For Our Mothers

It is always there...just under the surface. It is the ache of loneliness and the hole in my heart that will never heal. It is the reality I despise and a longing to go back...to before. By staying busy (numb and purposeful), running my mouth, my mind, and my daily routine, I fool myself into looking and acting like everyone else. But then I catch myself. Walking past the rows of cubicles to lunch, standing in line at the grocery store, or sitting in a meeting, it hits me. I don’t have a mother anymore.

My mother has been gone since February 20, 2010. As spring begins again (her favorite season) I miss her desperately, and long to hear her voice, touch her hand, and see that look of love in her eyes just one more time. Grief ambushes me on days I least expect it.

Without my Mom, my victories are tempered with sadness, and my struggles only remind me of how much I depended on her wisdom and basked in her unwavering belief in me. I know that no one will ever feel that way about me again, and my spirit suffers when thinking about the years ahead without her.

For all those who come here for comfort and sharing after losing a parent, I just wanted to pay tribute to mothers; the women who gave us life and loved us for all their lives and beyond...I miss you Mom.

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Erika Byrd on February 22, 2013 at 10:40pm

Hi Angie,

I lost my mom on November 19, 2012. I really don't know how to cope with the loss of not only my mom, but my best friend. I feel that the one person I had, and loved in this world was taken from me suddenly. I miss her so much it hurts to breath sometimes.

I too find myself staying busy so I don't have to think about the day that I lost my mom. I put on a smile every day I'm in public so people don't think that I'm broken, and just so they don't ask me if I'm okay. I miss talking to her daily, sometimes twice a day. She was my world, my support system, my best friend, my cheerleader, my voice of reasoning. How can I go on, and not have my mom by my side.

My heart is empty and broken, and even though I am laughing on the outside for appearance purposes only, I'm dying on the inside. I can be sitting watching a tv show and just burst out in tears or sitting in class and something reminds me of her and I am wiping tears from eyes. A couple weeks after my mom passed away I hurried to grab my phone because I wanted to share my day with her and her voice be excited with me. As I picked up the phone to dial her number it hit me that she was no longer here to pick up on the other end. I cried for three hours that day.

The thing that keeps me going is knowing how proud she was of me and how proud she would be of me. I want to thank her for giving me life and sharing her life with me. There will never be a day that goes by that I will not think of you. I love you and I miss you Mom. <3

Permalink Reply by sonya mcknight on October 14, 2013 at 9:40am