Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Teresa Amburgey on August 16, 2011 at 7:22pm

Thank you for the memorial link, I started it now. I am grateful for a place to get healing in the grieving process.

Permalink Reply by Marsha H on August 17, 2011 at 3:27am

Teresa ... my sympathies come your way with losing not only your mother, but your brother.  Like many who lose a loved one we sometimes become faced with our own mortality.  Most of us throughout our past have gone on with our lives like those around us and ourselves will go on forever, but eventually we are faced with the truth of losing a loved one.  All the feelings you are having are normal for grieving and all of us here know how the heart aches for the loved one(s) we have lost.  As painful as your heart hurts it is necessary to go through the grieving process.  My husband husband Ernie passed away April 27, 2011 of pancreatic cancer and much was due to the surgeon's fault which, like your brother and the malpractice suit makes it hard on us as we feel we should have done more or caught the mistakes.  I had no closure either as my husband passed away early in the morning before I could go visit him in the Hospice.  I have seen so often that people who make out Wills do not leave letters to the ones that are closest to them and losing my husband has taught me to write out letters (kept with my Will) to each person that I love.  You can sit down when you feel like it; put your favorite music on and write a letter to your mother and your brother.  It does work and believe me, when I did I went through 3 pens.  The pages are stained with tears, but it gives you a chance to say what has always been in your heart regarding your mother and brother.  You will never forget either of them, but eventually the intense pain you feel in your heart will subside.  Each person grieves differently.  You are not alone and all of us are here for you.  You can say anything that is in your heart and we'll listen.

 

Hugs

Marcy

Permalink Reply by Fleming on August 17, 2011 at 4:20pm

Teresa, I saw your tribute for your brother, David.  I'm always glad to help, especially for situations like these.  Please let me know if there's anything I can do from my end to make your experience better/easier. Hang in there.

 

Warm regards,

Fleming

Warm Tribute Online Memorials

http://www.WarmTribute.com

Teresa Amburgey said:

Thank you for the memorial link, I started it now. I am grateful for a place to get healing in the grieving process.

Permalink Reply by Stephanie on October 3, 2011 at 7:51pm

http://memorialwebsites.legacy.com/abby-hoda/homepage.aspx

Tomorrow will be my sister Abby's 52nd birthday. I lost her on 9/4/07 after a 20 year battle with mental illness. I miss her so much and I know she is blessed to be in the arms of the Lord and to be made whole in his presence. I took care of her and fought for her care for years and when I lost her I felt if part of me was torn away. I know the years pass and life goes on but I think of her all the time and wish I could have one of those famous bearhugs or see that big smile. God bless all of you that are dealing with loss.

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Permalink Reply by Mrs Houston on October 19, 2011 at 7:04pm

I'm very sorry to read of the lost of your dear sister. I lost my brother and it's been years and sometimes different things trigger my grief. He like your sister had a great smile and he was the family comedian so he was our light and joy. He was my big brother and I was only 17 years old when we lost him. I cry and I reflect on him and I feel better knowing he's no longer suffering. You mentioned you have faith in the Lord. I hope these verses comfort you as they have me during loss. These are promises from the Lord of what we can soon look forward to:

1. ▪ Health care will not be an issue because “no resident will say: ‘I am sick.’”—Isaiah 33:24
2. ▪ Grieving will not be necessary, for “death will be no more.”—Revelation 21:4.
3. COMFORT-(Psalm 34:18) “Jehovah is near to those that are broken at heart; And those who are crushed in spirit he saves.”
4. (Philippians 4:6-7) Do not be anxious over anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication along with thanksgiving let YOUR petitions be made known to God; 7 and the peace of God that excels all thought will guard YOUR hearts and YOUR mental powers by means of Christ Jesus.

 

I pray this helps you during sad days.

Permalink Reply by Emily W on December 28, 2011 at 10:23pm

My brother was in a car accident that eventually took his life only a few weeks later.  He passed away with all of us, 4 other siblings and Mom and Dad, at his side.  He was 19 years old.  He was driving back to college after visiting some friends.  He is my little brother, I am 24.  The four of us kids were his casket bearers, we wouldn't have it any other way.  He was our brother, he would've done the same for any one of us.  I felt him cease to be alive on November 25, 2011.  Every single day I think about him.  I'm in school for nursing, I'm supposed to be able to fix people, to help people.  The entire time he was in the hospital there wasn't a single thing that I could do for him.  We were able to talk to him for a couple days after the car accident, after that it wasn't possible.  It's over a month later and grieving seems to be getting more and more painful.  I become physically sick thinking about it sometimes.  I just want to scream and yell and break things.  I hurt and I want everyone else to hurt, which isn't right at all.  I feel that I want everyone else in the world to hurt like I do and like my brother and sisters do, and my parents.  I just want my little brother back and there is no way that is going to happen.  I miss him so very much.

Permalink Reply by Diamond on December 31, 2011 at 2:09pm

I lost my Brother in 1993 - it was sudden and unexpected and one thing that bring me comfort is to know what the scriptures say in regards to the dead.  (Ecclesiates 9:5)    My Brother is in a deep sleep with a hope of being resurrected.  I have some of the most beautiful memories of my Brother - knowing that he will be awakened into a beautiful paradise -void of any kind of wickedness or unpleasant condition. 

All of my memories of my younger sibling are so clear and void of any painful memories.  I loved him as a brother and as a dear friend.  He was only 27 in the prime of his life.  His heart was pure and he always had honest intentions,- That is one thing that we have that can remain close and near to our heart and that is all of the memories of our love ones,  

Permalink Reply by Baby-daughter on January 8, 2012 at 10:51pm

Hello Ray. My big brother. It has been sometime since I wrote to you. I still think of you all the time and all the things we did together as kids. I know we have been separated since 1988 but it seems like yesterday. I love and miss you past present and forever.

Your loving baby sister and protector.

Permalink Reply by clarebreakspear on January 21, 2012 at 3:13am

It will be three years on the 24th jan that I lost my brother,there is not a day goes by when I don't think of him it hurts me so bad it was always me and him now I feel so lost.I have two sisters who I love so much but they are quit the same like me and my brother was feel likke part of me has gone.people say it get better but it don't and I can't see it ever getting better yes people think iam coping but on my own I brake down a lot.my brother past away due to taking to many pain killers given by the doctors as my brother was in pain due to something bad that happend to him and he could not cope with it mentaley the doctors just through tablets at him and I blame them for killing my brother they give people suicide packs and its wrong very wrong.he would be 24 now and has left behind a beautiful little girl who I now he would be very proud of she misses him so much its all so sad how do peiple cope with loosing peopke they love ??

Permalink Reply by Marsha H on January 21, 2012 at 4:50am

clarebreakspear said:

It will be three years on the 24th jan that I lost my brother,there is not a day goes by when I don't think of him it hurts me so bad it was always me and him now I feel so lost.I have two sisters who I love so much but they are quit the same like me and my brother was feel likke part of me has gone.people say it get better but it don't and I can't see it ever getting better yes people think iam coping but on my own I brake down a lot.my brother past away due to taking to many pain killers given by the doctors as my brother was in pain due to something bad that happend to him and he could not cope with it mentaley the doctors just through tablets at him and I blame them for killing my brother they give people suicide packs and its wrong very wrong.he would be 24 now and has left behind a beautiful little girl who I now he would be very proud of she misses him so much its all so sad how do peiple cope with loosing peopke they love ??

 

Hi clarebreakspear ....

 

I am so sorry for your loss and the pain you are going through, but so happy you have come to speak to us as we are all feeling different types of grief.  My husband Ernie passed away April 27, 2011 and basically it was lack of proper health care and miscommunication on the specialists part so I do know to a degree how you feel.  I wrote a letter to the 'Physicians & Surgeons' along with the pathology reports from our GP (he even said the pathology reports didn't add up and the surgery should have never been done.)  I am waiting to hear from them and if nothing is done to the specialist who looked after him then I am going to the media and I am also joining a group led by a doctor who feels that some doctors are not compassionate enough or listen to their patients and also a lack of follow-ups on the patient's physical status.  Unfortunately, we have become a pill popping civilization and there seems to be a pill for every emotion a human has.  In some cases medications for pain or depression, etc., can be of help, but it takes very close monorting by that individual's doctor. 

My husband's brother took his own life at the age of 25 and I can remember we all changed and the whole family was not the same, but time does heal to a degree although you will never forget your brother and eventually we were able to talk about him and smile and laugh at the good memories we had together.  In time and when you feel like it do something constructive to honor your brother and to help others and as long as you are breathing and have memories of him and keep putting one step in front of the other you will feel better in the future even though you may not feel like that will ever happen at the present time. 

A good start is to see your brother's GP if you can and ask for your brother's medical records (you may have to get a lawyer to have them released) and start from there.  Along with this get counselling either from a grief counsellor or grief group to help you cope.  Each individual grieves at their own pace; some get angry at God; blame themselves for what happened; sorry they didn't have a chance to say goodbye and on and on it goes. You have to come to some sort of peace with your grieving.  If you stop living your life and not moving forward then you forget the good memories you had with your brother and it is so important that you come to some realization that your brother is at peace and no longer in pain.  Again, it takes time and you need to grieve for the length of time you allot yourself. 

 

Feel free to say anything you like on here as we are basically all in the same boat and talking helps.  Remember, you are not alone.

A big hug because you need it

 

Marcy 

Permalink Reply by Emily W on January 21, 2012 at 11:27pm

I want to know how people who do not have religion deal with such things.  I have nothing against any religion, I just simply have never took part in any one in particular.  I've always claimed agnostic, there has to be SOMETHING.  This month, on the 25, it will have been 2 months since my brother's death.  I still break down frequently, I get upset daily, and random pictures/songs/ things upset me more than I would have ever expected.  I still get angry that he's gone.  Upset at family, it feels that one person acts like they are the only one that lost someone.  I know this is just me trying to find someone or something to point my anger at, but it still hurts.  Some days I wake up and I'm convinced that all of this is fake.  That I'm going to call my brother, or text him, or send him a message on Facebook and he's going to write me back.  I'm just wondering, how long does this last?  Is this how I'm supposed to feel?

I love you little brother!

Permalink Reply by Asia on January 22, 2012 at 6:33pm

I lost my father to a suicide, 6 months later my brother to a drug overdose , and 8 months later a child. Now I am dealing with the loss of my nearest and dearest best friend due to breast cancer. She was 32 ! I'm not going to get into much of what I feel but I need help to grieve and am curious if anyone in the Landing, mi area knows of support groups out there! I do counseling I journal but I have severe PTSD and need help. Thank you

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