Grief support: Share your story and learn from others about coping with the loss of a sibling.

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Kah, I would like to invite you to read the journal on my sisters legacy.com memorial page. It is a very lengthy paper I wrote and had published about my 10 year struggle trying to care for her with a very broken mental health system. It has been a year since I lost her so I understand your pain. Her name is Abigail Hoda. Take care and God bless Stephanie
Hello Stephanie,
I read the journal pages and what similarities. My sister was diagnosed with the same illness and she was 46 when she pasted. I live in the Atlanta area and my sister lived in the Tenn area. I got the news on a Friday night that she had pasted and I emailed the NAMI office in Memphis and the Exec director emailed me back that week-end. They help me set up a memorial fund in my sister's name for donations to go to the organization even though my family was not involved in the organization. I did join and I continue to make donations to them.
My family was and is not involved in the organization. However NAMI Memphis has been such a great support to me. I have gotten many phone calls, cards and emails from them. One of my former pastors was involved in the group at my church because his wife was bi-polar. He became a facilitator that did the "family education" classes. Also, I met a local board member of the NAMI group in my area this week and she invited me to a meeting. I am going to check it out. I can see myself moving in the direction of being a "advocate" for those affected my mental illnesses. It is a "broken system" and I will work to make some positive changes in the system. Thank you for sharing the story about your sister. I needed to come on this site for some encouragement to keep at the fore front that I am not "alone" dealing with the loss of siblings.
Thanks again,
Kah
I am very sorry to hear of your loss, also I want you to know that I completely understand the pain I lost my baby sister 3 years ago to a poulmenary embolism and the pain only eases for a little while and the Holidays are very much an emotional roller coaster for me still. And it is very hard to tell some one how I feel when I can't really explain it and they wouldn't understand any way they haven't dealt with it. The only peace I get really is the time I spend with her 3 year old daughter who is very much like her and we are very close.
So the only advise I can give is to talk about him often and laugh about the things you guys use to do, Keep his Memory alive thats all we can do now for them.

I lost two (2) siblings one in 1992 a homicide, a brother 32 years old. Also one in 2001, a sister 38 years old an automobile accident,she left three beautiful children and one new 2 month old grandchild. I go through stages of grief, I never sought professional counseling although I should have. The feelings of hurt abandonment and the why me's and, why me again are always present. I suggest to anyone that is at a sudden loss of a loved one seek counseling as soon as humanly posssible.
Hi Just Doll,my name is Elaine and I lost my first son in 1972,my father in 1987,mother in 1989,brother in 2002,and another son in 2006. The only one I recieved professional counseling with only Kris in 2006. I should have finished with the counseling but I didn't. I felt no relief at all. I did ask why with my first son,but not with Kris. I was taught that you should not question Gods work. I was also taught that when we pray we say Let thou will be done. we are accepting what is done by God. The thing is with me is that the pain and the heartache is still there. Even after two years I still feel it with Kris. I don't remember the pain and heartache being so long with the other love ones. I really don't know. Now I do do ask God why so much pain. I just can't stop hurting. It hurts so bad. Even right now while I am typing tears are rolling down my face missing Kris so much. I know it is harder now because of the holidays and Kris two sons are here with me. I am thinking that if I return and recieve my counseling to the end I could benefit from it. I am thinking hard of doing this. I will let you know the outcome.
Hi everyone, Well Christmas is over and now we have the new year. I lost my sweet sister Abby on 9/4/07 and for some reason I have really just started the greiving process. It hit me so much this year and I had the deep need to memorialize her so I created her site. I am frustrated because in life she wasn't reached out to by our family and now in death the same holds true. You know the old out of sight out of mind thing. I stepped up and took care of her and I guess now I will continue to keep her close in memory and let the rest of the family do what they will. I try not to be angry and I need not to judge but she really did not deserve to be ignored. You know being able to talk and vent really does help. I ask God every day to please let her know how much I loved her and miss her. I also ask him to please work with me to ease the frustration and anger I feel towards my family over this. I trust him to help me work through this but I thank all of you for listening and I hope to be a support for you. Stephanie http://memorialwebsites.legacy.com/abby-hoda/homepage.aspx
Hi Stephanie,this is Elaine you know you did a wonder job with your sister memorial site. I really love it. and it did bring tears to my eyes. So now you can see her.talk to her and remember her in so many ways. I love this site,and I would encourage each and everyone to do this. Their Site might not be as great as your sister site, I think I did a good job with my son Kris Site. I am always on the site just to view his pictures and to talk to him. Sometimes I forget to go to the memory book and write just looking at his pictures with the family and friends. I miss him so much. Stephanie write anytime,if you feel lonely or sad just contact us here. I know someone will answer. I have been so down with the holidays that I refuse to do anything. I am still carring that heartache and pain,but not as bad as the beginning. But it still hurts. So lets keep in touch on line with this site. I finds so much peace and comfort from this site from all of our friends that has experience and feel the same hurt that we do. So keep in touch.
Hi Elaine, Thanks for the compliments on Abby's site. I have to admit when I started I was computer illiterate but I had surgery Nov 19 on my foot and until the 1st week of Dec I could not be on it at all so I spent hours learning how to do this. I still have more I want to do but have not learned how yet. My neice Ashley is in college in Little Rock so I called and she talked me through a few things. She finally did the music for me because I was so frustrated with it. I have to go to the Dr. today to get 3 pins removed from my toes so will have to stay put again for the next 4 days so hopefully I can do more. It is so real to me when I go to this site I can really see her and feel her. My favorite is the picture of her smiling from heaven. I feel I can almost touch her with that picture. I am so sorry it was tough for you through the holidays but I guess we all understand. If it weren't for my granddaughter I would have struggled more but every morning before anyone was up I would go on Abby's site and have my private time with her. I miss her too but more than that I just wish things could have been better for her. I know it is now and that gives me peace. I visited Kris' site and it is so nice and I know he was loved so much by his family. God Bless Stephanie
Stephanie this is how I feel,I have my private time with Kris. I cry sometimes,and sometimes I smile. There is a lot I would like to do with Kris site but like you I gets frustrated fast and give up. But my niece will help me to touch it up a little. She is a graphic designer. I told her after seeing your sister memorial site that I needed her help. She agreed to help me. I would like to have music while viewing Kris pictues and all like Abby site. Well Stephanie write anytime we are here. God bless Elaine
Hi Elaine, Thank goodness for neices. Mine helped me with the music the first time and talked me through it the second time. She is in college in Little Rock so she has to be patient with me. I told her I wasn't as smart as her. I agree with the range of emotions. When I created the site it was tough for me because I had so much I wanted to do for her. My next low point was the apathy displayed by my family. Once I got past that and reached the new year I felt good because I now veiw it as a celebration of her life and a way for me to get close to her. HECK with the rest. Abby was cremated and there is no burial site because I wanted her free so this gives me a place to go and smile or cry. God bless you too. Stephanie
Elaine I found a poem I wanted to send you. I ran across it and thought of the feelings you have for your son. Stephanie
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Hi Stephanie,you know I am crying now. The words are so true. Right I never had the chance to say good-bye. You know I would have given any thing to have him back with me. So many times I needed and called on him when in need,knowing that he was in the arms of GOD. The one who loved him more. But Stephanie I miss him so much. No one will ever know how much. Why,I still can't answer that. This poem sound like words that my neice wrote about Kris. I put this poem in my favorites for keep sake. Thanks Stephanie.

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