Since my brother commited suicide I have been torn apart inside. Part of my conflict is the act of suicide. I do not want to make this a religious issue, but I guess there is no way around it for me. Deep inside me I do not feel suicide is a sin, but I can not help it when questions start forming in my head. I honestly believe, certain people I know very well view this completely different than me....why else wouldn't I receive at least a sympathy card from relatives! When I start to doubt my beliefs I feel he may be lost somewhere or wonder if he is with our parents. By no means do I want to bring something up which may trouble someone more than they already are. All I really want to know is if any of you have experienced the same back & forth thoughts regarding this. Another words, are these "normal" thoughts?
hi Joyce, I really know your pain. my brother died . on June 17th. I feel as if I am the one in he'll. there is a book I have found very helpful. it is for all walks of faith. Reaching through the veil to heal, by Linda Drake. THERE IS a chapter specifically that answers your questions. It has helped me, and I am pretty messed up emotionally. Hope I helped . robin
I want to thank you all for responding to my post. You are so very kind. I've come to realize that as surviors, sometimes we just have more questions than answers. And out of those questions, come more questions! May God bless you Margo, I always felt, just as your mother told you all those years ago,....God knows all things. I think I am now over that wall that made me question where my brother's soul is. It took me a couple of months. Robin, thank you for your suggestion....I'll read anything at this point even if only a single sentence helps me out. Katherina, 5 1/2 years is an eternity without your son. Psalm 18 is very powerful! I believe in God, but sometimes I do not know how to turn to him in my sorrow. Once again, I thank you all for taking the time to read my post and caring enough to respond.
Katerina, I am humbled by your words
Katerina Roussou said:
You are loved and you are not alone. Please take care of you and you will find the gift in your suffering.
The God I serve is love and light and all things good. Our son, our only child also took his life 01/96 he was 17. For years I wrestled with the same question. Our son is with God. I have no doubt. I pray God will grant you peace. Peace that surpasses understanding. I am so grateful that I have been afforded that peace, it's the best gift I've ever been given. Cry out to God and he will hear you from heaven and answer your prayers. I've finally moved to the place of acceptance, which did not come easy for me. It took me a long time to believe that he was actually gone and even longer to accept that he had taken his own life and that I would never know why. I'm sure each of you know the pain and suffering of loosing a loved one, especially to suicide. It's gives you a certain amount of understanding as to why they would do this. The mental anguish and pain are unbearable. I do not condone such a violent act, I'm just saying after suffering this mental anguish I understand how a person could do such a thing. You just want the pain to stop. So in this I try my best to be grateful for the fact that he is no longer in pain. A few things that have really helped me along my path in this journey of grief are meditation, yoga, walking and prayer. May the God of peace, grant you peace.
Gloria Callighan said:
Hello Joyce and/or Katerina: It is either this website or my computer, because everytime I try to reply I go to everyone else or computer freezes. Joyce you responded to me back on April 16, 2012! Where have I been that it's taken me almost a year to get back to you? I'm sorry. I've been grieving. I have lost many family (cousins etc.) because you can hear the tone in their voices when they answer you. Who cares anymore? I first started out telling close family/friends he took his own life. To casual people or strangers I said he had a brain aneurysm. Now I just say he died. since Jan. 29, 2013 I have been on a quest to find out where my son went to. The reason so is because he has hardly appeared or returned to me in dreams or touches or voice, which I had with other passing relatives. I had a few right before his grand hug and him passing over, but only a few dreams. And most are not precise. I dream in color and I remember vividly every dream. In the first year of his passing I know now that I was in SHOCK. Because I was able to function on a high note. Saying and knowing he was with God, or at least hoping he was. You know Catholic upbringing: if your not Catholic you go to hell; if you commit suicide you go to hell. I think I'm still afraid for my son on the latter of the two. But someone posted here the other night and I read it and it stuck with me. Absent from body; into Jesus' hands. You see my ex still has Mike's ashes and still after 13 months refuses to let me see them. And I'm paying the whole bill for his cremation, etc. But I have turned this and many other worries over to God. His Will Be Done on Earth as it is in Heaven. I truly believe that there isn't one day since 1.29.12 that I have not thought of my Mike. Maybe he has been with me all along. I always feel like I have a 3rd arm. But now in this 1st year anniversary, things hit home and my shock is gone. I have no anger towards God or my son. I'm kicking myself for not speaking up sooner and getting him help. I saw the signs of depression, because I've had depression since the age of 12 and I recognized the signs. But how do you make a 44 year old man go for help if he feels he doesn't need it? Sure I could put blame everywhere and on everyone, but no one wants to talk about Mike. Why not? suicide or not? He was a living, loving human being whom I enjoyed all my life. DEPRESSION IS A SICKNESS! My son just got tired of living. And he did try everything he could to make life better, but once he was down, that was it. As far as me, today, thank God for prescription meds. If they were not available to me, I literally would follow Mike just to be with him. But God's plan for me was forgiveness of all my past sins, saving my life through a life I consciously did not want to be in and now I am here providing love support and home care for my Mom. She needs me as much as I need her. I wish I could meet most of you in person, to have a friend or two. I live in Lawrenceville, NJ, just south of Princeton, NJ. email me at: email@example.com if you are nearby. God gives strength and love to us all.
I just read your responce and it brought me to tears. You really think God was with our sons when they died? I hope so... one of my regrets is that I was not with my son when he died. He died alone and I feel like I failed my son because i wasnt with him and could not save him when I found him. My Son Cody died by suicide on 12/21/11. You answered the one question I have had in my mind since my son left us. Where was God? I know that God didnt take his life but offten woundered if he was with him and forgave him because he was So mentally ill and troubled.
Katerina Roussou said:
One night I was crying out to God in anger "where were you?". I was referring to my son's suicide in August of 2007.. In my heart I heard The Lord say "WITH HIM". That answered my question and brought me peace. You are loved!
I lost my father to suicide over 50 years ago. I lost my 37 year old son to suicide 4 years ago. We didn't talk about suicide 50 years ago. I found out when my son died, "Well, that didn't work." About 30 years ago I became very religious and was in a Bible study. One woman in the group brought her old mother to the study. The woman didn't seem to be with the group; she just drolled and looked out of it. I asked the daughter why she went to the effort to bring her mother to the study. She told me even if her mother's mind doesn't understand, her spirit does, and that will help her. That was a good enough reason for me. The mother died about a year year. I was telling her daughter how sorry I was, and the daughter said she asked the Lord to show her her mother. She had a beautiful vision of her mother, at the age of 30, in heaven with Jesus. OK. I was sure my father was in hell so I was prepared for the answer. God then showed me him in heaven. I got mad. I remembered the drunken rages and the physical beating he gave my mother. Then I sensed God speak in my spirit, "Who are you to tell me who's is heaven or hell?"
A couple of months after my son's death, my husband had a vision of him in heaven with a great big smile.
Suicide is horrible enough without all the negative stigma. Now when anyone even implies about hell, I say, "Who made you God!"
Normal is a strange word to us in reality. What once was normal is gone. Our lives change and it is up to us to change with it. Until we are willing to make those changes, odds are we will continue to swim fervently through our grief.
As for the sympathy cards, I wonder if it is safe to assume that your parents are still living, and that said, in general, siblings are the last ones thought about. It is all about the mother and the father and what they are going through, not that the siblings are forgotten, but it is assumed that the condolences will be passed on to the remaining children. Terrible way to think, and a lesson learned the hard way for my family.
My son committed suicide years ago. I do not see him damned in hell. I see him waiting for me on the other side of the heavenly gates. There are many arguments to this case, but I believe God has given us our time and when our time is up, we move on. If that means our death is by suicide, then suicide is what ends our time.
Bless you and those you know. Take care of you!!! I am wondering how you are doing now. Your post is eight months passed.