Leaving the Site

Dear Friends,

I am going to be leaving this site and I will tell you why. It has been 18 months since Douglas died and a lot has changed for me. The first year was the most difficult and I still have moments of anxiety but I have discovered that I deal with things so differently. I have actually discovered that I am on the path of healing!! That is a good thing. One lesson that I have learned from Douglas's dying is that everyone I know will experience the tragedy of losing a spouse at some point in their life. And I will be there to help them get through the agony, fear, and sense of hopelessness. There will be no "thoughtless" comments coming from me! I have also accepted that Douglas completed what he had been put on this earth to accomplish. His death has also taught me to be more patient, loving and accepting of things that I have absolutely no control over (and quite frankly, none of us controls anything) -- if we had control our spouses might still be here with us. I don't remember much of the first year and that is probably for the best. However, my new normal has opened many doors. I am moving closer to my daughter, I have been offered a manager's position, and I find that I smile more. Every thought I have of Douglas makes me smile as I remember one of the many memories I have of the 32 years we were a couple. My daughter commented the other day that I have changed. Yes, I have and it is not a bad thing. I give credit to Douglas for showing me how to remain young at heart, loving, and patient. I am blessed to have had him in my life for 32 years. He is in my heart and mind always.

So, dear friends, farewell and best wishes to all of you. The road of grief has been painful and a struggle. Each of you helped me along and continue to do so. I will be checking in periodically for sure. Take care!

Peace,

Brigitte

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Renee Semo on January 9, 2011 at 9:12pm

Brigitte, Good Luck to you and I am happy to hear that there is a light to our grief. Love, Renee

Permalink Reply by kathy obiedzinski on January 10, 2011 at 6:30am

hi donna: i am sorry for your loss please be patient the people on this site are good people but some do not go on this site everyday. i can garantee you will hear from more than 2 people because of all our losses the people on this site are caring people they will listen to everything you have to say you can vent out your feelings and not be judged it will be 23 months that i lost george and i am still on this site because i met many good friends and i am still not coping as well as i want but it takes time and as they say time heals all wounds you take care and keep on this site for yourself

eileen parrinello said:

To Donna,

hi my name is eileen parrinello and I am new to this site. To be honest i found it a little confusing. I do feel lost I only received two responses from dear people. I to feel the same way, when I feel like I need someone to talk to there is no live open chat. I understand & I am like I said, confused its been 7 months since my husband's passing.anytime you feel like talking write to me maybe we can share tele #'s or something.

hope this makes you feel a little better since I understand your pain.

as for Bridgette, thanks for writing your comment & I hope that I can get to where you are. You showed me that there is a tomorow with a smile so I say, thank-you and may GOD BLESS YOU.

Permalink Reply by Charlene Ozawa on January 10, 2011 at 1:10pm

Best to you Brigitte!

Permalink Reply by Suzanne on January 10, 2011 at 10:29pm

Dear Brigitte,

I hesitate to write my thoughts. I just want you to know while I am honestly happy for you in that you are doing so well, and need to go on to other things, I am sorry to see you go. I am also sorry to be the one to give negative feedback. I, for one, know that definitive changes in my life make me have negative feelings but that is my issue. I do understand and wish you all the best. I'll be ok with your decision eventually, and I thank you for all your input and support you gave. May you continue to have a full life and I am so glad you are feeling much better than in the beginning.

May God bless you always,

Suzanne

Dear Donna (Halacy),

Hi, I just wanted to let you know that to be truly honest, I don't remember you posting on this site, I am so sorry for that,and I will go back to check any postings that you wrote. I would like you to consider changing your mind, as I for one, have had my deep, dark thoughts and depressive attitude validated by very caring friends here at legacy. I really thought I did my best to reply to all posts that I read that related to me, and each and every one who entered this site I have had written conversations with has encouraged me, changed my attitude for the better and I learned much from each and every one. I had no idea you thought this way and would only hope you find what you need wherever you end up. I discovered since my husband passed last January 22, 2010 that, what has helped me was talking or writing whatever I needed to share, whether it was about my husband, or what I felt after he passed to whoever I know would understand and willingly listen such as my Hospice Widow's Group, grief support group, my therapist, and several other online websites (in which there are some flaws everywhere we go, as no one is perfect, we are only grieving widows trying to help and support one another). It is in my opinion that there are two ways of thinking, one is positive thinking and the other is to go through the feelings. We each need to determine for ourselves what is best because we are all unique individuals. Take care, whatever you do.

God bless,

Suzanne

Dear Eileen (Parinello),

I am also sorry for your loss and that you feel you haven't found the help you need and I have to admit you have done more than me for helping others such as Donna because I was always afraid to let go of my anonymity, such as divulging my face or phone number. Which brings me to another point I wanted to make to you. This site at legacy doesn't have that feature of online chat as others do which is why most of the others went to Facebook where they established a link to have online chat, that you may be interested in. I didn't go there because, as I mentioned about anonymity, I didn't want my family to get to see what my deep dark feelings that I shared here, I didn't want them to worry about me, because those here understood, but others who don't go through this grief just don't get it. And, here, I liked the fact that writing words protected me but it also felt good when I went to grief support meetings it felt good to talk face to face with others who understand how I feel because I understand their feelings as well. All ways I have communicated what I have been feeling have been so helpful. Anyway, I just didn't know if you were aware and I'm sorry for your loss. Take care.

God bless,

Suzanne

Permalink Reply by Yvonne on January 11, 2011 at 5:45pm

Hi Brigette

Good for you girl. I am so glad that you feel you are ready to move on. Douglas is cheering for you with his crooked halo.

I want to thank you for including us in your celebration for Douglas last winter. It really did lift my spirits to see the pictures. I also want to thank you for your support and kind and gentle spirit. Come back anytime you may find that you need us...the door is always open.

I just passed the 17 month mark since Larry passed away. I still find it hard at times but am able to smile again.

Go get 'um girl.

Take care Yvonne

Permalink Reply by Elizabeth Nonnemacher on January 12, 2011 at 1:25pm

Dear Brigitte

I am very happy that you have finally found peace in your heart. Your husband would be proud of you that ou have found happiness again. I hope that one day I will reach the place that you have.. I wish you good Health,Happiness and Peace always. Thank you for your sharing Douglas with us, and sharing your thoughts and words of encourgagement. Take care of yourself.

Liz

Permalink Reply by bc on January 13, 2011 at 8:26pm

Ellen, I am so sorry that you are in the beginning of this journey. Its been 17 months for me and though I am more positive these days, I still miss my old life like crazy! You will get better, you will still have the meltdowns but as you go on things will get easier to handle, they won't go away but you will find strength and get through them easier. Just remember the good memories and remember that tears are good, they are healing. I thank my Brad every day for giving me this strength and also all of the friends I have met on this site. Don't give up, we are all sisters and we do understand. Hugs to you!

Barb

eileen parrinello said:

To Donna,

hi my name is eileen parrinello and I am new to this site. To be honest i found it a little confusing. I do feel lost I only received two responses from dear people. I to feel the same way, when I feel like I need someone to talk to there is no live open chat. I understand & I am like I said, confused its been 7 months since my husband's passing.anytime you feel like talking write to me maybe we can share tele #'s or something.

hope this makes you feel a little better since I understand your pain.

as for Bridgette, thanks for writing your comment & I hope that I can get to where you are. You showed me that there is a tomorow with a smile so I say, thank-you and may GOD BLESS YOU.

Permalink Reply by CINDY POWELL on January 14, 2011 at 9:03pm

DONNA, I AM SO SORRY THAT YOU ARE WANTING TO LEAVE THIS SITE. I AM ALSO SO SORRY THAT I GUESS YOU ARE FEELING REALLY LET DOWN. I HAVE BEEN HERE SINCE JUNE AND I DONT ALWAYS COMMENT TO EVERYONES POSTING UNLESS I FEEL LIKE I CAN POSSIBLE HELP. I WOULD GLADLY LIKE TO TRY AND CORRESPOND WITH YOU IF YOU ARE AT ALL INTERESTED. I LOST MY HUSBAND ALMOST 11 MOS. AGO BUT STILL HAVING LOTS OF PROBLEMS DEALING WITH IT. I MAINLY GET ON THIS SITE IN THE LATE AFTERNOONS AND EVENINGS BECAUSE THAT IS WHEN I WORK.I DO NOT HAVE A COMPUTER AT HOME. ONCE AGAIN DONNA I AM SO SORRY THAT PEOPLE ON THIS SITE DIDNT FULFIL YOUR NEED.

Donna Halacy said:

So glad you are doing so much better.

I too am leaving the site. But not for the same reason.

I have belonged here for quite a while and I have written when I was reallly down and needed someone to say something and I have never had a comment from anyone. I have found no help here at all. I am glad for the rest of you and hope you continue to do well.

Permalink Reply by CINDY POWELL on January 14, 2011 at 9:12pm

ELLEN, JUST WANTED TO SAY WELCOME TO THIS SITE AND I TOO FIND IT RATHER CONFUSING EVEN THOUGH I HAVE BEEN HERE SINCE JUNE. IF YOU EVER WANT TO TALK JUST POST TO ME AND I WILL RESPOND. I AM USUALLY ON THIS SITE AT WORK OFF AND ON . I WORK THE 3-11 PM SHIFT. I DONT HAVE A COMPUTER AT HOME.I ENJOY CORRESPONDING WITH OTHERS THAT ARE IN THE SAME SITUATION I AM IN.

Barb said:

Ellen, I am so sorry that you are in the beginning of this journey. Its been 17 months for me and though I am more positive these days, I still miss my old life like crazy! You will get better, you will still have the meltdowns but as you go on things will get easier to handle, they won't go away but you will find strength and get through them easier. Just remember the good memories and remember that tears are good, they are healing. I thank my Brad every day for giving me this strength and also all of the friends I have met on this site. Don't give up, we are all sisters and we do understand. Hugs to you!

Barb

eileen parrinello said:

To Donna,

hi my name is eileen parrinello and I am new to this site. To be honest i found it a little confusing. I do feel lost I only received two responses from dear people. I to feel the same way, when I feel like I need someone to talk to there is no live open chat. I understand & I am like I said, confused its been 7 months since my husband's passing.anytime you feel like talking write to me maybe we can share tele #'s or something.

hope this makes you feel a little better since I understand your pain.

as for Bridgette, thanks for writing your comment & I hope that I can get to where you are. You showed me that there is a tomorow with a smile so I say, thank-you and may GOD BLESS YOU.

Permalink Reply by CINDY POWELL on January 14, 2011 at 9:12pm

Ellen, I am so sorry that you are in the beginning of this journey. Its been 17 months for me and though I am more positive these days, I still miss my old life like crazy! You will get better, you will still have the meltdowns but as you go on things will get easier to handle, they won't go away but you will find strength and get through them easier. Just remember the good memories and remember that tears are good, they are healing. I thank my Brad every day for giving me this strength and also all of the friends I have met on this site. Don't give up, we are all sisters and we do understand. Hugs to you!

Barb

eileen parrinello said:

To Donna,

hi my name is eileen parrinello and I am new to this site. To be honest i found it a little confusing. I do feel lost I only received two responses from dear people. I to feel the same way, when I feel like I need someone to talk to there is no live open chat. I understand & I am like I said, confused its been 7 months since my husband's passing.anytime you feel like talking write to me maybe we can share tele #'s or something.

hope this makes you feel a little better since I understand your pain.

as for Bridgette, thanks for writing your comment & I hope that I can get to where you are. You showed me that there is a tomorow with a smile so I say, thank-you and may GOD BLESS YOU.

Permalink Reply by eileen parrinello on January 15, 2011 at 9:07pm

thanks for the info...good lock in your new path in life...

Suzanne said:

Dear Brigitte,

I hesitate to write my thoughts. I just want you to know while I am honestly happy for you in that you are doing so well, and need to go on to other things, I am sorry to see you go. I am also sorry to be the one to give negative feedback. I, for one, know that definitive changes in my life make me have negative feelings but that is my issue. I do understand and wish you all the best. I'll be ok with your decision eventually, and I thank you for all your input and support you gave. May you continue to have a full life and I am so glad you are feeling much better than in the beginning.

May God bless you always,

Suzanne

Dear Donna (Halacy),

Hi, I just wanted to let you know that to be truly honest, I don't remember you posting on this site, I am so sorry for that,and I will go back to check any postings that you wrote. I would like you to consider changing your mind, as I for one, have had my deep, dark thoughts and depressive attitude validated by very caring friends here at legacy. I really thought I did my best to reply to all posts that I read that related to me, and each and every one who entered this site I have had written conversations with has encouraged me, changed my attitude for the better and I learned much from each and every one. I had no idea you thought this way and would only hope you find what you need wherever you end up. I discovered since my husband passed last January 22, 2010 that, what has helped me was talking or writing whatever I needed to share, whether it was about my husband, or what I felt after he passed to whoever I know would understand and willingly listen such as my Hospice Widow's Group, grief support group, my therapist, and several other online websites (in which there are some flaws everywhere we go, as no one is perfect, we are only grieving widows trying to help and support one another). It is in my opinion that there are two ways of thinking, one is positive thinking and the other is to go through the feelings. We each need to determine for ourselves what is best because we are all unique individuals. Take care, whatever you do.

God bless,

Suzanne

Dear Eileen (Parinello),

I am also sorry for your loss and that you feel you haven't found the help you need and I have to admit you have done more than me for helping others such as Donna because I was always afraid to let go of my anonymity, such as divulging my face or phone number. Which brings me to another point I wanted to make to you. This site at legacy doesn't have that feature of online chat as others do which is why most of the others went to Facebook where they established a link to have online chat, that you may be interested in. I didn't go there because, as I mentioned about anonymity, I didn't want my family to get to see what my deep dark feelings that I shared here, I didn't want them to worry about me, because those here understood, but others who don't go through this grief just don't get it. And, here, I liked the fact that writing words protected me but it also felt good when I went to grief support meetings it felt good to talk face to face with others who understand how I feel because I understand their feelings as well. All ways I have communicated what I have been feeling have been so helpful. Anyway, I just didn't know if you were aware and I'm sorry for your loss. Take care.

God bless,

Suzanne