LIFE Insurance, ???

This can be a touchy subject but I thought I would give it a try. I hope no one takes offence but I am just curious. I see here on our site that so many of our spouses didn't have life insurance and what a devastating effect it has had. Personally if I hadn't taken out life Ins. and paid for it on my husband years ago I would have been where many of you are today. My husband was not a believer in it and said what good would it do for him to have it as he wouldn't be here to spend it. I know many might not could have afforded it and do understand if that is the case. What I don't understand is why those who could did not. I would question my husband why he felt it unnessary wich is what he would say it was and he could have afforded it with no problem. I said well what about the bills and other expenses like your funeral and he would laugh and say what do I care I won't be here. The ironic thing is he would inquire how much I had on myself. I know we as humans don't like to think about us dying and another thing we don't want to do is have a WILL made as was the case again with my husband. I finally made an app. with a laywer and told him he was going and get one made and took him. It is so important expecially if there are step children involved as in our case and they were estranged for many years.He always said your my wife and everything goes to you but thats not true in my state ( new jersey ) and I showed him in black and white that I would have to split everything 50/50 with his kids without him having a will. That was not happining, so when he heard it from the laywer he believed it. Sorry I didn't mean to get into it so personally but these things are important to those left behind and here is a F Y I, you do not need a laywer to make a will all you need to do is write down your wishes and take it to a notary-public and sign it in front of them with two witness's yours or they can use their employees and it is legal and all banks have one and if your a customer they don't charge for it. This is just something I've been thinking about for a while. Hugs to all.

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Permalink Reply by Brigitte on August 30, 2011 at 2:29pm

Virginia,

You have brought up a very touchy subject for many of us. My husband could not get life insurance unless we were willing to pay $2000 a month or more. He was considered 'high risk' -- and this was before the Parkinson's diagnosis. Douglas was a service connected disabled veteran and all we were able to get for him was $30,000 through the VA. Did that help me? Sure, because I was left with many medical bills that the VA should have paid but did not. It has been 2 years and I am still fighting them. Unfortunately Douglas was not among the group of today's veteran who is respected and given many kudo's. Nope, he was spat upon, in his pajamas as he was unloaded from the airplane that medi-vaced him home from Viet Nam. But that is another subject. I am glad that you were able to make thinks right for you and your spouse. Again, insurance companies make the rules and Douglas did not fit into their neat little package of "acceptable" -- oh, well. He is at peace now and that is what matters. No amount of money will bring him back. His funeral was paid for prior to his death and we had no debt. I worked full time and made sure that our debts were paid off and money saved. You do what you have to do. Not everyone is as fortunate. I had "time" if you want to call it that to prepare for the inevitable. But for the widow/er who is faced with that sudden death there is no way to prepare. We all go through so much when we lose our partner/spouse and we will get through the aftermath. This I promise!

Have a great day.

Brigitte

Permalink Reply by Brigitte on August 30, 2011 at 2:29pm

Virginia,

You have brought up a very touchy subject for many of us. My husband could not get life insurance unless we were willing to pay $2000 a month or more. He was considered 'high risk' -- and this was before the Parkinson's diagnosis. Douglas was a service connected disabled veteran and all we were able to get for him was $30,000 through the VA. Did that help me? Sure, because I was left with many medical bills that the VA should have paid but did not. It has been 2 years and I am still fighting them. Unfortunately Douglas was not among the group of today's veteran who is respected and given many kudo's. Nope, he was spat upon, in his pajamas as he was unloaded from the airplane that medi-vaced him home from Viet Nam. But that is another subject. I am glad that you were able to make things right for you and your spouse. Again, insurance companies make the rules and Douglas did not fit into their neat little package of "acceptable" -- oh, well. He is at peace now and that is what matters. No amount of money will bring him back. His funeral was paid for prior to his death and we had no debt. I worked full time and made sure that our debts were paid off and money saved. You do what you have to do. Not everyone is as fortunate. I had "time" if you want to call it that to prepare for the inevitable. But for the widow/er who is faced with that sudden death there is no way to prepare. We all go through so much when we lose our partner/spouse and we will get through the aftermath. This I promise!

Have a great day.

Brigitte

Permalink Reply by Marianne on August 30, 2011 at 8:40pm

Unfortunately, for those of us on this site whose spouses were uninsured, it's a hard lesson learned but there's nothing to be done about it now. Personally, I know that whenever I would think about insuring my husband, the thought of him actually dying immediately drove the thought from my mind. As if thinking about it would make it so? Silly, but human nature. While I certainly wish he'd had life insurance the fact is he didn't and there's nothing I can do about it except bug others whose spouses are alive and well to get it! I guess there's nothing like living proof of what can happen in life to persuade people. Then again, it's also human nature to think "that will never happen to me". We here sure know differently, don't we?

Brigitte, you are so right. Somehow or another, we will get through this and it is so helpful to come here and "talk" to others who really do know what we are going through!

HUGS

Permalink Reply by Rosemarie on August 30, 2011 at 9:36pm

Virginia, Touchy subject yes but one that everyone should talk about sooner than later. A few of my friends have taken a good look at what kind of coverage they have and are working on lowering their bills etc. My husbands death was sudden and although l work he was the main bread winner. We did have some insurance Thank God because medical bills can be doozees! I am Okay could be better financially, we had done some planning but it was for when we were a little older. I'm sure there are hundreds of reasons and darn good ones for not having or being able to get insured. It is sad that on top of our great losses, finances hinder our healing process. If we each tell 2 friends and they each tell 2 friends etc etc maybe we can perhaps make it easier for someone. Definitely make a will you had some great ideas there Virginia :) HUGS

Permalink Reply by Marlena on August 30, 2011 at 10:35pm

Ah Virginia...I am the poster child for doing everything wrong!!!

We had no life insurance, no will, no homeowner's life insurance, and everything was (and most still is) in Tom's name. If only we had known then what I know now! This topic is something I would love to discuss with everyone...I wish I could become a traveling speaker to stress the importance of ALL of this.

Everything we owned was in Tom's name alone...now I know that we should have had both our names on everything so that there would be no problems down the road (It just never mattered at the time). Just the year before Tom died we refinanced our house and life insurance or disability were not required. We had talked about getting life insurance just to pay off the house, but Tom kept putting it off. He was not one to want to spend money on life insurance either. I even had an insurance rep come to the house, but after talking with him, even I put off getting the insurance for just "a little while", well little did we know the "little while" would be too late!

We definitely did not plan for either one of us to have a future without the other one. Because Nick was only 13 when we lost Tom the Railroad Board survivor benefits allow us to pay our bills so that we can stay in our home. I had been a stay at home mom for the 9 years before his accident and Tom took care of everything, but I know that eventually I will have to go out and get a job and because of that I decided to go to college and get my degree...I just graduated this past May. But for now, Nick is my main priority, when he graduates I will have to put that degree to work and get a job to continue to pay our bills and survive!

I am so with you on wanting to share this information with EVERYONE!!! I have talked to so many of our friends and encouraged all of them to take a look at what they have in place for their family if anything like this happens to them. I don't know if they take my warning or not, but at least I have to try!!

Great topic for conversation....now it's our job to spread the word!

Permalink Reply by Barbara Wasilewski on August 31, 2011 at 3:06am

Marrie,

My husband only had enough insurance to bury him but that is OK. When he had to take early retirement at the company he worked at they kept him insured but 2 years later took it away from him. It was for $27,000.00. We could have kept it but it would have cost us $200.00 a month which we could not afford.

We never had children together but he has 4 from a first marriage. The oldest son seems to think I'm not telling the truth about the amount of insurance he had. He & his half sister are not talking to me since i held the funeral without them being there. The nursing home he was in for 2 weeks called on Oct.17th to let me know he was not responding. To get in touch with his family. And I did.

The following day the 2 of them left on a cruise that was planned months before this. He passed away on the 20th. I was not given any info on how to get in touch with them. That was given to Tony's sister. She was told that they would fly back so I went ahead & made the arrangements. Next day I found out they weren't coming back that I should change the date of the funeral. I was told this by my sister in law.It was already in 3 newspapers when I found out.

The x- wife was with them so I didn't have to put up with her playing the grieving widow. The funeral was held as I planned it & all his friends were there. It was very dignified & held in the church.

He would have loved that. It would have turned into a 3 ring circus if the 3 of them had been there.

They were not being very nice to me months before Tony died.

Sorry for rambling but last Sat. would have been our 34th wedding anniversary & I sat in a small resturant eating alone before going to his grave to place flowers.

It is lonely without him & 2 of his kids don't make it any easier.

I hardly ever respond on here but I read it every day. I hope to become more active as so many are hurting.

Hugs to all,

Barbara

Permalink Reply by Virginia on August 31, 2011 at 7:40am

Barbara,I'm glad you responded and am sorry for your loss. My husbands childern would have made his funeral a three ring circus also and probally would have brought their mother along to. I decided not to even try and get in touch with them untill after everything was over.Some might think that was wrong but I am fine with it. I know if I were able to get in touch with them when he was in the hospital wich it turns out I couldn't have if I tried.They would have probally no I know they would have been there after me paying their way there and putting on such a show and taking what time I had left with him from me.I wasn't having it. I told his mother who flew in that after the service I would contact them if possable she was fine with it because she knew and they had nothing to do with any of his family for yrs.That subject could be another 2 hour story.I'm glad you didn't change things for them.Hugs

Barbara Wasilewski said:

Marrie,

My husband only had enough insurance to bury him but that is OK. When he had to take early retirement at the company he worked at they kept him insured but 2 years later took it away from him. It was for $27,000.00. We could have kept it but it would have cost us $200.00 a month which we could not afford.

We never had children together but he has 4 from a first marriage. The oldest son seems to think I'm not telling the truth about the amount of insurance he had. He & his half sister are not talking to me since i held the funeral without them being there. The nursing home he was in for 2 weeks called on Oct.17th to let me know he was not responding. To get in touch with his family. And I did.

The following day the 2 of them left on a cruise that was planned months before this. He passed away on the 20th. I was not given any info on how to get in touch with them. That was given to Tony's sister. She was told that they would fly back so I went ahead & made the arrangements. Next day I found out they weren't coming back that I should change the date of the funeral. I was told this by my sister in law.It was already in 3 newspapers when I found out.

The x- wife was with them so I didn't have to put up with her playing the grieving widow. The funeral was held as I planned it & all his friends were there. It was very dignified & held in the church.

He would have loved that. It would have turned into a 3 ring circus if the 3 of them had been there.

They were not being very nice to me months before Tony died.

Sorry for rambling but last Sat. would have been our 34th wedding anniversary & I sat in a small resturant eating alone before going to his grave to place flowers.

It is lonely without him & 2 of his kids don't make it any easier.

I hardly ever respond on here but I read it every day. I hope to become more active as so many are hurting.

Hugs to all,

Barbara

Permalink Reply by Virginia on August 31, 2011 at 7:56am

Marrie,I understand your hurt and anger and this is a good place to let it out we understand. I have medical bills also hanging over my head because of a snafu with my med. ins. co. The last time my husbands children the 2 boys came to our house many yrs. ago he wanted to let them pick something they would like between his guns and a antique clock, he has 2 boys and a girl the boys took a gun each and he wanted to send his daughter a clock and I said she can pick one when she comes,she never came. I'm sure your husband knew you weren't giving up on him.Hugs

Marrie Osmun-Little said:

My husband had no life insurance and was always going to do it. Well there is no more always. I have now lost my home, have creditors, lost my car, and now my credit is shot. I need over three thousand dollars in dental work which no one will work with me. I love my husband dearly but am very angry right now. It is our 15th wedding anniversary today and I am alone and have just about had as much as I can take. Rich had a will he made up when he was angry at his children and when we found out how sick he was I made him change it. His children made out well they got some things I could have most likely sold. Old guns, coin collections etc. His children know nothing about his original will that only left each of them $1.00 and they will never know. He got angry when I told him he had to change that will before he got to sick and yelled at me for giving up on him, not a chance that would happen. I never believed he would die. His children no longer even speak to me. I am tired hurting and angry so I guess I better close. But I am grateful you have some life insurance to help you with that part of life. Wishing you well and wishing you peace Marrie

Permalink Reply by Virginia on August 31, 2011 at 8:08am

Marlena,everything we had was also in Mikes name because as you said it made no difference and could be a big mistake. I agree we should try and spread the word on this topic to everyone but it is a very sensative one because we never think it will happen to us. As you say we are living proof but sometimes talking to people doesn't make a difference. All we can do is try. Hugs

Marlena said:

Ah Virginia...I am the poster child for doing everything wrong!!!

We had no life insurance, no will, no homeowner's life insurance, and everything was (and most still is) in Tom's name. If only we had known then what I know now! This topic is something I would love to discuss with everyone...I wish I could become a traveling speaker to stress the importance of ALL of this.

Everything we owned was in Tom's name alone...now I know that we should have had both our names on everything so that there would be no problems down the road (It just never mattered at the time). Just the year before Tom died we refinanced our house and life insurance or disability were not required. We had talked about getting life insurance just to pay off the house, but Tom kept putting it off. He was not one to want to spend money on life insurance either. I even had an insurance rep come to the house, but after talking with him, even I put off getting the insurance for just "a little while", well little did we know the "little while" would be too late!

We definitely did not plan for either one of us to have a future without the other one. Because Nick was only 13 when we lost Tom the Railroad Board survivor benefits allow us to pay our bills so that we can stay in our home. I had been a stay at home mom for the 9 years before his accident and Tom took care of everything, but I know that eventually I will have to go out and get a job and because of that I decided to go to college and get my degree...I just graduated this past May. But for now, Nick is my main priority, when he graduates I will have to put that degree to work and get a job to continue to pay our bills and survive!

I am so with you on wanting to share this information with EVERYONE!!! I have talked to so many of our friends and encouraged all of them to take a look at what they have in place for their family if anything like this happens to them. I don't know if they take my warning or not, but at least I have to try!!

Great topic for conversation....now it's our job to spread the word!

Permalink Reply by Barbara Wasilewski on August 31, 2011 at 8:38am

Virginia,

Thank you for saying it was right not to change my funeral plans for his kids

They spoke so nasty to me before he died that I didn't even consider their feelings.

They knew before they left on the cruise that he was not doing good.

This has split the family apart. The other 2 boys (men) keep in touch with me & because of that

the other 2 don't bother with them.

Life is to short to be acting that way.

Hugs

Barbara

Permalink Reply by Virginia on August 31, 2011 at 8:46am

Rosemarie,I'm glad you've talked to your friends and they are working on something.I am now disabled and can't get life ins. and I only have what my job has for retireeres ( spelling ) I was able to retire on medical disabilty retirement but did work for them for 32 yrs. I did not have a will made when my husband did but got one after he passed. My nephew who is just like my own child, ask if I had life ins. and I told him what I had as he gets everything I have,I have no children.Luckley I was able to pay my house off with moneies from my husbands retirement acc. he couldn't draw on because he was to young. The life ins. was enough to bury him. He knows how important it is and says I should have more lol I think for what thats enough to bury me,and as orbid as it sounds I already have my grave paid for and our head stone soon will be. I told him make the service a short one I want everything in one day.He gets so upset with me because he really doesn't want to think about me passing I tell him if he needs $ sell my stuff. He says I'll come back and haunt him if he did lol poor boy.Theses thing are very important theses days and know one knows how much untill it happens. Hugs

Rosemarie said:

Virginia, Touchy subject yes but one that everyone should talk about sooner than later. A few of my friends have taken a good look at what kind of coverage they have and are working on lowering their bills etc. My husbands death was sudden and although l work he was the main bread winner. We did have some insurance Thank God because medical bills can be doozees! I am Okay could be better financially, we had done some planning but it was for when we were a little older. I'm sure there are hundreds of reasons and darn good ones for not having or being able to get insured. It is sad that on top of our great losses, finances hinder our healing process. If we each tell 2 friends and they each tell 2 friends etc etc maybe we can perhaps make it easier for someone. Definitely make a will you had some great ideas there Virginia :) HUGS

Permalink Reply by Virginia on August 31, 2011 at 9:06am

Marianne, your right a very hard lesson,as you said it's something we really don't want to think about. It's amazing how life continues to teach us lessons and if one person heeds the warning then their familys will be better for it. Hugs

Marianne said:

Unfortunately, for those of us on this site whose spouses were uninsured, it's a hard lesson learned but there's nothing to be done about it now. Personally, I know that whenever I would think about insuring my husband, the thought of him actually dying immediately drove the thought from my mind. As if thinking about it would make it so? Silly, but human nature. While I certainly wish he'd had life insurance the fact is he didn't and there's nothing I can do about it except bug others whose spouses are alive and well to get it! I guess there's nothing like living proof of what can happen in life to persuade people. Then again, it's also human nature to think "that will never happen to me". We here sure know differently, don't we?

Brigitte, you are so right. Somehow or another, we will get through this and it is so helpful to come here and "talk" to others who really do know what we are going through!

HUGS