Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Pam on March 19, 2009 at 10:03pm

Cassie i hope your week is getting better. I'm just really tired all of a sudden. Like I got drained and have lost the fight. I'm really tired. I look at the three papers piled with her stuff and walk by and just go and put on the t.v. and stare and come here and read. I hope this weekend I will be able to take that deep breath . I feel like I can't you know? Like if you took a really deep breathe something else will happen. I'm really getting lost in the maze of these forums. and there is no reply for under your last comment, i hope you find this one here. Thinking of you, and thanking all the others who have come one to leave your thoughts.

Permalink Reply by Pam on March 20, 2009 at 11:42am

Hi Cassie I see your reply 5 hours ago, but they don't seem to be in a order. I will look at your brothers video, right now I'm at work and am pushing it just doing this. My sister came to me , I had just dozed off at 5 this morning after been awake most of the night. No more ativan. Got to work and drive.She is so mixed up and dazed. I tried to be brave but still woke up screaming and calling her name. She put out her arms for a hug and I just started yelling. What is wrong with me? I want to be brave and not frightened , especailly for her. I told her to go to God and have some peace. will check in after work. Am thinking of you also, please take my hug in return and have a good day. Pam

Permalink Reply by kim on March 20, 2009 at 12:22pm

I am getting confused as well to how this is all working Pam. I don't know what is happening. I had dreams of my brother too, but it is just the back of his head. I think it is because he took his life and my brain won't let me see the front of his face yet. I think you need to embrass the hug your sister is sending. She is trying to tell you that she is ok and you will be ok as well and that she is next to you on your walk through life. My mom said that she is not taking her ativan any more either. Take care everyone. Kim

Permalink Reply by Cassie on March 20, 2009 at 6:36pm

kim said:

I am getting confused as well to how this is all working Pam. I don't know what is happening. I had dreams of my brother too, but it is just the back of his head. I think it is because he took his life and my brain won't let me see the front of his face yet. I think you need to embrass the hug your sister is sending. She is trying to tell you that she is ok and you will be ok as well and that she is next to you on your walk through life. My mom said that she is not taking her ativan any more either. Take care everyone. Kim

Permalink Reply by Pam on March 24, 2009 at 1:11pm

these forums are being a little confusing to me. Thinking of you Cassie and Kim and Stephanie and all the others that keep coming back on here. Do the days get better? The funeral home just phoned today, March 24 to come down and pick up the clothes she had on for her funeral. And so on it goes, each day a month on the 25th. No it doesn't . Not right now, it doesn't.

Cassie said:

kim said:

I am getting confused as well to how this is all working Pam. I don't know what is happening. I had dreams of my brother too, but it is just the back of his head. I think it is because he took his life and my brain won't let me see the front of his face yet. I think you need to embrass the hug your sister is sending. She is trying to tell you that she is ok and you will be ok as well and that she is next to you on your walk through life. My mom said that she is not taking her ativan any more either. Take care everyone. Kim

Permalink Reply by Stephanie on March 24, 2009 at 10:21pm

Pam said:

these forums are being a little confusing to me. Thinking of you Cassie and Kim and Stephanie and all the others that keep coming back on here. Do the days get better? The funeral home just phoned today, March 24 to come down and pick up the clothes she had on for her funeral. And so on it goes, each day a month on the 25th. No it doesn't . Not right now, it doesn't.

Cassie said:

kim said:

I am getting confused as well to how this is all working Pam. I don't know what is happening. I had dreams of my brother too, but it is just the back of his head. I think it is because he took his life and my brain won't let me see the front of his face yet. I think you need to embrass the hug your sister is sending. She is trying to tell you that she is ok and you will be ok as well and that she is next to you on your walk through life. My mom said that she is not taking her ativan any more either. Take care everyone. Kim

Permalink Reply by Stephanie on March 24, 2009 at 10:21pm

Pam said:

Hi Cassie I see your reply 5 hours ago, but they don't seem to be in a order. I will look at your brothers video, right now I'm at work and am pushing it just doing this. My sister came to me , I had just dozed off at 5 this morning after been awake most of the night. No more ativan. Got to work and drive.She is so mixed up and dazed. I tried to be brave but still woke up screaming and calling her name. She put out her arms for a hug and I just started yelling. What is wrong with me? I want to be brave and not frightened , especailly for her. I told her to go to God and have some peace. will check in after work. Am thinking of you also, please take my hug in return and have a good day. Pam

Permalink Reply by Stephanie on March 24, 2009 at 10:28pm

I do not know why this keeps copying everything over I will contact Legacy support by e-mail and see what is going on. I was just going to tell you Cassie and Pam I think the grief does ease up some but it really does take time. Their are still triggers that upset me but not on a daily basis like it was those first few months. It seemed like several months passed before I finally stopped getting mail concerning Abby and that was so hard. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. My prayers are with you Stephanie

Stephanie said:

Pam said:

these forums are being a little confusing to me. Thinking of you Cassie and Kim and Stephanie and all the others that keep coming back on here. Do the days get better? The funeral home just phoned today, March 24 to come down and pick up the clothes she had on for her funeral. And so on it goes, each day a month on the 25th. No it doesn't . Not right now, it doesn't.

Cassie said:

kim said:

I am getting confused as well to how this is all working Pam. I don't know what is happening. I had dreams of my brother too, but it is just the back of his head. I think it is because he took his life and my brain won't let me see the front of his face yet. I think you need to embrass the hug your sister is sending. She is trying to tell you that she is ok and you will be ok as well and that she is next to you on your walk through life. My mom said that she is not taking her ativan any more either. Take care everyone. Kim

Permalink Reply by melinda stoll on March 24, 2009 at 11:04pm

I am so sorry to hear about your loss.. My grandmother raised me from birth till i was 18. she gave up alot to take care of me and my sister and i don't think she had to but she wanted to... six months ago my grandmother passed away so suddenly i couldn't believe it when it happened one minute she was ok next minute she was gone. the sad part of all this is i was holding her hand when she passed away my cousin had her other hand and my other cousin was holding her as she passed.. i don't understand why and it hurts more and more each day.. i miss her so much it hurt cause for 3 years after i turned 18 i stayed with her and took care of her the best i could cause i just didn't want to leave her after all she did for me..

Permalink Reply by Pam on March 25, 2009 at 3:37pm

DeeDee dies a month ago today. I miss her so much.

Stephanie said:

I do not know why this keeps copying everything over I will contact Legacy support by e-mail and see what is going on. I was just going to tell you Cassie and Pam I think the grief does ease up some but it really does take time. Their are still triggers that upset me but not on a daily basis like it was those first few months. It seemed like several months passed before I finally stopped getting mail concerning Abby and that was so hard. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. My prayers are with you Stephanie

Stephanie said:

Pam said:

these forums are being a little confusing to me. Thinking of you Cassie and Kim and Stephanie and all the others that keep coming back on here. Do the days get better? The funeral home just phoned today, March 24 to come down and pick up the clothes she had on for her funeral. And so on it goes, each day a month on the 25th. No it doesn't . Not right now, it doesn't.

Cassie said:

kim said:

I am getting confused as well to how this is all working Pam. I don't know what is happening. I had dreams of my brother too, but it is just the back of his head. I think it is because he took his life and my brain won't let me see the front of his face yet. I think you need to embrass the hug your sister is sending. She is trying to tell you that she is ok and you will be ok as well and that she is next to you on your walk through life. My mom said that she is not taking her ativan any more either. Take care everyone. Kim

Permalink Reply by Pam on March 26, 2009 at 12:59pm

Cassie I see you've been gone awhile. I pray your getting thru the nights and days. Those nights, there so hard , aren't they? There forums seem to have taken on there own personality. I've talked to kim on the comment wall. Please drop a note and say how your doing. To know your not alone in this helps so much. My two sisters who were here for the funeral , have asked me not to talk about our DeeDee anymore. they are in terriable grief. I guess I need to talk, if I leave her inside of me it starts growing into a huge pile of pain. take care and love yourself, pam

Cassie said:

My relpy will not take, donot know why. I know you are tired. It is all the SHOCK wearing off. It is becoming real to you now. You may be able to start resting some. Listen to your body so it stays healthy. I did that too. I thought OH no what else will happen now. I just can not take anymore right now. I have come to terms with my brother being gone. Seems real now. If you type in gary scott brake brakefield someone did a tribute video for me. I am not sure who. You can see it. Pam, try to relax. Try to get some sleep. Eat and just enjoy yourself some. You just keep doing one day at a time. I think of you all the time. I send you a big hug and please try to do something positve eveyday. Take your time with papers and stuff like that. You will take care of all that when your ready. We will heal together. We will always miss our sister and brother, but we will live a little more with each passing day. CAssie

Permalink Reply by kim on March 26, 2009 at 1:49pm

Cassie, I too hope that you are doing ok. I pray that you are doing well and things are becoming more bearable for you and your family. Pam you are so right, holding things in and hurting inside makes us not very nice people and really tears down any new relationship waiting to come into our lives--hurting is not easy and it isn't fun, but sometimes we have to go through it, but together it makes it a lot easier. Grief is so hard because each of us take and respond so differently and time is the only thing that helps with that. Do what YOU need to do for yourself everyone's ideas are good but remember they are only ideas sometimes we have to try so many different ways to handle our grief. Just remember there is no right way and there is no wrong way there is only YOUR way. Enjoy your day. we are getting snow. My brother loved snow and sledding. may take the kids out to sled when it stops. :)

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