I have no idea to what even say on here.  I lost my love on 9/5.  He went so fast.  Even with being diagnosed with lung cancer over 16 months ago, he was fighting so hard to be one of the few in the percentage who survived.  He so wanted to make it to 2 years.  He had a son he wanted to start on a path before he had to leave us. 

I found him late in life, when I was 41 and we were together until now and I'm 54.  He is the only man I ever loved....had planned on us growing old together and waited until the day I could retire.  Dale was 51 when he died.  So young and he had so many things he wanted to do.

I feel so lost...so alone.  I can't imagine living 20+ years without him. 

I can't go places we went together because all I can think about is when we went there together.

I have to have the tv on constantly because I hate the quiet. 

I'm currently on leave of absence from work, which I wish I had taken earlier, and he died 3 days later.  I don't know whether it would be better to go back to work or not to keep my occupied. 

I see no joy ahead....nothing to look forward to....it is just so quiet around here without him.  It sucks being the one left behind.

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Replies to This Discussion

Hi everyone, You are so right that we need to try to think of one positive thing everyday. That will give me something to think about tonight when I am not sleeping.
The funeral home called yesterday, said the death certificates were ready and was wondering if I wanted to get the tombstone ordered. I ended up leaving the house and went to Dale's mom and dad house and spent time with them. It did me a lot of good to go over there and talk with them.

Then I went to Walmart to do some grocery shopping. As I was parking the car I thought I need to watch where I park now. It was dark and as a woman alone I need to park closer to the entrance where the light is and more people coming and going. Or not go there after dark.

My cell phone doesn't ring anymore with Dale asking me what time I will get home from work or to pick this or that up.

I left the hall light on in the house for when I got home, but driving up to the house I saw the van he loved so much sitting in the driveway and no other house lights on in the house. No Dale there asking if I needed help with the groceries. First thing I did was turn on the TV.

And I think of my car, it's got 107K miles on it and I drive 35 minutes to work, should I get a new one. And that if something happened on the road I can't call him anymore for help. That I should at least get AAA for roadside service.

And I need to think about getting long term care insurance because I have no children to help out when I will need it.

And if something happens to me while I am at home there's no one to call 911.

I hate all the changes and things I have to do different now.
Nancey,
Please don't let the little minutia get to ya. I haven't even opened the brochures for the stone yet. There are so many options that I'm not sure yet what I want. Same with the car. Take some time. 100k miles aren't that many miles but I just loaded my cell phone with local towing companies and a couple shops I trust to do repairs. You also don't want to panic and do something stupid out of fear of what could go wrong. I also put my barf bucket in the bathroom because I don't have anyone to bring it to me when I get sick to my stomach.
I cried at the grocery store last time I went because I couldn't even decide what I wanted to buy. I just kept finding things that hubby used to eat. At least when you get home you don't really need help carrying them in.
More changes I don't like. Just trying to focus on that different doesn't neccesarily mean bad just new.
Thinking of you today. A
nancey, i lost my husband in feb. 2010, within three months after being diagnoised with cancer. i too, am thinking about some of the things you have mentioned.i work the 3pm till 11pm shift, i worry about breaking down on the road and who would i call. i also remember how my husband would always call to check on me if i wasnt home at a certain time. i am very sorry for your loss, and it is so hard to go through these changes. i know for me it really hit home when you mentioned long term care insurance and calling 911.i am very fearful about these things and try not to dwell on them but it is pretty scarey when you are used to having a love one be their for you at all times. may GOD be with you on this journey.

Nancey said:
The funeral home called yesterday, said the death certificates were ready and was wondering if I wanted to get the tombstone ordered. I ended up leaving the house and went to Dale's mom and dad house and spent time with them. It did me a lot of good to go over there and talk with them.

Then I went to Walmart to do some grocery shopping. As I was parking the car I thought I need to watch where I park now. It was dark and as a woman alone I need to park closer to the entrance where the light is and more people coming and going. Or not go there after dark.

My cell phone doesn't ring anymore with Dale asking me what time I will get home from work or to pick this or that up.

I left the hall light on in the house for when I got home, but driving up to the house I saw the van he loved so much sitting in the driveway and no other house lights on in the house. No Dale there asking if I needed help with the groceries. First thing I did was turn on the TV.

And I think of my car, it's got 107K miles on it and I drive 35 minutes to work, should I get a new one. And that if something happened on the road I can't call him anymore for help. That I should at least get AAA for roadside service.

And I need to think about getting long term care insurance because I have no children to help out when I will need it.

And if something happens to me while I am at home there's no one to call 911.

I hate all the changes and things I have to do different now.
Thank you Audrey. A good idea about putting numbers in my cell phone for tows and shops. I'm going to put a copy of the phone book in my car too.

Audrey Derr said:
Nancey,
Please don't let the little minutia get to ya. I haven't even opened the brochures for the stone yet. There are so many options that I'm not sure yet what I want. Same with the car. Take some time. 100k miles aren't that many miles but I just loaded my cell phone with local towing companies and a couple shops I trust to do repairs. You also don't want to panic and do something stupid out of fear of what could go wrong. I also put my barf bucket in the bathroom because I don't have anyone to bring it to me when I get sick to my stomach.
I cried at the grocery store last time I went because I couldn't even decide what I wanted to buy. I just kept finding things that hubby used to eat. At least when you get home you don't really need help carrying them in.
More changes I don't like. Just trying to focus on that different doesn't neccesarily mean bad just new.
Thinking of you today. A
I'm sorry for your loss Cindy and hope you feel better each day on your journey.

I guess I think of the LTC insurance and 911 because these things cross my mind when I think about living alone and the adjustments I need to make.

I suppose sometimes I analyze things too much, but just don't want to be taken by surprise and plan what I can. Maybe it's because I had no control over the cancer.

CINDY POWELL said:
nancey, i lost my husband in feb. 2010, within three months after being diagnoised with cancer. i too, am thinking about some of the things you have mentioned.i work the 3pm till 11pm shift, i worry about breaking down on the road and who would i call. i also remember how my husband would always call to check on me if i wasnt home at a certain time. i am very sorry for your loss, and it is so hard to go through these changes. i know for me it really hit home when you mentioned long term care insurance and calling 911.i am very fearful about these things and try not to dwell on them but it is pretty scarey when you are used to having a love one be their for you at all times. may GOD be with you on this journey.

Nancey said:
The funeral home called yesterday, said the death certificates were ready and was wondering if I wanted to get the tombstone ordered. I ended up leaving the house and went to Dale's mom and dad house and spent time with them. It did me a lot of good to go over there and talk with them.

Then I went to Walmart to do some grocery shopping. As I was parking the car I thought I need to watch where I park now. It was dark and as a woman alone I need to park closer to the entrance where the light is and more people coming and going. Or not go there after dark.

My cell phone doesn't ring anymore with Dale asking me what time I will get home from work or to pick this or that up.

I left the hall light on in the house for when I got home, but driving up to the house I saw the van he loved so much sitting in the driveway and no other house lights on in the house. No Dale there asking if I needed help with the groceries. First thing I did was turn on the TV.

And I think of my car, it's got 107K miles on it and I drive 35 minutes to work, should I get a new one. And that if something happened on the road I can't call him anymore for help. That I should at least get AAA for roadside service.

And I need to think about getting long term care insurance because I have no children to help out when I will need it.

And if something happens to me while I am at home there's no one to call 911.

I hate all the changes and things I have to do different now.
When I read back thru this thread I see each of us learning new and different ways to take care of ourselves. I guess that those needs will be different for all. I am learning something new each day and trying very hard to focus on things I can do now that I couldn't do with a terminally ill husband. I think that if you need to shop for LTC Insurance or a different car to put your mind at ease about your future then that is what you need to do to sleep (Hah) better. I have been taking care of him for so long that it is very weird to think about taking care of me first....or at all. One positive thing each day and before long the week is over. Lots to think about. A
Hello, Well its been a little over 5 weeks since Joe has been gone. I remember when the cremation place called to tell me his ashes were ready I was so excited it was like going to the airport to pick him up after a long trip. The last thing he said to me was he wanted to come home and when I was able to do that for him it seemed to make things just a bit better. Some how it seems such a comfort to know he is there with me.
As far as shopping goes, Joe was such a stickler for not going to the store at night, he would say the crazies are out at night in their cars. So I still make sure I am home before dark unless one of my daughters is with me. I have given myself a new way of looking at goals to accomplish, as most of you know to get more than one thing done in a day can sometimes be over whelming, so thats what I do pick one thing only that needs to get done. It's not a lot but it is something so it makes me feel like I have done something for the day. Now I must work on getting his truck ready to go back, I still can't bring myself to clean it out, but it has to be done. Maybe today.
Audrey, you are so right when all you have is to be the caregiver for yrs. it is very hard to adjust to it being only you, I remember the first time i let the house at 7.30 at night to go see a friend i thought this is nice because i never went out that late lol but before i could get to her house i was a basket case the guilt was horrable, so it is a big adjustment

Audrey Derr said:
When I read back thru this thread I see each of us learning new and different ways to take care of ourselves. I guess that those needs will be different for all. I am learning something new each day and trying very hard to focus on things I can do now that I couldn't do with a terminally ill husband. I think that if you need to shop for LTC Insurance or a different car to put your mind at ease about your future then that is what you need to do to sleep (Hah) better. I have been taking care of him for so long that it is very weird to think about taking care of me first....or at all. One positive thing each day and before long the week is over. Lots to think about. A
Hi to all, yes "guilt" seems to be a big factor also. I tried to clean out the car but found that I couldnt clean out the passenger side where LouAnn stashed her lists for the Dollar Store in the spot in the door for storing. I will leave them there forever. Its a great remembrance of her. Hugs to all.Hugs are good.
lol i remember when the first dollar store opened up around here i spent 80 dollars my husband said i thought it was a dollar store lol it was so funny

Randolph L. Schrader said:
Hi to all, yes "guilt" seems to be a big factor also. I tried to clean out the car but found that I couldnt clean out the passenger side where LouAnn stashed her lists for the Dollar Store in the spot in the door for storing. I will leave them there forever. Its a great remembrance of her. Hugs to all.Hugs are good.
Nancey,

I have had AAA for years and love it. Even when my husband was alive, we decided to get it because he wasn't healthy enough to change a tire anyways if needed, nor have the tools to fix it if we were on the road. I think it may be around $100 for the year, but its well worth the peace of mind. It sounds like you are on the right track, making decisions, starting to think of you.....it takes time, but it will get a little better.

Nancy

Nancey said:
The funeral home called yesterday, said the death certificates were ready and was wondering if I wanted to get the tombstone ordered. I ended up leaving the house and went to Dale's mom and dad house and spent time with them. It did me a lot of good to go over there and talk with them.

Then I went to Walmart to do some grocery shopping. As I was parking the car I thought I need to watch where I park now. It was dark and as a woman alone I need to park closer to the entrance where the light is and more people coming and going. Or not go there after dark.

My cell phone doesn't ring anymore with Dale asking me what time I will get home from work or to pick this or that up.

I left the hall light on in the house for when I got home, but driving up to the house I saw the van he loved so much sitting in the driveway and no other house lights on in the house. No Dale there asking if I needed help with the groceries. First thing I did was turn on the TV.

And I think of my car, it's got 107K miles on it and I drive 35 minutes to work, should I get a new one. And that if something happened on the road I can't call him anymore for help. That I should at least get AAA for roadside service.

And I need to think about getting long term care insurance because I have no children to help out when I will need it.

And if something happens to me while I am at home there's no one to call 911.

I hate all the changes and things I have to do different now.

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