Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by TammyDHU on December 7, 2012 at 11:02am

Kathy hon, 

I am here for you.  I sent an email to you just before this, eerily I was writing you when your post showed up!  My prayers are with you-

-Tammy

Permalink Reply by Kathy on December 7, 2012 at 3:44pm

Thanks I appreciate it! I mean should I feel wrong for still being upset 4 years later??

Permalink Reply by Melinda CANDACE Guinn on December 7, 2012 at 5:01pm

Kathy, It gets easier as time moves on. I don't believe the spirit ever dies. The body does, but not the essence of that person. I KNOW for a fact that there's life after death. In 2 different instances. The first time was when a friend of mine, my girlfriend's step-dad passed. I rented a room from him. We knew he was dying from Cancer. 2 days after he passed, Ward made the smoke alarm go off. WE HAD TAKEN THE BATTERIES OUT, because it went off every time he cooked! Ward told me, if he could, he would let me know somehow. And he did! The 2nd time was whem my only child, Candace Watson passed. She had just turned 30, raising 3 little girls w/the girl's dad. They were b-b-q-ing and enjoying some beers. They got into an arguement so he took their girl's to his Mom's home. While they were gone she took some Loritabs. Neither ALONE would'ne killed her, but the combination proved ro be FATAL! I miss my daughter soo much! I moved out of state to be near her! The day b/4 her funeral, I was sitting in the patio talking to her. She rubbed my arms up and down twice!!! I KNOW it was Candace!!! On Valentine's Day she poked me on the shoulder. I KNOW there's life after death!!! My Mom passed from throat Cancer less than 2 months b/4 Candace. Maybe your Mom will come to you in dreams. Candace hasn't. I FELT Candace!

Permalink Reply by Laura on December 7, 2012 at 5:11pm

Kathy , there is no time limit as to when we should heal from a loss. I lost my mom on 12/24/05. It has been so hard and I still miss her so much! I had a dream about her and she was with my father, so I know they are together. In my dream she put her arm around me and told me "dont cry anymore". The tears are still there but slowly they are far and few. This is the first Christmas I've felt excited as I used to feel. Its the first year I have really felt that excitement with my kids and family. As time goes by yes it does get a little easier to cope. Before Christmas (probably this weekend) I'll take flowers to the cemetery where my parents are burried together. I'll have my moment with them. I take my mp3 player and some speakers (small ones) and if nobody minds (nobody has in fact people enjoy it) I play songs my parents used to play all the time (Bob Segar and Van Morrison).  Then its time to focus back on my family. Maybe what you can consider doing is find a way to celebrate her life and her memories. Find that good feeling that memory that warms your heart and makes you smile...hang on to that. I try to not reflect on my moms Illness or the morning she passed away. I dont think she would want that. I believe she came tome in my dreams to tell me its ok move on be happy and dont be so sad for me anymore, celebrate me instead. My mom had Cancer too and she was so brave while fighting it. I dont want to remember her for her illness though I want to remember her for the mother she was to us kids, the grandmother she was to her grandkids.  Her laugh and her smile I hang on to. I hope you can find some peace ..

Permalink Reply by Kathy on December 7, 2012 at 6:02pm

Melinda and Laura thanks for taking the time to respond. I too have had dreams with my mom. One of the first dreams I had after she passed she was so sad and told me she didn't want to go. I told her It would be ok and everything will be fine. Ive had a cousin and a friend of mine tell me that they have had dreams where she told them to tell me that she loves me. My last dream that I had with her she said she loved me and gave me a huge hug. That's one of the things I miss the most. She was so loving and comforting in times of need. I was almost 21 when she passed so at times I feel so much anger because i think its unfair that it had to be my mom that passed and evil people roam the streets daily. She will never meet my future kids and that upsets me. I married when I was 23 and its nice to know she was there in spirit but I wish she could of physically been there. Laura Im so glad that you are excited about Christmas this year. In a way I am too. Its the first year together with my Husband being a married couple since he is in the military and was away last Christmas. I loved how you stated that you want to remember her by the wonderful mother and grandmother she was. I agree with you. Theres so much in my life thats going on and I just wish I had her or anyone for that matter to talk to that can relate and understand. My husband tries to get it but I think he deals with things differently than me. I know things will get better. One day at a time 

Permalink Reply by Melinda CANDACE Guinn on December 7, 2012 at 6:25pm

Your husband loves you, it WILL get better!

Permalink Reply by Kathy on December 7, 2012 at 6:28pm

Yeah I know he does. Its just a long road. I must ask. How do you deal with the loss of your child? 

Permalink Reply by Melinda CANDACE Guinn on December 7, 2012 at 7:06pm

I don't. It's inconceivable that she died b/4 me! I am beyond depressed. She passed 4/09/10. That day will live in infamy for me. I had to go to my dr to get on meds, I renewed the 'scrip once. It made me so I couldn't grieve for her. I didn't like it. I can't believe she won't call me anymore. I went to a medium a couple months ago. She said that Candace told her she didn't mean to die. Candace drank beer and ate some Loritabs. The coroner said neither alone would've killed her, but the combination stopped my poor Baby's heart. What's so bad is, she asked me to move w/her. I stupidly told her no, because my room-mate said I couldn't come back. I'm not from NV, and I told her why. I figured she'd say she wouldn't leave me but she didn't. She didn't mean to die, she was pissed at her husband and just wanted to get high. I'll NEVER get over this, I LIVED for Candace!!!

Permalink Reply by Kathy on December 7, 2012 at 7:22pm

That's terribly tough. What else did the medium say? Recently I've been curious about visiting one. Do they really work??!?

Permalink Reply by Frank Andrews on December 7, 2012 at 8:12pm

 Cathy 

  I do not believe in mediums but some do. It is my late mother's birthday today.  Had she lived she would have turned 100 today. It has been many years since she passed and I still grieve over her passing but the pain of her loss has gradually subsided.  After all, we expect to lose our parents but you lost your mom way too soon. I lost my beloved wife of 40 years on Aug. 28th and the raw pain gets unbearable since it was unexpected.  The only loss that I feel would be worse is that of losing a child as Melinda did.  I feel some of her pain but cannot imagine the pain of losing a child. Hope you and Melinda can find some peace during this holiday season.

Permalink Reply by MEG Amelia on December 7, 2012 at 8:30pm

I lost my husband in 2005 and I still miss him very much, there's not a lot anyone can do or say to change that or make it any easier, especially if they've never really experienced the death of someone very important to them firsthand.

I find reading books, articles, posts helps me understand that these feelings are normal and helps me find ways to make the best of the life I still have to live here.

My sons were 13 & 14 when my husband died and I know they still miss him very much even though they don't openly express it, we have a big empty place in our family where their dad used to be, nothing and no one can make it go away, we just try to live with it the best we can.

It does give me comfort knowing he is in a better place and I will eventually see him again, I also like to think he shares the important events with us. I pray a lot too, especially during the holiday season, birthday, anniversaries, etc. --writing about it here helps me understand my feelings better and it helps someone else who is grieving too then it's honoring his memory in a positive way.

Permalink Reply by Stacey on December 7, 2012 at 10:05pm

I'm so sorry you are missing your mom so much...I have two boys and I would hope they would be happy and not sad during the holidays, but there is no set time for grief. My stepmother of 45 years died last year and my dad this year...all I do is cry this holiday season. You are so right that people move on and you want your mom to be remembered. One thing that helped me after my grandmother's passing (she lived with us after my mother died when I was little) was donating some money to the church we attended together until i went away to school and having her name in the church bulletin for the service. Then during the prayers they also mention her name. It felt so wonderful to see her name in print and hear it out loud! I did this on her birthday and Christmas for 12 years until I felt having her in my heart was enough. I did this in the Episcopal church and have not been an attending member since I was 21. I mention this in case you don't go to church just to show that isn't an obstacle. Maybe other churches/faiths will do the same thing. Lastly, do not feel wrong about missing your mom...it hurts because she is not physically here, but her love for you still is.

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