Grief support: When someone you love is terminally ill, you may begin grieving in advance but that doesn't necessarily mean you grieve any less after the death. Find support and guidance from our online community to help you cope, and share your story to help others.

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What do you mean Jennifer when you say "death is our enemy".  I thought when we die we will meet Jesus and also see all our loved ones who have passed before us.

Hi Carol.  I learned that Bible actually calls death our enemy.  1 Corinthians 15:26   Also, when you think of a real enemy in our life, we don't want to be effected by them or our family members because it will most likely lead to some kind of suffering, because that's our enemy and they want to hurt us and the ones we love.  Death is the same thing.  It's something we don't want to experience or have our family members experience it either. I learned from the Bible that when we die we are in a deep sleep.  Jesus actually said this of his friend Lazarus that died.  John 11:11-14(the whole account is John 11:1-44 if you want to read it); we are also not concious of anything Ecclesiastes 9:5; Pslams 146:3, 4.

Does everyone agree with Jennifer?  I know when a loved one of mine died, I always felt comfort in believing she was with Jesus.  Read the book "Heaven is for Real" where a little boy visited Heaven when he was very very sick and he sat in Jesus's lap.  Now he tells people not to worry when they die, the first person they will see is Jesus.   a A lot of different people wrote the bible so there are many views on some of the passages.  Hope someone agrees with me.

Carol

Carol ...  I guess I started all of this because sometimes I simply lose faith.  I pray and pray and the pain of losing my Ernie doesn't seem to leave.  Yes, people do go to heaven and here is some quotes:

Why are believers said to be "asleep" or "fallen asleep" after death?

Examples: John 11:11-14 1 Thessalonians 5:9-11 1 Corinthians 15:20

The Bible uses the term "asleep" or "sleeping" when referring to the physical bodyof the believer at death. It is important to note that the term is used solely for believers. The dead body appears to be asleep when it is separated at death from the spirit and soul of the believer. The spirit and soul, which are eternal, are united with Christ at the moment of the believer's death (2 Corinthians 5:8). The body of the believer, which is mortal flesh, perishes, or "sleeps" until the day it is transformed and reunited to the believer at the final resurrection. (1 Corinthians 15:43; Philippians 3:21; 1 Corinthians 15:51)

1 Corinthians 15:50-53 I declare to you, brothers, that flesh and blood cannot inherit the kingdom of God, nor does the perishable inherit the imperishable. Listen, I tell you a mystery: We will not all sleep, but we will all be changed—in a flash, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, the dead will be raised imperishable, and we will be changed. For the perishable must clothe itself with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality

Hugs

Marcy

Carol.....It is so confusing because there are everyone has different opinions about what happens at death, you don't know what to believe is real. It is comforting to think your loved ones are in a better place I totally agree...but would you agree it is even more comforting to know they are in fact in a deep sleep, and they can be woken up again as Jesus did with Lazarus in the account in John 11:11.  And it's even more comforting to know it is possible to see them again on an earthwide garden with no more suffering, sickness or death, as Jehovah God has promised. That hope has comforted me so much.  Revelation 21:3, 4.   It's true the did Bible have many different writers, with many backgrounds.  But only one author, Jehovah God. 2 Tim. 3:16 states that all scripture is insprired of God.  It's like a secretary and a boss relationship.  A secretary types down what the boss dictates but it's the boss's letter.  He makes sure it reads how he wants, signs it once he approves it and the person it's addressed to accepts it as the boss's letter.  But the secretary typed it.  Who's thought's are in the letter? The boss's.  So like the Bible.  Yes many different writers wrote it down, but like the boss, it is Gods thoughts, not the writers.

Carol DeVenuts said:

Does everyone agree with Jennifer?  I know when a loved one of mine died, I always felt comfort in believing she was with Jesus.  Read the book "Heaven is for Real" where a little boy visited Heaven when he was very very sick and he sat in Jesus's lap.  Now he tells people not to worry when they die, the first person they will see is Jesus.   a A lot of different people wrote the bible so there are many views on some of the passages.  Hope someone agrees with me.

Carol

I envy those of you who have such strong faith. i thought I did, but I have had a terible crisis in faith after watching the ordeal our daughter suffered. She died April 28, 2012 at age 26 after a gruesome 6 months with cancer and I can't stop reliving much of the horrible experience. Our younger daughter has had some serious medical issues (triggered by the stress of her sister's illness) so I am still spending hours each week at ahat same cancer center. I try to go to church and find that (if I can make it through the service) I feel even worse. i can mask the pain but it doesn't ever go away.

Martha... I am so very sorry that your daughter has passed away and once again you are in the same part of the hospital with your other daughter.  It is not uncommon to lose faith during grieving and I am still battling with my faith.  There really are no simple answers as to why our loved ones have to suffer or die and leave us.  Losing a child is the most difficult loss of all.  I lost twins 3 days after birth in 1961 and that memory will always stay with me. 

I know exactly how you feel about being at the same cancer clinic.  My husband died April 27, 2011 from pancreatic/liver cancer and on August 10th, 2012 I had to have surgery (I am OK) and I had to go to the same places I had to visit while he was in hospital and I was exhausted by it all and it was reliving a nightmare. 

Perhaps staying and seeing your Pastor or, have a personal visit with your Pastor (they do take courses on grieving and can be very helpful) would be best for you at this time.  Church may be just too much for you so don't push yourself there at this point and, as I said ask the Pastor if you can talk to him.  They are use to tears and feel your sadness and can often be helpful. 

I will say a prayer for both your daughters and hope that your daughter gets through this trial.  There is great hope for her.  Please keep coming back to this forum because it will help you and you can say anything you like.  We do understand.

A Big Hug (prayers sent your way)

Marcy

I agree that it's easy to lose faith when someone you love dies - especially a tragic or unexpected death.  When I found myself struggling one of the best things I did for myself was to read The Shack.  It helped me have a little bit better understanding in some ways about the anger and helped me find a path to forgiveness.  It's a process like anything else.

Martha, I'm so sorry to hear about your loss and the suffering you are enduring now.  Faith is something that you can get back again! By learning accurate knowledge about our Creator and what He says in His word about the future. John 17:3.  When you learn more about what's really happening and for what we can have in the future, your faith will become stronger.  I lost faith also around the time of my grandmother's death.  It took me a while to get it together but I did and my faith grew.  I will pray for you to be strong with what you are going through.  An encouraging scripture I love is at Psalms 34:18 to remind us that Jehovah God is near to us and knows what we are going through and He will make a way out to what we are facing now and make a better future for us.

Stay strong :)


Martha Marland said:

I envy those of you who have such strong faith. i thought I did, but I have had a terible crisis in faith after watching the ordeal our daughter suffered. She died April 28, 2012 at age 26 after a gruesome 6 months with cancer and I can't stop reliving much of the horrible experience. Our younger daughter has had some serious medical issues (triggered by the stress of her sister's illness) so I am still spending hours each week at ahat same cancer center. I try to go to church and find that (if I can make it through the service) I feel even worse. i can mask the pain but it doesn't ever go away.



Jennifer Wilkins said:

Martha, I'm so sorry to hear about your loss and the suffering you are enduring now.  Faith is something that you can get back again! By learning accurate knowledge about our Creator and what He says in His word about the future. John 17:3.  When you learn more about what's really happening to us and who is really causing this suffering and pain, and what we can have in the future, your faith will become stronger.  I lost faith also around the time of my grandmother's death.  It took me a while to get it together but I did and my faith grew.  I will pray for you to be strong with what you are going through.  An encouraging scripture I love is at Psalms 34:18 to remind us that Jehovah God is near to us and knows what we are going through and He will make a way out to what we are facing now and make a better future for us.

Stay strong :)


Martha Marland said:

I envy those of you who have such strong faith. i thought I did, but I have had a terible crisis in faith after watching the ordeal our daughter suffered. She died April 28, 2012 at age 26 after a gruesome 6 months with cancer and I can't stop reliving much of the horrible experience. Our younger daughter has had some serious medical issues (triggered by the stress of her sister's illness) so I am still spending hours each week at ahat same cancer center. I try to go to church and find that (if I can make it through the service) I feel even worse. i can mask the pain but it doesn't ever go away.
Martha, Jennifer is so right! My heart aches for your loss. I can't even imagine your pain, I wish I could take all that hurt away, but I know that I am limited in what I am able to do. So the things I can do is pray for you and your family. What I pray for is; I ask God to help you with the pain and the emotional anger which is normal but he can ease the suffering. One scripture that helps me when I get into my dark moods of missing my Dad (I was such a daddy's girl) is 2 Corinthians 1:3,4 " ... the Father of tender mercies and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those in ANY SORT of TRIBULATION through the comfort with which we ourselves are being comforted." It makes me think back to the cards that I got and the people who knew what it was like and that they cared for me. To me it was like laying my head on the Most High's lap and letting all the hurt, tears and pain out and it also was like God layed his hand on my head and soothed my heart. Although it does take the place of your daughter it does help to know that you are loved and that people want to help in anyway possible, God uses special people to come to our aid and to help us endure. But the best help that I could ever have is the hope Jesus talked about at John 5:28, 29 where he said not to marvel at the time when he would call and the dead would hear his voice and come out. What is so amazing is that he said " all those in memorial tombs will hear his voice and come out". Many probably wonder why could I put faith in his words, but Martha it's not his words that I put faith in. It is his actions, such as when he resurrected his friend Lazarus. I encourage you in your private time to read that account at John 11:5-44; also when Jesus resurrected the widow's son. She had already lost her husband in death now she lost her only son, that bible account is at Luke 7:11-17. Also when Jesus ressurected Jairus only daughter, she too was very ill and Jairus went looking for Jesus to heal her but she died before Jesus reached her. That bible account is at Mark 5:22, 35-42. So that was just a little sample of what Jesus will do in the future, that is why I have no doubt in what he said. I also pray that God answers your questions and that you gain the conviction that you can one day see her again,soon as Jesus promised. Know to that heartfelt prayers are very important to God and those that He deems righteous he hears their prayers and answers their cry as 1 Peter 3:12 says, know that people like Jennifer and many more righteous people are praying in your behalf and he will answer.

The power of prayer can ease a lot of grief.  Praying for you Martha!

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