hard time believing my Brother took his own life. He was truly the most caring and considerate person I've ever met. The idea that he could have gone through a terrible moment of pain and sadness drives me into convulsions. I should have have been able to make it better for him.

Permalink Reply by Lance W on June 28, 2010 at 11:14am

Thank you, Effie. I looked, but couldn't find you. I am listed as Lance Wendling.

Effie said:

Dear Lance, I lost my brother Alex three years ago in a sudden car accident and never was able to say goodbye. When my dad called to tell me all he said was "he's gone", so it really struck me when I read what you said. I didnt' know what that meant for a second. Gone? Where?? All I can tell you is life does go on. Three years later I still miss him terribly, painfully, every day, but it's a different kind of pain. Not as confusing and shattering. And I know I will see him again. And you will see your brother again. Live for him now and make him proud. He wants you to be happy in your own life and not let his death color the rest of the life you have to live. It will change you yes, but it will not hurt you more than you hurt right now. I'm o0n facebook too, my name is Effie and I live in Maine...so find me if you want. I understand and my thoughts and prayers are with you. PEACE Lance...may it find you sooner than later. Effie

Lance W said:

On June 17 at 6:02 p.m. I got the most horrible shock of my life. My sister called and told me that my younger Brother had just ended his own life. "He's gone." she said. I didn't know what to say or think so I just stood there, unable to speak. Since then I feel alone and empty inside.

My wife and I drove back to Louisiana and closed ranks with my family.This was such a complete and utter shock. My Brother was such a rock. He was such an eternal optimist and had been through so many tough times in life. Each time he went through tough times he would smile and say "it's OK, Jesus will get me through this. God is going to take care of me." We still aren't really sure of what truly happened. His girlfriend was there at the time and she's telling the police one thing and our family another. The one thing we are all sure of is that our baby Brother, the son of my parents is gone and isn't coming back. He was 40 and now he'll never have another birthday. I'll never get to hug him and kiss his neck, ruffle his hair or hear him laugh again. He was my best friend and we had been through so much together. We were as close as any brothers can be.

It's been 11 days and I guess we're all still in shock. If I laugh at something I immediately feel guilty. When I sleep I dream of him, or of things I've done in life and I wake to think "he was alive when I did that."

I am trying to do things to honor him. I always looked up to him in all ways. he was the only person in life that I ever felt I should work to be more like. I was supposed to see him the week before he died but I couldn't make it. He called while I was at work and I didn't take the call because I was scared of getting in trouble with work so I let it go to VM, then I went to the bathroom and listened to his call. I hate myself for not just stepping into the bathroom and answering his call and telling him I loved him. I can not help but feel like I should have been his "bridge over troubled water" like a big brother is supposed to be. I can't help but believe in my heart that if I'd been there I could have seen the signs if indeed there had been any, or if not, I could have helped him beware of the relationship he was in. I had been in a similar relationship years earlier so i had some idea of what he might be going through and I even called to try to warn him, but got his VM. I was always his champion and protector when I could be. In our family he was the soul man, he lived for Christ and helping others and I was the wrathful giant. He was not quick to anger or short of temper. he was not vengeful. He wasn't like me in the negative ways. He was my hero.

Over the last few days I have spent a fair amount of time writing about him on my facebook page, trying to get rid of some of the hurt. I don't know what to do or where to go. I feel like a ship without sails, drifting on an open ocean. I feel like there is a hole in the center of my body that has no bottom. I am praying to God to make the man my family needs for me to be. At times I seem to collapse from the inside out and when I am alone I sometimes sob. I love my family and don't want to hurt them, but I wish that I could walk into the ocean. The way I feel about not wanting to hurt my loved ones is a big part of why I am having such a hard time believing my Brother took his own life. He was truly the most caring and considerate person I've ever met. The idea that he could have gone through a terrible moment of pain and sadness drives me into convulsions. I should have have been able to make it better for him.

Permalink Reply by Billie on July 3, 2010 at 7:48am

I lost my sister Jamie June 5, 2010. She was my best friend. Jamie just turned 40 in April. Today it has been four weeks. I miss my sister so much...I know I will never be the same. I can't do anything without thinking about her. I want so badly to ask her...her opinions...which I did all the time. It seems unreal to me I can't pick up the phone and call her. My heart is broken into a 1000 pieces. I could never have imagined living my life without her beside me.
My mother found her on Saturday June 5th. We still don't know what happened to her. Her passing was so unexpected and sudden...I am still in complete shock. We are waiting on results...why she died...this is making it so much harder. My sister meant the world to me...not sure how I am going to cope.

Permalink Reply by mabel ward on July 5, 2010 at 7:40am

it will 3 years this month that my sister margie died of stomach cancer at 53 years old, the day after her services my brother jason died of an overdose at 35 years old, and this past december i lost someone who had been in my life for at least 18 years, he was my best friend i need to find a way to live cause these 3 people were a huge part of my life i dont have a clue on how to move on. any sugestions?

Permalink Reply by mabel ward on July 5, 2010 at 7:48am

im so sorry, i know what if feels like i wish i didnt but i do, i live each day not really caring about any thing my family tells me its selfish to think that way but i cant help it.
Billie said:

I lost my sister Jamie June 5, 2010. She was my best friend. Jamie just turned 40 in April. Today it has been four weeks. I miss my sister so much...I know I will never be the same. I can't do anything without thinking about her. I want so badly to ask her...her opinions...which I did all the time. It seems unreal to me I can't pick up the phone and call her. My heart is broken into a 1000 pieces. I could never have imagined living my life without her beside me.
My mother found her on Saturday June 5th. We still don't know what happened to her. Her passing was so unexpected and sudden...I am still in complete shock. We are waiting on results...why she died...this is making it so much harder. My sister meant the world to me...not sure how I am going to cope.

Permalink Reply by Dignity Memorial NC on July 8, 2010 at 10:18am

Dealing with the death of a sibling can be very tough, particularly for young children. We recently wrote a post about how to talk to children about death (http://bit.ly/cvG6s4) which may be helpful for anyone out there going through this right now. Perhaps the best way to deal with these tough situations is to use sources like "Up" or "Charlotte's Web" to introduce the concepts to young children, and to help them deal with any responses they may have.

Permalink Reply by Tiffany on July 9, 2010 at 4:56am

my big brother died about a year and a half ago. he was only 18 and died suddenly in a car accident. he was comming home from school and a drunk lady swerved in front of him , he in turn swerved to avoid hitting her and crashed into a tree. his seatbelt snapped and broke his neck. they pulled him out of the mangled car and he died in my dads arms. the hardest part , the part that kills me every single day is that the doctors told us (after i asked) theres a good chance he would have lived had he not been wearing a seatbelt. they say to just give it time , the pain will go away.... thats a lie. the pain never ever goes away and it never gets any better. maybe sometimes it gets pushed aside to the back of your mind.. but it is ALWAYS there. not a day goes by that i dont think about him , my big brother , my shoulder to cry on , my advice giver , my bestfriend. i miss him so much sometimes i just cry myself to sleep. this wasnt supposed to happen , he wasnt supposed to leave me. i need him. i dont what im supposed to do without him. i feel so alone and incomplete , like someone rippped open my chest and tore my heart in half. i literatly feel like there is a huge hole in my chest , ive felt this way since the day he died. i have nightmares most every night , always about him. i feel guilty that i wasnt there to stop him. i always feel like if i had been there , he would still be alive. my head knows thats not true but my heart is saying otherwise. i just.... just there is nothing more painful you could ever go through than losing someone you love and are so close to... nothing, no physical pain could ever compare. everyday i walk by his beddroom and it kills me that he will never be in there ever again. sometimes i start to call him , and it hurts so bad when i stop halfway through and realize , he would never answer. im 15 , i need my brother for so many things. he truely was my very bestfriend. sometimes i just sit at his grave and talk , or sing , i like to think that maybe he hears me. i keep a journal and title every page "dear matty" his name was matthew but i always called him matty. there are so many things i want to tell him , but i cant. so many things i need him to tell me. but he cant. i cant understand why hes gone , why did something so terriable happen to such a wonderful person. he never did anything bad to anyone. he was sweet , and supportive. always there for anyone who needed him no matter what they needed , no matter how well he knew you. the fact that he died so someone else could live proves that. i only hope that hes lookin down on me smiling , that im making him proud. i know he would want me to move on but i just cant , its so hard. i cant just forget about the pain and move on like nothing ever happened. i just cant. im so afraid that im going to forget him , i feel like i can barely hear his voice in my head. his laugh , the way he always smelled , the little contours of his face. i feel like i forget something else everyday , and eventually im not going to be able to remember him at all......

Permalink Reply by Lance W on July 10, 2010 at 7:06pm

Tiffany,
I'm very sorry that you lost your brother. I lost mine too. I lost mine on June 17, 2010. He was killed by a shotgun, and we still don't know how it happened. I am dead on the inside without him. I wish I were with him.

I want to tell you this, and I am not trying to be contrary or hurtful, but that seatbelt didn't kill your brother. The drunk driver did. For every freak accident where a seatbelt failed to save a life, there are thousands of other accidents where the seatbelt did save lives. Seatbelts do in fact save lives... but drunk drivers take them. It is a shame that your brother was taken so soon from this life by such an uncaring, selfish person.

My heart goes out to you.

Permalink Reply by Priscilla Moore on July 10, 2010 at 7:55pm

Hello Lance and Tiffany. Oh yes, I too have lost my brother; it was in 2005, and I stayed with him until his last moment. He died of lung cancer as a result of carcinogen exposure aboard an air craft carrier in the Gulf of Tonkin, so I consider him a casualty of war. I think whether you have lost a person to suicide, war, or a drunken driver, the means is not so important, as the hole that is left in your soul, where your sibling was, as the depth of your love for him or her, that maybe you didn't discover until the loss. My brother and I were the two eldest of a family of 4 siblings and very close in age. We had shared the same time in history together and in the lives of our parents -- I could say one word of a memory and his eyes would twinkle in recognition. It is like losing a physical part of yourself. I don't know when the healing will be complete, if ever, but I can begin to feel a legacy he left me, of his dry sense of humor, in spite of any misfortune, his great love of learning and the life of the mind. And I have learned I can continue to love him, even though he is not in my world today. I hope we can all take some comfort in knowing the deep love we have for our brothers, that will go on as long as we do, and appreciate your grief as the measure of it. It also helps me to remember, that if our lives were like candles, the world would be full of flickering lights, lighting up for the first time, glowing, or going out, and each of those lights is a person just as dear as our dear ones. I hope we can all be patient with ourselves, with the lumps in our throats, and time it takes us to heal. Oh, and another thing that helps me, is to be friendly and patient with children, knowing they have such a journey ahead of them too. We all do, but it's such a mystery that each one feels like the only one. Bless you both, and don't be afraid to cry.

Lance W said:

Tiffany,
I'm very sorry that you lost your brother. I lost mine too. I lost mine on June 17, 2010. He was killed by a shotgun, and we still don't know how it happened. I am dead on the inside without him. I wish I were with him.

I want to tell you this, and I am not trying to be contrary or hurtful, but that seatbelt didn't kill your brother. The drunk driver did. For every freak accident where a seatbelt failed to save a life, there are thousands of other accidents where the seatbelt did save lives. Seatbelts do in fact save lives... but drunk drivers take them. It is a shame that your brother was taken so soon from this life by such an uncaring, selfish person.

My heart goes out to you.

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