Lost My Sister

I lost my sister the beginning of October. She was 37. And we don't know what happened. There are so many questions surrounding her death, but no one cares. At least the people who should be helping us. They basically put if off as an accidental drowning. And that isn't even the official cause of death. We are still waiting. My mom had to fight for an autopsy. My sister couldn't have made it to where she was found on her own. I'm doing my best to be there for my mom and her kids but I'm barely functioning. I struggle with depression and anxiety already and it's just skyrocketed. I miss her so much. I think about her constantly. And the holidays...oi. We're doing our best but it's going to be tough.

I've been through loss before. But the ones I was close to...we knew it was coming. I got to say goodbye. Prepared for it. But having one of my sisters ripped away suddenly....Nearly 2 months later I'm still having trouble believing it....

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Permalink Reply by Mark Anderson on January 22, 2014 at 1:29pm

Kimberly,

Sorry about your loss. I lost my sister and like you we had to wait months to find out the official cause of death. Losing someone is bad enough but the grief associated with a traumatic loss I think can be much more intense. Not only do we have to deal with the death but the many unansweared questions that keep monopolizing out thoughts. I think what helped me was understaniding that grief does not have time limit and utilizing my support system.

All the Best!!! Mark A

Permalink Reply by LaurenS on January 24, 2014 at 12:16pm

Kimberly-

I am so sorry to learn of your loss and the unanswered questions surrounding it. It has to be hard to just not know what happened. My 29 year old brother was murdered on October 12, 2013. It's been almost 4 months and I am also having trouble believing that it happened, that he's gone. Unlike your situation, we know what happened because his girlfriend was right there. His roommate, who was a good friend of his, had some guns in the house. They got back from the bar that night and he just had his guns out to toy with which is a crazy thought but apparently it was normal behavior for this guy. But this time, he loaded one gun and shot my brother in the head while he was LYING IN HIS OWN BED. We have no idea why or what happened to make him do it. We know that my brother was not in a confrontation with him that night, or anything that would explain it. We only know that the killer was a recovering drug addict (25 yrs old) and my brother had befriended him and was helping him out by letting him live in his house almost rent free. This was a kid who grew up with my youngest brother, in the same town where it happened. He was our "friend." The last day I saw my brother, which was 6 days before it happened, his killer was also at my parents' house. We sang happy birthday to him that day. It was his birthday, and my brother's birthday was the following Wednesday. He died on Saturday, just barely 29. He was the father of my 6-year-old nephew, a brother to me and my youngest brother, a son, friend to many, and much more. I know how hard it is to try to be strong for your family when you yourself are barely getting by. Have you gone to grief therapy? I hope you get the answers to your many questions surrounding her death. If you would like to email me feel free, as I don't have anyone to talk with that has been through a similar situation- losing a young sibling and not knowing the answers. Please feel free. There are others who are in the same situation you are.

Permalink Reply by Kimberly on January 24, 2014 at 7:34pm

I'm so sorry about your losses, Mark and Lauren. It's such a difficult thing to go through, but it helps having someone to understand.

Lauren I sent you a request so I can message you.

Permalink Reply by Maxine Hall on February 5, 2014 at 5:32am

I am very sorry for you lost. I too lost my sister in a tragic accident. She was only a teenager full of life. It will 20 years this year and what keeps me from being overly sad is the fact that I know I will see her beautiful smile again. It's not God's purpose that we die and yet we do. The only way I can understand how he allows it and how he will reverse it, is by going to his word the bible. One scripture I read there how our first parent pass on death to us because of disobedience to God. Romans5:12 and once I knew why we die tragically or otherwise,I then needed to know how we would come from under this yoke and be made whole again, then I read Romans 6:23 For the wages sin (imperfection) pay is death but God gives everlasting life by Jesus Christ our Lord. Then I wanted to know how? And I read John 5:28 which state all those in the memorial tombs (graves) will hear his (Jesus') voice and come out.
They will hear him calling to him to awaken from a deep sleep. One of the first things my sister will probably ask me is what time is it? and my reply will be you we're sleep for a really long time and it doesn't matter what time it is because we will have all eternity together. JW.org is an excellent site to go to for more comfort.
Hope this helps

Permalink Reply by Maxine Hall on February 19, 2014 at 6:12am

My sympathy. Lost of a loved one is never easy or something that will ever be accepted.

Having lost my baby sister in a tragic car accident often leaves me sad, but when I think of her beautiful smile I cry inside but her smile comforts me and I know I will see her again, She was a beautiful infectious person to know her was to love her. The Lazarus account helps me to know that she's sleeping and when she wakes up I wonder if she will simply ask what time is it and where's mommy. My sister was in foster care when she died and I often feel guilty but her accident was just that an accident. Wise king Solomon said time and unforeseen occurrences befall us all. and that what an unexpected and untimely death is. I pray that you pain will be eased when you think of your sister and know that death doesn't end it all.

Hope this helps

Maxine Hall