Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Kim on September 23, 2010 at 3:07pm

Vicky,
Yes it has happend to me too. Sometimes I don't like to dream about my husband because then reality sets in when I wake up and he is not there beside me. I seem to hurt more after dreaming about him. I really hope things get better for you. You are in my thoughts.

Permalink Reply by Victoria (Vicky) Owensby on September 23, 2010 at 9:09pm

Hi Suzanne,
Wow! Your dream was a lot like mine. Today is a little better, probably because I'm all cried out. Thanks for responding and for your good wishes. It is a comfort to know there are others who feel the emptiness in their lives without their loved one in it. Best wishes to you.

Suzanne said:

Hi Vicky,
I had felt disconnected from my husband from the onset of his passing which was January 22. It was like I was connected to the hip with him for 39 years and then one day nothing. I had trouble thinking he could hear me and I tried to talk to him but for some weird reason I felt his emptiness very strongly. I don't know why. I hadn't dreamt of him, it was and still is hard to look at his pictures, but I glance now and then when his pictures pop up on my screensaver. About 4 months after he passed away I had a dream that was totally unexpected, it threw me for a loop. I was crying when I saw him sitting on a sofa and then laughing and kissing him and saying it's true, it's true you really didn't die. I was touching and kissing his face and saying would you like me get you something, anything, something to eat. I was so filled with happiness and joy and said to him, "Don't move, I just want to get my camera and take your picture to prove to everyone that you are still here." But when I turned, I quickly turned back and he wasn't there. I turned to look for him on the other side of the room and then he was there again, but this time he had long gray hair which I immediately knew (dreams are really weird) but I knew the long gray hair meant his time with me was being shortened because his time he had to spend with me was done. I didn't want him or me to go so I stayed there, motionless and he was smiling at me and it is as if it were actually happening, I was smiling at him and then I woke up and immediately burst into tears, and I thought just like I heard this line in a movie once, I thought to myself, this was a dream, and right away I thought but what if it wasn't a dream. Ever since then I haven't had any realistic dreams like that one of him but I believe that Danny is with me and watching over me. I still find it hard to talk to him because he is not physically here with me but I do believe he is in a far better place than this. But I still wish he was with me, so I feel a little selfish, but I know he's not in pain even though I never liked these phrases from others but I like saying these things to myself, he's not in the pain he was while he was here, he's with me in spirit, he hears me. This dream gave me comfort but I still have no hope to have joy in this life. I just wanted to share this, I mentioned this dream before in another post months ago. For me I just know my joy will be in the next life, because my world in this life is over, although at times I have temporary light moments. I am so sorry for your loss and the grief we all feel. I will remember you in my prayers.
God bless,
Suzanne

Permalink Reply by Victoria (Vicky) Owensby on September 23, 2010 at 9:16pm

Thanks Kim,
It was so hard to feel the joy of life again, then have my heart just ripped out. I didn't dream about him last night but hopefully next time won't be quite so upsetting. Take care. Hope you are ok.

Kim said:

Vicky,
Yes it has happend to me too. Sometimes I don't like to dream about my husband because then reality sets in when I wake up and he is not there beside me. I seem to hurt more after dreaming about him. I really hope things get better for you. You are in my thoughts.

Permalink Reply by Nancy Langley on September 25, 2010 at 3:46pm

I just happened on this website today and now I undersand why. I too have dreams about my husband being back. We sit in his office and I tell him how I'm handling day to day things in a manner that he did. I'm so happy and keep saying I'm so glad you're back. Don't know what the dreams mean. It's good to know that others have similiar dreams. I lost my husband, Douglas, after 34 years of wonderful marriage on June 18, 2009. My best friend is gone. I know he's in a much better place but a whole new weird world opened up for me. It's an hour to hour existance at times. Makes me upset when you see couples arguing or talking down to each other. I want to tell them you need to really cherish each other because one day your life will change. Our daughters have helped me so much even though they're also grieving. Thanks for letting me ramble. Writing to people who REALLY know how you feel helps. God bless you all. I'd enjoy any replies.
Nancy

Permalink Reply by Victoria (Vicky) Owensby on September 25, 2010 at 4:09pm

Hi Nancy,
Thanks for responding. It really helps me to know I'm not completely alone by talking to others going through this too. Like you said, unless you've experienced it, it isn't imaginable. Most people I know just say go get some help and get over it..

Nancy Langley said:

I just happened on this website today and now I undersand why. I too have dreams about my husband being back. We sit in his office and I tell him how I'm handling day to day things in a manner that he did. I'm so happy and keep saying I'm so glad you're back. Don't know what the dreams mean. It's good to know that others have similiar dreams. I lost my husband, Douglas, after 34 years of wonderful marriage on June 18, 2009. My best friend is gone. I know he's in a much better place but a whole new weird world opened up for me. It's an hour to hour existance at times. Makes me upset when you see couples arguing or talking down to each other. I want to tell them you need to really cherish each other because one day your life will change. Our daughters have helped me so much even though they're also grieving. Thanks for letting me ramble. Writing to people who REALLY know how you feel helps. God bless you all. I'd enjoy any replies.
Nancy

Permalink Reply by bc on September 25, 2010 at 6:37pm

Vicky, it just happened to me. I've been waiting for 13 months to have Brad come into my dreams. Never happened, now today I was so tired, I laid on the couch to rest, where we always sat together and I had a wonderful dream where it was just an ordinary afternoon and he and I were kidding around with the girls and he was telling them to pack, we were going on a vacation. It went on and on, all of a sudden my dog woke me up to go outside and when I came back into the living room it was like I was still in my dream and I looked where he was sitting and he was gone. It all came back to me, he is gone....he'll never sit there again! Now I feel so lonely and miss him so much! I was getting more positive and now its hit me again. Don't get me wrong, this is what I've been waiting for, to see him in my dreams for so long, but it brought reality back. I don't know what to do but sit and cry. I know they say that it will hit you every so often really hard from out of no where and it did! It was all so real in the dream that's why I expected to see him still there. I don't know how to deal with this one except cry it out. I'm just shaking, I don't know what to do.

Permalink Reply by Victoria (Vicky) Owensby on September 25, 2010 at 7:47pm

Barb,
Thanks for telling your story. I've been thinking about Martin more than ever since my dream and am having trouble again sleeping. I still don't know why this bothered me so much other than realizing again just how miserable I am without him and not seeming to be able to do anything about it. Hope you can just cherish the good memory soon. It hurts so badly. I wish I could help.

Barb said:

Vicky, it just happened to me. I've been waiting for 13 months to have Brad come into my dreams. Never happened, now today I was so tired, I laid on the couch to rest, where we always sat together and I had a wonderful dream where it was just an ordinary afternoon and he and I were kidding around with the girls and he was telling them to pack, we were going on a vacation. It went on and on, all of a sudden my dog woke me up to go outside and when I came back into the living room it was like I was still in my dream and I looked where he was sitting and he was gone. It all came back to me, he is gone....he'll never sit there again! Now I feel so lonely and miss him so much! I was getting more positive and now its hit me again. Don't get me wrong, this is what I've been waiting for, to see him in my dreams for so long, but it brought reality back. I don't know what to do but sit and cry. I know they say that it will hit you every so often really hard from out of no where and it did! It was all so real in the dream that's why I expected to see him still there. I don't know how to deal with this one except cry it out. I'm just shaking, I don't know what to do.

Permalink Reply by Alan Crawford on September 27, 2010 at 10:25pm

I suddenly lost Denice my wife of 31 years on Aug.20th 2010. While we were married I never remember dreaming of her I think this was because we were so close like we were one. Since she passed I have dreamed of her 3 times. In all of them she was leaving the room. I would so like to see her face again. Then the other night I was suddenly wakened my hair was standing on end and I felt a weight on the bed as I opened my eyes I saw a cloud disappear. I wrote in my journal that she had alot to learn about being an angel. She wasn't supposed to wake me up.

Permalink Reply by Victoria (Vicky) Owensby on September 27, 2010 at 11:49pm

Hi Alan,

I'm so happy for you that you can have a sense of humor about it, and be so positive. Sometimes it feels as though Martin is still here in spirit but then I know he is not. I think I see a shadow walk by the bedroom but I don't believe in it. He did so who knows. I find myself talking to him at times anyway. Best wishes to you.

Alan Crawford said:

I suddenly lost Denice my wife of 31 years on Aug.20th 2010. While we were married I never remember dreaming of her I think this was because we were so close like we were one. Since she passed I have dreamed of her 3 times. In all of them she was leaving the room. I would so like to see her face again. Then the other night I was suddenly wakened my hair was standing on end and I felt a weight on the bed as I opened my eyes I saw a cloud disappear. I wrote in my journal that she had alot to learn about being an angel. She wasn't supposed to wake me up.

Permalink Reply by Alan Crawford on September 28, 2010 at 9:39pm

To quote the great bard Jimmy Buffet if we didn't laugh we would all go insane. Believe me there are times my sense of humor doesn't help me but in my carrers EMT/FF and RT I have needed it.

Permalink Reply by Connie on September 28, 2010 at 10:39pm

Hi Vicky,
I completely understand your feelings. It will be 11 months since my husband passed and on October 4th it will be one year that he left home for the hospital. The last thing he said to me before the first aid squad came to take him was that he didn't think he was going to be able to beat it this time. The sound of those words haunt me. I knew that he was very ill but I did not expect him to die. I guess I never thought that I would lose him. We were married 46 years on October 15th. He was completely sedated and did not know anything. He never was able to come out of the sedation. I had a dream of him just about 3 months after he passed. I was trying to make a decision on what I was going to do with our dogs. One of the dogs was his and the other mine. I always had a problem with his dog listening to me. My dog was very protective of me and would let no one hurt me. Being two big dogs, it was too much for me to take care of them and I needed to make a decision on how I was going to find new homes for them. In my dream, I was outside and the dogs had gotten out of the house on me. But it was not just our two dogs but there were probably 100 dogs/puppies in both my yard and my neighbors yard. I had a puppy in my hands and I was in a panic because I didn't know how I was going to get my dogs into the house. With that, my husband came walking around the house and said to me "Look, Honey, I can walk again and it does not even hurt." At that moment, he went away and all the dogs went away except our two. I don't know if he was trying to tell me what to do with the dogs or just that I shouldn't worry because he was doing well. Eventually, the dogs got into a nasty fight and it was on a day when my daughters and their families were all here and other company. It took everyone to try to separate them. My daughter looked and found a shelter where they could go and they would be cared for until someone adopted one. This was something that I knew I needed to do but didn't have the courage to do it. I have since gotten a puppy (Yorkie/Jack Russel) and she is the most adorable little thing you can imagine. It has worked out for me. One of my dogs has been adopted by a family with 5 children. She loved people and kids so I am sure she is happy. Vicky, I do believe that they come to you in your dreams to reassure you or to help you in some way. I am sure that my husband is watching over me. I love him so much and miss him so very much. My life seems worthless without him. But, somehow I have to go on until God decides it is my turn and then I will be reunited with my love and can spend my time holding his hand. God Bless you and I hope that things get better for you. In the meantime, we are always here for you if you need someone to talk to.

Permalink Reply by Victoria (Vicky) Owensby on September 29, 2010 at 2:46am

Thanks Connie,
I'm glad you got some comfort from your dream and figured out what to do. My Martin loved dogs too. Our dog has changed a lot since his death. He is so clingy. He follows me where ever I go, sit, eat, sleep everywhere. I'm not sure if he is feeling like I need to be protected or if he thinks I may die too so he is scared to leave my side. It has been a comfort to have Kafka because he forces me to get out of bed at least to take care of his needs.

Connie said:

Hi Vicky,
I completely understand your feelings. It will be 11 months since my husband passed and on October 4th it will be one year that he left home for the hospital. The last thing he said to me before the first aid squad came to take him was that he didn't think he was going to be able to beat it this time. The sound of those words haunt me. I knew that he was very ill but I did not expect him to die. I guess I never thought that I would lose him. We were married 46 years on October 15th. He was completely sedated and did not know anything. He never was able to come out of the sedation. I had a dream of him just about 3 months after he passed. I was trying to make a decision on what I was going to do with our dogs. One of the dogs was his and the other mine. I always had a problem with his dog listening to me. My dog was very protective of me and would let no one hurt me. Being two big dogs, it was too much for me to take care of them and I needed to make a decision on how I was going to find new homes for them. In my dream, I was outside and the dogs had gotten out of the house on me. But it was not just our two dogs but there were probably 100 dogs/puppies in both my yard and my neighbors yard. I had a puppy in my hands and I was in a panic because I didn't know how I was going to get my dogs into the house. With that, my husband came walking around the house and said to me "Look, Honey, I can walk again and it does not even hurt." At that moment, he went away and all the dogs went away except our two. I don't know if he was trying to tell me what to do with the dogs or just that I shouldn't worry because he was doing well. Eventually, the dogs got into a nasty fight and it was on a day when my daughters and their families were all here and other company. It took everyone to try to separate them. My daughter looked and found a shelter where they could go and they would be cared for until someone adopted one. This was something that I knew I needed to do but didn't have the courage to do it. I have since gotten a puppy (Yorkie/Jack Russel) and she is the most adorable little thing you can imagine. It has worked out for me. One of my dogs has been adopted by a family with 5 children. She loved people and kids so I am sure she is happy. Vicky, I do believe that they come to you in your dreams to reassure you or to help you in some way. I am sure that my husband is watching over me. I love him so much and miss him so very much. My life seems worthless without him. But, somehow I have to go on until God decides it is my turn and then I will be reunited with my love and can spend my time holding his hand. God Bless you and I hope that things get better for you. In the meantime, we are always here for you if you need someone to talk to.

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