Grief support: When someone you love is terminally ill, you may begin grieving in advance but that doesn't necessarily mean you grieve any less after the death. Find support and guidance from our online community to help you cope, and share your story to help others.

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Your small article on anticipatory grief doesn't refer to the way I feel. My husband found out he had a unoperable kidney cancer in July, 2008. He decided to enter into the Hospice Buffalo program. They were absolutely wonderful. They helped us prepare for my husbands death. When my husband did pass in March 2009 I feel myself handling it well. I have not really cried as much now as I did when I found out. I'm I okay? Or have I just not come down from everything we went thru in those8 months?

Hi Nancy
I am very sorry about the loss of your husband. I think we all go through processes of grieving, and I think you must have gone through the acceptance early on, when you found out your husband was so ill , and having Hospice is so wonderful. They do indeed help you to prepare. I think you are handling things very well, and trying to go on with your life, since you can not change what happened. I will continue to pray for you.

Hi Nancy,
I am sorry to hear about your loss. My father passed away in February of 2008 from lung cancer. I know how hard it is to lose a loved one from cancer. My father also lived 8 months from the time he was diagnosed until he passed away. I didn't actually begin to mourn until about 2-3 months after he passed away. When a loved one is taken by an illness you have time to prepare for the loss. Everybody is different but I thought the same as you when my dad passed, I thought I was okay. The numbness slowly goes away though and you will begin to mourn. It just takes time. Hospice was amazing I would have to agree. I took care of my dad for 2 weeks before he passed in his home and hospice came to us. They were so much help, especially emotionally. I would recommend attending some of the grieving sessions they offer when you do begin the mourning process. They are very helpful.

I am sorry again for your loss, I 100% can feel for you. If I can be any help please let me know. Being able to help someone else helps me get through the grief as well. May God bless you.
I have a question that I hope someone can answer... I had a brother who was stillborn , 5 weeks before his " due date" He is buried in a large cemetery in the city & his grave is not marked. I went to the cemetery to ask where he is buried but the people in the office refuse to give me the answer. A " lady" there told me to " ask your Mom !" My Mom is 83 & I would not want to upset her. My brother would have been 58 on June 18th. Why can't I get a straight answer from the cemetery office & " is there some way of working around it ?" Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks !
Oh my, you are just raw. I am so sorry for your pain. Take care of yourself and stay with us. It really does help to talk to the others that have and are going through this. suep
I miss my daddy...
I lost my father sept 1997, i remember it like it was yesterday. I was 23 years old and never thought I would be planning my father's funeral at my age. My father died of complications from Lupus. He was sick for quite sometime,but we all thought he would pull through this episode he was going through. The hardest things for me were, the fact that I was not there when he passed away, I was at college and had planned on driving down that afternoon for his surgery, and when I made it, it was too late, I finally forgiven myself for not being there. Also what was hard was watching my grandmother prepare to lay her first-born to rest, oh man that was so hard. And the final thing that was very hard was the fact that he would not see me graduate from college, get married or the rest of his grandchildren, when he passed he two grandchildren now he has 3 more. It is true what they sayd, time does heal all wounds, but when you are going through it, it seems like the world stop, like time stood still. Now, 12 years later, i miss him so much, now his oldest grandson is 14 and what a joy it would have been to see him and his grandson together, he was crazy about him when he was a baby. On father's day I tell everyone who still has their dad's around enjoy this day with your dad, because when he'is gone, he is gone, all you will have is memories, but the memories can also be bittersweet, like now i can sit back and laugh about all the wonderful time we all shared as a family, even though, time does heal all wounds, I still miss my daddy.
Rose, bless you. Your family sounds wonderful. I am one of 10 and the 6th child. My sweet mom passed 4/15/07 and we took her home with hospice help. I never thought of crawling into bed with her as she was in a hospital bed but I spent so much time just sitting and holding her hand while we watched her favorite shows on tv. She loved Michael Landon and all his shows. I told her when she gets to heaven Michael will be standing there waiting to see one of his biggest fans. She would laugh at that one. I hope it happened for her. She never missed Little house on the prairie and highway to heaven etc. I think the little house reminded her of her own childhood in some ways. She was a jewel and I miss her everyday. When Momma passes nothing is the same ever. She is the balance in most families and she was certainly in ours. Bless you for being such a great daughter to your mom. She must have felt so blessed. Suep
Tuesday morning, my favorite aunt passed away from colon cancer. I knew the cancer had returned with a vengeance but she was always such a fighter, I figured she would get thru this bout to. Unfortunately, after all the treatment, she was just too tired to fight. I will miss her sooo much! Not only was she my aunt but she had raised me when my parents were going thru a divorce, she had helped me thru so many things. Everyday since her passing I see funny things and I want to share them with her. I then realize I will never share anything with her again...My heart hurts so much. Last night I seen her, laying peacefully, knowing she will feel no more pain.
I started a journal of the last week and the loss of my 23 year old son to the ravages of Multiple Sclerosis. For some reason it could not be posted here. Too long I suppose. I hear that ALS (Lou Gerhigs) disease progresses to repiratory failure as well in the end stages. I share this to help others to know that what you feel is ok whatever it may be. There is no "right" way to mourn or greive and it is a highly personalized experience. My prayers are with you all but I really could not guarentee that God is listening.
Dansmom, he is listening. I know at times it seems that it is not possible but it is true, believe. suep
That sounds like so much fun. I am only 4'11 l/4 inches. I was about that weight most of my life but a little fluffier currently. I have great memories of shopping with mom and other sisters also.
Once I took mom shopping for groceries and it was raining when we came out. I told her to wait right there as she was just getting over a cold. Anyway, as I was running out to the car I saw in my perifial vision this little women just pushing that cart with the face set in that stubborn way and keeping right up with me. I said, "mom, why didn't you wait"? She said, "I am not some old lady that has to be picked up". I have laughed over that so many times. When I got her all settled in the car, I said, "Mom, I don't think of you as an old lady, but I was trying to be kind to my mother who has been sick and not have her get wet". " I hope I remember this some day when my daughter is trying to treat me with respect and I won't be stubborn like you". We both laughed knowing I would be. She was sorry that she behaved that way and talked about how people treat you as an older person. I can now relate more at 60. Anyway, mom was a hoot. Thanks for sharing Suep


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