Lost without him!

Hi. I am new here. Never posted anywhere before but here it goes. Two weeks ago today I lost my husband. He had a heart attack and he was only 44. he was my best friend for 25 years. We divorced for a few years but talked every day and got back together 6 years ago. I have an 8 year old daughter who adored him, she was definitely a Daddy's girl. He was more of a Dad to her than her biological one. She seems to be doing OK. She misses him but says he is in heaven watching over her and will wait for her there. I try to be strong for her, she is what is keeping me going right now. Now I, on the other hand, am a mess. I feel so alone, wondering if he is really watching over us. I question my faith a lot too. Everything I do, I wonder what he would think of it. Seems like I am living in a nightmare, and cannot wake up. I hurt so much. But the worst is other people. Someone told me, "life goes on". I know I am alive, but at this moment I feel like my life is shattered. For a week now people have already told me that I need to turn in my new car and find a new place to live because I cannot possibly afford what I have. And since he died at home, I should move, to many things here to remind me and my daughter of him. I feel like people are so rude and trying to push me to move on. I finally told them I need some time for me and they backed off, way off. I am still grieving and they have moved on. My mind is a jumbled mess, sometimes it is just hard to think. I miss him so much. And I am so sorry for all the things I didn't do for him. I had breast cancer 19 years ago, he helped me through it. Now I have a spot on my other breast and a cyst on my ovary that I am having checked. The night before he died I told him I was really scared about it and he told me that he thought I would be OK. Now I feel so guilty. Was I so worried about myself that I didn't see something was wrong with him? He never said anything, but I should have paid more attention. I didn't get to tell him I love you that morning. When I woke him up for work that morning, he only said, OK, before he started breathing differently. I fought like crazy to keep him going until 911 arrived. I screamed, I cried, I begged, I pleaded to God, to his angels, to anyone, to help me. Just let me keep him.......I hurt so much.

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Permalink Reply by Marie on April 24, 2014 at 8:15am

Phyllis, I am so very sorry for your loss. I know all too well how painful it is to lose your spouse without any warning. I lost my husband 9 months ago in a car accident. Like Elvira said don't pay attention to what some people say. Unless they have gone through what you are going through they have no clue and should not be telling you what to do. Do what you feel is best for you and your daughter and don't rush into anything. I'm happy you joined the support group. We are all here to help you in anyway that we can.

Many hugs for you,

Marie

Permalink Reply by Terry Kent on April 28, 2014 at 9:10am

Hi Phyllis. I'm so sorry for your loss. My husband was killed in an industrial accident at work in January. He was 51 and in perfect health. We were soul mates, we've been together for 30 years total, married 24. I am so lost, and although its been a few months I feel like it just happened yesterday. We were each others everything, and we did everything together. I haven't even thrown away his toothbrush yet. I just can't stand the thought of his things not being here, and every day I just sit and cry and wonder how life turned into this. We had lots of plans for our future and my 2 kids and I are so lost. You shouldn't worry about the pushy people--just take all the time you need. Making important decisions when we aren't thinking clearly under all this sadness can't be a good thing, so try to take your time and not listen to other people. You'll know what's right for you --at least I hope we will. I don't really have any words of wisdom for you--we're in the same boat right now and my life is shattered as well. I do know that we have to somehow keep moving for our kids, and it sounds like you're doing that. Me too. It certainly doesn't make anything easier but at least we are fortunate enough to have them. I feel like that is my only purpose anymore--to see that my kids have love and guidance to get them through until they are on their own. Take care of yourself and your daughter, and hang in there. We all need to. Know that I'm thinking of you and understand your pain. Terry

Permalink Reply by T.C. Goodwin on April 28, 2014 at 5:51pm

I know it must have been hard for you to write this.I am so sorry that you lost your best friend (your husband). The people in your life are trying to do what they think is best for you...they mean well...I think you are going to get a lot of support from this website.Some have gone to grief counselors....but you have to do what is best for you and your family...Sorry for your loss. Soon it will be no more pain -Rev 21:4

Permalink Reply by phyllis eldridge on April 29, 2014 at 3:50pm

Terry. I am so sorry for your loss. I know we are in the same boat. It's such a sad boat too. I also feel like I am lost. We spent all of our time together with my daughter doing things. I can't get over that feeling of, no this is not happening, he will be home tonight. I cried myself to sleep last night, wondering if he knew that I was sorry for all the things I didn't do for him, or say to him. I talked to an empty room hoping he could hear me. We talked about growing old together too. We were looking for a new house to spend the rest of our lives. And it had to have a nice porch so we could sit and rock together in our rocking chairs and watch the world go by. And now it's all gone. But you are right, our kids need us. If it wasn't for my daughter I don't think I could go on. I keep going because of her, just like you do because of yours. I wish I could tell you something to help you, but I can't. I too am looking for my way. If you ever need to talk I am here and understand oh so well. Take care of yourself. Hugs. Phyllis

Terry Kent said:

Hi Phyllis. I'm so sorry for your loss. My husband was killed in an industrial accident at work in January. He was 51 and in perfect health. We were soul mates, we've been together for 30 years total, married 24. I am so lost, and although its been a few months I feel like it just happened yesterday. We were each others everything, and we did everything together. I haven't even thrown away his toothbrush yet. I just can't stand the thought of his things not being here, and every day I just sit and cry and wonder how life turned into this. We had lots of plans for our future and my 2 kids and I are so lost. You shouldn't worry about the pushy people--just take all the time you need. Making important decisions when we aren't thinking clearly under all this sadness can't be a good thing, so try to take your time and not listen to other people. You'll know what's right for you --at least I hope we will. I don't really have any words of wisdom for you--we're in the same boat right now and my life is shattered as well. I do know that we have to somehow keep moving for our kids, and it sounds like you're doing that. Me too. It certainly doesn't make anything easier but at least we are fortunate enough to have them. I feel like that is my only purpose anymore--to see that my kids have love and guidance to get them through until they are on their own. Take care of yourself and your daughter, and hang in there. We all need to. Know that I'm thinking of you and understand your pain. Terry

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