How do we go on?

Truly, how do we go on? How do people expect us to? I feel like I'm only making people angry because I'm not "better" since my husband died just over 6 months ago. Even my family. I am so extremely tired. Tired of trying. Tired of fighting. My husband Jake had a large amount of life insurance, even though he wasn't even 26 yet, and I feel like it's getting in the way of everything. I don't work. I have been a stay at home mom for just about all of the eight years we've had our son. I don't even feel I'm capable of working. I've never been good at that. But regardless, I've loaned out very large amounts of money thinking that Jake would want me to help them. However, now I feel completely taken advantage of and feel they're taking advantage of my husbands death. I loaned my brother $40,000 to get all of his and his wife's debt paid, so they could afford groceries and such. Now they're getting divorced! I made it understandable to everyone that they would have to start paying back after the new year and not one of the three people have made any effort. I feel like I let my son down. My husband. And I feel like a nobody. I just found out that people kept a lot of details of my husbands death from me. And I now know that he suffered tremendously, and I am having an extremely difficult time with that and it's making me so angry. Especially at others. He died in a fire and all I hear is how people hate their lives and nothing goes right. And all I can think of is how bad it was for Jake and just shut up to people, because atleast they have their lives. Jake lost his life, but I also lost mine. He was my life. And I feel completely alone and lost. I have no idea how I'm going to get by. And the worst is, I have no choice but to go on because of our son. But I often wonder if he'd be better off without me. I feel I've let him down and I'm letting my husband down! And I have no idea how to change that. I'm pretty much a failure and people definitely have no trouble reminding me that.

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Permalink Reply by Elyse Plude on February 27, 2011 at 8:47pm

Thank you for explaining Steve! I really didn't want to start any hostility. That's a shame if that is really his intentions. Also, thank you for this group! It has done a lot of recovery for me to know that there are others who share my thoughts and feelings and this ever so difficult time. So thank you truly and God Bless!

Permalink Reply by Virginia on February 27, 2011 at 9:45pm

Elyse, Steve is right you didn't do anything wrong.This site is for us to be able to write what we are feeling and not to sell a book. Please don't be afraid to say what you feel,we are all here for each other. Hugs
Elyse Plude said:

Steve and members,

I'm very sorry that I caused so much trouble with my discussion here. I did not mean for anything bad to come of it. I was not aware of the situation and am very sorry. I hope no one here holds anything against me? I am just trying the best I can to get my voice heard as well. My deepest apologies!

Elyse

Steve Cain said:

Carl,

You are to NO LONGER post in MY group. I own this group and if I get any more messages from my members stating that you are using my group to try and sell your book, I WILL have you banned from Legacy.com. We are one of the largest and most active groups on this site so our voice WILL be heard. Do not even reply to this post. Just leave and never come back.

Permalink Reply by Christy on February 28, 2011 at 7:02am

Wow- I was pleasantly surprised to see Steve took care of this so quickly- that's awesome! Thank you!

Permalink Reply by Christy on February 28, 2011 at 7:24am

Elyse,

This guy, Carl, sent the exact same post to Suzanne. He's just trying to sell his book by posting this all over this site. We've got to look out for each other- take care, Christy