I Loss my partner and best friend of 26 years in April 2013. Not to suicide, but to illness. I did have time to prepare, as much as one can prepare for such tragedy.w Its all so fresh for you right now. Although life for you will never be the same i can tell you that with time, it is easier to go on with life. I had no support from family nor from his family, Make sure to surround yourself with good friends. A good support network and try and stay busy. When it happened, I thought I can not go on, i still have those nights where it seems impossible to go on. That there now is no purpose to even go on, Those feelings pass and are very normal in the grieving process. There are no rules when it comes to grieving, so do not pay attention to anyone that would say move on. Take your time, I am sure you have many good memories of your life together. Stay engaged with people and never be afraid to express your feelings as they are much better for your mental well being to be expressed rather than bottled up inside. Remember this..... There are wonderful people in this group. Come here when you're depressed and chat with others. I spent my time making a memorial video of his life and planning his memorial. This kept me busy for several months, then after the memorial it hit me again. Just remember the feelings you're having are NORMAL! I am here most of the time and will be there for you if you need to chat!