Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Deb S on March 25, 2016 at 7:00pm

Marcie, I feel the same way. None of my close friends or family have lost a spouse. They try to help and obviously care. Yet, they are ill equipped to be able to grasp the intensity of the grief, the depth of the despair, and the unending loneliness. I've recently met two neighbors who recently lost their husbands. We check in on each other and understand what each of us is going through at any given moment. This group also "gets" it. Please know that you are not bothering anyone here. Hugs to you dear friend. Debbie

Permalink Reply by Marsha H on March 26, 2016 at 6:17am

Dear Marcie ...  My deepest condolences on the loss of your husband.  My husband passed in 2011 and I felt just like you and what I did was find a website of how family and friends should treat those who have lost a loved one.  I will look it up for you and leave it for you tomorrow.  Print it out and give it to each member of the family.  We can have parents pass away and that's bad enough, but having a spouse pass away is even more difficult and you need to teach your family and friends how you are feeling about your loss and how they can help.  Sometimes just listening or a simple hug is all it takes. 

You have come to a wonderful forum for grief and now you are one of the family and we're here to help you and guide you through heartache and shock of raw grief.  Lean on hon and know you are not alone on this journey of grief.

Hugs

Marsha

Permalink Reply by Marcie Sutherland on March 27, 2016 at 5:55pm

Thank you that would be wonderful to have that. I feel a little bit better already. Marcie

Permalink Reply by Tom Mennin on March 26, 2016 at 6:58am

So sorry for your loss. You may be right that they don't understand your pain. I'm feeling that from my friends too. I feel guilty talking about the grief, memories of my friend who died. I feel they are minimizing what I feel. "How can you still be upset a month later?"  It's because they don't know. I have to admit until this happened in my life, I couldn't imagine how it felt. I hope you, and I, by reading what other people have lived through, will find hope and desire to live. I get moments of joy from a friend making me forget and laugh, then instantly start crying. I see everything in past-tense. Like this moment of happiness is something to collect in a memory and not enjoy in the moment. I'm sure this will change, but we must hang on until then. I sense hope even if I don't feel there's hope. Please hang on. I'll do the same. Tom

Permalink Reply by Marcie Sutherland on March 27, 2016 at 5:53pm

Thank you for your kind words. seeing all of the replys makes me feel a little better. Smetimes it is hard for all of the raw emotions, just when you think that you are "ok" something happens to take it all away. I try to find laughter in almost anything. I'am a server so I have to put a smile on my face weather I want to or not. But I do try to hang on hoping it will get easier. marcie

Permalink Reply by Sara Murphy on March 26, 2016 at 7:49am

Marcie,  I'm sorry for the loss of your beloved husband.  I just lost my beloved husband Ken on 1/13/16 after 26 1/2 yrs of marriage.  He was everything to me and without him, I feel lost and alone even in a group of people.  Like you, no one in my immediate circle has lost a spouse so they don't truly understand how difficult everything is.  Even the little things are filled with anxiety.  Finding this group has helped more than I can say.  The wonderful and caring souls on this site do get it.  We all understand because we all feel the same way in our own ways.  Please continue to post here and accept the support that comes your way.  Together we'll get each other through the toughest days.

Hugs,

Sara 

Permalink Reply by Marcie Sutherland on March 27, 2016 at 5:45pm

Thank you it does make me feel better just posting what I did. Thank you for your kind words. Yes even the little things make feel like that I'am going to have an anxiety attack. My husband was my life he was my everything to me as well, my world.

Hugs and prayers,

Marcie.

Permalink Reply by Marsha H on March 28, 2016 at 4:45am

Dear Marcie ...  As promised I am sending you links to help you understand what to expect in the journey of grief so you know what you are feeling now is very normal and another link that I hope you print out and give to your family and friends so they will know how to react to you.  I did this for myself and it sure did help.

You're going to be OK hon although in your raw grief you don't think you ever will be, but you're stronger than you think and you're going to make it with the help from all of us.

https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/publication/mourning-death-spouse

http://www.helpguide.org/articles/grief-loss/supporting-a-grieving-...

Big hugs

Marcy

Permalink Reply by Harold McKinstry on March 29, 2016 at 5:48pm

Marcie

I'm sorry for your loss, I lost my wife January 29 after 11 years of Marriage. Your right you can't understand the grief and pain unless you have gone through it. I'm sure your family doesn't think your bothering them, they just don't know what to do. As far as this website you are never bothering anyone posting whatever here.  I always feel better after posting here, everyone on this website are after one thing to get through this mind numbing grief.

Permalink Reply by Charles E. Nelson on March 29, 2016 at 6:32pm

Hello Marcie,

Please accept my condolences for your recent loss of your beloved husband. I lost my husband Larry almost one year ago, and remember very well - too well - the feelings you describe as you start this long difficult journey through the  new life you now have without your husband by your side. I can only offer that I found, once I came to this family of caring souls who truly understood my feelings of helplessness -  and  hopelessness, that it proved to be the first step toward something positive in my life that I never would have expected or dreamed possible. I promise you this is waiting for you also - and trusting the words and sincere support you will find here is the only thing needed...it was for me -

Be kind to yourself each day, and know that here you are not alone my friend.

Love,

Chuck

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