Grief support: When someone you love is terminally ill, you may begin grieving in advance but that doesn't necessarily mean you grieve any less after the death. Find support and guidance from our online community to help you cope, and share your story to help others.

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Debbie Rios said:

I lost my husband on Dec.16, 2010 to a long battle with pancreatic cancer. We had just had our 25th wedding anniversary on Oct 19th. We are only 54 years old. I feel like I have a life time ahead of me, but I'm so very sad and don't even know where to start. I know it's only been 20 days sence he passed, I think of him all day long. It's so loney with out him. He was a GREAT & WONDERFUL MAN ...

 

JOYCE baby steps....

 

I know its going to be awhile for the guilt and pain to go away...and I also know about the baby steps.  The days are ok for me...its the nights that I lay awake thinking about them...and everyone else I've lost.  I know I am a strong and spiritual person...but there are days when I feel like I can't take anymore.  I know alot of you feel the same way.

I too lost my husband to cancer.  He got to die at home which was his wish.  I wish that there was something that I could say to make things better for people that have watched their loved ones die.  When Albert was told that there was nothing that they could do for him and he had 3 months, I decided that once he was gone there would be lots of time for me to greive, and I would be strong for him, because he was strong for me, and he fought it with everything that he had.  We spent all of our time together, and did all the things that he wanted to do, so I have no regrets that way, except I wish we had more time together.  After Albert died on December 6, 2009 I think I was numb, and just did what I   had to do.  This past Christmas was one of the hardest days that I ever experienced, and I spent the day by myself, crying.

 I  now realize that I need help and I cannot do this alone.  I will pray for all of you. Birthe

I lost my grandma to lung cancer last week. She only lived for two weeks after being diagnosed. She was such a strong woman that I am positive she lived with symptoms for quite some time without letting any of us know that anything was wrong. I miss her so badly, but find myself getting angry that we didn't have more time to prepare ourselves to lose her. There are so many conversations that I wanted to have that we didn't have time for. It hurts so badly and
I cry all of the time. She was an enormous part of my life and I know that nothing will ever fill that void.

Dear Sarah, I am so sorry to hear of your grandma's passing .  I can not even imagine what it must have been for you.    She sounds  like a wonderful and strong loving woman .Just for the fact that she did not want to let you know that she had cancer it is as she was trying to protect you .   But yet I know, if it were me ,I would have wanted to know. Though maybe it was a shock to her too , as it was when my Father heard he had cancer .   I never had a chance to meet my grandmother ,for she passed away when she  was only in her 50's . Wishing I could have had a chance to talk to her to share and to hear more about things about  my Father that Fathers may never share .    It touched me the love you have for her .  I know that this pain can be deep and one that no one can say anything that can really bring you comfort .  Just knowing that  "time shared " was   the greatest gift I ever had in life that I had with my Sister and that in your words it seems to be a gift you gave to your grandma too .   She was fortunate to have you in her life. .

Please take care
    

Sarah said:

I lost my grandma to lung cancer last week. She only lived for two weeks after being diagnosed. She was such a strong woman that I am positive she lived with symptoms for quite some time without letting any of us know that anything was wrong. I miss her so badly, but find myself getting angry that we didn't have more time to prepare ourselves to lose her. There are so many conversations that I wanted to have that we didn't have time for. It hurts so badly and
I cry all of the time. She was an enormous part of my life and I know that nothing will ever fill that void.

Frequently a sick person may go to a spirit medium, medicine man or psychic healer in order to get something to cure his sickness. The medium tells him to go home and return in the morning. During the night the sick person, in a dream, is told what kind of root to take for his illness and where to find it. It is believed that this message comes from a dead relative, perhaps a grandmother whom he actually seems to see in the dream.


Most of those who believe in such messages also believe that their dead ancestors are alive in the spirit world and that these ancestors can either help or do harm to those living on earth. Members of Christendom’s churches usually believe that at death the soul, which they say is immortal, goes to either heaven or hell, or, if they are Roman Catholics, that it may go to a place called purgatory before going to heaven. Some people, a minority, believe that death is the end, that there is no life after death.   So how do you feel....What do you think your body goes when you die.?
I most recently found this site , I lost my son 7/2008 to osteosarcoma he was 12. I still have overwhelming grief and sorrow and I don't see any true joy in life, anyone what to talk?

Christy,

I'm soo sorry to hear about your loss.  I can't imagine how it feels to lose the closest person to you, your husband.  I lost my grandmother, who raised me, a few years ago, when I was a teenager, I was devestated.  What helped me cope is the hope that the Bible holds out for us to be with our loved ones that have passed away.  In John 5:28, 29 Jesus himself said that there will be a time when those in the memorial tombs will come out.  It sounds unbelieveable, I know :) but there are a few accounts in the Bible where Jesus actually did this! After his own death he was also brought back to life, and many doubted, but it really happened.  Matthew 28:7-9; 17,18.  I was still devestated, even though I knew about the hope that the Bible holds out, but it did ease my pain.  Also, praying about my feeling to Jehovah God helped me, Psalms 55:22.  I hope this offers you some comfort, and I will keep you and your daughter in my prayers.

christy strahan said:

my husband died one month ago at the age of 35. we moved to wichita because he needed a heart transplant. in the past 6 months i have lost my soul mate, my job, my car, my house, and quite possibly my sanity.we have a beautiful 8 year old girl who is my saving grace, she looks so much like him. i cant stop crying, i cant sleep, i cant eat. please tell me there is some hope.
christy,  I just saw you're post , I have not loss a husband, however it will be 3 years july 17th  that I loss my son, I know how you feel he was 12, I think I have been thur every stage of grief and I MUST say there is no short cut or quick fix, allow yourself the time to cry , hurt ,  scream whatever. I also found my father whom ended his  life 3 months after I lost my son due to he was not able to cope.The date's of hoildays, birthdays or seeing him in his little brother now 6 is still heart breaking. Dont be afraid to ask for help , thats my big problem. Cancer is also what took my son my heart goes out to you. Jenn

Drew said:
Hey christy, i am really sorry for the loss of your beloved husband. Your story brought so much tears to my eyes. My aunt also passed away when she was 35, at such a young age just like your husband, leaving 4 kids behind including a 2 year old that loved her so much. The really sad part is she passed away a day after her 35th birthday. I shared the same birthday with her and sadly as much as a birthday should bring excitement, it brings nothing but sorrow to me that i sleep for both of those days. I know you lost so much and i'm hoping and praying that you get it all back together. Look up to god and your husband, and don't think for one second you don't have anything to live for because you have a beautiful daughter standing right beside you. That's something that you can never lose and amazingly she is the gift your husband shared with you. You still have her to live for. Your daughter is your hope. You are in my prayers. God bless.

christy strahan said:
my husband died one month ago at the age of 35. we moved to wichita because he needed a heart transplant. in the past 6 months i have lost my soul mate, my job, my car, my house, and quite possibly my sanity.we have a beautiful 8 year old girl who is my saving grace, she looks so much like him. i cant stop crying, i cant sleep, i cant eat. please tell me there is some hope.
Hello,
 I just lost my uncle to an inoperable brain tumor after a long journey of illness. He struggled for four years with tumors that were operable and then this one just came along about 6 months ago. As we all knew this was coming its so hard to accept. To loose someone that means so much to you is a hard thing to go through. We all know he is at peace with his fight but i just think about how sad this is. He was the strongest person and such a hero to me. I will really miss him forever. :( RIP Uncle Freddie i love you so much.

In the darkness of the night , tears started to fall upon my cheeks before I realized that I was even awake . However since my family passed each of a illness I may not sleep as once before or thought to be one that is truly considered one that I am disconnected from all my thoughts and yes pain and sorrow .  A connection that we are blessed with in life to have with those we may have. I knew then and now that if not to ever have had this time with them at all I may not be feeling this pain at all . Yet when reading and knowing how many also feel and face the same a connection to this is as a bridge I still wish to cross . One I want to understand how and why so many wonderful lives pass so early on yet here we are in life wondering now how and why what we must do to carry on .  Possibly it is in the universal pain itself that we find the love that we were all able to feel and still do . Memories of those we love and behold in our hearts that keep us going in our darkest moments .  Possibly added gifts they leave behind for us to hold on . I am not sure or yet will ever understand , yet hope for my family as yours that they are now at peace and now out of the pain that they had such courage to face in their individual illnesses .  A courage that I find I do not have at times even if to bump into the wall or that radiating feeling that can be felt when your shin is bumped to hard by the grocery cart .  Yet now to still find the strength in the lessons they were showing me in what they had to face .  In a pause ,in a moment , in a smile that went on .  Holding on to life with ever breath they had .  A breath that I must now take in a moment of pause , in a tear that may be my expression of pain that I have said aloud or know how to . Yet a pain that all that come and join here may understand.   I may not come and join as before ,as often in the earliest of days . Yet in the darkest of the night when the tears start to flow and the thoughts of my family and you I know I must return to let you all know I am thinking of you .

Continued thoughts for each in this journey we each now share .  A journey that we never want or choose yet is one that we some how need to find our way through the tears . 

 

I think it's important to remember that all of us grieve differently.  I knew my grandmother was dying and I flew across the United States to say good-bye to her.  They continued to give her blood transfusions so that all the family could come see her and she was her usual vibrant self.  When I left I knew it was the last time I would hold her, hug her, touch her.  I don't think you ever truly get over losing someone that way.  Don't get me wrong, I am so incredibly grateful to have had the time with her, to be able to tell her how much I loved her and laugh with her and be with her.  But leaving was one of the hardest things I've ever done.

I lost my dad yesterday to lung and brain cancer.  He was 57.  He was diagnosed in june.  They told him that with radiation and chemo, he may have another year.  He went downhill so fast.  I spent most of these last couple of weeks by his side, but I was never fully prepared for the end.  I don't see how this pain could ever go away.

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