Dealing with loved ones things

The last two days I have been emptying closets and dressers and it has been very trying. I find myself alternately feeling angry and crying or both at the same time. I miss my Rose so much. I am angry that she had to go through what she went through. She was too good a person to be punished that way. Master plan or no master plan she did not deserve having to go through that. She was taken way too soon. I brought seven bags of clothes to Salvation Army and they just picked them up and threw them in a truck and gave me a receipt that said 7 bags. 30 years summed up as 7 bags. Life is so weird.

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Permalink Reply by Janice Jones on January 31, 2012 at 5:26pm

I know how you feel. I got really angry because I always prayed every night that my David would be protected and that nothing would ever happen to him. There are so many "bad" people in this world and they seem to live forever!!! Life is not fair. My heart goes out to you at this time in your life.

Permalink Reply by Randolph L. Schrader on January 31, 2012 at 6:20pm

Chicago, my heart goes out to you and cries for you as you have taken care of your Rose's clothes. Its been over 33 months since LouAnn died suddenly during a nap and her clothes are still here. Her pants and shirt are still on the vacuum cleaner handle where she put them to take a nap. Although I have cleaned out all of the closets of our children's clothes, I am not touching LouAnns' clothes. Going thru the house and gathering all papers ,knick knack and things was painful enough, I had found momentos and photos that LouAnn had put away special. It is ironic ,that a persons life means ,by the bags their things are put in. I know how hard that was to do. May you so have any kind of comfort as we deal with our loss. We are all here for one another. Hugs to you my friend. Hugs are good.

Permalink Reply by Diane Marante McDonough on January 31, 2012 at 6:23pm

I am so sorry, dealing with the clothes of our loved ones is a very personnal thing. Some like to do it alone as it seems you did and some like help. I am sorry that your Rose was taken from you, it seems like we were robbed sometimes by only having the 25 and 30 year marriages when others get to have 50 and 60. Life is weird, it hurts, it stinks, but it is also wonderful.....that is what people keep telling me that we must live our life to the fullest to honor our loved ones. It seems impossible that they are gone doesn't it. HOw do you stop thinking about the fact they are no longer here to enjoy the life they should be living. This one gets me all the time, I get angry that Larry was taken too soon and is missing out on so much. I hate it.

Permalink Reply by Chicago Beard on January 31, 2012 at 6:23pm

Hugs are always good. Thank you and back at ya.

Randolph L. Schrader said:

Chicago, my heart goes out to you and cries for you as you have taken care of your Rose's clothes. Its been over 33 months since LouAnn died suddenly during a nap and her clothes are still here. Her pants and shirt are still on the vacuum cleaner handle where she put them to take a nap. Although I have cleaned out all of the closets of our children's clothes, I am not touching LouAnns' clothes. Going thru the house and gathering all papers ,knick knack and things was painful enough, I had found momentos and photos that LouAnn had put away special. It is ironic ,that a persons life means ,by the bags their things are put in. I know how hard that was to do. May you so have any kind of comfort as we deal with our loss. We are all here for one another. Hugs to you my friend. Hugs are good.

Permalink Reply by Chicago Beard on January 31, 2012 at 6:35pm

Truth be told a friend did come and help me though that did not make it any easier. I also hate it that my Rose is not here to experience life with me. However, I do not necessarily disagree with the advice though not for the same reason. We still deserve to have the best life we can even without our life partners. I have started dating again and am in a serious relationship. This does not make me miss Rose any less but I do enjoy being with the new lady. It still hurts like all get out but I still have a while to be on this experience (as I hope do you) and plan to enjoy it as much as possible. It will definitely be dampened by having half of me torn away. Diane I definitely feel for you you and send many good wishes and lots of virtual hugs to you. Thank you for your kind thoughts.

Diane Marante McDonough said:

I am so sorry, dealing with the clothes of our loved ones is a very personnal thing. Some like to do it alone as it seems you did and some like help. I am sorry that your Rose was taken from you, it seems like we were robbed sometimes by only having the 25 and 30 year marriages when others get to have 50 and 60. Life is weird, it hurts, it stinks, but it is also wonderful.....that is what people keep telling me that we must live our life to the fullest to honor our loved ones. It seems impossible that they are gone doesn't it. HOw do you stop thinking about the fact they are no longer here to enjoy the life they should be living. This one gets me all the time, I get angry that Larry was taken too soon and is missing out on so much. I hate it.

Permalink Reply by Diane Marante McDonough on January 31, 2012 at 9:24pm

I am happy to hear that you are involved with someone, I know it happens I see and hear about it all the time. I know that our loved ones would want that for us. Larry used to kid me all the time, (he was 10 yearsmy senior). We built our house and he did the sprinkler system himself, including so much more but he would always say to me, "I am not marking where the pipes are, let your next husband find them". Makes me smile because I can hear him saying it, makes me happy that he would want that for me but there is no way to know. It is way to fresh for me and I can't invision it because my grief is just too raw still. I miss my husband, I miss the partnership, the team work, the friendship, the love. I have never felt love like that in my life.

Good luck to you and your new lady.

Diane

Permalink Reply by Jerry on January 31, 2012 at 9:56pm

My wife has been gone two years and her clothes are still in the same place that they were on the day she passed away. My mom passed away 11 months ago, and for the past 2 months I have been cleaning out her house as it is getting ready to be sold. This has been tough fsince she had loads of photos that mean a lot to me,plus plenty of pictures of my wife. I know that I will at some point have to do something with the clothes, maybe pack them up and store them until I am ready to part with them. I to have been dating a nice lady,a widow off 3 years. I enjoy being with her,but when I start to,begin having a good time, feelings of guilt come into,play. So much so that I began seeing a therapist to try work this out. Sometimes I feel,that Imjust want to live he rest of my life alone, and not be in a new relationship. I don't feel that Icould ever go through what hapened with my wife during her illness again. I want to be friends with this lady, but it seems she wants more, and I am not ready for that,and as the therapist told me,I my never be. I am taking it one day at a time, and hoping that God will guide me as what to do.

Permalink Reply by Dee W on January 31, 2012 at 10:00pm

I still haven't been able to go through my husband's clothes & things...it's too painful and causes me to have anxiety attacks and raises my blood pressure. I was going to give one of his suits to a friend's husband but then I noticed he had a shirt and tie put together with it...I think it may have been the last suit he wore so I can't part with it yet. In time, I will but just not now.

Permalink Reply by Julie Stearns on January 31, 2012 at 10:54pm

Life is just pain filled. I have emptied jim's dresser, but only to move it next to my son's things, I just cannot bear to get rid of them yet...I am getting closer though...

Permalink Reply by Linda O'Connor on February 1, 2012 at 8:42am

Yes, I agree Chicago, life is so weird, to take our loved ones so soon. However, we are alive & must take care of ourselves and heal from this awful pain. My 3 Bassets keep me sane & bring such joy (I have no kids).

For me, it was better to get rid of Kevin's clothes - keeping some t-shirts for myself (even though they're pretty big - he was 6' & I'm 5'2). I gave a lot of his good sweaters & pants to my 2 nephews & felt good that someone would get use from them. I gave some of his hats to his 3 nephews. This is a very personal decision, but doing it brings healing.

Love, prayers & hugs to all.

Permalink Reply by Julie Stearns on February 1, 2012 at 9:07am

I think that is an awsome gesture of how special he is and was to you. Posessions do not make the man.

Permalink Reply by Shannon on February 1, 2012 at 2:46pm

Janice, I thought the same thing I told my son why did God have to take him he was such a good man... He said to me "mom god only takes the good for the greater good" that has stuck with me. But I know how you feel I am 4 weeks in and I don't know how I even got here, it's like a nightmare you can't wake up from. I remember the first week when I would take a short nap I would wake up looking for him and think what a bad dream the it would hit me that is wasn't a dream. That was horrible. I too prayed that God would keep Mike safe and healthy and I feel cheated he was only 39 now Im a widow at 38 it just dosent seem very fair.. I got asked the other day " oh your still wearing your wedding rings?" I thought what kind of question is that to ask. Yes and I will always wear them, and I wear his on my necklace..

Randolph, I did the same thing my husbands pants and shorts are serene left them the pants with one leg inside out and his shorts that the hospital gave me hanging on the next hook. I smell his shirts but the cologne is starting to wear off. Everywhere I look I see him there, it's so hard but I have great memories, he was an amazing person to know him was to love him I am very lucky to have had such a wonderful guy.