Dealing with a sibling's death

Grief support: Share your story and learn from others about coping with the loss of a sibling.

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Permalink Reply by Mike Kile on June 30, 2008 at 6:03pm

Anne, who had lost her baby Rachel to SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome). Her husband commented: “The surprising thing was that neither Anne nor I cried at the funeral. Everyone else was weeping.” To this, Anne responded: “Yes, but I have done plenty of crying for both of us. I think it really hit me a few weeks after the tragedy, when I was finally alone one day in the house. I cried all day long. But I believe it helped me. I felt better for it. I had to mourn the loss of my baby. I really do believe that you should let grieving people weep. Although it is a natural reaction for others to say, ‘Don’t cry,’ that doesn’t really help.”

Permalink Reply by Elaine Banks Phillips on June 30, 2008 at 6:44pm

Mike you know something this happened to me with my son Kris. I had to be strong because my daughter was 5 months pregnant,and I needed to be strong for Kris (2) boys Kris J. & Kory J. also for his fiance Enjoli. But a day or two after the funeral it hit me that Kris was gone and that I would not see him again. When reality steps in it hurts. I thought after 2 yrs. I would be able to accept this but it is hard and my heart is still aching. I cries many of days and nights when something reminds me of Kris. Music,TV,bald headed men,and let me see a fire truck here comes the tears. My dad use to say all the time never tell a person not to cry let them get it all out. Not saying that you want cry anymore,this will releave some of the pressure. I think that loosing Kris is why I had my aneurysm 1yr.after Kris death. I think it is good for a person to let their grieving out.

Permalink Reply by Lee on July 1, 2008 at 4:33pm

Elaine, I think that your dad was absolutely right about people needing to cry. I rarely enjoy actually crying - my eyes get all swollen, my nose runs and my face itches from all the salt - but after it's over I feel like I've unplugged a drain and let the sadness out.

Permalink Reply by Elaine Banks Phillips on July 1, 2008 at 8:41pm

Lee my pillow be so wet when I finish crying. Sometimes I cry my self to sleep. But still and ask God to relieve this pain.

Permalink Reply by Mike Kile on July 2, 2008 at 6:42am

Well Elaine i don't know what you are exactly going through,but i know it must of been hard for you.For Kris Nevertheless. I know the sudden death of a baby is a devastating tragedy. One day an apparently normal, healthy baby fails to wake up. This is totally unexpected, for who imagines that any infant or child will die before its parents do? A baby that has become the center of a mother’s boundless love is suddenly the focus of her boundless grief. Guilt feelings begin to flood in.

In some cases the husband, without foundation, might even unconsciously blame his wife. When he went to work, the baby was alive and healthy. When he got home, it had died in its crib! What was his wife doing? Where was she at the time? These plaguing questions have to be cleared up so that they do not put a strain on the marriage

However Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS), which usually occurs in babies aged one to six months, is the term used when healthy babies die suddenly without any explicable cause. In some cases it is believed that the possibility can be avoided if the baby is put to sleep on its back or side but not face down. However, no sleeping position will prevent every case of SIDS.

Permalink Reply by Elaine Banks Phillips on July 2, 2008 at 12:29pm

Mike I have to say I went thru the same situation. My 1st child was 1mo.and 18 days,and I loss him to from SID in 1972. This is my 2nd child I had to bury. I was young and my husband and I knew nothing about SID until it happened to our baby.
Now Kris at the age of 28. I know what you went thru. I did question God at this time because I didn't know any better. I ask why my only child. Now here again my youngest child. So this has been a experience to me.i

Permalink Reply by Latasha Pegues on July 3, 2008 at 9:45am

Elaine, did you know that the bible assures us that we can see our dead loved ones again? At Acts chapter 24, verse 15 we see that there will be a resurrection. I have an article that talks about coping with the loss of someone close to us and the wonderful things we can look forward to. Let me know if you would like to read it.

Permalink Reply by Elaine Banks Phillips on July 3, 2008 at 1:16pm

Latasha yes I would love to read the articles and I have read Acts:24 & 15,I believe that we would have a chance to see our love ones again in the ressurection. But I can't and don't understand why I am not right now getting any comfort. I am a strong believer in GOD always have been. But I won't give up praying and reading the bible.

Permalink Reply by Latasha Pegues on July 14, 2008 at 2:14pm

Elaine, Im sorry it took so long for me to get back to you. I'm glad you keep praying and reading the Bible because it is essential ( John 17:3). It takes time to heal. Remember Jesus wept over the death of his friend Lazarus and he knew he was about to ressurect him. However, we can find comfort now from the scriptures. You can e-mail me at ldpegues@yahoo.com so that I can get the articles to you.

Permalink Reply by Elaine Banks Phillips on July 14, 2008 at 2:34pm

Thanks so much Latasha. Before I forget My e-mail address(teediep@yahoo.com). Also I will email you so that you can get Kris Legacy Memorial site

Permalink Reply by Teresa on July 3, 2008 at 3:02pm

I am truley sorry for your loss. I am the 3rd oldest out of 5 sisters and 2 brothers we lost our sister Letty on Febuary 23,2008 she was only 31. She had been fighting cancer since she was 26 years old. And although we knew it could happen you could never prepare. She has two kids 5 and 10 years old and they are the greatest. She as well was the best she would never say no if you needed help. I miss her so much. I will keep your sister and family in my prayers.

Permalink Reply by Elaine Banks Phillips on July 3, 2008 at 7:45pm

Teresa I am the 7th child out of 10 kids. We had 7 girls and 3 boys. We only lost one brother out of the 10. Out of the 10 kids I am the only one that lost kids to death in the family. I think what makes it hard for Kris is that he was 5 and he and his dad use to do everything together. playing football,basketball,washing the car and the dog,bringing him to and from school working on cars,walking in the park,just about everything together. He remembers this and miss this. On the other hand Kory was just 2 yrs. of age and the only thing he remember is that his dad went to work and never made it home. Kory cries all the time saying I WANT MY DADDY. When they come to me this is what I have to explain to Kory what happened to his dad. I am still praying asking God to keep me with strength to help my two grandsons and myself. Thanks so much for the prayers and please continue to pray with us.