Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Elaine Banks Phillips on August 2, 2008 at 12:06pm

Linda a know how you feel,especially when there is closeness in the family. We were planning another mother day at my son Kris house again. The year before hurricane Katrina Kris gave everyone a great mother day dinner. I mean everybody talked about it for months. So we planned to do it again. But Kris was killed in his SUV apparently they said he fell to sleep behind the wheel,now this happened 2 wks.before mother day. Look what I had to deal with. I miss him so much. I have never hurt so much before in my life. But by talking with everyone on this web site really ease some of the pain. It makes me realize that I am not alone. I do now have someone who feels like I do and understands what I am feeling. So like I have been told and now I am telling others to keep reading the bible and pray. Like always I will be praying with you.

Permalink Reply by Kah Massey on August 2, 2008 at 1:03pm

Hello Linda,
My heart aches for you right now. I sometime wonder why the "good people" have to leave us so soon. Please take time to grieve but seek some counseling. Untreated grief can lead to health issues. You are doing the right thing by reaching out to others that have experience death of love ones. I have heard that God will not put more on us than we can bear. I have had to have some conversations with God about that....Focus on the good times. Look to your family, friends and faith for support. Spend some time on a hobby or helping someone else in memory of your brother and brother in law. Hang in there and several of us on this site are praying for you. Email me if you need to at pmassey1998@yahoo.com

Permalink Reply by Devona Rodricq on August 5, 2008 at 2:29am

Ito's been a while since I've visited. I'm sorry for not responding when I asked for help. I did of course read your responses. I just needed some time. Please forgive me and know that I am still here. I've been a little better, I guess just trying to get by with each passing day. I was very angry during the last two weeks, I did a lot of blaming, a lot of what if's and a lot of just telling myself that I could'nt of changed anything. Even if I wanted to! Because my brother was the type that you could never say anything, without him already knowing. But I guess almost everyone is like that. With him, I could see so much of my mom and him with me, and we knew what we would be trying to say to eachother. We just knew!! I can talk about him now without crying. I still hurt,of course and always will. But now, I know I'm accepting the fact that he is'nt here physically. I still have'nt gone though any type of theropy, but I definetly plan on it!!!!! I not gong any where but I just wanted to say thank you to all of those who helped me during the roughest time in my life! I needed more than just my own family to get through. You all are still in my thoughts and in my prayers.

Permalink Reply by Elaine Banks Phillips on August 5, 2008 at 8:08am

Hi Devona,its just that when something happens we try to blame ourselves or someone else. Like with my son I stated maybe someone forced him off the road,but the state Police informed me that his facial expression did not show any signs that he was in any trouble doing the time of his accident. He also assured me that he died instantly and that he did not suffer. Also they really think he went to sleep behind the wheele. Devona you are going to be angry for a while,but we will pray and ask God for a peace of mind for you. Just think about the good and fun times you had together, you know it do help some. Now I take it one day at a time. It is still hard for me even after 2 yrs. I really don't know with the pain and heartache that I still ,it look like it will be there for a while,and it is not because I don't want too or that I am not praying because this is what I do. But in God own time he will heal my heartache and take away all the pain that I am feeling and also wipe all my tears away. One day this will happen for you. So let us put God in our plans. He will bring and carry us through all the pain and heartache that we are feeling. So I will always keep you and everyone on this Site in prayers. May God Bless and Keep everyone of us.

Permalink Reply by Jo on August 6, 2008 at 9:15pm

I just spent the afternoon with an old friend from high school. He lost his brother to cancer just a few months ago. We had a nice conversation about all the little things that happen on the average day that get you sad about your loss. I lost my brother six years ago and I can still get set off at the smallest thing. Our siblings are our connection to our pasts. They are the ones we shared all the experiences with in our childhood homes. Good, bad, or otherwise, no one else has these shared experiences. Birthdays, holidays, first day of school, fighting over the bathroom, ahh the memories. I am 7th of 8 children my brother was like a Dad to me. No matter how much time goes by my life will never be the same..................8/10/02 7:38 am my world changed.:(

Permalink Reply by Elaine Banks Phillips on August 7, 2008 at 12:53am

Jo and you are right. My brother passed 2002,I am the 7th child out of 10. They say the 7th child is your lucky child. Sometimes I wonder. Out of the 7 children I am the only one who had to bury 2 kids. My brother was suppose to bar-b-Que for my birthday but instead he did that Saturday morning in his son arms. We still sit and talk about things that we use to do together,we cry than later we end up laughing saying you remember when Wang did such and such and every body would laugh. It is just hard to forget about your love ones. But like I say just take it one day at a time. Even though its been years it still hurts.

Permalink Reply by Jo on August 15, 2008 at 9:18pm

Lucky 7, I guess in someways that could be true. I also had to bury a child. In my experience the hurt does not lessen but how you control it does. I work in the health care field and often come upon people in the mitts of illness and death. I can share my experience and how I cope. A patient was crying after finding out that her brother has pancreatic cancer. We spoke and I asked her to use her energy to tell her brother all the things she wanted to share. A few weeks later she returned to tell me that he had passed. They did get a chance to relive some of their childhood memories and share their feeling for each other. People often ask when will it get better. I can only answer for myself. Some days are better some days are not. It's life we all have our own ways to deal.

Permalink Reply by Celeste on August 11, 2008 at 9:24am

Hi:

I am new to the sight. Thank God for places where you can go to let it all out! I just lost a brother on July 13, 2008 and it was sudden for us. I can seriously say that nothing is as painful as losing a loved one. My brother suffered cardiac arrest and went into a coma and remained there for 27 days until his death. So to say the least it was a shock and a tremendous loss for our family. My mom is taking things the hardest and I only pray that things get easier as time goes by. That is what I am told, but it does not appear to be so! We celebrated my daughters 7th birthday and it was odd to not have him there with us! Almost like it was unreal. We buried my brother on July 19, 2008 just 2 days before my birthday. Each year I am awakend to his phone call to happy birthday wishes. This year my birthday was a complete blur!

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Permalink Reply by Elaine Banks Phillips on August 11, 2008 at 10:19am

Hi Celeste,yes it hurts a lot. I lost my brother on a Saturday that he was supposed to bar-b-que for my birthday. In September every year I have a bar-b-que. Tell your Mom that I can feel what she is going through. I lost my son in 2006 to a fatal car accident. So suddenly and its been 2yrs and I still feels the pain and heartache. You know everyone don't grieve the same. Some recovery fast from the lost of a love one,some grieve seems like to me forever. But Celeste I will kept you and your Mom in my prayers. I should say we,because on the Web Site we pray,comfort and express ourselves to each other. This is why I thank God for this Web Site. Like I said once and I can say it again,this site has helped me in many ways. Now I know I can log on and tell my many friends how I feel,someone will respond. You would be surprised to see that you are not alone grieving. Before I discovered this Web Site,I thought I was the only one still grieving after 2 yrs.of my son death. But there were some people still feeling the pain much longer than me. So now you have just joined the best Web Site to help relieve some of your pain and heartache. Celeste I will keep you and your Mom in my prayers.

Permalink Reply by Celeste on August 11, 2008 at 10:42am

thank you! I am the younger of 8 children. We have a large family, but somehow the hole and emptyness is still there. I hate to see my children go back to school, because i will soon have to face many feelings. So far I have kept busy with the kids.

Thanks again for praying for our family.

Permalink Reply by Kah Massey on August 11, 2008 at 4:21pm

Hello Celeste,
I am sorry to hear about your brother. I lost my favorite brother July 10,1994 and it is still fresh for me. I posted my story earlier. As Elaine stated, each person grieves in their own way. I have had many ups and downs. Thanks to my faith, family,friends and sites like this, I am holding on. You have to find what works for you to get through life but above all do not engage in destructive behavior such as drinking, drugs or overeating to "mask the grief". If you need counseling, get it. Untreated grief can lead to health issues and Elaine and I can testify to that. This has been an encouraging site. Take your time and allow yourself to grieve. My brother was a veteran and I just got enough nerves to visit the grave site 4 years ago. My mom, sister, a friend and myself visited the site during a memorial day celebration and it was so hard but we made. We were "balling" our eyes out but I am glad that I made that step. Feel free to email at pmassey1998@yahoo.com if you want to. Hang in there and God will give you the strength to get through....

Permalink Reply by Celeste on August 15, 2008 at 6:32pm

Well.... today the memories came rushing in like a whirlwind when I took my kids to "The Blue Bell Creamery" my brother loved ice cream. The hurt is still so fresh and it is hard to get past each day as before. When will it ever get easier?

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