Our hearts and prayers go out to you. We know exactly how you feel. I wrote practically the same thing here last week. We are suffering so bad so much of the time and the rest of the world remains clueless. I wish each of us had that privilege. So today is your husbands birthday and I'm hoping that you can take some deep breathes, say a prayer or do whatever you do to clear your head so that you can do something more in line with what you really want which is to celebrate your husband! That's not easy, but if you can shake off your current feelings & focus on celebrating, like you would normally do on someone's birthday, then maybe, just maybe you'll feel better. I hope so. My husband died August 27. 2010 at 38 yrs. old, from an accident at work. I'm still in shock/denial. Valentine's was hard because I wanted to do something to show my love for him, but I felt like a zombie & couldn't think or do anything. Then I managed to get a grip on myself, got a simple idea & carried out my plan. I felt so much better. I still cry, have trouble breathing at times, sleep & appettite is nonexistant,... but, I know I'm here for a reason & it's not to hide away and cry so I keep trying. I hope you keep trying too. You are a beautiful person who loves & is loved deeply. Remember, three things never end, faith, hope and love~ the greatest of these is love. 1 Corinthians 13:13
HUGS & Best Wishes,
Dear Kim, all these replies are wonderful from these ladies. As Kathy just said, try to find a way to acknowledge your love for Jerry on his birthday. On Valentine's I wrote my husband a poem and set free some balloons.
As for the reminders, yes they are everywhere, but try to think of the happy times when you were with Jerry at these places. I do that with my husband Jack, because frankly it would be overwhelming to even not try and do that. Sometimes I just look the other way as I drive by, or then I think of when we were there, and how wonderful it was and I smile. Some ways to honor your husband is to work on a memorial book for him, with pictures and stories, do something in his memory, share something.
Can you perhaps just go out or do something with one person and not place yourself in situations where it is couples, try and spend time with family, people who can support what you are going through.
Know that Jerry still loves and cares for you Kim. Keep him in your heart and his love will give you strength.
I really do know how you feel as do we all here. I have posted the same words as you have during the past year. I took a step forward at one point and a step back. I don't have the answers, but all I know is there are millions going through this and somehow they are doing it. It is so difficult, I hate that this is where I have been taken, and didn't even realize I was going here. All these memories of 39 years are flashbacks that sting with pain. I ask God to take care of this, and somehow, I wake every morning, alone, and put one foot in front of the other, do what I need to do and go to bed, alone, every night. For me, I believe it's God getting me through each day. If it was me in control, I know I wouldn't be here, but then again, I could never do that either. Just to let you know, I know everyone is different but it has helped me so much to share my deepest darkest moments with only those I know who 'get it' which are all who are on grief sites and at grief meetings and most therapists. Just know that we all 'know' your pain and I hope and pray that somehow you are able to manage getting from one minute to the next. I've heard many times we need to be kind to ourselves. At the time I heard it I wasn't ready for that advice but that has helped me when I thought back about all the things people say. If there is anyone who needs kindness it is us. Take care. You are in my prayers.
Kim you made me cry, I know how you feel, it is also 8 months since I lost my soulmate, and 4 weeks since my Mum passed away. I feel so empty, a feeling I cant even explain. I am seeing a psychologist, and going to counseling. I have tried so many ways of trying to move forward, but each time it is one step forward, and four step backwards. I have started on medication, and I will say it is somewhat, starting to help me. I fought so hard not to take anything, but had to give in, as I was feeling just like you. Please my dear, dont think I am telling you what to do, I still feel that emptyness, aloneness, that nobody seems to understand. I have joined a group called solace, and they are wonderful friends that have lost their spouses. I just wish we could all live together, as they have been there, and have gone through what we are going through. I am here alone, night after night, just on my laptop, and that is my life at present. I will pray for you, that you will find a way, to get a little help for you. I know it is going to take a long, long, time for me to get back to where I will be free of this grieving, but it is so hard, when you see people so happy, and you are trying to fit in. I want to be with people, all the time, but it is not possible, as they have their own lives. I feel I have been let down big time. I send you love, and big, hugs. Please God take care of my grieving friend. Floss
Dear Kim, I am sorry for what you are going through and will have to go through. My husband left on December 23, 2009. Just two days before Christmas. He wasn't sick and none of us were prepared. My 15 year old had been buying surprise gifts for us that we never got around to open. They are still wrapped up and are in my basement. His birthday falls on Jan 2nd so I really didn't have any gap in between. Things just kept on banging me one after another. I can't say things get easier with time but you get used to pain. I hope you get the strength to go through all this. I will pray for you and if there is anything that I or somebody else can do please let us know.
Kim, I am sending you a hug and saying a prayer that you find a little peace today. Going back to work will definately help you. When I was out of work for a few months I tried to keep busy, finding new projects and such. Too much time without doing anything I found is not good, too much time to think, too much time to cry. Our guys would not want that, I know my Ron would not. I recently had dropped back a few steps in this journey,and for 2 days I just cried, cried, cried for every little thing. But I crawled out of that place and now I am trying again to put one foot in front of the other. I want you to know in November and December I was quite ill and I too thought that this would be a way out, a step to see my Ron, and I was glad. Glad because I would see my Ron because I cant live without him. But it was not to be so here I am trying to go on. Please try Kim,I am sure you have people, friends and family that love you and you have friends here that care for you. Sending you hugs, Liz