Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by kathy obiedzinski on August 19, 2010 at 6:50am

barb: platt sorry about your loss it is such a short time you it will quite awhile before it will sink into you i to lost george by a massive heart attack but he was not sick assuming maybe he just did not let me know this website is for people in your position and everyone else that is going thru this hard time. the people here will listen and write back to you letting a friendship grow this is what we all need right now please do not think you are venting out because we cannot keep our feeling held inside. i am so sorry that your children are having a hard time with this i suggest if you can get them some type of help counseloring it may help take care and please always be on the website

Permalink Reply by Kim on August 19, 2010 at 8:09am

Barb,
I am so sorry for your loss. My husband passed away June 1, 2010 at only 40 years old. It is very hard everyday to go on without him, but some how I do it (not sure how though). We have an 18 year old son, but he has a life of his own and I don't see him that much so I too feel very alone. The first week Jerry was gone, his dog (I say his because I am a cat person and have 3) looked everywhere for him. She even smelled the dirty laundry for his scent, but shortly after she stopped looking for him and was ok, your dog will be ok too in time. I am in the same boat with my house. Have you tried to call your mortgage company and apply for the Home Loan Modification? That is what I did, but am still waiting on a decision from them. From what I am told they can $500 a month off your mortgage payment and lower the interset rate to like 2%. I am not sure if that will help you, but I thought I would mention it incase it can help. My prayers are with you.

Permalink Reply by gail stewart on August 19, 2010 at 2:39pm

Hello Barb,I am so very sorry for you. It must have been a very difficult ten years. I know they say time heals all, but I am not so sure.
You may not think of it this way, but your life has been upset for ten years and you started the grieving process then.
Try to think of it as needing to take baby steps. Do not make any major decisions for awhile, until you are thinking more clearly.
I can tell you that pets do know. I have a rescue dog age 5, who I found in my husbands closet looking up at his clothes, he would not sit in his chair unless I sat first, and now sleeps on his pillow.
I lost Bob in May after only three months illness. He had thaught of training Beau to be a therapy dog.. I decided to do this for my husbank and I has been good for me. We visit nursing homes and he is just a natural.
I to face the the thaught of relocating, since I have no family here in Pa., but my doctor stressed to give it a year. That is what I hope to do.
Write whenever you need to. We are all here for you.
Gail

Permalink Reply by Virginia on August 19, 2010 at 3:10pm

hi Barb, I'm also sorry for your loss and it is the very begining of the grief process but having the house to worry is making it worse, I hope you can remadey it as Kim says it's worth a try then you can work on grieving the loss of your husband, I will keep you in my prayers, hugs

Permalink Reply by CINDY POWELL on August 19, 2010 at 9:06pm

barb,
so very sorry to hear of your loss. welcome to this website. it really helps to be able to come here and post things to others that are going through the same thing. we are all at different stages of grieving but we still try and help one another. i would definantly take kims advice, it sounds like something you need to check out. i know that when you have alot to worry about along with the grieving it can make you feel like you are loosing your mind. i know from experience. since my husband passed away in feb. 2010, i have had alot of things to worry about. as you well know being left with one income is really scarey.i have way too much time on my hands at work. in fact since i no longer have a computer at home, i use this one at work to do my postings and read up on discussions from this website.i too, have a mind which continually wonders and dont even know what concentration is anymore. GOD BLESS YOU.
i will keep you in my prayers.

Permalink Reply by Deb on August 19, 2010 at 10:19pm

Barb, I can so relate with what you are going through. The fog was where I was at as soon as I went back to my part time job two weeks later after Al died and I could not function. I still feel like I am there some days. My husband died of a massive heart attack (the widow makers) on January 21, 2010 and suddenly my life turned upside down after celebrating 27 years of marriage together just the month before he died. I had to find full time work with health insurance along with trying to help my 21 year old son through college. Now I am working 50 hours a week at a new job and I am just trying to figure out how to run the household. Everything Al did around the house he made it look so simple and he did it with ease! I am just taking it one day at a time, that's the best I can do for now. I hope you find comfort in knowing you are not alone.

Permalink Reply by judy on August 20, 2010 at 12:22am

Barb, I am so sorry about your husband. My husband died in Jan. of a massive heart attack. I am still working full time though I had planned to retire next year that doesn't look like it is going to be possible now. I do hope you can find a way to keep the house for awhile so many massive changes make things worse, if they can possibly be worse. My prayers are with you.

Permalink Reply by heather on August 20, 2010 at 10:50am

I am so sorry for your loss, I know some of these feelings and the change in my life since my husband died almost 5 months ago. The loss of income, companionship, hearing his voice I feel so totally alone although I have grown daughter and grandchildren. Nothing can replace him but I talk to him everyday. At first I couldn't view his photo without bursting into tears. I remember the good times we had he is with God the Father in heaven he is wrapped in his arms safe, and happy. I know you will get better and stronger as time passes just remember him in your heart and smile.

Permalink Reply by TINA GREER on August 20, 2010 at 8:09pm

Barb, my husband died suddenly of a heart attack in the early morning hours on July 5, 2010. He was 51. I understand completely how you feel. One second life is good, and the next second your heart is ripped away. I too have to let the house go. I was told that I have to put it up for sale, but it will never sell for what I owe. If they can't do a short sale, then it will be foreclosure for me also. I found a great place to move to though. God blessed me. All I can tell you is baby steps. One second, one minute, one hour, one day at a time. That is how I am getting through. I hope you are able to find some peace, even if only for a little while.

Permalink Reply by Tracie on August 22, 2010 at 6:34am

I am so sorry for your loss-you are not alone.An excellent book that helped me get through this was given to me by Hospice-it`s called Life after Loss by Bob Deits,M.Th..It offers help and insight and what to expect for the 1st few years.Definately worth reading:)

Permalink Reply by bc on August 22, 2010 at 8:26am

Barb, I am so sorry you have to go through all of this. I too lost my husband at 53 years old on Aug 5, 2009 and afterwards the bank wouldn't work with me so an angel came and bought my house, less than what I wanted but at least I was out of that situation.
I wish I could tell you that things will improve for you soon, but there is no timeline for this grief, everyone is different. I have just recently decided that the best gift I could give my husband is to use the strength and love he gave me while we were together to live my life for him, myself and my daughters. He gave me so much so this is the least I can do to honor and thank him.
Stay with this site, everyone is here for you, most of all we all understand because we are going through it to. Anytime you want to vent, you can email me at: bchamberlain@wi.rr.com. I'm here for you. Good luck to you with your house and I pray that you and your sons find some peace.
Hugs!
Barb