"Hoping to connect with other gay/lesbian members who have recently lost a spouse."
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I'm still trying to get past the fact that my sister is gone. She killed herself just over three months ago, and I'm not sure how to move on. She was my best friend and now i feel like a big part of who i am is just gone...
how old was your sister? I lost my little sister who was just 17 at the time and my best friend in the world. Still seems like it was yesterday eventhough its been 6 hard years
SANDRA said:I'm still trying to get past the fact that my sister is gone. She killed herself just over three months ago, and I'm not sure how to move on. She was my best friend and now i feel like a big part of who i am is just gone...
On June 17 at 6:02 p.m. I got the most horrible shock of my life. My sister called and told me that my younger Brother had just ended his own life. "He's gone." she said. I didn't know what to say or think so I just stood there, unable to speak. Since then I feel alone and empty inside.
My wife and I drove back to Louisiana and closed ranks with my family.This was such a complete and utter shock. My Brother was such a rock. He was such an eternal optimist and had been through so many tough times in life. Each time he went through tough times he would smile and say "it's OK, Jesus will get me through this. God is going to take care of me." We still aren't really sure of what truly happened. His girlfriend was there at the time and she's telling the police one thing and our family another. The one thing we are all sure of is that our baby Brother, the son of my parents is gone and isn't coming back. He was 40 and now he'll never have another birthday. I'll never get to hug him and kiss his neck, ruffle his hair or hear him laugh again. He was my best friend and we had been through so much together. We were as close as any brothers can be.
It's been 11 days and I guess we're all still in shock. If I laugh at something I immediately feel guilty. When I sleep I dream of him, or of things I've done in life and I wake to think "he was alive when I did that."
I am trying to do things to honor him. I always looked up to him in all ways. he was the only person in life that I ever felt I should work to be more like. I was supposed to see him the week before he died but I couldn't make it. He called while I was at work and I didn't take the call because I was scared of getting in trouble with work so I let it go to VM, then I went to the bathroom and listened to his call. I hate myself for not just stepping into the bathroom and answering his call and telling him I loved him. I can not help but feel like I should have been his "bridge over troubled water" like a big brother is supposed to be. I can't help but believe in my heart that if I'd been there I could have seen the signs if indeed there had been any, or if not, I could have helped him beware of the relationship he was in. I had been in a similar relationship years earlier so i had some idea of what he might be going through and I even called to try to warn him, but got his VM. I was always his champion and protector when I could be. In our family he was the soul man, he lived for Christ and helping others and I was the wrathful giant. He was not quick to anger or short of temper. he was not vengeful. He wasn't like me in the negative ways. He was my hero.
Over the last few days I have spent a fair amount of time writing about him on my facebook page, trying to get rid of some of the hurt. I don't know what to do or where to go. I feel like a ship without sails, drifting on an open ocean. I feel like there is a hole in the center of my body that has no bottom. I am praying to God to make the man my family needs for me to be. At times I seem to collapse from the inside out and when I am alone I sometimes sob. I love my family and don't want to hurt them, but I wish that I could walk into the ocean. The way I feel about not wanting to hurt my loved ones is a big part of why I am having such a hard time believing my Brother took his own life. He was truly the most caring and considerate person I've ever met. The idea that he could have gone through a terrible moment of pain and sadness drives me into convulsions. I should have have been able to make it better for him.
Dear Lance, I lost my brother Alex three years ago in a sudden car accident and never was able to say goodbye. When my dad called to tell me all he said was "he's gone", so it really struck me when I read what you said. I didnt' know what that meant for a second. Gone? Where?? All I can tell you is life does go on. Three years later I still miss him terribly, painfully, every day, but it's a different kind of pain. Not as confusing and shattering. And I know I will see him again. And you will see your brother again. Live for him now and make him proud. He wants you to be happy in your own life and not let his death color the rest of the life you have to live. It will change you yes, but it will not hurt you more than you hurt right now. I'm o0n facebook too, my name is Effie and I live in Maine...so find me if you want. I understand and my thoughts and prayers are with you. PEACE Lance...may it find you sooner than later. Effie
Lance W said:On June 17 at 6:02 p.m. I got the most horrible shock of my life. My sister called and told me that my younger Brother had just ended his own life. "He's gone." she said. I didn't know what to say or think so I just stood there, unable to speak. Since then I feel alone and empty inside.
My wife and I drove back to Louisiana and closed ranks with my family.This was such a complete and utter shock. My Brother was such a rock. He was such an eternal optimist and had been through so many tough times in life. Each time he went through tough times he would smile and say "it's OK, Jesus will get me through this. God is going to take care of me." We still aren't really sure of what truly happened. His girlfriend was there at the time and she's telling the police one thing and our family another. The one thing we are all sure of is that our baby Brother, the son of my parents is gone and isn't coming back. He was 40 and now he'll never have another birthday. I'll never get to hug him and kiss his neck, ruffle his hair or hear him laugh again. He was my best friend and we had been through so much together. We were as close as any brothers can be.
It's been 11 days and I guess we're all still in shock. If I laugh at something I immediately feel guilty. When I sleep I dream of him, or of things I've done in life and I wake to think "he was alive when I did that."
I am trying to do things to honor him. I always looked up to him in all ways. he was the only person in life that I ever felt I should work to be more like. I was supposed to see him the week before he died but I couldn't make it. He called while I was at work and I didn't take the call because I was scared of getting in trouble with work so I let it go to VM, then I went to the bathroom and listened to his call. I hate myself for not just stepping into the bathroom and answering his call and telling him I loved him. I can not help but feel like I should have been his "bridge over troubled water" like a big brother is supposed to be. I can't help but believe in my heart that if I'd been there I could have seen the signs if indeed there had been any, or if not, I could have helped him beware of the relationship he was in. I had been in a similar relationship years earlier so i had some idea of what he might be going through and I even called to try to warn him, but got his VM. I was always his champion and protector when I could be. In our family he was the soul man, he lived for Christ and helping others and I was the wrathful giant. He was not quick to anger or short of temper. he was not vengeful. He wasn't like me in the negative ways. He was my hero.
Over the last few days I have spent a fair amount of time writing about him on my facebook page, trying to get rid of some of the hurt. I don't know what to do or where to go. I feel like a ship without sails, drifting on an open ocean. I feel like there is a hole in the center of my body that has no bottom. I am praying to God to make the man my family needs for me to be. At times I seem to collapse from the inside out and when I am alone I sometimes sob. I love my family and don't want to hurt them, but I wish that I could walk into the ocean. The way I feel about not wanting to hurt my loved ones is a big part of why I am having such a hard time believing my Brother took his own life. He was truly the most caring and considerate person I've ever met. The idea that he could have gone through a terrible moment of pain and sadness drives me into convulsions. I should have have been able to make it better for him.
I lost my sister Jamie June 5, 2010. She was my best friend. Jamie just turned 40 in April. Today it has been four weeks. I miss my sister so much...I know I will never be the same. I can't do anything without thinking about her. I want so badly to ask her...her opinions...which I did all the time. It seems unreal to me I can't pick up the phone and call her. My heart is broken into a 1000 pieces. I could never have imagined living my life without her beside me.
My mother found her on Saturday June 5th. We still don't know what happened to her. Her passing was so unexpected and sudden...I am still in complete shock. We are waiting on results...why she died...this is making it so much harder. My sister meant the world to me...not sure how I am going to cope.
Tiffany,
I'm very sorry that you lost your brother. I lost mine too. I lost mine on June 17, 2010. He was killed by a shotgun, and we still don't know how it happened. I am dead on the inside without him. I wish I were with him.
I want to tell you this, and I am not trying to be contrary or hurtful, but that seatbelt didn't kill your brother. The drunk driver did. For every freak accident where a seatbelt failed to save a life, there are thousands of other accidents where the seatbelt did save lives. Seatbelts do in fact save lives... but drunk drivers take them. It is a shame that your brother was taken so soon from this life by such an uncaring, selfish person.
My heart goes out to you.
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