Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Barbara Roth on November 9, 2010 at 3:57pm

Dear Laura, The fact that it cost to put an obituary in the paper makes me SO mad. In our local paper,if you sell something for less than $100, the ad runs free.Yet when someone dies, it cost a minimum of $100. That is so wrong. You can write your husband's obituary here Laura, we'll read it and cry with you. We are your friends, we can relate to what you are going through. We all have lost our special someone. You came to the right place,Laura, --- we can help each other.

Permalink Reply by mary heinrich on November 9, 2010 at 4:05pm

My husband Gordy passed away nov 19th 2009 from lung cancer and nonhodgkins lymphoma. I also took a few pictures of gordy. One was just after his passing and one in his coffin. To see the look on his face after passing-heartbreaking his picture in the coffin- he looked just like himself- like he was asleep and finally at peace. I am so glad i have those photos - a few people couldnt believe i would take those kind of pictures but they arent the ones dealing with the grief everyday. Those pictures help me deal with reality.

Yaca Attwood said:

Dear Laura - I am so very sorry for the loss of your beloved Mike - you obviously loved him so very much, that the thought of him being in pain is so very hard for you.

I have two pictures of my husband I took right at the time he died - he had liver disease, so he is discolored (yellow) from the jaundice, his body swollen from the ascites, and you can see the ravages on his body - I still look at these pictures from time to time (he died on 29 June 2009) - and I know he was suffering and in pain, but he is no longer.

I still miss him, just as you miss your beloved.

Peace, healing, blessing and grace be upon you - Yaca Attwood Perkins

Permalink Reply by bc on November 9, 2010 at 7:13pm

The last expression I have of Brad is a smile as he winked at me and said he would be home in a few minutes. He left the house and 35 seconds later he was gone. I can always see that sweet smile of his and his wink to me. I'm glad at least I have a smile to remember and know that he didn't suffer, although I suffer each day thinking our time together was way too short.

Permalink Reply by Ellen Brant on November 9, 2010 at 9:07pm

I took pictures of Doug in his coma the last hours before he died and I didn't know that was his last hours.
The hospital allowed me to sleep with him the night before he died while he was in his coma. They covered me with a blanket too. I HAD NO CLUE it would be the last time to rest my head on his warm chest listening to the beauty of his heart beating. I must stop...the feelings are too much but I wouldn't trade the moment for a million dollars. He was my only family.

Permalink Reply by Ellen Brant on November 9, 2010 at 9:07pm

I took pictures of Doug in his coma the last hours before he died and I didn't know that was his last hours.
The hospital allowed me to sleep with him the night before he died while he was in his coma. They covered me with a blanket too. I HAD NO CLUE it would be the last time to rest my head on his warm chest listening to the beauty of his heart beating. I must stop...the feelings are too much but I wouldn't trade the moment for a million dollars. He was my only family.

Permalink Reply by BoLynn on November 9, 2010 at 11:18pm

Laura, I do understand. There was always a look in husband's eyes of desperation although outwards he was fighting as hard as he could to live. I have pictures of him when he was well and there was a sparkle in his eye. As soon as he got sick and was not diagnosed yet, I noticed that look in his eyes. I will never forget the look in his eyes.

Permalink Reply by Laura Ferguson on November 10, 2010 at 1:29pm

Michael Briggs Ferguson

Ferguson, Michael Briggs 63 04/29/1947 10/24/2010 an Army Veteran Michael was born in West Palm Beach, Fla He was an engineer Michael is survived by his wife, Laura; daughters, Cherlyn Ferguson Spaulding, Step Children Joquetta Bradley, and Jenny L. Strickland; and sons, Michael G. Ferguson, and Jason L. Strickland one sister Christine Alexander, from Newsbury, Ma and a brother Patrick Ferguson Brookings, OR. A graveside service will be held at 2 p.m. Tuesday, Nov. 9, 2010, in Willamette National Cemetery. Arrangements by Threadgill Memorial Services.

I could not afford to bury him and his sister stepped in and payed for it. I feel like I failed him not being able to do that for him.

Permalink Reply by Jerry on November 13, 2010 at 9:19pm

You really hit the nail on the head when you say this is something eveyone will eventually have to go through. And that know one knows how it feels until it happens to them.

Brigitte said:

My dear Douglas died July 17,2009. He was under Hospice care at home and 2 days before he passed he looked at me and said, "What happened?" The look on his face and his eyes tore at my heart. All I could say was, "You got really sick this time baby and I can't fix it." He smiled at me and relaxed. I made darn sure that he was not in pain nor did he have any invasive treatment -- that was his wish. So, when I think about that look in his eyes and the expression of confusion on his face I remind myself that he died with dignity -- no tubes, no pain, just surrounded by those who loved him -- especially me. I never left his side. We talked (or I should say I did all the talking) while he would nod or squeeze my hand and smile. He could still hear me and I talked about all the craziness we shared and assured him that I was going to be okay because I knew he would always be walking next to me and best of all, watching over me! Do I miss him -- words cannot express how much. I loved this beautiful man for over 32 years and will continue to love him until I draw my last breath. He is waiting for me -- this I believe. He is with me every day and shows me a sign in different ways. I still cry over my loss, I get angry because he suffered needlessly, and I can smile when I think of all the beautiful memories he and I made together. Those memories keep me sane and help me put one foot in front of the other. I stumble a lot, still, but the day will come when I will accept that he died. It is a tragedy everyone will experience -- unfortunately all of us here have been forced to experience the tragedy before many of our friends and family. I consider all of you dear friends and family. All of you have picked me up when I have fallen and for that I am grateful. You actually "get it" -- and to the defense of our friends and family members, until this tragedy is experienced by them personally they will struggle to find the right words to say to us. We must be patient with them but more importantly we must be there for them when they are on this path of grief. I wish all of you a safe and happy holiday season. Know that you are loved!

In Peace,

Brigitte

Permalink Reply by Charlene Ozawa on November 14, 2010 at 2:11am

Laura I am sorry for your loss. Do not feel that you failed Mike because of his burial. Your were there at the most important part his death. I was there for my husband. And if we couldn't be there we took great care of our loved one. This sight is all about expressing our feelings and knowing we will be understood. Hugs to you.

Permalink Reply by Sharon Ankrum on November 14, 2010 at 7:42pm

thank all of you for your insight. this is a new and difficult road for all of us. I'm so glad to have you to listen to.

Permalink Reply by Renee Semo on November 21, 2010 at 12:09am

Yaca, While my husband was sick in the end he too was swollen from the ascites, lost all his hair from the chemo (even his eye lashes) and at the time I never thought he looked bad. Now I look at pictures from those last weeks and he looks so very sick to me. Maybe I was in denial because he told me he was going to beat it and we were going to be the old couple holding hands. He used to cry out in the middle of the night from pain and I used to tell him not to yell so loud so the kids wouldnt get scared and I feel bad for that now. I wanted to make him better and I tried so hard but I couldnt do it. I prayed and begged god not to take him from me but he didnt listen. I am glad that hes not hurting anymore but I know he is sad he is not with me and the kids. No matter what paradise he may be in even sitting next to Jesus, I know he would still rather be with me. Am I torturing myself by thinking that???? I dread this week coming with Thanksgiving. What do I give thanks for??? I just do know...I feel like I dont know anything. Im like a hamster on a wheel just running but getting no where. Renee

Yaca Attwood said:

Dear Laura - I am so very sorry for the loss of your beloved Mike - you obviously loved him so very much, that the thought of him being in pain is so very hard for you.

I have two pictures of my husband I took right at the time he died - he had liver disease, so he is discolored (yellow) from the jaundice, his body swollen from the ascites, and you can see the ravages on his body - I still look at these pictures from time to time (he died on 29 June 2009) - and I know he was suffering and in pain, but he is no longer.

I still miss him, just as you miss your beloved.

Peace, healing, blessing and grace be upon you - Yaca Attwood Perkins

Permalink Reply by Renee Semo on November 21, 2010 at 12:14am

Thank you Brigitte for your kind words of encouragement. Everyday I feel alone and you helped me to feel like you all are my new family and I have someone finally to let me cry and scream to. Everyone else tolerates me and thinks Im on the edge of a breakdown, constantly judging what I do and say. Im happy to hear that I am allowed to feel what I feel here and I wanted to let you know you made a difference and you helped me. God Bless! Love Renee

Jerry said:

You really hit the nail on the head when you say this is something eveyone will eventually have to go through. And that know one knows how it feels until it happens to them.

Brigitte said:

My dear Douglas died July 17,2009. He was under Hospice care at home and 2 days before he passed he looked at me and said, "What happened?" The look on his face and his eyes tore at my heart. All I could say was, "You got really sick this time baby and I can't fix it." He smiled at me and relaxed. I made darn sure that he was not in pain nor did he have any invasive treatment -- that was his wish. So, when I think about that look in his eyes and the expression of confusion on his face I remind myself that he died with dignity -- no tubes, no pain, just surrounded by those who loved him -- especially me. I never left his side. We talked (or I should say I did all the talking) while he would nod or squeeze my hand and smile. He could still hear me and I talked about all the craziness we shared and assured him that I was going to be okay because I knew he would always be walking next to me and best of all, watching over me! Do I miss him -- words cannot express how much. I loved this beautiful man for over 32 years and will continue to love him until I draw my last breath. He is waiting for me -- this I believe. He is with me every day and shows me a sign in different ways. I still cry over my loss, I get angry because he suffered needlessly, and I can smile when I think of all the beautiful memories he and I made together. Those memories keep me sane and help me put one foot in front of the other. I stumble a lot, still, but the day will come when I will accept that he died. It is a tragedy everyone will experience -- unfortunately all of us here have been forced to experience the tragedy before many of our friends and family. I consider all of you dear friends and family. All of you have picked me up when I have fallen and for that I am grateful. You actually "get it" -- and to the defense of our friends and family members, until this tragedy is experienced by them personally they will struggle to find the right words to say to us. We must be patient with them but more importantly we must be there for them when they are on this path of grief. I wish all of you a safe and happy holiday season. Know that you are loved!

In Peace,

Brigitte

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