Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by AIMEE on October 13, 2009 at 2:52pm

SUE said:

Thankyou Effie,
My brother died Thanksgiving weekend ( this coming weekend in Canada), also my anniversary, needless to say these *special*days dont mean to me what they should.Instead I dread them, I feel sorry for my husband,my family, myself...
I look around at the trees in their brilliance, the colours, the richness, I remember my last talk with him, his voice still on my recorder, and I ask myself, why? He was only 38.
His ashes are with me, still in need of the final resting place...even after 7 years I still havent figured that one out...maby I just want him with me always,
Sue



Effie said:

I blew off one of the last calls my brother made to me, with the same though, oh it's just Alex, I'll chat with him when I get the chance...then he was gone. I will never get another call. It will haunt me the rest of my days. I know he would have forgiven me. But I cannot forgive myself. I'm with you all in spirit.

SUE said:

As yet another anniversary looms around the corner, I find myself once again in search of others like me,.... survivors. I mean who else could possibly understand.
My only brother, no note,no warning,no nothing...At first, I couldnt breath,couldnt stop crying,no control.I was never so lost, so vulnerable, so helpless...
I stumbled upon a website,its was 1000 deaths...a forum hopefully much like this one. It kept me sane, when I knew I was losing it. I mean I do not know if I could of ever really made it without the help and the sharing I found on that board.
Skip this paragraph if you need to,
(GRAPHIC)
(( My loss is not recent, my brother Steve has been gone almost 7 years. He hung himself in the dark and dirty hallway of his crappy apt building. He was found by some poor tenant of that place, dead for who knows how long? A day, hours ? The coroner said he appeared to have tried it more than once,...the belt broke, the extention cord didnt..My poor brother,he had another chance...))

We spoke 2 days earlier, he called bck late that night, I rolled over in my bed, saw his number and said...oh its just my brother if its important he'll leave a message.........

And there it is the guilt, and with suicide, there will always be the guilt mixed with the loss and it is haunting..
My good friend/ stepmother of 21 years was murdered just 9 months before my brothers death. Her killer than killed himself....I miss them both my brother Steve and Kay.
If I can possibly help anyone here, or if anyone needs an ear, shoulder...
Sue

my brother didnt laeve a note either

Permalink Reply by Peggy on October 16, 2009 at 11:42am

Larry,
I am so sorry to hear of your loss - and I do know how you feel. I just lost my brother to a single gunshot wound to the head on September 5th - There are no words that can help you through your pain. I still cannot believe it is real - even though I am dealing with the financial impact of this death and sending off death certificates advising people there is no estate and no means to pay bills - I will never understand why - and will never have any answers - none of us will -
I am getting through the days and nights better now - but it took a couple of months - my mom is sleeping in her own house again - and the rest of us are back to life - but we will never "get over it" - I have dealt with death plenty of times including my father and best friend whom passed from cancer a month from each other and only a few months after my marriage - I still have a huge void in my life - but I am at peace with their deaths because of how ill they were prior to leaving - but Joe - I do not think I will ever find peace with his death. Some days are better than others - some nights are better than others - but at least I started to sleep again - I know we all grieve differently - and please allow yourself the time and space to grieve - reach out as much as you need and know you will always find some comfort in reading and sharing on these pages - I am pretty mad at my brother for leaving the way he did - the pain he has caused our mother, sisters, brothers, nieces and nephews, aunts and cousins not to mention his wonderful girlfriend who was there when he shot himself - I truly do not know how she gets through her days. I cannot imagine the sight - the sound - the smell - the fear - how would you ever get that out of your mind?! I loved / love Joe - don't get me wrong - but his permanent solution to a temporary problem has left a permanent scare in all of those who knew him - He had over 300 people at his service - I still cannot believe it - the place was packed - people had to stand outside the chapel - He touched so many people - and yet felt his life was not worth living - WOW - I am rambling - on and on - sorry - anyway - Larry take care of yourself - and do what is right for you. Grieve at your own pace and know what you are feeling is real - and you are not crazy -
To all of you that have lost a loved one - regardless of how - my sympathy is with you all. It is never easy saying good-bye to those we love.

Permalink Reply by gsss124 on October 19, 2009 at 2:21pm

Well, I really want someone/anyone to read this.
I lost my sister 3 years ago. She was 3 years older to me, just 24 years of age at that time. She committed suicide.
I reconciled by just pretending that she is alive somewhere. This did not work long.
On top of this, my father is a very dominating personality and she had given indication
of depression and sadness before committing suicide. But, my father did not heed it and did not let my mother go and meet her. And, he still abuses and hits my mother and abuses me. Further, I cannot share this with anyone and he has told me not to tell anyone. So I tell people that I am the only sibling. That is very very painful.
But, these days I have told 2 people recently about my sister because I am unable to keep it inside. I am in a very precarious situation. Why did my sister suffer my parents' stupid incompatibility issues? That is very sad for me.
My sister was there, yes I had a sister, now I can't talk to her ever, that pains me a lot. Still, I do not get the emotional support I need, instead I get more grief. But, thankfully enough I have made quite a few friends but did not tell them about my sister. This is painful, so I wanted to share. I would most certainly like to share more.
I really appreciate this place. My heart felt sympathies and love for all suicide survivors and those whom they lost. I think communication/sharing can only break our pain more.
Thank you.

Permalink Reply by teresa allen on October 21, 2009 at 12:40pm

hi. my name is teresa. i lost my dad 10 years ago in a bad car crash, my brother in a car crash, my other brother over an accidental overdose and my sister through suicide. my mother has recently taken a heart attack and the doctors recommends that she has a broken heart. how am i meant to cope with everything that has happened?

Permalink Reply by sandy davis on October 23, 2009 at 8:57pm

teresa, i can't begin to tell you how sorry i am for all and i do mean all of your sorrow. you must be a strong person although, at times there just doesn't seem to be enought strength. i hope any little thing any of us have said on this site can help you in some way. there are some grief emails that come daily and are very helpful. they come through griefshare website. there are times when i receive more support from strangers on this site than i do my family. and i certainly do not mean my mom. i try my best to be a support for her and not expect her to have to worry about me. my husband walked out on me two months after we buried my brother. my two grown sons are in their own little worlds. one of my sons seemingly has chosen sides and it ain't me. he is not letting me see my grandson nearly as much as i did before. the grandson is one of my main reasons for keeping on keeping on. well, i can develop an anger that gets me through most of the time but i do have my moments. my secondary pain, grief and loss is caused by mean hurtful people. your losses have just been amassed on you in droves. i would urge you to seek out some help at a church or even more websites. all the help you can get is for the better. again, i am so sorry. yours is just more than i can imagine. i often fear losing someone else i love while i am still reeling with my brother's passing and what my husband so cruelly chose to do at such a horrible time. i will pray for you and please see about finding a church to help you. love, sandy

teresa allen said:

hi. my name is teresa. i lost my dad 10 years ago in a bad car crash, my brother in a car crash, my other brother over an accidental overdose and my sister through suicide. my mother has recently taken a heart attack and the doctors recommends that she has a broken heart. how am i meant to cope with everything that has happened?

Permalink Reply by Katharn on October 31, 2009 at 2:43am

Hi, my name is Katharn (pronounced Katherine), but most call me Kate. On Wednesday, the 28th of this month, I lost my sister, Theresa. Given we are Irish and were raised up to uphold the old Irish traditions, her passing has not only left a hole the size of the universe in my heart, but me, at the age of 47, head of the family. The new matriarch. She passed suddenly after seeming to have recovered from a bout with double phumonia. I worshipped her, she was my hero, 12 years older. With my 'new' position in the family I haven't been allowed to grieve when my heart is broken. Since Wednesday night I've lived on the phone, others needing my comfort. I feel lost, angry and confused. My husband of nearly 30 years is trying his best to help me, but he loved her too. I'd love to run down the road screaming since life without Theresa seems so unreal, a nightmare from which I can't awake. Her services aren't until Monday (she was cremated per her wishes) Am I pitying myself or is it unfair to want MY time to grieve this loss of a sister I adored? Please forgive my rambling and misspellings, I haven't slept since Wednesda either. Both of my parents have been gone many years, so now my sweet husband, adult children, younger brother, nephews, brother-in-law, cousins and family friends are all counting on me to be strong for them. I'm just numb since I can't fall apart, but I seem to be helping them. God is helping me, that I know, but I want my chance to cry too. Theresa was my hero, my shining star and my best friend. I never imagined we'd lose her at the age of 59. Thanks for letting me rant. God bless all of you.
Kate

Permalink Reply by Effie on October 31, 2009 at 8:48am

Dear Kate, All of us here knows how you feel. You came to the right place. This morning the first thing I thought of when I woke up was my brother, and how much I miss him I often wake up crying, sometimes go to bed that way too. Even in the car or in a store...Someone else here once described it as feeling "shattered", and that is how it feels to me. But you MUST MUST let yourself feel the sadness. I have to keep telling myself that too. I'm 40 and my brother died when he was 31, that was on April 28, 2007. He was my only brother and I was his only sister. Now I am one. It is something I never get used to. Now my parents rely on me for their strength too, as well as other family and friends. But I have always felt, since he died, that I am alone in my grief because I'm just the sister. My parents lost their only son and baby. My brothers kids lost their daddy and his wife lost her husband. I have to remind myself, and I found this great message board, that there are people who really understand. Just remember if you need to cry just do it. I've cried in the video rental store, at a school play, at the beach...Who cares what people think. Your sister would want you to be ok. That is the bottom line.
Katharn said:

Hi, my name is Katharn (pronounced Katherine), but most call me Kate. On Wednesday, the 28th of this month, I lost my sister, Theresa. Given we are Irish and were raised up to uphold the old Irish traditions, her passing has not only left a hole the size of the universe in my heart, but me, at the age of 47, head of the family. The new matriarch. She passed suddenly after seeming to have recovered from a bout with double phumonia. I worshipped her, she was my hero, 12 years older. With my 'new' position in the family I haven't been allowed to grieve when my heart is broken. Since Wednesday night I've lived on the phone, others needing my comfort. I feel lost, angry and confused. My husband of nearly 30 years is trying his best to help me, but he loved her too. I'd love to run down the road screaming since life without Theresa seems so unreal, a nightmare from which I can't awake. Her services aren't until Monday (she was cremated per her wishes) Am I pitying myself or is it unfair to want MY time to grieve this loss of a sister I adored? Please forgive my rambling and misspellings, I haven't slept since Wednesda either. Both of my parents have been gone many years, so now my sweet husband, adult children, younger brother, nephews, brother-in-law, cousins and family friends are all counting on me to be strong for them. I'm just numb since I can't fall apart, but I seem to be helping them. God is helping me, that I know, but I want my chance to cry too. Theresa was my hero, my shining star and my best friend. I never imagined we'd lose her at the age of 59. Thanks for letting me rant. God bless all of you.
Kate

Permalink Reply by maria Gikas on November 2, 2009 at 6:06am

Elaine Banks Phillips said:

Sandra I don't know if there is a difference in the feeling of the way that a person or love dies. I have never experience the pain of death with some one taking there own life. It hurted me knowing that my mom and dad was dying of cancer,my brother with kidney failure/diabetes,a son from sudden infant death now my son unexpected death. But with my experience the unexpected death gave me the worst heartache. All I loved very dearly. I think our deaths unexpected and taking your life may be a little different. I say this because after Kris death I had a Brain Aneurysm the next year. Its been 2yrs and my heart still aches.

Permalink Reply by maria Gikas on November 2, 2009 at 6:07am

maria Gikas said:

Elaine Banks Phillips said:

Sandra I don't know if there is a difference in the feeling of the way that a person or love dies. I have never experience the pain of death with some one taking there own life. It hurted me knowing that my mom and dad was dying of cancer,my brother with kidney failure/diabetes,a son from sudden infant death now my son unexpected death. But with my experience the unexpected death gave me the worst heartache. All I loved very dearly. I think our deaths unexpected and taking your life may be a little different. I say this because after Kris death I had a Brain Aneurysm the next year. Its been 2yrs and my heart still aches.

Permalink Reply by maria Gikas on November 2, 2009 at 6:17am

Hi there all,
Have read your losses and now I know that I am not alone my loss of my wonderful brother Tony last year left me empty without feelings of highs, as without him around all those special moments don't seem the same without him. Sometimes I sit and wonder how its possible to go on the rest of my life without him. There are times am so sad don't want to be on my own , he was my best friend as well as my one and only brother. Wish I had told him so much more and hugged him the last time I saw him. Why does this have to happen?



maria Gikas said:

Elaine Banks Phillips said:

Sandra I don't know if there is a difference in the feeling of the way that a person or love dies. I have never experience the pain of death with some one taking there own life. It hurted me knowing that my mom and dad was dying of cancer,my brother with kidney failure/diabetes,a son from sudden infant death now my son unexpected death. But with my experience the unexpected death gave me the worst heartache. All I loved very dearly. I think our deaths unexpected and taking your life may be a little different. I say this because after Kris death I had a Brain Aneurysm the next year. Its been 2yrs and my heart still aches.

Permalink Reply by Happy on November 2, 2009 at 10:16pm

Hi,
I lost my sister last night and It has been a strange day. I am in a different country than the rest of my family and just relocated to a new city to start grad school. She was so young 23, and only sick for 10 days. I feel so guilty, like I should have stopped it somehow. I prayed and asked God to give her half of my life but it did not work out. I feel like I failed her you know, like I should have been a better sister and that I let her die. I have been so mad the whole day at myself at God, at her for not fighting through the pain, for not saying goodbye, for cheating me out of a sister, and mad at myself for not being able to help her. I feel guilty about being mad at her and God but I just can't seem to help it. It is so hard because I am so far from home and won't be going home because I just got back a few months ago from summer break. I feel trapped. I have classes and mountains of homework and all I want to do is curl up and go to sleep. I want to trust that she is in a happier place but I don't know why she couldn't have been happier here. I just don't know honestly.

Permalink Reply by Celina on November 2, 2009 at 11:59pm

just found this site....
I lost my brother Michael (Mike) Feb. 25, 2009. Everyday has been a living hell for me. He was 20 when he passed away. He had a brain tumor. He is my only sibling. With the holidays right around the corner it is geting harder and harder for me to concentrate on my daily activities. I miss him so very much. When he passed I had to be strong for my parents, which made it even more difficult. About a month ago, I finally had a breakdown. We were pretty close and I feel like god cheated me out of my brother. Why did God have to take my brother? I would have much rather taken his place, and instead I have to go through life without him. I find myself thinking of him constantly.

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