Hi everyone, I'm new on this site. Next Sunday will be 1 year since my husband died. He was diagnosed with leukemia and sent to the hospital to start chemo that very day. Exactly 4 weeks later he was gone. We were married for 31 years. I can't believe it's almost a year; it seems as if he just died....  I'm doing better than I was, but with this 1 year point coming, I am not doing well at all. Like I had read from someone, people just don't get it unless they have walked in our shoes. I hate the "new" me. I hate being a "widow". The loneliness is unbearable. I have a daughter whom I am very close to, but she has her husband and 3 children to keep her comforted. (which I am so happy that she has). I miss the chit chat and even the bickering that all couples have. I miss the touch of him. I know that there isn't any timeline for grieving, but I always wonder when or if I will ever feel human again. This is a journey too many of us are taking and it sucks. I just had to get these things off my chest. Thank you, who ever reads this, for taking the time to do so......

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Carol, I'm so sorry for your loss and pain but I'm glad you can write and express yourself believe it or not it helps keep writing and we will keep listening.

Time is a great healer, it softens the hurt, pain, aches, tears. I have a daughter, my only child, whom I'm very close to. In fact I moved to NV after she did, to be closer to my just turned 30 yr old Baby-girl. I was in shock and cussed out the deputy that called me on the phone at 6:30 in the morning and informed me, oh so coldly, that "Candace Rae Watson is dead" I called and complained about him after my senses were in focus, after about a month! I KNOW the Lord took Candace to a better place. I won't understand until I'm there. I trust the decision.Still, Candace is on my mind 24/7!! She's my LIFE! Now what am I supposed to do w/myself? I'm disabled and live alone. All I do is think sbout my daughter. If only I would've moved w/her when she asked me to, she'd be alive! My room-mate said I couldn't come back though, and I'm not from this state! Lord take care of Candace!!

Hi Carol ...

How are you doing?  I understand completely how you feel as I feel the same as you do.  It has just been over a year (April 27) that my dear Ernie passed away and I miss him so much (yes, even the odd bit of bickering.)  I don't like being a widow much either and although I am doing a wee bit better right now (not put one pound on even though I am eating well) and that bothers me.  I am slowly becoming more active.  I must have the cleanest house on the block; see my family (which is very small) friends and neighbors have been wonderful so I try to see those blessings. I have to admit that I dislike long weekends and here is one coming up right now. It is lonely and I suppose many of never realize just how much time we have spent with our spouse whether one goes away on a long weekend or stays home.  I either have the TV on or the radio just so there is some noise in the house.  My two dogs are a true blessing and I go dog walking every evening with my girlfriend. 

Please let me know how you are doing because I do care about you and others on here.





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