Starting the beginning of Dec, 2010 my Dad went into the hospital diagnosed with lung and stomache cancer. About a week later my Father-n-law had a major stroke. My husband and I were going hospital to hospital for almost 2 months straight. My father-n-law is now home doing well! on the other hand, my Dad stayed in the hospital until the end of April because he ended up having a lung removed. My husband and I live with his parents to help them out since the stroke left my father-n-law parylized on his left side. My dad on the other hand went to stay with his best friends son, about an hour and a half away. My dad died July 30, 2011. I was always Daddy's little girl, but this sickness pulled us further from each other. So, we almost hadn't talked since he came home, plus it was hard for him to communicate since the surgery. I got a phone call the day before he died telling me that they just called hospice in. I made it to see my dad the same night, my dad was so weak and exhausted, I gave him a hug and a kiss told him I love him and that I would see him in the morning. I rented a hotel room instead of staying there with him. Why? I was by myself, I didn't have any support my husband wasn't even there. I woke up about 7:30 am and decided to sleep a little longer. Next thing I know, I'm getting a phone call telling me that my dad had passed away at 8:37am. I didn't know what to do or how to feel. But now, I am so angry and have so much resentment towards my husband and my father-n-law, their family, and myself. When my father-n-law has a Dr.s appointment, I get mad when they ask me to go. My husband says that I blame him for my dad dying. And it's not that at all. I don't even know how to describe or how to begin even trying putting it in words. All I even come close to is either balling my eyes out so bad that I can't even speak, or I go into such a rage I just want to tear something to pieces or make someone or something feel just a little of how I feel. The rest of the time I'm numb. SO numb that I'm begging for something to make me feel again, good or bad. I feel like I have litterally lost it and that I am spiraling out of control. Can somebody or anybody relate? Or does this even make since? I don't even know anymore. This is the first time I have ever done this I just didn't have anywhere else to turn. Need support in someway anyway.because all of this is pulling my marriage apart as well, and demolished a 52in flatscreen tv.

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Yes, I'll just speak for myself, but I can relate to the incredible stress of losing a parent. To compound my grief of my Dad's death in May, I'm continuing to clean up messes involved in my dad's estate, spending almost every weekend in a different city trying to get his home ready for sale. I can't even imagine what you must be going through, needing to deal with your father-in-law's health issues. You are very new to the grief process - be easy on yourself now. Personally, I tried to keep go-go-going with a high intensity job and a lot of commitments and ended up taking almost a month of leave in order to heal myself. Do whatever works for you. It helps to talk to others who have been through a similar situation (losing a parent or anyone who's lost someone they were close to). A good grief counselor also does a world of good. My heart goes out to you .... best wishes as you work through this.

I'm so sorry for you loss. I lost my dad June 26th after a long illness. My first six weeks or so, I was a total zombie!!! I cried every day, and although I don't have any anger, I do know it's one of the greiving steps.

Please don't be so hard on yourself. Let yourself grieve and find a healthy way to do it. A counsellor can really help, blogging your feelings, there are even several good books out there.

 

I think IMO your raging because your dad's gone, and your FIL is still alive, and your resenting that and everything you need to do for him. I think that's pretty normal.

 

I'm so sorry for you loss. I lost my dad June 26th after a long illness. My first six weeks or so, I was a total zombie!!! I cried every day, and although I don't have any anger, I do know it's one of the greiving steps.

Please don't be so hard on yourself. Let yourself grieve and find a healthy way to do it. A counsellor can really help, blogging your feelings, there are even several good books out there.

 

I think IMO your raging because your dad's gone, and your FIL is still alive, and your resenting that and everything you need to do for him. I think that's pretty normal.

 

Thank you for understanding the resentment part, because thats actually part of why I'm mad at myself. But how do I get my husband to understand? On days that I'm not raging, I am a zombie as well, and Yesterday was a rage day and I had to make sure I could still "feel" something so I picked a fight with someone and found out I can still feel, and thats npt the type of feeling that I needed to be reassured about. Lol. Looking back I see that I was in the wrong, but No matter what I did I couldn't pull myself out of the rage. Now though my face isn't numb the rest of me is again, and now I really don't want to see or talk to anybody, (my face). I think I really might need a counselor or psychiatric help. And why does that resentment placed toward my husband? I don't know, I know that I am all over the place, but it's hard for me to stay in one thought for too long, my mind is all over the place. I will respond again when my mind is a little more focused. I'm sorry.

 


Suzie said:

I'm so sorry for you loss. I lost my dad June 26th after a long illness. My first six weeks or so, I was a total zombie!!! I cried every day, and although I don't have any anger, I do know it's one of the greiving steps.

Please don't be so hard on yourself. Let yourself grieve and find a healthy way to do it. A counsellor can really help, blogging your feelings, there are even several good books out there.

 

I think IMO your raging because your dad's gone, and your FIL is still alive, and your resenting that and everything you need to do for him. I think that's pretty normal.

 

I just wish I could put into words or just for a moment my husband could feel just a little of what i'm feeling, because he doesn't understand it, and I don't know how to explain it, and what little support I have, I feel like I am driving a huge wedge between my husband and I. and as well as my dad's estate, I get to deal with that as well... My mom finally stepped in because at the beginning of this month i still hadn't called Social Security, or Veterans Affairs, That made it too real and permanent for me. I'm sorry i'm all over the place, let me get back when or if my mind ever quits racing and I can focus just a little bit more.


Jennifer C. said:

Yes, I'll just speak for myself, but I can relate to the incredible stress of losing a parent. To compound my grief of my Dad's death in May, I'm continuing to clean up messes involved in my dad's estate, spending almost every weekend in a different city trying to get his home ready for sale. I can't even imagine what you must be going through, needing to deal with your father-in-law's health issues. You are very new to the grief process - be easy on yourself now. Personally, I tried to keep go-go-going with a high intensity job and a lot of commitments and ended up taking almost a month of leave in order to heal myself. Do whatever works for you. It helps to talk to others who have been through a similar situation (losing a parent or anyone who's lost someone they were close to). A good grief counselor also does a world of good. My heart goes out to you .... best wishes as you work through this.

Again, don't be so hard on yourself. Your probaly resenting your husband because his father is still alive and yours is gone.

It's normal to feel the resentment and to feel scattered and not all there. Yes, talk to a doctor or a therapist!

I've always been on anti depressents, but she had to add a mood stabilzer for me and I take ativan when things get really bad. There's no shame in asking for help.

It's good to get it out here too, we've been in the same situations, so we'll understand.

 

I guess it all depends on how understanding and close you are to your husband. You can come right out and tell him why you resent him and why your so angry. I talk to my husband about everything, he lost his mom and his brother several years ago so he understands.

 

If you want to chat, you can email me at svmb@telus.net

You are a loving kind and thoughtfull women.  And your dad would not want you to go through life angry.  Instead, as i think everyday! Is one more day closer to seeing them again!  This part of life Sucks!!!  first thing i think of everyday is my Dad and Mom, not knowing how to live without them...I try to think of all the happy memories, I shared with them!  not what i didn't do!  You were there he knows you Love him, thats all that matters!  I'm here for you!

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