Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Diane Marante McDonough on February 1, 2012 at 7:05pm

Janice I am so sorry, you are way too young to be a widow.  How rude people can be commenting on you wearing your rings.  At 4 weeks into this process you can't even think clearly, your brain does not work the same either.  I found I was stronger so if someone said that to me I am not sure how nice of a response they would get.  You wear your rings and his as long as you need to.  I wear my husbands ring around my neck too.  It is not his wedding ring but is a ring very sentimental to me.  He lost his wedding ring years ago and the new one just does not hold the sentiment this one does.  I have it but just don't wear it.  There are no rules for the grieving process, it is yours and you do what you want.  I hope you have lots of support because that really makes it so much easier.  I am 7 months and one week in and the first few months my girlfriend did EVERYTHING for me.  I am blessed.  Good luck to you, we are all here for you.

Permalink Reply by Shannon on February 1, 2012 at 8:26pm

Thank you Diane, I talk to my brother & sister in law everyday..I'm closer with her than my own sister. I have my son who is 17 he is my angel looks just like his dad. I'm glad my husband didn't suffer, but I still don't know what happened as it's still pending. I just miss him so very much..

Permalink Reply by Julie Stearns on February 1, 2012 at 10:27pm

shannon sending you hugs my friend... Life sucks....at least the part of us losiing our spouses.!!!!

Permalink Reply by Chicago Beard on February 1, 2012 at 10:27pm

Linda

I have no children either nor do I have a pet but somehow I carry on. I do have a ladyfriend (at 61 I am reluctant to use girlfriend) and that does help some. I still miss my wife every day and still cry almost everyday but I know life goes on and so will I and so will you. Hugs to you and thanks for responding.

Linda O'Connor said:

Yes, I agree Chicago, life is so weird, to take our loved ones so soon. However, we are alive & must take care of ourselves and heal from this awful pain. My 3 Bassets keep me sane & bring such joy (I have no kids).

For me, it was better to get rid of Kevin's clothes - keeping some t-shirts for myself (even though they're pretty big - he was 6' & I'm 5'2).  I gave a lot of his good sweaters & pants to my 2 nephews & felt good that someone would get use from them. I gave some of his hats to his 3 nephews. This is a very personal decision, but doing it brings healing.

Love, prayers & hugs to all.

Permalink Reply by Chicago Beard on February 1, 2012 at 10:29pm

Linda

I have no children either nor do I have a pet but somehow I carry on. I do have a ladyfriend (at 61 I am reluctant to use girlfriend) and that does help some. I still miss my wife every day and still cry almost everyday but I know life goes on and so will I and so will you. Hugs to you and thanks for responding.

Linda O'Connor said:

Yes, I agree Chicago, life is so weird, to take our loved ones so soon. However, we are alive & must take care of ourselves and heal from this awful pain. My 3 Bassets keep me sane & bring such joy (I have no kids).

For me, it was better to get rid of Kevin's clothes - keeping some t-shirts for myself (even though they're pretty big - he was 6' & I'm 5'2).  I gave a lot of his good sweaters & pants to my 2 nephews & felt good that someone would get use from them. I gave some of his hats to his 3 nephews. This is a very personal decision, but doing it brings healing.

Love, prayers & hugs to all.

Permalink Reply by kathy obiedzinski on February 2, 2012 at 6:58am

chicago: when my george passed will be 3 years 3/1/12 i also went threw the same motions you are going thru anger asking why does a good person have to be taken away and the bad are still here not fair. when george passed i was so so hurt angry i went into his closet and took his clothes out of the closet packed them and gave them to the salvation army. i had 5 bags also i had just put in the dry cleaners 6 pair of pants before i gave them away i asked the halfway house across the street from me if anyone can use them they did not say anything so i took them to the salvation army i know they will be used i did keep some things not many just stuff that i can  hold . no one deserves to pass especially the good like they say only the good die young bless you george did not suffer he had a massive heart attack.but one thing i can say is we both said i love you and good night hugs are good

 

Permalink Reply by Mark A. Mandel on February 29, 2012 at 8:16pm

A good friend has been helping me enormously with organizing and managing and clearing and cleaning and so on -- and I've been paying him for his time, so it's a win-win. I'm still working full-time, and I could no way take care of all of this by myself. Not just my wife's things, but all around the house, and tax papers, and so on.

But specifically on this topic, he packed up a whole lot of Rene's clothes. I looked through the boxes and took out a couple of things that just cried out to me, reminded me very strongly of her, like a couple of distinctive scarfs, and I'm keeping those, as well as a couple of sweaters and jackets that I can wear. The rest he carted over to a secondhand store as donations, and got the receipt for tax purposes. There's still more to go through, but this is the idea. **I could not have done that myself.** It would have just been too painful.

And one very special thing: My sister knits "chemo hats" as part of a project her church does, for women who lose their hair in chemotherapy. She made one for my Rene. I kept that, and I wear it sometimes -- not infrequently, in fact. It keeps my ears warm as well as the rest of my head, and it's a real attention-getter. I'm wearing it in this picture with my sister last month at the Book Barn in Niantic, Conn. --- And I feel Rene's presence when I wear it.

Attachments:

• Mark n Wendy, Book Barn, Feb 2012.jpg, 80 KB

Permalink Reply by Julie Stearns on February 29, 2012 at 11:51pm

Mark, thank you for sharing the picture, Rene is beautiful and a special lady. I a so glad you have someone to help you!  It is a blessing.. Hugs

Permalink Reply by Diane Marante McDonough on March 1, 2012 at 8:09am

I was walking by a mens store yesterday with a friend, I believe it was Norton Ditto.  They have a sign in the window about donating men's suits and sports jackets for our Military coming home from the war.  I came home and picked out three that Laurence didn't wear often and have little sentiment attached and will bring them to the store.  This goes on until March 31st in case anyone else is interested.  I think you get some sort of gift ceritficate by doing so but I just like the donation factor.  Hope this helps someone.

Permalink Reply by Marsha H on March 3, 2012 at 3:40pm

Hi Chicago Beard ....

 

I apologize for not being around as much as I should be, but having health issues and just feel over-whelmed right now, but I'm never forgotten the gift you gave me by being one of the first one on this forum to make me feel welcome and to give me good advice so here I am trying to repay the favor to you.  When anyone on here hurts so do I.  I know exactly how you feel.  I kept some of Ernie's shirts (about 5) and a jacket because I couldn't handle disposing of everything he owned as if he didn't exist and I felt just like you ... is this all there is left of my loved one?  One night I was sitting having a good cry and it suddenly came to me very clearly .... it is not the material things that we cherish, but our loved ones.  Material items of our loved one are just 'things.'  The memories are in our heart and soul and that is more precious than anything.  I too felt Ernie went through such horror with his health and snatched from me far too soon.  I have times even now I get angry over that because it is one thing to say 'have faith' and another to wonder why wonderful people are taken from each one of us far too soon.  Your Rosie is in your heart and I have no doubt watching over you and she is at peace like my Ernie and they want us to be happy so we have to go on in their memory until we meet them again when our time comes.

 

Big hugs

 

Marcy

 

 

Permalink Reply by Chicago Beard on March 3, 2012 at 9:43pm

Hey Marcy

Thanks for your good words. Hope you are starting to feel better. I am just getting over a cold myself. My Rose will always be in my heart as your Ernie is in yours. We carry on best as we can don't we? Thanks for the warm feelings, they are very welcome and treasured.

Marcy Dawn Maday said:

Hi Chicago Beard ....

 

I apologize for not being around as much as I should be, but having health issues and just feel over-whelmed right now, but I'm never forgotten the gift you gave me by being one of the first one on this forum to make me feel welcome and to give me good advice so here I am trying to repay the favor to you.  When anyone on here hurts so do I.  I know exactly how you feel.  I kept some of Ernie's shirts (about 5) and a jacket because I couldn't handle disposing of everything he owned as if he didn't exist and I felt just like you ... is this all there is left of my loved one?  One night I was sitting having a good cry and it suddenly came to me very clearly .... it is not the material things that we cherish, but our loved ones.  Material items of our loved one are just 'things.'  The memories are in our heart and soul and that is more precious than anything.  I too felt Ernie went through such horror with his health and snatched from me far too soon.  I have times even now I get angry over that because it is one thing to say 'have faith' and another to wonder why wonderful people are taken from each one of us far too soon.  Your Rosie is in your heart and I have no doubt watching over you and she is at peace like my Ernie and they want us to be happy so we have to go on in their memory until we meet them again when our time comes.

 

Big hugs

 

Marcy

 

 

Permalink Reply by Marsha H on March 4, 2012 at 3:11am

Hi Chicago Beard ...

 

You are most welcome and I hope I gave you a little comfort.  It is true Rose will be your only love deep in your heart and I feel the same way about Ernie, but life does go on and they would both want us to be as happy and content as we possibly can be until it is our time to join them.  

 

Sorry to hear you have a cold.  I have something else wrong with me and I am waiting for the results of my Ultra Sound so praying hard that they find out what is wrong and I'm on the mend soon.

 

It is always a pleasure to hear from you my friend.

 

   

Hey Marcy

Thanks for your good words. Hope you are starting to feel better. I am just getting over a cold myself. My Rose will always be in my heart as your Ernie is in yours. We carry on best as we can don't we? Thanks for the warm feelings, they are very welcome and treasured.

Marcy Dawn Maday said:

Hi Chicago Beard ....

 

I apologize for not being around as much as I should be, but having health issues and just feel over-whelmed right now, but I'm never forgotten the gift you gave me by being one of the first one on this forum to make me feel welcome and to give me good advice so here I am trying to repay the favor to you.  When anyone on here hurts so do I.  I know exactly how you feel.  I kept some of Ernie's shirts (about 5) and a jacket because I couldn't handle disposing of everything he owned as if he didn't exist and I felt just like you ... is this all there is left of my loved one?  One night I was sitting having a good cry and it suddenly came to me very clearly .... it is not the material things that we cherish, but our loved ones.  Material items of our loved one are just 'things.'  The memories are in our heart and soul and that is more precious than anything.  I too felt Ernie went through such horror with his health and snatched from me far too soon.  I have times even now I get angry over that because it is one thing to say 'have faith' and another to wonder why wonderful people are taken from each one of us far too soon.  Your Rosie is in your heart and I have no doubt watching over you and she is at peace like my Ernie and they want us to be happy so we have to go on in their memory until we meet them again when our time comes.

 

Big hugs

 

Marcy

 

 

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